Two weeks of widowhood.

Losing a partner
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Lizzy I too fear heights - but the loft ladder is ok. I always climb very carefully and with trepidation when cleaning the windows, as I’ll normally have a couple of things in my hand and then don’t over reach. I come back down without looking down when I’ve been cleaning the upstairs windows on a ladder. I’m still shaking but just try to ignore those sensations. I should really get a cleaner in now, but it’s my silly pride at only ever doing these things myself stopping me from doing that! I hate asking others - they never do it to my satisfaction so I feel I have to do it myself.

My only suggestion to help with fear of heights is to always wear sensible non-slip shoes, always use the rail if possible and don’t try to lift things that are too heavy. I always push things up the ladder in front of me, rather than holding them, as that allows me to hold on better too. Constant use of the loft ladder has made me less worried over the years - and I’m just careful. The chances of falling are quite low I feel as long as I take time and care. M xxx

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Marnee I’m going to have to try today and get the Christmas tree up there, my daughter’s partner brought all the stuff down for me. He is back at work and I don’t want to ask him to come all the way down here just to do that. Wish me luck, sensible shoes will be on, I’m quaking at the thought though. I need to look out for the window cleaner though, he only appears every so often and because we were away a lot we didn’t get him on a regular basis. Take care xx

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Peaches I’ve learned my lesson about walking on that road, never again, next time I will phone my daughter to come and rescue me. I was very anxious, crying and saying how stupid I was to do that. My back is also telling me how stupid I was today. I’ve also been wakened since 2.55am so even my long walk didn’t help my sleep pattern. I will be careful trying the ladder today, even if I can get up another few rungs I might push the tree up without actually going into the loft. Got a few things on my list to do today, first one is get out my bed and make some tea. Then jump back in as it’s freezing. Have a good day and thanks for the lecture :hugs:

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Lizzy I slept well last night. 8 hours sleep. Sun is shining what could be better. Well quite a lot could be better but I’m grateful for this. In lock down we emptied our loft completely. We cleared loads of stuff we hadn’t used in years and the rest we stuffed in any available space. My Christmas decs are in the wardrobe of the spare room. So I don’t have the loft problem but I do have a house full of stuff that I am now slowly parting with.

My sister is visiting this afternoon. I’m not sure why but I don’t really want her too. I think I’m a little annoyed with her, she hasn’t been there as much as I had hoped. Just seen her twice in the last 3 months, once was the funeral, and the occasional message. However my other sister who is autistic who doesn’t drive with a sick husband has exceded expectations and has phoned several times for hours at a time. My friends have been good but they have their own lives. I have received lots of offers to do ‘something’ and I can’t just expect them to make it happen. I need to take some control and reach out myself. Another for my 2025 list of things I want to achieve.

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Debsie, she’s coming. That’s good, but she may not have known what to say or do previously. Give her a big hug and tell her it’s alright to talk about it. She’s probably as unsure as you how it’s going to go. Maybe nervous too. I’ve never been one to be on the phone to family all the time. Mary did that, at least once a day to all the children. I still tend not to call them, but they do manage to call me when they can. My brother is 150 miles away and my sister 10,000 miles away. So not regularly visitable. I had a FaceTime from my brother yesterday, 1st time since the funeral on December 10th. My sister messaged in the middle of the night last night too. They both have their own past and present problems and it was nice to see/speak with them even if in a message. Hope it goes well with your sister. M xxx

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Marnee - stay off ladders. Your health is more important than the few dollars it will take to have someone clean the windows. We are too old to be falling from ladders. We no longer bounce back, we just “thud” and break.

With the help of a friend, I cleared 2 attic spaces and 2 lofts. Two more lofts to go and I will never have to go up the ladders again.

I understand not wanting to pay someone to do things you have always done, but there just comes a time when we have to accept the reality that we are too fragile to be hanging on ladders with buckets, rags and squeegees or pushing Christmas trees up a ladder. Let’s not be stupid in our old age.

