I have my son here who is a computer programmer and neither of us can get it to work. All Alexa says is she cannot make phone calls and despite googling it just says you have to enable it by following online prompts that I do not get. It tells me things that need to be done but not how. Brain hurting now so I have given up. I’m sure Alexa hates me.
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Debsie, I think it may have to be set up within the Alexa app, probably settings, communications, calling preferences, or something like that, but I’m not certain as there are a number of communication settings to allow access to your phone contacts etc.
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Grief brain makes you very absentminded, I do something stupid every day and sometimes several times a day and I roll my eyes and think George would be shaking his head as if to say what’s she doing now !
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Debsie, I did this and found a fair bit of information:
Search - enabling uk voice calls on amazon Alexa
One answer was this - To set up Alexa Calling, open the Alexa app and tap the Communicate button. The app might ask you to enter your phone number and enter a one-time password. Then tap Communicate, select the contacts icon, and tap allow if the app asks you to access your contacts.
Thanks for the suggestions for Alexa. I tried everything. In the end my son set his up to call me and now it works. It still won’t sync my contacts but I can add them myself. So hopefully it will be there if needed, but I don’t have a lot of trust in it. It’s always ignoring me.
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Yes Georgi, I’m the same, I can imagine exactly what he would say to me and I just tell him that it was his job to look after me, and that he shouldn’t have left me. I miss him looking out for me nearly as much as me looking out for him. I didn’t realise how much effort I put in making sure he got any medical help, that any medication was carefully researched, that he ate well and he was so fit I thought I did a wonderful job. But dying at 66 it seems all my efforts went to waste. It seems that fate has its own ideas. I miss taking care of him. He called it nagging, I called it loving.
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Debsie I think my husband would be shaking his head at me as well, especially sharpening his precious knives today. I think this is why I’m finding it difficult to settle in the house as I was always busy, making sure his medical equipment was ultra clean as he didn’t think it was that necessary. Gosh I used to moan about cleaning the mirror in the bathroom 3 times a day, I would love to clean it again. I also had to make him food that he could swallow easily, mince and tatties was a favourite. I was like this a few days before Christmas but I was ok on the day being in the house on my own in the morning. I think New Year will be worse for me, it will be the first time ever I’ve been on my own. I guess we will just have to get on with it, it’s so hard though isn’t it. Xxx
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Ha! My husband had knives I wasn’t allowed to touch. He said I would hurt myself.
As if I never used a knife before I met him. Apparently, I was a bumbling idiot before he rescued me. LOL
Not much done today. Polished some silverware. Napped a lot. No appetite. Paid a bill.
Are we all just tired of widowhood? I know I am and I really, really want a life again. This isn’t living, just existing, procrastinating, and feeling quite dull today. Maybe feeling sorry for myself because of the weight of it all, I don’t know. Pretty much spent 2 days in the same clothes on the sofa, not even showering. Ick! Have to force myself to brush my teeth .
Still can not accept that my husband is dead. Just can’t.
My doctor told me I need to go back to doing workouts at the gym. I’d rather eat worms. Urge me on, y’all, I am losing muscles. I was a 3 day a week gym gal, but . . .
Coming up to week 14. Feels like a lifetime or yesterday. Hating all of this.
Here’s to better days 
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Well here I am again posting at 4am. I thought I had got out of the habit of laying awake unable to sleep. Yes Peaches I am tired of this. I know my husband is dead but I am also sure that deep down I don’t believe it. I am making a list of achievements I want to make for 2025. Being brave to make a long car journey. Learn piano. Have at least a night away alone. Days out etc. I never used to make lists but I have really got into it of late. I stopped going to the gym years ago when my knees couldn’t take it anymore. But what I remember is you feel great afterwards. Can you do some excercises at home? Did you run? Or can you go just for a 15min workout to begin with? Do you have friends there that can go with you the first time? Maybe put it on your list. I think if you were going so much before it really would do you good. It would be a big step forward. Try and work out what is stopping you. Perhaps I should rejoin. My husband liked the gym. The ladies all chatted him up.
Lizzy I am dreading New Year. Our local Nature reserve always does a New Year walk which I planned to do, but weather forecast is awful. I also wanted to do 10 mile walk New Years eve but that looks out too. Being stuck indoors is my worse case scenario anyday let alone New Year. I suppose what can’t be changed must be endured. Maybe I could start learning the Piano, start ticking off that list.
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Two months since my husband of 44 years died. I wish i had answers to your questions. I have come to believe no one means to be rude. They just don’t think. I think we have to keep going . . pain and all.
