Two weeks of widowhood.

Losing a partner
826

Well, last night was as bad as I expected, but I got through it. Went to bed at 10 with another migraine. I did have a tot of cherry brandy in memory of my love. The migraine meds must have wiped me out and the bad night sleep the day before as I didn’t hear any fireworks. Despite a good nights sleep I feel flat today. I hope 2025 sees us all take those baby steps into the future and by the end of the year we will be able to look back and see how far we have travelled.

Peaches it seems to be that your were there for your husband and friends. What better deed is there then that. We gave enough to be sad about without starting on ourselves. I always felt I didn’t deserve my husband and expected to lose him one day. Nothing that good could last forever. At least I know he didn’t choose to leave me. He must have seen something I don’t. Feeling loved for all those years was the biggest gift I could have ever had.

5 Likes
827

Peaches - what a lovely thing to do! I was down and sad and someone was there to pick me up. In fact several were there for me, and one of them was you! Don’t think you’ve not done good things - you have no idea what that meant to me and no doubt others you’ve helped too.

Thank you just for being there! :mending_heart:

4 Likes
828

Woke to horrible news. New Orleans has had a terrorist attack! A driver in a pick-up truck drove at a very fast speed into the crowd on Bourbon Street, killing 10 people, injuring 35 and then he shot 2 police officers. He was killed in return fire.

It happened about 3:15am. The crowd was full of normal revelers on New Year’s Eve, plus visitors here for the Sugar Bowl football game later today. Very heavy heart today.

The truck crossed our border with Mexico 2 days ago. It also contained Improvised Explosive Devices and a black flag flown on top. Horrific. The FBI is investigating.

Marnee, thank you for your kind words. I really was feeling like the worst person on the planet, but once I prayed on it, I was directed to the hungry family, and then all the good things I’ve done came flooding back. I love God. He was like, “my child, I remember those acts of kindness, don’t worry that you forgot them, here’s a recap”. He makes me laugh at myself and calms me just as my Earthly father did.

Here we are, a new year where we have to remember to write a new date on everything. Paperwork today. Hope to finish and file on Monday. Maybe.

Much love

3 Likes
829

@PeachesDixon
This has just hit our news. Really awful, and that’s a lot of people having a dreadful start to the New year.

1 Like
830

My hubby passed 2 days ago and I don’t know what to do, I can’t see a way forward.

4 Likes
831

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have found comfort from this group. Sending hugs

1 Like
832

1000024248
10000242481920×1469 98.1 KB

5 Likes
833

@PeachesDixon this popped up on FB i think so if you feel that you haven’t done something good, then you are wrong xxx

1 Like
834

It will get more managible I promise, feel free to vent, i read back through lots of the comments when i first joined and so much that is said was resonating with me xx you are not alone xx

2 Likes
835

Also look for a website called widowed and young (WAY) they are a very active community on face book to help you through when you are ready xx

2 Likes
836

So powerful. If this is all I amounted to; I did it

2 Likes
837

Thank you so much, I just can’t see any future for me anymore

2 Likes
838

@BrokenDoll so sorry for your loss … i’m at week 6 since my wife passed, did the funeral on the 23rd of December and just done Christmas for the first time without her and it’s all very raw still. I know it probably sounds like a cliche but i feel like a part of my died when she passed and i am struggling to see a way forward i just don’t feel whole

4 Likes
839

BrokenDoll My heart breaks for you. I’m only 6 1/2 weeks in since losing my wife , so it’s very raw. But you are in a safe and friendly helping place here. We’re all going through something similar and you won’t need to explain your feelings - we know. Just talk to us when you feel like it, ask for help and advice about how you’re coping. Don’t be alone - we all support each other. Take care. Huge hug -M

2 Likes
840

Just remember, Peaches, “Footprints in the Sand”! He is with you, every step of the way! M xx

1 Like
841

I am so so sorry for your loss, it’s a horrible thing to have happened to us, this community really helps you get through this, please keep posting how you feel, we all know the pain you are going through. We will help you. Sending hugs, one day at a time you will get through it. Xxx

2 Likes
842

I wrote this today for my darling wife Mary. I hope it might resonate with some of you here too. Sorry if it makes you tearful as others have told me it did! I also posted it in another thread but meant it to be here. I hope you like it.