The fear mongering of freezing weather coming to my area on the Gulf of Mexico is just that - fear mongering. The forecast is for the temps to dip into the low 40s F. I won’t be stockpiling food, wrapping pipes and filling the bathtub with water. And the tropical plants will not die. So, one good bit of news! Yeah!

Going to get beautiful at the salon! I dislike spending time there, but no pain, no gain - right?

Y’all have a great day, stay warm and use precautions - the RSV going around is very, very bad.

Much love.

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Debsie glad you had a better sleep, mine is all up and down just now, it’s the thought of dealing with lawyers again, it stresses me no end. I had a break over the holidays but it’s back to reality again. I should have just put mine in the wardrobe as there seems to be loads of space now. Well after googling how to get the loft ladder down, I managed it. The tree was difficult to push up into the loft, I had to lean in onto my head and try and get up the ladder, anyone videoing me would have laughed, my legs were shaking but I managed to get it to the side, I cudnt go into the loft but I did get up a few more rungs n the ladder. Closed it all up then I realised I had left a bag of stuff in the porch but after you saying about the wardrobe, that’s where it’s going. I also spent the morning scanning all the documents for the attorney abroad. Hope he got it as I’ve not heard anything yet but maybe still on holiday but at least I have done it. Debsie my sister stays about an hour and a half away from me and she has never been in my house, I stayed with her a few weeks ago. I’ve not seen my two brothers for years but one has been texting me a lot and we are arranging to meet up soon, well how many times have I heard people saying that, but I’m hopeful they will do it. After my mum died quite a few years ago we seemed to have all gone our separate ways which is sad. My sister came to the funeral but my brothers didn’t, one wasn’t well and one doesn’t drive and you would have needed a car to get to where the service was held. Havnt spoke to my sister since my visit and I thought we got on ok. Her partner has signs of dementia and she isn’t coping well with it. She is 80, they don’t live together all the time, it’s a strange set up. I hope your afternoon goes well with your sister, I’m relaxing for the rest of the afternoon, done everything on my list, even made soup. Take care :hugs:

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Very touching xx

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Lizzy my sister did come and it seems she has got a lot more nervous about driving too. I thought she would come with her husband but it seems she is worried about him as well. She thinks he has started to show signs of dementia. It seems we all have our own problems. I will try and make a point of calling her regularly. I can’t always expect people to make the first move. She brought a large amount of our late parents photos for me to look through and take any I want. Just what I need - more photos even though I just threw out loads. Oh well it will take me down memory lane. I haven’t seen my brother since my dads funeral 6 years ago. He had a stroke and it affected his personality which wasn’t good to start with. He is abusive and tells lies, which I think he believes. We never really got on anyway, I just feel sorry for his wife.

I am glad that I have finally done all my paperwork. Or rather the paperwork I know about. I do feel sorry for you its such a chore, and they can never seem to tell you all they need in one go. As soon as you do one thing they tell you another. I haven’t heard anything from the tax man and I am getting anxious about that. Surely they should have contacted me by now? The website says they will tell you if you need to do a tax return but either way I should get a final statement. It seems to me that the government are in such a mess. No one seems to be able to do a good job,

I went into town to pick up a parcel and the woman took so long trying to find it I got hot and started to feel faint. Peeled off layers but had to say to the other assistant that I had to sit down if she was much longer, luckily she then turned up. I think that has decided it for me, I can’t afford to up the tablets for my migraine. This is the second time I felt faint, I suspect its low blood pressure and this is what I was worried about with those tablets. I have actually had more migraines since I started to take them then before.

The horrible breakdown people did take a £25 admin fee for me cancelling, even though it was on the day of renewal. The credit card company called me to let know that the premium hadn’t all been refunded. She thought it was really bad of them and said to save me the trouble of complaining she would clear the account so I don’t have to worry about it. How can you have such wide differences between the people. However I was still mad with the breakdown people I sent them an email telling them what I thought of them.

