@PeachesDixon you are such an inspirational woman, i have read your advice on other posts and have been in awe of you.
Its only been 6 weeks for me but i do have lots of family round me that have helped me
Sending hugs and best wishes to everyone on this emotional day xx
Merry Christmas to you all and hope you can all enjoy the day best you can, not easy I know but we will all try cause thats what our partners would want and our families too 
Glad you enjoyed your time with family, it will mean the world to them, my family are due any minute, my son & his family, tomorrow my daughter & family but theres a question mark there as my daughter is ill today with flu 
Its just rife this year, our hospital is overflowing with people with flu and its at crisis point xxx
Best laid plans. Ha! Woke with a mean tummy so not going anywhere today.
It is pouring rain too. Oh, well, Christmas Day alone. It is okay, I had fun last night.
Of all the gifts the children received, the best was the lighted magnifying glasses I gave them. They all went “exploring” everything. So cute. They loved the jean jackets too! (big surprise) The girls loved their sequined slippers and the boys loved their mini Jeeps which are just like the ones the adults drive.
So, I will be binge watching Lt. Joe Kenda solve murders in between bathroom trips. Oy!
Looks like a beef patty, a little green salad and some gumbo for dinner. Blessed indeed. So many are hungry with nothing to eat.
Called my friends to let them know I won’t be attending dinner. Dang! I will miss some delicious food! I had some last night, so not a big deal and may be why my tummy is acting so mean today.
Hope you all have some fabulous moments today that make you laugh, smile and feel joy.
Chezza, thank you. I am so sorry that you find yourself here. It is an awful time for us all. Since you are only 6 weeks in and I am now 13 weeks in, I can tell you that it does get easier. There is a lot of paperwork and adapting to this new life, but somehow we figure it out. Don’t expect too much of yourself for a while, you are operating in a fog, in circles, confused and scared.
Take it an hour at a time. It is how I survive. Not too much thought of the future, just getting through the present is tough enough. But, each day brings a bit more progress and everything is progress. At 6 weeks, remembering to take a bath was progress as was eating and taking the garbage out. “Progress” is however you define it, so I count everything that I accomplish and you should too.
Much love to all.
My first Christmas in 57 years waking up on my own. That’s all I can say is thank god for children,grandchildren and great grandchildren. They have kept me busy all day. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.
Today has been hectic. We always had a walk Christmas morning before people arrived. So I did the same carrying him with me and spent some time alone with him whilst I walked. Then chaos ensued with the arrivalof family. The evening is when I really missed him. My youngest is staying with me so I held it together but as soon as I closed that bedroom door I sobbed. Thats when I checked in on here where my fellow sufferers linger. I survived, I put on a face. I answered numerous messages from people who are ‘thinking of me’.
Peaches really sorry your suffering. I hope you feel better soon. I must admit that yesterday the thought of a day on my own sounded wonderful. I was even thinking on how I could do it for next year. I could pretend to go away with someone but I’m a terrible liar. I just need time on my own at times and its a terrible strain being strong. A quieter day tomorrow. A lot of clearing up to do. Hopefully it will be easier.
Take care.
Debsie, congratulations! You made it through a whole Christmas event without falling apart! It is quite alright to collapse into a puddle of tears afterwards, letting out that anxiety, adrenaline, and sorrow. But, you did the hard part and did it well. Good on you!
I am ok. On the sofa all day. Feeling icky, but nothing so bad that I need help. Felt nothing today, no sadness, no feelings at all. It’s not new, I 've been numb since my husband died. Was not bothered staying alone and quiet.
Much love.
