Peaches, my head hurts at the paperwork you need to do, it sounds as complicated as our Scottish system. Paperwork in progress with my lawyer to get the Grant of confirmation for our house to be put into my name. It will still take months but at least they have all the information and paperwork to be sent to the courts. You are a very generous person sending out gift baskets, what a kind thing to do. I hope they get their act together and sort it out. I gave everyone a parcel home with them last night as I won’t eat it all, I did have a small plate of leftovers for my dinner but I still can’t eat a lot as I’m still not feeling great but forced myself tonight. Take care xxx
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Peaches, your post lifted me so much!
My sister sent a calendar from Australia a while ago, but it’s not arrived yet, although the one for my brother arrived before Christmas! How difficult is it to deliver something on time to the correct address, with the right things in it? I wonder why some businesses are so awkward? We wanted to order flowers saying ‘Nana’ for the coffin and the grave - no, they said, we only do ‘Nanna’. Mary wasn’t a Nanna! They lost our custom.
The situation with property sounds a bit like France, where the survivor gets to own half the house and the other half is passed to any children, equally, and then everyone has to agree what happens in the future. Of course the lawyers want huge fees for that, so I’ve not told them yet! I don’t really even need to tell anyone in England, as the estate is small other than the houses. We didn’t when my mum died, and just dealt with everything to do with the house when my dad died the following year. I also object to paying legal fees for what I can do myself!
Debsie, I had to laugh about the bird watching as just today there was a traffic jam caused by more than a dozen Geese, waddling along and across the main road. Why can’t drivers just be patient, and let them do their thing!
Lizzie, I’ve suffered from night sweats for years - waking up soaked through, as well as the sheet and quilt. Then it gets really cold. Can’t really work out what causes mine - definitely not the menopause !!! If it is I’m worth millions!
Peaches, so sorry to hear about your friend’s momma. I think you are right about timescales, Mary had rallied two days before she died, and it gives false hope doesn’t it. I knew what was about to happen when they said they’d be putting an intravenous morphine feed in. They didn’t even get to do that, as her lungs couldn’t cope. It was just much quicker than we expected.
I LOVE my robot vacuum cleaners. Press a button or an app on my phone and go and do something more useful - or watch TV!
Weirdly I’ve been polishing the silver this weekend, as it had been in storage while the lounge was completely replastered and redecorated.
They’ve forecast snow for Kent in the next few days - that’s going to be fun for the kids, but not so much for me.
You all manage so well - I hope I can match you all!
A bit early, but I hope you all have as good a new year as you can under the circumstances. Huge hugs to all. M
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Peaches your vacuum sounds great but I don’t think my house is big enough to warrant it. I do like the idea of the lawn mower one. I’m just not sure I could handle the stress of setting it up.
I too am a little on the mean side. My husband’s car was a little mucky. My husband was always washing the cars. I have never cleaned a car in my life and everyone just says go to the car wash. However I think the hassle of doing that is more than me doing it myself. So yesterday I roped my son into helping me and I had a go. To be honest I didn’t do a great job but I think I will do better next time. I even quite enjoyed it.
I think you need some reward when you finish all that paperwork. Treat yourself. After dealing with an Indian call centre the tax man will be a piece of cake. I was expecting to have to do a tax return for my husband. As I did all the finances I know he has tax to pay. The website says they will contact me within 15 days if I need to do a return but I haven’t heard anything. Mind you all government departments seem to be incompetent and behind with their work. I didn’t need to do probate as everything was in joint names and there is no tax to pay between husband and wife. Guess I got away lightly.
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Yeh found it thanks and think its set up to call in an emergency either my daughter or my son xx
I was too busy today to check it out but I will when I have time xx
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I agree there’s not the motivation now, I keep saying the last yr or so I need to paint my hallway but I just can’t be bothered, its not the painting tho Im not a fan of painting, its the prep and taking pictures down etc I just cannot be bothered! Maybe in the spring I will get some motivation xx
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I’m the same Debsie, I live in a 2bedroomed flat and doesn’t justify the cost of a robot vacuum!
I think they’re quite expensive over here !
