Two weeks of widowhood.

Losing a partner
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Debsie, the lady is just socially awkward, she didn’t mean to upset you, she has no filter. Break it down.

“So, how are you doing?” Normal question we get every day. Shows interest in your plight.

“You weren’t expecting it.” Acknowledges the sudden loss and shock.

“No one were more of a couple than you two.” A compliment acknowledging that you had a special marriage.

She’s stingy with words. Blunt and to the point. Meant no harm.

This is just another little hiccup in this mess. Don’t let it linger in your head. She forgot it the moment she said it and you should too.

Glad your friend jumped in to rescue you from your discomfort.

It is all okay, it has to be.

Sorry about your migraines. Have you tried the botox treatments? I hate that you are suffering so much with these things.

Much love.

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Good morning Darlings! I slept a good 8 hours and woke refreshed. It is about time!

Although I had an awful dream about my niece in which we were arguing. Can’t imagine why, she is my heart and nothing she can do would ever make me angry with her. She is getting a divorce, so I guess maybe I am just worried about her.

List of 9 things today, been out of bed one hour and completed 3 already. On a roll!

The painters are finally gone! They’ve been here for 2 months and I am tired of being surrounded and having people in my face every time I open the door.

My dog’s 1st birthday was yesterday. I didn’t tell him because he would want a party and I am in no mood for that. :laughing:

Lizzy, maybe an hour people watching and looking at scenery will be relaxing. It would be for me to have someone else driving. Oh yes please. Take a book or some crossword puzzles if the ride is dull. Glad you slept a bit and had a full weekend.
Take care, you are doing great. We all are, we just forget to acknowledge our progress and we have all have had some progress.

Two more phone calls and 3 short errands and my list is done. I feel like I am finally gaining control of this new life, bit by bit.

Tomorrow will be 12 weeks. I still expect my husband to come into my office to look over my shoulder to see what I am doing. I still check myself to make sure I am not doing something he would fuss about. I still catch myself thinking I need to discuss everything with him first before doing anything.

It is still so unbelievable. How can this be real?

We had some nice cool weather for a dew days but now the air conditioners are on again as it is warm, humid, and damp. Everything is wet. Ugh. New Orleans has swamp weather.

Oh well, nothing I can do about it, so I will suffer through and hope for cooler days.

Much love to all.

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I’m so pleased for you Peaches, I honestly think getting a good nights sleep helps a lot. I’m having really weird dreams just now. The last one was so vivid, I was lying at the bottom of this hill when I looked up and saw hundreds of people on the hill then an avalanche happened, it was horrible, water was flooding down the mountain and I kept running, I did look it up on google and it said it was to do with grieving, mmm interesting. Please send some of your heat over here, it’s damp and raining and horrible over here, I’m just in and my head feels so cold. Had lunch with old work colleagues, the one I wasn’t ever that close to was telling me the worst thing when her husband died was being in the house on Christmas morning on her own, I just gulped, sipped my wine as I’m dreading waking up on my own, I’m going to my daughter later on but it’s that morning I’m not looking forward to. I guess I will quickly put the tv on or music. Open my wee special present that I bought for myself then probably have a wee cry. I will get the excited phone call from my grandson so I need to keep cheerful. This is the best I’ve been so far but I’ve been out a lot, I think that’s how I’m coping, it’s staying in the house that depresses me. I’ve invited all the family down to me on the 29th for a meal so that will keep me busy sorting that out. I havnt cooked a proper meal in 11 weeks now, I got a row from my daughter last night when she brought me home, she looked in my fridge to see no food in it, I’ve been too busy to stock up on food that usually goes out of date and gets thrown out. I will get there, I hope. Take care :hugs::hugs:

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Peaches, I know she didn’t mean it, but for some reason every time people ask the tears start to come. I can talk about him but when the light turns onto me I well up. I was relaxed and enjoying myself and it put me on edge and just makes me not want to meet people. It’s something I need to get over I just don’t know how. It’s just set me right back and because I didn’t sleep well I’m just so weepy today. I am fed up with being a mess.