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Peaches, I feel the same just now, I’m not living, just existing. 12 weeks in for me and I just don’t like it. I thought I’d feel better now but it actually has got worse, especially this week. Maybe it is the time of year, winter, bad weather, I dont know. I don’t even know what I’d put on my list my mind is blank. I would like all the lawyer stuff to be finished but I can’t do anything about that, it’s my biggest worry. If I was younger I’d get a job, can’t do that now. Never been to a gym, none even where I live. Maybe the driving could be on my list, need to get my eyes sorted before I could do a bigger journey than the supermarket. I need to start clearing out the garage, I said I’d do that after New Year. I sometimes think I’m maybe in a deep coma and dreaming all this, hoping I wake up and everything is fine again. Only a few days left of this year and good riddance to it, worst year of my life, I thought the year before was bad with all the major surgery he had, I coped ok, worried every day through his recovery but he inspired me with the way he coped, I couldn’t have went through that. It’s so unfair that he died the way he did. I need to change my life, move house but can’t do that till the house is sorted with the lawyers, decorate one of the rooms, that could be on my list. Maybe get a small dog, get out in garden when weather better, need to keep house good for selling later in year. Get all the jobs done that need doing on a budget, plastering a wall perhaps and decorating it. That’s going to be on that list. My windows are filthy with all the stormy weather we have had, need to watch for the window cleaner that comes round here every so often or do it myself. Yesterday I found a little notepad, a bit like a diary, my husband has written all strange things in it. Things that annoyed him, his valve was leaking and had to put this plug in it when he drank and it meant he could not speak, I don’t know if it was me he was writing to, he did that when he couldn’t speak, it was as if he was writing down things that annoyed him, I don’t remember reading any of it before. Maybe I should continue to write down things that are annoying me. I might need a bigger book just now. Well I might try and get back to sleep, it was 5am for me again, I have a long list of things to do before family come down. First big dinner without him. Going to be a lot of firsts. Peaches I came on to give you hope and inspire you and all I’ve done is write down my thoughts. Right today is going to be good one, get up, showered, get the make up on, take the dog out a walk, have a good breakfast or maybe it’s evening for you, have a nice meal, takeaway even, go for a coffee, you can do this, I know you can. Sending hugs, I think we all need hugs just now 
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Debsie, wish I was nearer you, I’d go on that walk with you, maybe it would help us sleep, I’ve been not too bad lately but it’s 5am I woke up, I need a few more hours to cope with the family and making the dinner. I prepared everything yesterday, table all set, strange all the little things hubby did that I did myself yesterday. I hope next year a better year for all of us, it couldn’t be worse, I want this year to be over. We need things to look forward to. I booked a holiday but it’s not going to be a holiday as I need to clear out our happy place abroad, I’m not staying there, booked a nice hotel and hope I can clear everything out in a day as leaving everything in it to be sold. Will be clearing clothes etc out, saying goodbye to friends but I’ve told them I will come again and see them, I feel ok going on my own as I know lots of people and have more friends there than I do here. Maybe I should have sold here and moved. Now there is a thought….
You have got me thinking about lists, maybe it’s the way forward. I hope today is a better one. Take care
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Suzie, I am sorry for your loss, I really know what you are talking about, people are so rude, I don’t know why, are they scared of us?I’ve had people actually turn away from me as I walk closer to them, it’s the silent treatment, you certainly know who your real friends are when this happens to you, close friends which I thought I had have shunned me, no Christmas card, handed me back my door keys and no more phone calls, no idea what I’ve done but I can do without people like that, got enough to contend with. I hope you are coping ok and hope you have a good day xxx
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Lizzy, Suzi, I’m so sorry you are experiencing people being rude, and turning away. I can’t offer any rational explanation. Many of us men might find it difficult to be seen chatting to women alone, and maybe their partners don’t trust them? It wouldn’t bother me, but I did feel a little difficult the other evening when a long term friend (the widow of my best mate) came round and after polishing off a couple of bottles of Prosecco in my kitchen, went to our local Indian restaurant together, where I at least am very well know, as is my late wife! We were enjoying a good chat and remembering when it was all four of us going out together, so there was a good deal of laughing and joking going on. This was less than 2 weeks after my wife’s funeral. Was that too soon, and unseemly? I didn’t think so, but maybe others might have thought differently. Not sure the owner knew that she was not only a good friend, but my daughter’s ex mother in law! She got a bus home alone, as I couldn’t drive her. I also had a neighbour stop me when I was crossing our road, in a bit of a haze, not realising he was even there, to see how I was and to offer condolences. My ex-wife has called twice and stayed for up to 2 hours and I’ve had so many invite me for meals, to join them for Christmas and New Year, I feel overwhelmed. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful friends and neighbours, especially when others like you are experiencing the opposite. It’s a shame we have to go through something like this to find our true friends.
Much love M
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Lizzy - the power of positive thoughts! Easier said than done sometimes, but I think that’s what’s getting me through. My wife loved lists and she left one with more than 50 items not ticked off, so I have a challenge to do them all with the added things now needed to be done! But I’ll get there, as will we all.
