Hi Lizzy it truly is awful what your going through with the estate, must be an absolute nightmare, I had nothing like that to deal with everything was straight forward, apart from trying to either delete or memorialise his facebook page, its still not done, I emailed them his death certificate, birth certificate and our wedding certificate and they still wouldn’t accept it nothing like your going through but annoying none the less. Ive since nominated my daughter to do it for my facebook page to save any hassle !
I hope you get it all sorted soon because it will be causing you stress, take care xxx
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Lizzy, Wow! Why can you not hire a realtor for the foreign property and let them sell it? Here, the agent(s) get a 6% fee and no lawyer is needed, just a title agency.
I wouldn’t sell it for a song. Is it appraised? I also wouldn’t pay a lawyer 3K to do what a realtor can do. Sounds super sus to me. He/she is supposed to represent the interests of the estate, not bargain sell assets.
It just doesn’t stop.
Much love.
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Peaches, unfortunately because the property is in his name only and he gave power of attorney to his lawyer, the Will said I had to get the property but in order for the lawyer to be able to sell it, I have now to pay to get another power of attorney and it has to go to the courts in order for me to get it to be able to sell it, it’s very very complicated but I can’t do anything till I pay for courts to change it now into my name, He has conveniently got a buyer lined up and yes it would be an easy option for him to sell it but we spent a lot of money upgrading it recently. I can’t lose anything giving him a call and trying to get the price up. I also need to go over when the flights start up again in April as there are personal things I need to get out. He probably knows it’s a bargain at the price he is offering, for me it’s all a headache. I would love to just try and sell it myself but the law doesn’t allow me to do that. I thought Scottish law was a nightmare but this tops it. Nothing is ever simple for me, My husband thought he had everything in place when he made the Will but clearly he was misinformed. I’m hoping I have a bit of time to digest all the information he needs as the holidays are coming up and I’m putting it off as I need to get in and get some stuff. It’s going to be very emotional again leaving our little piece of heaven, he loved it, but I have to sell it. Xxx
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Georgi, every time I see an email from the lawyer I know it’s going to be a headache. If I hadn’t the other problems with the estate at this end it wouldn’t be as bad but now I have to deal with this property. I think I enjoyed my weekend too much now I’m back to earth with a bump. I just can’t see an end to it all. I would love to hand all this over to someone but I will have to get the strength from somewhere and deal with it. It’s just a nightmare and I know i m not going to get a good night sleep tonight with all this churning around in my head. Xxx
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Oh Lizzy, do be very careful. We are super vulnerable at this time. I do get the temptation to sell cheap, but the vultures know that and are circling. I need to sell a camper van. Selling privately is difficult but the dealers pay very little knowing you are stuck. As a woman I feel too vulnerable to have people to look but a couple of friends have offered to do that for me. I will see how it goes in the Spring, no point at this time of year. I actually know a car dealer, and even though he said ‘anything I can do to help’, it doesn’t extend to selling it on my behalf. He did suggest asking a garage to sell on my behalf for a fee. See if you can find someone who can give you good impartial advice. There may be options you don’t know about. I didn’t know garages sold on your behalf.
We actually had a holiday cabin that we only just sold. We were going to use the money to go travelling. I’m just glad I don’t have that to sort out. We were very sad to see it go, but we were excited on the new adventures we were going to have.
Just keep plugging away with the paperwork, at some point they will run out of things to ask. You can do this. Don’t give up yet. I know how all this can wear you down, I just hope we are both strong enough to demand what we entitled too.