You must be so pleased to be rid of the painters. It’s an extra stress you didn’t need. Does it look good? Was it worth it? I have just started a new preventative for the migraines. I have to build it up over 3 months. I’m not optimistic. Nothing else has worked so far.

Lizzy I cry every morning and every night, Christmas will be no different to me. Keeping busy is what gets me through the days like you. You are doing amazing, and the plus point on being on your own is you CAN eat what you want. She is only concerned for you, the thought of losing you too would be too much. I keep going for my boys. I do cook but I also have beans on toast or a ready meals at times. My youngest son will be coming to stay in a few days for Christmas. I’m going to have to do a proper shop and cook more. I am looking forward to having someone else in the house in the night though.

Seeing the recent posts from everyone I think we have all come far in the last 10 weeks. We are starting to get more of a routine, dealing with the admin crap, socialising. Still bloody hard, still bad days, but sometimes a bit of fun, sometimes we dare to look forward to something instead of just dreading things. Maybe one day we may get used to this life alone. Maybe one day there will be more good days than bad. Take care of yourselves.

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Debsie, my mood goes up and down all the time, I put my wedding ring inside his every night and kiss it at night and in the morning, I talk to him. I keep asking for a sign that he is ok but nothing happens. I still replay in my mind what happened that morning, it just haunts me all the time. I dread any Mail or emails coming in. I worry about the bills and will I manage to pay everything. I guess I might relax when all the legal stuff is sorted. I’m really tired tonight, maybe I need to slow down and stop going out. Tomorrow will be emotional for me handing his case with medals etc over to his friend. I did keep one. I will need to go and do a shop as well as I really don’t have much in the way of meals. It will be nice having your son stay, it’s company I miss I don’t like being alone. It’s hot chocolate time and bed with my book now, I hope I sleep as well. Night night :hugs: xx

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Lizzy, there is a reason you never got close to this woman and yet another reason to stay as far away from her as possible. What a terrible thing to say to a widow facing her first Christmas without her husband. I am gobsmacked by that one. Gosh, y’all have some rude-azz people over there. Bit, ladies you knew what they were, your instincts are good. Keep trusting them.

Erase that statement from the record. Come here and spend Christmas morning with friends.

Oh, the fridge thing. Yes, it is empty. It is either that, or fill the trash bins. So hard to judge how much to purchase and I’ve been eating the same lasagna and peas for 3 days and will again tonight. Serves 4. That is the smallest size and once it goes in the freezer, it is lost forever.

So glad that you are getting out and about and going to have a big family dinner soon. Hint: have everyone do a chore you need done. Make a list. Make them all take home something you no longer want. Just a hint. :rofl:

Much love.

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I’m sure we all have a bit of PTSD. I think I’ve got over the trauma then suddenly you are right back in that horrid situation of watching your love one die.

I keep wishing he will appear in my dreams. When he has its been very mundane and brief. I just want to feel near him again.

A good night sleep makes all the difference though. Hopefully we will both sleep well. Xx

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Debsie, it must have been awful for all eyes to turn to you, waiting for a response. She’s a jerky jerk. Everyone is well aware of it now. I am so sorry that instead of a nice time relaxing, she had to throw cold water on you like that.

Kind of like when the mechanic looked at me, remembered my husband, and I bawled crying because I couldn’t get air in the tires and was crying in front of people. It set me back. But, he rescued me, like your real friend did. Concentrate on the save, the good friend who is not socially ignorant.

Yes, the house looks great. A little darker than I thought. The entire exterior palette has changed and soon, it will be time for new gardens as the old ones are a mess. The house needed exterior repairs which my husband and I decided to do before he died. I actually cried about it the day before he died because I knew how much stress it would cause him and how fragile he was. I was worried sick needing repairs and not doing them for years because we were living on the edge. There is a backlog now. Step by step.