Oh Peaches I do worry about you. We all process our grief in different ways. It isn’t something we do consciously it just happens. I am guilty of blocking it out. Of running from it by keeping busy but it does push its way in. I will have a cry then soldier on. For a while I even convinced myself I didn’t even love him. I couldn’t remember his face or really anything about him. But even so deep down it was there in the tears I was crying. When that feeling passed and I could feel that love I had for him I also felt that love he had for me. That is what is keeping me going. That shared love. Your brain is protecting itself a little too well. I can’t tell you to let the grief in as how do you do that? I do hope that at some point that numbness melts gradually. Take care of yourself and always know we are here for you. Xx
Peaches, I hope you are feeling better, what a rotten time to get a tummy upset. I’m glad you coped with the day. I had a nice time with my daughter. Her in laws were there as well but I found it strange they didn’t say anything about my husband, it’s as if he didn’t exist. Not even a sorry for your loss, but that’s fine, I didn’t want to tell what happened, they didn’t come to the funeral either. Everyone is different. I might stay another night, I will feel it when I get back home, I know I will dip. It’s so lively in this house I am jealous of all the biz, I love cuddling into the dog. Mine is so quiet and dull.
I hope you are better today, at least you have your funny dog for comfort, take care xxx🤗
Debsie, although I had a lovely day with my daughter, my husband was always on my mind, thinking about what he could eat if he was here, like you I wait till I’m behind closed doors then have a wee cry. I will have to wait till I’m home as I was in my grandsons bed and he was on an airbed on the floor. When I stayed at my sisters a few weeks ago, I cudnt wait till I got home as the tears were coming when I was on the bus home. I howled when I got in the door. It’s such an emotional time of the year and I am dreading New Year as my husband loved that time more than Christmas, we always went to a dance. I just hope I get invited anywhere that day, desperately waiting. If not, guess what I will be doing? Take care, hope today is good for you 
@PeachesDixon @Debsie1 @Lizzy28 I’m only on day 11 and I am struggling to function, I’m surrounded by flowers that I don’t have enough vases for, the rubbish bins are overflowing, I got Nicks interim death certificate on Christmas eve and don’t know where to start, i received the death certificate electronically and I have a feeling everyone will want a certified “wet signature” copy, my poor dogs aren’t getting the walks they are used to as i cant seem to get out of bed, i feel safe here and wish i could never leave, my boys are 22 and 14 and so sleep quite late and just want to be online with their ftiends, thats their escape. I’m just so tired. Xx
Very early days for you to be hit with Christmas too, can’t imagine how that must feel for you x
Just take it one day at a time and do what you can cope with each day, its not easy as we all know on this forum, but baby steps is the best way to think of it x
Lean on your family for a bit of support too, sending a huge hug for you, I think you are in need of it right now
Mjfoo, it’s so hard and still very raw, are you in the UK.? If so I had to actually go down to where the deaths are registered and pay for 4 copies as the extract death certificate wouldn’t be any use for companies that want to actually have a copy of the death certificate. I don’t know why they just give us that copy. I had to pay £10 for each copy I wanted. I honestly don’t remember anything of the first month, it’s a blur. I had to wait for 4 weeks till the funeral and it was after that I slowly started to function and surface. Unless you have been through this and have to deal with it all yourself, no one knows how hard it is, it’s the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. I didn’t eat for a month, well apart from biscuits, didn’t sleep in fact didn’t do anything. You will surface again but it will take time. Just try and look after yourself as best you can. Sending massive hugs 
@Mjfoo
Yes, flowers are a nuisance, I had to ask friends for more vases and just hated having them everywhere gradually dying.
Needing your safe space and not wanting to leave it, is so totally normal, just accept it because it is your mind protecting itself. And the incredible tiredness too is expected. I felt I could easily sleep for a month or two. Give in to it and sleep late too.
That you’ve got yourself through to Boxing Day after the year you’ve had, let alone through the last 11 days is superhuman honestly.
I think some organisations will take an interim certificate to get the ball rolling and to send you their expected process, although probably not to finalise things. It may not matter initially that it is digital, but you’ll need the final one on paper at some point in the future. My husbands death went to the coroner, but not to inquest in the end, and was only delayed by a couple of weeks to get passed so I read up a bit then. Accept that the paperwork process is going to take many months you don’t need to rush into much of it, just any essentials to keep you going.