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Oh my goodness your words could be my own 
🫶🏻:sparkles:. Sending warmest hugs and heartfelt condolences for your loss 🫶🏻:sparkles:. I’m so grateful to have found this forum . I had lost hope that I would find any support or care until I found this website . I’m sure someone will say the words to you which have resonance for you xxx
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Thank you Debsie, you give me encouragement and hope. On reading the email again, my lawyer wants to know if I want them to continue to deal with the lawyer abroad but to be honest, it would be cheaper for me to send the information he has requested myself and leave my lawyer to deal with the Scottish side. I’ve met this lawyer many times and he is very nice and his assistant is Welsh, I know he is a good lawyer, and maybe he thinks he is doing me a favour telling me he has a buyer interested in it. I’m going to challenge him on the price as I’m not selling it for the price he offered. God give me strength though, I don’t think I can take much more. Taken some pills for the headache, maybe a strong g& t is required as well. Take care xxx
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Only 5 hours sleep and feeling really low tonight. Son#3 is not replying to my messages. I wish these boys would realise how it worries me, especially now I have learned that bad things really can happen to me. I hope you are all having a better day. Let me know your good news and cheer me up.
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Lizzy, dang! i sure am sorry that everything is so complicated. I don’t think any of us expected how miserable the estate stuff would be. It is overwhelming and so confusing.
Debsie, let that child know that when he doesn’t respond, you think the worst. So sorry you are feeling low and still getting no sleep. It is misery.
Good news? Hmm.
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My CPA finally called and said, again, he will get back to me as today was the firm’s Christmas party. But, he answered some questions and a couple of worries are gone.
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My friend came over and brought to me some fresh speckled trout filets and a big container of duck and andouille sausage gumbo.
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Ordered grocery delivery for my 97 year old aunt who lives in another city.
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Walked 2.5 miles with the dog.
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Received my Amazon order - games for the children and shampoo for me.
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Got an invite for a Christmas Eve get together and 2 Christmas cards in the mail.
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It was a beautiful, clear day and about 70 degrees F.
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waiting for #8
No matter what I am doing or where I am, the only thing on my mind is my husband. I have to shake myself to remember what I am doing while I am doing it and concentrate on what the person talking to me is saying as I tend to go grief deaf and have to ask them to repeat themselves.
But, things are better than at first. Getting used to a different routine. No longer need sleep meds, I just wait until I am exhausted to get in bed.
I ache for his presence. Literally ache in my chest and have a permanent sad face on now. I wasn’t ready to let go, even with his terminal diagnosis, I thought we had a couple more years left and wouldn’t talk about him dying with him. I thought positive thinking would gain us more time. How stupid.
Much love to all.
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Debsie, I have a glimmer of hope, my lawyer just told me the bitch of a daughter can’t inherit anything from our apartment abroad or any money he has in his bank account. They have no authority for dealing with his Will over there. I am over the moon. The only drawback is my daughter and myself have to pay for Power of attorney for the lawyer to deal with his estate and get the deeds changed into our names before I can sell it. I am now dealing with the lawyer over there directly myself and Scottish lawyer won’t have anymore to do with this side of things. This will also lesson my bill as well. I’m not doing anything till after New Year now so it will give me some breathing space. Result!
Gosh my son is exactly the same, never answers me, I always call his partner to find out how he is etc. My daughter is the opposite, if I don’t respond to her texts within 10 minutes she worries if I’m ok. They just don’t realise how the least wee thing upsets us just now. Been wakened since 4.30am now, I think I did come to bed early as I didn’t sleep at all last night. I’m going to see my grandson in his school show today and stay the night. I’m looking forward to it. I hope your son has contacted you and you keep busy in the next few days.Oh other good news, I drove to supermarket and didn’t cry in the car, first time ever. I got the food for 29th when the family are over, my fridge is full. The laugh is, I’m making a few starters, one being mozzarella sticks with a tomato dip. Well I couldn’t get the block of it from any supermarket so ordered it from good old Amazon. Well it came yesterday, all 2kg, it’s massive, I could feed the whole town, anyone want to come over lol. I didn’t realise what I had ordered, I will be making enough sticks for a year, glad I can freeze them, will take me a day to make them. I did wonder why it was so expensive for a block of cheese. Anyway, hope I’ve cheered you up a little, take care and enjoy the time with your son. Xxx:hugs:
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Peaches, I certainly know what deaf grief brain is, it’s a weird thing how the mind works, it just takes over anything we do, I think that’s why I cry when I drive, it always reminds me he is not in the car, he did worry about how I felt when driving, he was like a live sat nav, telling me which way to go, my sense of direction is zero!! He always worried when I went out in the car, I think that’s why I hate driving now. I’ve only one little prezzie left to get and I’ve just remembered it’s for my daughters wee dog, it will need to be another ball, she loves running to her the ball the minute she sees me. I don’t know how I forgot to get her one. Wonder if I will still get it from Amazon on time. I hope you have a good time on Christmas Eve, it’s not the same is it, but I will be thinking of all of us in the same boat at this time of year, no doubt the tears will come, think I will probably have a strong drink that night to help me sleep. I keep telling myself it’s only another day but is it? We are all doing great, let’s keep going. Take care xx
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What nice positive posts.