2025 – For Mary. 1 January 2025

They say that 2025 will be better than 24,
But all those days without you,
are going to be so tough.
Just 44 days without you,
Has been so incredibly rough.
But each extra day without you,
Makes me love you a little bit more.

They say that 2025 will be better than 24,
A whole year of days to get through,
Instead of just 44.
A year full of days without you
Is oh, so, so, much more,
But each extra day without you,
Makes me love you even more.

They say that 2025 will be better than 24,
But that’s a year to get through,
not just a month and a half.
We had many a day together,
In love, with time to laugh.
But each extra day without you,
Makes me love you a little bit more.

They say that 2025 will be better than 24,
But I don’t see how that’s true,
As I can’t now spend it with you,
And without you there beside me,
Many a tear will flow.
But every day without you,
Makes me love you a whole lot more.

They say that 2025 will be better than 24,
But without you there to guide me.
I honestly am not sure.
I won’t have you there to join me,
To do the things we’d planned,
But every day without you,
Simply makes me love you more.

They say that 2025 will be better than 24,
But without you there beside me,
I really can’t be sure.
I’ll miss you in the morning,
I’ll miss you in the night,
But every day without you,
Makes me love you that little bit more.

They say that 2025 will be better than 24,
But I’ll miss the little things you did,
Like you always being late.
You always had a smile,
For everyone the same,
And every day without you,
Makes me love you a little bit more.

They say that 2025 will be better than 24,
But I’ll never hold your hand again,
Like we oh so often did,
Nor kiss you, nor hug you,
Just little things like that.
But every day without you,
Makes me love you a whole lot more.
But every day without you,
Makes me love you a whole lot more.

4 Likes
843

Asters - so very true!

1 Like
844

Brokendoll, of course you can’t envisage a future. Don’t even try. Just concentrate on getting through today, and tomorrow concentrate on getting through another. You will get better at it. You will miss him every minute but just carry him with you. We are all here and we all understand.

3 Likes
845

Brokendoll - I am so very sorry that your husband died. It is beyond comprehension and no words can adequately describe the state in which we find ourselves. It is 14 weeks for me and I don’t know how I made it this far, but I have.

Take each day hour by hour. Whatever you are experiencing is common among us, we have been there, are there and going through it all too.

My best advice is to feed yourself - force yourself to eat even if it is only 2 bites at a time many times a day, and hydrate your body, feed the living things in your home, sleep when you can, cry your eyes out whenever you must, and pay the bills. Nothing else is urgent except the funeral. Everything else can wait.

Lean on friends and family, they want to help but may not know how. Let them know. Whether it is to help you clean the house, hem a skirt, drive you to the grocery store, they will be happy to help. They want to do so.

You will be numb, scared, anxious, depressed, sad, lonely, walk in brain fog, walk in circles, clumsy, unable to form complete sentences, overwhelmed by the weight of it all, burdened by having to do everything that your husband once did, exhausted, sleepless, lose weight, and find yourself in an avalanche of paperwork.

One hour at a time. I make a daily list of 5 things I must do, do them, mark it off the list and I have a physical reminder that I have accomplished “must dos” every day so that I know I will have utilities, insurance, etc. Short term memory is gone so the list for me is vital.

Do not think of the future you lost, you will live it in real time as you are now so there is no sense in grieving something that hasn’t happened yet. We find a way to function and adapt to this new life alone. It takes time.

Asters, we didn’t lost a part of ourselves, we lost the whole of who we were. We are not that person anymore. Our life before is over, never to return. We are no longer “us”, 1/2 of a couple. Making our way forward is horrific, but we wake up each day and have no choice but to push forward into this new world. We are re-inventing ourselves and figuring out how to manage. With each baby step it gets easier, not much, but some.

It is a group we didn’t want to join and can’t quit.

Much love.

2 Likes