Have a lovely evening and I hope you sleep well. I am having the other half of a pasta bake I bought in the reduced section yesterday for £1.08. Bargain - a meal for 54p.

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Debsie, isn’t that strange that both our sisters are having problems with dementia in their lives. I kept nudging mine telling her to be more sympathetic, she kept getting really annoyed with him, he could not remember how to lock the door, had the key upside down, they were taking me out for a meal, he has been so good to her over the years, she wouldn’t marry him and they have their own houses. He arrived in her house really early in the morning, I think he is not good in the car and wanted to drive while roads were quiet. Well I did experience his driving and he should not be driving, she had to tell him to move in, cars sounded their horns at him, it was awful and I told her that. We were in the restaurant and my sister went to the toilet, I watched him try to get his bank cards in his wallet, he could not do it, I said to him, let me do it, the lighting not good in here. He said, oh this memory getting worse. It’s such a shame he is the nicest caring man I’ve ever met, apart from my lovely husband. My sister at 80 doesn’t want to cope with him, his daughter doesn’t like him at her house all the time. Also would you believe, I came away with old photos as well, I don’t have any when I was younger. She had really old family grave stones which was cheery for an evening. I also don’t get on with my eldest brother, he has kidney problems and has split with his partner, and is the grumpiest man on earth. My younger brother is much nicer. I should also phone her and wish her a Happy New Year. You can pick your friends but not your family. It will be a while before I stay the night again, small doses only from now on. Will meet her half way for a meal then go home. Sorry you were feeling faint, there is nothing worse than that feeling, especially if you are on your own. Tax people will blame the holidays for the delay. I got word back quickly from them, I owed them money, surprise surprise then the next week I got a cheque for £67. But I still have to pay the money I owe them, they clearly don’t have a clue what they are doing. Hope it gets sorted out quickly, this could be contributing to your headaches. Take care xx

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Peaches you will never know but what you do know is you were doing a good turn for someone and and leave it at that xxx

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im so sorry for your loss, numb is the word thats right, i lost my partner back in October and its so painful, i still talk to her as if she were here, i still ask her what she thinks of things, i still cant fathom out why she was taken, its scary to think of the future. i have taken time to go through things of hers, some to keep some to give away and thats a dreadful process to go through, i have tried to surround myself with memories of her, creating photo albums of our life together from when we met up to last year, i keep a candle going next to her picture, i try to say to myself to live for her as that is what she would want me to do, its so final and theres no going back i know, ive tried to sort through things and keep what gives me comfort and give away what i think may give comfort to others, i hope you can get through these early times i wish you great strength

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Lizzy excuse my ignorance, geography was never one of my best subjects, even of my own country :face_with_peeking_eye:
I hope it all goes smoothly for you once its on the market and well done to you for being brave enough to take that step, for what its worth I think your doing the right thing to be closer to your family xxx

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Debsie I feel for you taking so many migraines they are so debilitating, I too suffer migraine and you are right to stop those tablets if they are lowering your BP, thats the problem with some meds they sometimes cause more problems!
I got put on Nortryptyline, 2 at bedtime and they have helped with my migraines, I still get them but not as regular as I used too or for as long, I also have a nasal spray which I can take if its a real bad one & I’m being sick too, it works very good but I try to only to use that when its necessary cause its very expensive and being a trained nurse I am conscious of not wasting medication paid for by the NHS because some people waste enough of the medication on repeat prescriptions they no longer take !
Excuse my rant there but I have always felt strongly about that !
Take care and I hope you get your medication sorted to help your migraines xx