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Today my son asked if I would have my youngest grandson over night on New Year’s eve so they can have a few drinks just in their house, how can I refuse!
So I will have my hands full cause he does not like the travel cot and doesn’t sleep much in it !
I didn’t sleep much last night so I’m sure I will cope !
Thats my new year sorted better than being on my own for sure xx
Wishing everyone well for the new year and hope we can all get through it as best as we can, take care everyone xxx
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Georgi, I’m only getting motivated to decorate the one room in house that really needs it before I can sell this house, I need to get a good price to enable me to move back home near my friends and family but it needs plastering first. I can ice cakes so how hard can it be? Ha ha watch this space. I opened the car today and was shocked as all the seats inside were mouldy. Eeks I had to go and try and clean them, I really need to use the car, that’s my goal after New Year, (maybe). I really can’t afford to keep the car, my husband liked big cars but when I move I would only need a small car as I will move to streets with street lamps, no country roads will be near me. I have a GTech cleaner which is great for me, I’m only in a two bed bungalow and I can whiz round the house in minutes. If I could move this house I’d take it with me as I know I’m going to struggle to buy in the area I want. I’m off to bed now, hoping I sleep and wake up feeling positive going into 2025. Take care everyone 
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Hi all, this morning I feel like I have gone miles backwards with handling Mary’s death! Can’t deal with all the pension stuff because other organisations have all 3 death certificates (and one also wants my birth certificate which I won’t get for more than a week yet). Why don’t they send documents back by return of post?
I thought I was coping yesterday but today just still sitting in my dressing gown bawling! I know it’s only just over 6 weeks since she died, but Is this normal? My heart is literally aching right now but don’t want to tell my kids. One is abroad, 1 at work, 1 caring for his wife after a full hysterectomy and my daughter next door off work with work related stress (+ losing her mum). M
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Morning Marnee , sadly it’s completely normal. It’s very early days for you and you will be in shock. I found that whilst I was normally confident and competent, the slightest thing that didn’t go quite right would upset me.
It’s 36 weeks for me and I still cry at some point every day, but I know now it will pass. I think the initial shock somehow protects you and when that wears off, reality kicks in.
Yesterday I renewed my car insurance and had to take my beloved partner off the policy as a named driver. It completely overwhelmed me for the rest of the day. I feel like I am having to remove him from my life bit by bit.
Christmas has been better than I imagined and people had been concerned it would be difficult. What they don’t understand is that I miss him every minute of every day, so it was just another day but with distractions.
Just do what feels right for you, as there’s no real rush to do anything. I hope your day improves and if it doesn’t then let the grief come. x
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Oh Marnee, we all get these set backs. Just when you are congratulating yourself for coping you just get one of those days. There will be many more but they do seem to get less and less.
I’m 12 weeks in and couldn’t sleep last night till 3.30am. I started to think I will be up all night. Then remembered that the night before my husband died I was up all night at the hospital. All those replays that I thought I had moved away from came back. I always hated New Year and thought that this will be the hardest, but I may have that wrong. I hated New Year as it made me sad another year has gone by. This year I will be glad to see the back of.
I now have yet another migraine. probably through lack of sleep. There is a little brightness to the day though. A couple of weeks ago my 2 year old grandson pulled all the leaves off one of my plants. I was just left with the stalk in the pot. This morning though I can see a little green leaf coming through. Life will always find a way.
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Marnee, it is all overwhelming, I paid for 4 death certificates, I only have 1 now, some companies didn’t send them back. My lawyer kept one as well. Two companies wanted my marriage certificate, I had sent the only one I had away the day before I had the DWP asking me to send them an original copy asap. I had to go and buy another one for them. Only a week later they told me I can’t inherit any of his pension, in fact I got three letters from them telling me that. I thought I was going to crack when asking the office for a new copy. I was so glad she didn’t say a word to me. The tears were starting as I rushed out the place. Missed my bus and had to wait an hour on the next one. I have a massive bundle of paperwork all huddled in a mess. I will be so relieved when I don’t need any of it anymore but that could be a long while yet. I should sort it out but have been so upset at all the contents of it. I have another lawyer abroad now to deal with, I hope he doesn’t want original copies, I will have to dig through the bundle again. I wish it was all over and done with as it upsets and depresses me dealing with these issues. I’m crying with you Marnee I know how you feel but you will get through this. Take care xxx
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Thank you all! I just feel so down and now frustrated today.