So nice that you are doing real cooking. I am still heating ready meals. It will be wonderful to have your son come stay for a few days and cook for him, you know he missed your cooking! You will enjoy shopping for the food because you will be cooking with love. Good for you!

You are right, we have all passed some milestones. Daily things are getting easier, we are getting more organized, and we are surviving.

Much love.

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Debsie I slept till 7am, that’s a record, maybe things are getting better. My husband has never been in my dreams, I find that very strange as he is on my mind all the time, I just keep looking at the last holiday pictures which I’m so glad I took as I never do. For some reason this year I did all the time. I have a lovely picture of him sitting waiting for friends and having a big Turkish breakfast with them before we went home, he looks so well in it, all tanned with his white shorts and white polo shirt on. Little did we know it would be the last time he would ever do that. I’m going to get that one and put it in a frame, he was so relaxed in it and happy. That picture makes me smile. Need more smiles in my life now. I hope you have a good day Debsie xx

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Peaches you are right, I’ve already erased her from my mind, my friend usually only asks her because she is on her own, she knows what she is like, she also got bad comments from her, she seems to get worse when she has a few wines, she had three times more than me. At least I have eaten quite well over the weekend, I seem to eat if the food is made and put in front of me. It’s the lack of effort in me at making it. I did make a big family lasagne a few weeks ago and cut it into 12 portions and put it in the freezer lol, I’m sick of eating it but it’s a good standby to have. I just need to do more of that. Maybe today I will go food shopping. Got three things to tick off my list today, then I will relax today. Have a good day Peaches xxx🤗

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Lizzy, I, too, slept well. I woke a few times but ready to take on the world now. Two months before he died, I took a selfie of us in the Lakes. It’s in a frame along with others. I’ve also got a locket that was his mothers that I wear every day with his photo in.

You would think we would dream of them. I had lots of dreams last night. I dreamt that I was looking after a baby who fell off a cliff. We couldn’t find the body, but we didn’t seem too bothered about it.

Have a good day. Xx

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Debsie I googled your dream, it said you are going through a difficult time and are afraid of what’s ahead of you. How very true, these dreams must really mean something. I’ve just had my morning FaceTime call from my 11 year old grandson, he calls me every day, I think he feels he has to look after me and check on me every day, which is lovely, we usually have a wee chat about his grandpa as well, he was very close to him. I suppose I shud go and see if there is any bread left and make some toast and make tea. Another day, here we go. Xxx🤗

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Hi, just in from handing his stuff to his friend, I didn’t think I would be as emotional when I came home but here I am with tears flowing again, he was also telling me that one of his friends funeral was yesterday, such a lovely man and only 51. I also had a panic attack as I couldn’t find my passport, hunted everywhere, I traced it back to last time I visited my lawyer and had to scroll the emails and that was the ID she needed. How many times could I miss seeing a passport, then on my third go at looking at the same bundle, I found it wrapped round a letter. Phew, gosh my nerves are shattered, it doesn’t take much to think you are not coping and being so stupid as to lose your passport. Headache back again, is it too early to have an alcoholic drink? Xxx

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I’m tired this afternoon, had my flu & covid jabs yesterday and felt awful during the night, didn’t sleep much, got up this morning fed the cat and went back to bed! Felt much better by lunchtime thank goodness, thats 2 yrs in a row its affected me like that, puts you off going for it xx
Christmas is getting closer what a thought, I dread it but what will perk me up will be watching the grandkids opening their presents,children can always cheer you up no matter what xx
Take care everyone xxx

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Emotions are always very near the surface. It doesn’t take much for them to errupt. Whenever I feel sorry for myself I try and think of those that had it worse. All those young men killed in the war, the worry of the knock on the door with a telegram. It doesn’t make your grief easier - but how hard must it have been then.