M
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Marnee, you might have hit the nail on the head with what you said there, my husbands best friend who we saw every week or more handed my house key back to me, I was hurt by this gesture, I thought to myself am I not your friend as well? I sent them a special couple Xmas card but got none back. He always made us a special card and I know he sent them this year as someone showed it off on Facebook how nice a card it was. Maybe his wife doesn’t want me being friends with them anymore. It’s sad as I don’t have any friends where I stay, the first time I met a neighbour the first thing she said to me, am I going to move now? I honestly can’t wait to get away from here but it’s going to be a while. I’m not country borne and bred but I tried my best. Not the friendliest of towns. I used to tell my husband the way people speak to him is different than the way they talk to me. This is why I get a bus and go anywhere to get away, sad isn’t it. You are very lucky to have such good friends and family around you at this sad time in our lives. Take care xx
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Lizzy, I really feel for you - the friend I went to dinner with owns a second home in the South of France, just a few hundred yards from where I also own one. We were both asked if we were going to sell them when our partners died. So insensitive, that was her home for half the year! We (I) go there 5 times a year, so it’s not just a holiday home to me either. I really understand that sometimes people feel it’s better to sell, and move, and I guess from what you say that might be right for you. I hope you can manage to do that and find somewhere that really suits you and is in a warm and friendly place. Take your time - no point in moving and then not being happy where you move to. We’re in a tiny hamlet in France, with only about 20 houses, but everyone is so friendly, I can’t wait to go next month, to get away for a break from home here in the UK.
I’m now rather rattling about in a 4 bedroom house, and my daughter and her family moved next door three years ago to be near me and her mum “in our old age”! They’re building a big extension too. If I’d known the future we could have swapped houses! So even if I wanted to, I couldn’t move away - even just a few hundred yards. It’d break her heart for me not to be there right next door to her. My house is the home in which she grew up, with me and Mary, her three siblings and her Nan and Grandad too. We were known as the Waltons!
All the best in whatever you decide to do. 
M
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Its 3 months since I lost my husband and 4 months since my brother died. I havent grieved for my brother as I’m lost in the never ending pain I feel for the love of my life. We were together for nearly 44 yrs, his death was unexpected although he’d been ill. Our 3 sons, their wives and our gradchidren have been amazing, very supportive, but I’m feel so alone. Christmas was hard for all of us, we were all missing the usual christmas things we did when he was here. Its like living in a parallel universe. Everyday I get up and go through the motions of living. Some days are a little better than others but on the whole I hate my “new way of existing”. I feel selfish in my grief, as if it only affects me, I miss him more rhan anyone else, noone knows how broken I am, etc. Of course thats not true, our boys are devastated. However, I lost my mum and dad many years ago and that grief is not the same as this. I had my husband beside me then, that unique bond helped me through everything that life threw at me and now thats gone. Life will never, ever be the same
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I don’t know if this will help but how about volunteering, sue ryder have a massive shop near me, or volunteer with the national trust at a local property, they are mostly run by volunteers? My aunt is 80 and was widowed at about 62 she joined a club called Mara, shes in kent, but there are similar clubs all over the place, she’s always away and doing stuff with them, they even have a ladies darts team, she is my inspiration xxx
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Katy, I think you are absolutely right that losing a partner, especially after so long together is very different to losing a parent or even your brother. I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling for both of them. I think everyone on here knows how broken you are feeling. I’ve four children, their partners and 11 grandchildren all within 3 miles of me, and despite their constant attention to me I still feel lonely. Cooking, eating a meal, watching TV, even just going to bed. All these being done alone after 38 years with Mary. No one else who hasn’t experienced this can quite understand. You are also so right that life will never be the same. Mary and I lost all four parents between 2004 and 2008, including our two mums within 3 days of each other in the week before Christmas. Actually I think the way a partner has to grieve does only affect them in the way it does. No-one else has lived with them for so many years, day in day out 24/7, 365 days a year. They’re like an extension of ourselves to those left behind. My way of coping with that is to talk to my wife, at her grave and at home - even in the shops! I’ve been to her grave every day since 10 December, except one where my granddaughter needed help with medical care after a football injury. I say good morning, goodnight and blow Mary a kiss every time. I talk about her with friends, whilst trying to understand they’re grieving too. I ask for her help when I need it. For me that retains that unique bond you mention. I try not to burden my family with things, although they’d be annoyed if they knew that, as they’re grieving too and have their families to run as well. When Mary couldn’t find something, she prayed to St Anthony, the patron Saint of lost objects and lo and behold that item would be found. Well, I lost my favourite jacket around the day of the funeral. No one had seen it and it wasn’t in the cupboard where it’s always been kept. Two days ago I opened the cupboard to get another jacket and there was my lost one - on top of the jacket I was going to take out and wear! How? I haven’t a clue, but I had asked Mary to help me find it! So in a way, she’s still with me.
Sending you a big hug! M
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