Just had my dear postie deliver letters - Civil Service write to me to say they’ve paid her pension up to the end of “entitlement” and no further payments due to her estate. I’m on their records as her next of kin, with MY surname, not her maiden name, so why write 2 letters to me with no name in the address section and use her maiden name instead of mine in the Dear Mr … bit!!! Then in the same post our joint bank statement - still addressed to us both. The same bank that took her name off the house insurance policy on 3 December - even without a copy of the death certificate. GRRRRR!
Nice thing today was to give Mr postie a bottle of wine for New Year. He was so shocked over Mary’s death when he asked me how she was, the day after she died, he literally staggered backwards in disbelief.
Sorry for the rant! I worked for that bank almost all my working life - they can and should do better!
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Marnee, yes everything you are experiencing is normal. There is the pain of loss, the overwhelming grief, and the stupid paperwork aggravation just piles on top of it all and deflates us.
We can have a relatively good day and then crash the next. At 6 weeks, you should be a mess, so do not think there is anything wrong with you. There isn’t. This is not a journey on a straight roadway, it is more like being a soccer ball in the surf.
I woke to paperwork on my doorstep, the pest control man and a phone call to fill out yet more paperwork via the internet. It is 14 weeks for me and Marnee, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Nothing is easy and nothing gets done quickly.
Cry until there are no more tears, then wash your face and take another baby step forward. The ache in your chest is normal too. Ask your physician for something to help such as an anti-anxiety med. Those chest aches are not good for our bodies - stress hormones wreck havoc on us.
Much love.
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I must admit I admire you planning to move, I would like to in the future but don’t know if I can handle it on my own, don’t get me wrong I dealt with the viewings & all the packing & unpacking but my hubby dealt with the financial side and to be honest prices have dropped so much in the last couple of yrs Im not sure its worth my time moving because at my age Im mortgage free and would struggle to get something I could afford based on what I would get for my 2bed flat with a lot of cupboard space and a box-room, it would definitely be much smaller, and I have a lot of “stuff”
Where are you moving too, just wondering cause of our previous plan to meet up halfway in the summer months is it further or nearer ? 
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Georgi, the thought of a move is daunting but I can’t stay here, it’s probably the same distance from you. I’m Ayrshire at the moment and will be moving to South Lanarkshire. It’s what’s keeping me going. I will be really sad leaving our house that we have been very happy in , but we spoke about it before and I did tell him I won’t stay down here if anything happened to him. I’m trying to look forward and I feel better as my daughter came and got me today, we went shopping then I’m staying for a few days. I was dreading tonight, just hope I don’t cry at the bells. That’s my plan for 2025, don’t know when I can sell as it could be many months yet, have a few things to sort out in the house before I can do it. I used to sell houses for a while so I know all the little tricks of the trade as I need top price. Look forward to meeting you in the future. All the best xxx
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Thank you Peaches. My wife was on anxiety medication, and there’s lots left, so I’ll ask my GP about them on Friday. Also about Quinine for my nightly leg cramps. Another couple to add to the mix! Just had an invitation for tonight, from my youngest son, so I’m going, along with my youngest daughter. Another 1st to overcome. A great big virtual hug to everyone, you’re all fabulous, thank you!
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Yesterday, the beast took me for a 3 hour walk/drag. The whole time I thought of nothing but personal regrets, every thought was only of the stupid things I 've done since childhood to now and I couldn’t think of one good thing I had ever done. Not one. Surely, there must be something, somewhere, but my mind was on every mistake I’ve ever made and I couldn’t think of a single time I did something good for anyone.
Yes, I am a lawyer and I won cases for my clients, but that was my job. I was trying to find something I did that was nice but not job related. Could not recall a single thing. I began to feel like a monster.
I felt guilty and ashamed. I prayed on it and asked to be relieved of this burden of guilt and shame.