Thank you xxx
Thank you xx
Wow, what a day of opposites yesterday was. Started by writing a Facebook post, about not realising what can happen so suddenly. Then I felt like I’d been hit by an express train. I didn’t even see it coming, but was suddenly sobbing and howling so badly and loudly, that the neighbours could probably hear me. I’d never cried like that in my entire life, and just couldn’t stop. Then my phone rang - it was my youngest daughter who lives next door - so somehow managed to compose myself a bit and answered her. She said, “I was just calling to see how you were, but I don’t need to ask”! She offered for me to go round, or she’d come round, but as I was still in bed I couldn’t really do either. Later I was talking to my wife at her grave, and placing some fresh flowers (well faux flowers anyway) and my eldest daughter rang! “They time it well don’t they?”, I thought! The girls had already spoken to each other and she’d actually seen where I was on her phone.
Later all 20 close family met at her house for lunch, and we had a great fun filled time - including talking about Mary, with no tears! Progress! Then present opening time, where my wife would always have three times the number of presents compared to the rest of us. Yesterday it was my turn for that. All was ok, until I came to the (unsigned) card from my wife, which I’d found in her sewing room when looking for birthday cards a couple of weeks ago, and two presents I’d found that were obviously for me, from her, that I’d wrapped myself. She always spent ages choosing cards, to make sure the words were just right, and on that she didn’t disappoint. That was a sad poignant moment thad had my eyes watering. After dropping my youngest son and family home, I came home to an empty house. That was probably the hardest home coming in weeks other than the day she died. Sorry for rambling on! Just needed to tell someone unrelated. That seems daft when all I’m getting are people inviting me for the day, to lunch, to dinner etc!
Today, went for breakfast at my eldest daughter’s and to take my son to pick up his car. Smoked salmon scrambled egg on toast! Then to the grave, talked for a whole hour, and I’ve come back feeling really refreshed and am doing lots of jobs I couldn’t face. No idea what happened but I’m even talking and joking with Mary here at home about the comical T-shirts she bought me! Did she know me or what?! I hope days now start to continue like today, but I’m ready if they’re not!
Mjfoo, I’m just a bit further in than you, and I understand completely about flowers. Mary wasn’t really a flowers or plants person - they all just died in her care! So I made a conscious decision, even if my family didn’t agree, that we would have only very close family flowers, plus one very special one from her choir. They’re still looking pretty good 16 days later.
I too couldn’t have coped with flowers everywhere at home and all round the grave, all just dying in the end. We set up a funding page on facebook for a memorial bench to go in her local Church garden, and between those who donated through that and at the reception, we raised over £1,000. People were so generous. So in the new year we’re looking for a nice bench, with a memorial plaque, and hopefully an engraved Tau cross, the symbol of The Secular Franciscan Order for which Mary was the local minister.
I’m sure that you and I are not the only one not really wanting the hoards of flowers.
Mjfoo, what you are experiencing is completely normal. None of us could function at all in the first days. We have all existed in a fog of confusion, anxiety, fear, sadness, helplessness, - you name it. It gets better, it really does. It takes a bit of time, but by 6-7 weeks, the necessity of getting your life in order will arise and you will start to function in the fog of grief.
My husband’s funeral was 11 days after he died. It was also my 69th birthday. My friends had to literally lead me around by the arm. If not for them, I would have not made it through the process. It was then, and still is, a blur.
The flowers! My house was filled too. After a week, they started to go in the bin. Honestly, I was happy to see them go. It was like living in a funeral home for a while.
My drill is to live hour by hour, not think of the future except for paying bills on time. I still make a list of 5 things I must do each day to maintain the house and my existence, I get them done and then know I have moved forward and did not forget to do anything important.
Lean on friends and family. When they say “is there anything I can do?”, give them something to do that you need done. They want to help but need direction. Mine drove me for weeks, shopped for essentials with me, delivered dinners, and helped clear out some junk.
I’m still here, 13 weeks in and I promise - it is better than in the beginning.
Exhaustion is part of the whole. Do yourself a favor and get out of bed early. If you need to nap later, do so. But, getting out of bed is a must.
The dogs are fine. Get one of the boys to take them for a walk until you are up to the job. BTW the dog walks are great for recovery. It is time alone, in nature, to think of everything while you and the dogs get exercise and get fresh air. You feel better afterwards.
You are going to make it, we all are making it day by day. None of us thought we would, but we did and are.
Y’all, I am still with a bad tummy and the cramping is keeping me in, close to the bathroom. One more thing, eh?
Much love to all.