Lizzy what great news. At last some justice. It will no doubt be a long old process to sort out but just let the lawyer do his stuff, its what you pay him for. Just poke him with a sharp stick every now and then. They do charge an arm and a leg. I had to get some advice regarding a property dispute on my late father’s estate, it cost £400 for 30min. However she did state that all the right was on our side and not settle for less then 50%. They backed down and agreed without a fight so worth it really. It must be such a relief and you now have a plan which is all you need to quieten that mind. Its news that has certainly cheered me.
Peaches, you seem to be slowly steering that ship through these troubled waters. I too am constantly thinking of my husband. We have been so lucky in our lives that I never thought that something this bad could happen to me. I think I am doing well then just the slightest scratch on the surface reveals such pain and despair. But we dont want to forget them, I believe the day will come when it will make us happy not sad.
Son #3 was always bad a replying but since he lost his dad he has been messaging me loads. He is slightly on the spectrum but even so. Son#1 is quite bad, too as is his wife, but Son#2 is red hot on replies. He and his wife have been really lookjng after me.
Today, a food shop, I am then picking up my grandson from school and minding him for 3 hours. Saturday 2 friends coming for lunch. Sunday son#3 is coming home, I am then gojng with Son#2 and his family to see the lights at a National Trust property. I bought the tickets before that fateful day. I won’t drive at night but there is room in my sons car for me. There isn’t room for my other son though. Its a pity he can’t drive.
Lizzy I have no sense of direction either. Its the reassurance of someone by your side that we miss in everything.
I have woken with another migraine probably because I cried myself to sleep. But the sun is shining and that always improves my mood.
Lets hope today is a good day.
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The sun is shining here in Scotland today, what a difference it makes, that’s my bag packed and I’m on my way, 2 buses and a lunch in between before I get to the school. Hope your headache clears quickly, I was like that all day yesterday. Keeping busy certainly helps me, I hope you have a lovely time xxx🤗
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Lizzy! At last some good news for you! Makes me happy that you don’t have to consider those kids in the sale of the property or give them any money from it. It’s a win for you.
5.5 hours of sleep - on the sofa - ugh. Surely, I will nap later though.
Plumber coming today, another toilet issue. Why not?
Paperwork and wrapping gifts is on the schedule for today. Invited my husband’s sister for a fresh fish and gumbo dinner tonight. She is doing very well, hasn’t missed a step in her life, even took a trip to Ireland for 3 weeks and one to Chicago for 2 weeks to visit friends. Good on her.
Much love to all.
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Gosh - I see a lot of me in that! I lost my wife on 17 November after a brief stay in hospital for a chest infection. On the Friday evening she was texting people and apologising for not getting things they’d previously asked for, back to them. Saturday she had a stroke, and she was taken on Sunday morning! I’ve struggled with her loss, and all the admin too - despite having full access to all her financial and shopping sites, apps and passwords. I dread to think what it would have been like for her if it was me that had gone first! Parcels of things she’d bought to update her wardrobe were still arriving after she had died. I’m lucky having a big family with some living literally next door and 100 yards away, and I’m forcing myself to accept invitations from the family and friends. I too feel I’m talking about everything too much too, but they’re all so traumatised as well that it seems to help them get over it somehow. It’s little things that bring me to tears, even typing this here, or hearing a song on the radio, but I’ve not really cried hard yet. I guess it must take time to sink in that she’s not going to walk in the door any minute.