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Georgi, I hope I am going to do the right thing, I feel so isolated where I am. Been stuck in all day today, havnt seen one single person. The roads and pavements are like sheets of ice, not wanted to take any risks by going out plus I’m sore from walking so quickly last night trying to get home . It’s going to be months before I can think of putting it on the market, hopefully it will be before next Christmas. I will be about 20 minutes on a train from Glasgow if I get to move where I want. I hadn’t a clue where my husband stayed when I first met him,I just knew it was quite rural. It was a novelty at first but to be honest I like to be near shops and restaurants, we did everything together so I didn’t feel lonely but now I hate it. Need to get bread etc tomorrow in case this heavy snow is coming our way. Fingers crossed I sleep longer tonight, wakened way too early, hate when you look at the clock and it says 2.35am. I read for the rest of the night. Take care xx

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I live in a detached house at the edge of the village. My house is up a long drive and elevated. I can go a week without seeing another human being. I will be moving. I can’t stay in a 6 bedroom house on my own. The summers are bearable, it is very cold and lonely in the winter.

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Guess where The Beast and I are going later this month? To school! I registered us for training. If I don’t get us trained, we will have to part ways as he will cause a fall down the stairwell or on the street and I can’t just be fussing at him all the time, he doesn’t know what he is doing in wrong. Tired of "no!', “stop!” and “asshole!”.

And, I am beautified.

Can you believe that while they were cleaning the blood and body parts off of Bourbon Street, our Mayor was gabbing it up in a bar drinking wine with her friends? What is wrong with people? She is the worst ever and we have had some awful ones.

It must be fainting season, I got woozy and dizzy at the salon.

My bestie in Chicago called and we had a nice chat. Two other GFs called and chatted me up and all the gift baskets finally arrived.

It is no wonder people here are getting sick. Yesterday is was 78 degrees F and fell to 43 by night. Start the day in cool weather clothes and putting on coats and gloves by evening. New Orleans weather - if you don’t like it, wait an hour.

Almost completed the paperwork. Now that the hair is done, I won’t be mortified going to the courthouse and running into people I know. Hee hee.

Another bill came in - $10K. This one for repairs to the central heating a/c units. Dang! So glad my husband took care of all of this mess for 25 years. So sad I have to do it now. It hurts my feelings to write checks so large.

Lizzy, I think of moving but I would have to buy another big house or pay capital gains tax on the profit made between purchase price and selling price. I don’t want to give the government a penny more than I am forced to give and I really want a tiny house, but here I am.

The trick may be to buy the big house, live there 2 years, sell it at a bargain price and then get my small house. We’ll see.

Lizzy, you are making the right decision to move. You need so be where the action is, not out in the woods. I live in the suburbs and can walk to the pharmacy, grocery store, cleaners, restaurants, gym, etc. I don’t, but I could.

Much love to all.

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Thank you Georgi. I hate taking pills, I always seem to react against them. My husband seemed to have little side effects. I keep thinking that my negative thinking is looking for excuses to give up on the tablets so still took them last night. However after waking at 3am with another migraine I have had enough. My frequency increased by 25% last month I’m now convinced that not only are they not helping they are making it worse. Strangly enough the first few weeks after my husbands death they improved. But my blood pressure and pulse were both raised. Coincidence? I will look for natural alternatives and hope one day I will find something that helps. Take care

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Lizzy, you know you are doing the right thing. My husband and I always dreamed about retiring to Yorkshire. As we got older, and when our first grandchild was born, my husband said I would never want to move away from our family. He was right. So glad now we didn’t. I always thought we would grow old together. Thought we had another 20 years.

I have now booked accommodation for all my family to go to our favourite place in Yorkshire, in August, where his family originated, to scatter his ashes. There is a viewpoint up a steep hill where we sat only a few months ago looking across the dale. Its where he was happiest.

I woke at 3am. Fed up of tossing and turning. Seems to be my life now. Can’t get two good nights sleep in a row.

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Debsie my mum was from Yorkshire too. We did the same with some of her ashes, the rest went with my sister back to Sydney where we later scattered them in a forest park. The warden couldn’t understand why we all wanted to walk in the park in pouring rain as we’d kept quiet about the ashes. From our experience in the Dales, watch which way the wind is blowing! My brother ended up covered in the ashes! He wasn’t very amused.

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