This morning on a private fb page I read the plight of a single mom who had posted yesterday her need for food for her family as money was tight and they had nothing in the house of 5, including 2 very small children. Seems she got some response but the food she received was expired and she asked again for help, embarrassed to do so and was criticized by members of the group or posting that the food was expired. People can be awful.
I got her name and address and sent her a grocery delivery of about $300 in food. I don’t know her, but felt a tug from above that this is the good thing I could do today. She was thankful and had only asked for things to make sandwiches and some milk and juice for the little ones.
I sent orange juice; 2 gallons of milk, 2 lbs of frozen shrimp, coffee, 10lbs of potatoes, 6 pounds of onions, a 6 lb beef roast, 4lbs of ground beef, large packages of smoked sausage and ribs, family packs of chicken breasts and pork chops, 2lb of spaghetti, 2 large jars of sauce, Oreo cookies, potato chips, carrots, 2 bags of spinach, a family sixed frozen lasagna, 2lbs of sliced ham, sliced cheese, 2 loaves of bread, 6lbs of bananas, a peach pie, 5 lbs of apples, 5lbs of oranges, and I can’t remember what else. The store was having a BOGO (buy1 get one free) so the $300 really went far and I think she should be able to feed her family until her next pay day. She was thrilled to be able to cook a roast on New Years day for her family.
I feel better about myself now. I suppose when you feel really down and sad, doing for someone else is the remedy.
Fireworks have been going off for 4 hours. The beast hates it. He has a way to go until midnight, poor puppy.
I was invited to a party, but just not in the mood for small talk nonsense, so I bailed.
Instead, I configured a cat condo for the elderly stray cat that adopted my husband 7 years ago and is now blind and living in my pantry. It took some doing, but she is now in a large kennel with a bed, a litter box that I hope she uses, (she has refused since she arrived) and her water bowl. Just trying to keep the urine and poop contained instead of using pads which leak all over and make a mess several times a day requiring moping and replacing with a new pad. Crossing my fingers as I can’t take any more of the mess or the smell.
Alone tonight and tomorrow. I may have a celebratory cocktail at 11:55p to greet 2025. At least I will begin the year not feeling like a horrible person. After the groceries were delivered, memories of all sorts of good deeds I’ve done came flooding in. Whew! I am not a monster after all!
So, if you are feeling down, sad and useless, reach out to an anonymous person in need and help them. Your spirits will lift.
Happy New Year and lots of love.
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Peaches, you are a remarkable person, what a kind thing to do, I think it’s the time of year making us all feel a bit down. I just went to bed, didn’t stay up to see in 2025. That was very different for me and I didn’t get emotional. I just whispered to my darling husband. Feeling positive about this year, haven’t slept all night though, been getting texts since midnight, even my two brothers texted me whom I’ve not seen for years. We are meeting up for a catch up which will be nice. Been watching fireworks as well out the bedroom window, they went off for ages. Here’s to a better 2025 for all of us 
xx
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Lizzy how wonderful that you will connect with your brothers. The new year is bringing a good thing to you - your family. I am sorry you are getting no sleep. It is awful to always be so exhausted and sleep deprived, but here we are.
I’ve been watching my crazy neighbors’ fireworks from my balcony. These goofballs must spend thousands on this night, it is like professional displays from 5 different directions. They try to out do each other to see who gets the most bravos the next day, I think. I can feel the booms in my chest - so loud, so bright and kaa-booms that sound like a battlefield. Beautiful, but enough already!
Poor puppy can’t be soothed, no matter what I try, but I didn’t want to give him a chill pill as I don’t know how it would affect him. I gave them to my Great Dane during firework displays, she would tremble in fear at my feet but my vet told me how much to give and it gave her a bit of calm. This one I don’t know about, so next vet visit I will ask.
22 minutes into 2025! I wish my husband were here to experience it again as we did every year. But, he is in a much better place where fireworks are nothing compared to the joy of eternal life in Heaven. I miss him and love him and will for the rest of this life.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I am so honored you spent the rest of your with me, my Darling. Good night, my Prince. Until we meet again.
I loved you always and will forever. Wait for me and come to get me when it is my time to leave this life. Watch over me and guide me as I walk alone. I’ll listen for your wisdom and look for your signs until my last breath.
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