I don’t know how to tell anyone on here what is going to happen in the future, or even to say when, or if, it will get easier. I just don’t know that myself yet. We were together for over 38 years and it’s infinitely harder for me than losing both of my parents and both in-laws in very quick succession between 2004 and 2008. Real friends will understand and stick by you I guess, but it’s certainly not easy when there were always four of you together and now there’s just three.
All I can say is that I look back on our time together and am thankful that we met when we did, had many very happy years together, loved and laughed, cried and argued like any other couple. I’m just trying to go on normally and not pull back into my shell, thinking, she wouldn’t want me to do that. I also know she’s out of pain and discomfort from her numerous ailments, and hope that her deep religious faith means she is now where she expected to be.
As she wrote down, because talking was causing huge blood oxygen level drops: in the words of Padre Pio, “Pray, Hope and Don’t Worry”. She lived by that and she did that right to the end.
Huge amounts of love and understanding to all of you going through this trauma at the moment. It seems it will never end - but I believe it will - given time. God bless you all.
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I am so sorry for your loss and have had to join our little group. We all know how you feel and will support you all the way through it. I have cried so many times typing on here, I’ve ranted and raved, been angry and sad beyond belief. I honestly don’t know how I would have coped without the support, I feel I have made real friends here. I still don’t know what the future will bring, everything is still raw, I have good days. Not so good days and really bad days, days I cry all day. Today has been a good day but who knows what tomorrow will bring. Take each day as it comes. Look after yourself and keep talking to us. Sending hugs
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Peaches, 5.5 hours sleep sounds good. I’m at my daughters just now and I’m so relaxed I could fall asleep. I’m trying not to as I don’t like getting up during the night in case the dog barks and I wake up the whole house, glad you have company, I actually hate my own company and cope better being around people. I hope it will change in the future but it’s my way of coping just now getting out the house. I was at my grandsons Christmas show at school today and it was quite emotional at times for me. It’s the music that gets to me every time. I’m glad it was dark and I’ve still got a bit of a cold so it was ok bringing my tissues out. When does the emotional bit stop I wonder. Have a good day Peaches xxc
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Oh Marne, I’m so sorry you find yourself here. It’s so hard when you expect the doctors to make your love one better and then suddenly you find them gone, and you are in disbelief as to what has happened. It’s been nearly 11 weeks for me and I still can’t believe what happened.
I’ve struggled with sorting out a car that wouldn’t start, and I am learning gardening but there would be a lot of things he would have struggled with. He had no idea how the heating program worked and even though I kept telling him he needed to know about our finances he just wasn’t interested. I once asked if I wasn’t here would he negotiate the renewal contracts and he admitted he wouldn’t.
Support of family is such a blessing but no one can understand the sheer loneliness of losing a partner who gave you 24/7 support just being there. And although this grief I wouldn’t wish on anyone but I’ve got to be grateful for the 46 years of love I did have, and if I wasn’t so happy and wouldn’t be so sad now. Let’s hope the future can bring us some more happiness and that one day we can remember those we love with a smile.
Take care
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Thank you Lizzie. Much appreciated. I thought it was just me that got angry, and it’s good to know I’m not alone, with that and the other things you mention. It’s just soooo hard! I do find solace in going to the grave and talking to her though, and so far I’ve been every day, reading her “Daily devotion” passage, reading messages and playing songs people have sent me.
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Thank you Debbie, it is the suddenness that hurts so much. She was singing in her choir on 9 November doing a soprano solo and hitting top “A” notes - the only one in the choir who could. Then gone in a week. I always told her I’d not go first because she wouldn’t have coped, but I didn’t realise how soon that would be and how hard. You’re so right in all you say. My house is very automated, using Alexa, and other systems, and although she was good at dealing with it all, she would still have struggled. I’ve just learnt how much I now need to plan ahead so my children don’t have the difficulties later on. Thank you once more for caring. Best wishes.
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