I’ve had a good day. Finally got my late fathers estate finalised. Thats one big headache gone. Also had a call from my husbands pension firm so one step closer to sorting that. Went on a walk with my granddaughter and daughter-in-law dropping some things off to the charity shop. You would think that with the number of bags that have left this house it would look bare but you can hardly notice the difference. Loads more to do. Because I felt so low yesterday I bought a big issue in the hope of helping someones day - I think I got some karma back for that.

I’m sure that sometimes some michievious entity messes with us by hiding things. Happens all the time with me. And sometimes I know it wasn’t there before. I usually blame my late mother.

Yes it is too early. :slight_smile:

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I don’t think I will bother with the jabs. I have never had the flu, and covid isn’t as bad as a cold is. I no longer want a long life, although I can’t go before sorting all this stuff out. I’m not one for conspiracy theories but if there is any truth that it messes with your immune system then that is probably the reason for my husbands death. I truly hope that isn’t the case.

I’m looking forward to cooking for everyone at Christmas and seeing all the grandchildren. However it will hit me when they have gone home, glad my youngest son is staying for a while, but again when he does return home I’m going to feel real sad - alone again. I’m more dreading January then Christmas. Maybe I need to plan a trip somewhere, maybe down to London. See how I feel doing things on my own.
Take care
xx

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Good morning Friends! So happy Lizzy and Debsie are getting better sleep, it makes a huge difference indeed. I, too, slept well. 7.5 hours. Woke rested - at last.

Accomplished 9 things on my list yesterday and felt like I won the lottery.

Georgi, sorry you are under the weather from those injections. I declined all COVID shots and the last flu shot I got was 13 years ago when my mother was ill and I was her caregiver.

Debsie, what will you do when you go to London? I have visited twice and had the most wonderful times. Got ripped off by the roasted chestnut seller; he filled the cup with ashes and sprinkled the top with nuts. It was worth it for the memory as my husband and I laughed about it all the time…“remember the chestnut guy?”. He was in front of The British Museum.

It was our Honeymoon, we went to England, Scotland, and Ireland in November, 1999. Marvelous.

Made doctor appointments for January. Check.

Ordered Harry & David gift baskets to be delivered to friends for the holidays. These are for those who came to my rescue. Everyone likes a H&D basket. So yummy.

Typing estate papers for the court and tidying up will be my day. Again, it is warm and wet. Ick. Time for the dog to get a bath - me too.

Don’t know if you all have heard of the mysterious vehicle sized unmanned drones flying over New Jersey, a state in the north east of the US. No one knows why but “experts” opine that they are looking for a nuclear warhead that has gone missing. WHAT? Of course, the government knows but no one will say. Now the drones are over several states.

Need some gift bags to wrap up the children’s gifts. (great nieces and nephews)

Dang it. A painter just showed up without notice and surprised me in my back yard. Why can’t they call ahead and let me know?

Oh well, off to the races.

Much love to all. I hope this day is good for us all.

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Georgi, I’m sorry you are suffering with your jabs, I had mine a month ago, I was lucky and only had a bit of a sore arm, hopefully it will only last a short time. Take care xxx

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My day just kept getting worse as the day went on, I opened my emails and there was one from the lawyer, I groaned, it’s always bad news. This time she wanted a ton of stuff, my head is confused and muddled, can’t think today. We had a property abroad and my husbands lawyer dealing with the estate over there but he wants about £3000 immediately to put it forward to sell it as he has a buyer conveniently lined up and is trying to sell it for a lot less than the real value. The big question is do I sell it quickly for a song or hold off and it might take months to get sorted out. I’m going to try and phone tomorrow and try and negotiate a better price and I may consider it. The paperwork he wants is mega, but I’d rather deal with him direct as it will cost me more letting my lawyer deal with it. I really didn’t need this today. I want this all to go away and let me get on with my life. Roll on next year or the year after. Take care everyone xx

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Lizzy yes I am much better thank you it cleared by lunchtime, thats 2 yrs I’ve reacted like that think I will give it miss in future xx

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