You really need to get yourself an airfryer they are great, bought mine since I lost my husband and honestly it cooks so quickly, a friend of mine now as 2, like me she lost her husband about 6 wks after I lost mine, and she loves hers too !
The problem with cooking is I eat it hence the weight going on 
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Not at all we all grieve differently, and you certainly won’t be the only one not to lose weight, it has nothing to do with how much we loved our husbands/wives its a physical reaction ! So never think that !!
I went down to a size 10 and I think now i’d say a 12 heading towards a 14 cause I refuse to weigh myself to confirm it Take care and no more of thinking like that xxx
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Speaking about Vera its weird because my husband always watched it and I didn’t, but I have recorded the final series to watch in my husband’s memory, does that sound stupid ?
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@Debsie1
So glad to hear that from someone else. I was thinking I was mad as I didn’t stop eating but ate loads all the time so put on flab. Lots of comfort food rubbish, chocolate and crisps, so yes comfort and some thing to do eating. So my New Year resolution was to stop that and replace with healthy stuff so now I chomp through packs of grapes. But my bad phase bit me back as I lost a filling and now have a trip to the dentist to contend with, grrrrr.
I also did meals with lots of batch cooking, mainly slow cooker stuff.
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I lost weight because R was a feeder. I worked, he cooked. He was a terrible cook. Massive carb overload and lots of treats. He disliked cooking and had the local takeaway on speed dial. He was always very slim and struggled to put weight on. I had no difficulty at all. Having to make my own choices and I must say healthier ones, plus non stop sorting and cleaning. Basically finding jobs for myself. I lost the weight x
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Thanks Peaches, other than when speaking to banks today, I stayed positive all day! I even cooked again tonight. Jerk Barbeque Cauliflower, on rice mixed with kidney beans and coconut milk, with sweet corn on the side. Enough for another meal left over. Hoping for another good night tonight!
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I put over half a stone on.
I comfort ate and didn’t go outside.
The first week or so I would have murdered the birds for teeeting - how dare they carry on when my darling has gone.
Now I am working hard at slimming world - I need an operation and I can’t put myself at risk- the kids lost one parent - they can’t loose another.
It is now the Aniversary of my husband’s heart operation. And I thought that day I had lost him. Sometimes I feel terrible pity for him. His phone pings to give a foot bc all score and I go back to wondering why the world carries on.
Still processing 40 weeks on. How can it be 40 weeks. Some much pain. So much to deal with. And then I got cancer alone. They got it all out but it was just a drop in the ocean of my grief and pain.
Can’t sleep. Can’t be awake. I’m lost so lost - like a grey version of what I once was.
But I must - I must fine a way to manage for the kids. My world has ended. My dreams are broken. I want to hold him again. I want to grow old together and look back on our life. I want him to be here to help me through my cancer treatment .
Why is life so awful?
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I agree the tv was terrible last night, hubby loved Vera and as he was a night owl, watched it when I went to bed. Every time it gets advertised on tv I feel sad that he didn’t see the end one they are all recorded on his playlist. I’ve no idea how to delete them. He was the tv buff, I just let him choose which was anything crime related.i can’t watch anything to do with death, hospitals etc Been watching a lot on Gold, mainly lighthearted comedy. Xx
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Keg, I am so sorry that your husband died, especially after going through surgery. Yes it’s hard for them going through all that but it is also hard for us dealing with it as well. My hubbys McMillan nurse was always asking me how I’m coping, it takes it toll on us as well. The day he went through his surgery he phoned me at 7.45am before he got taken to theatre, I was trying so hard to stay positive, he was great, when they came for him I cried my eyes out. I thought that was the longest day of my life. His surgeon phoned me about 10.30pm, I panicked as he told me it could be midnight before the operation was done. It all went well, he had a total laryngectomy, his life would change now. Seeng him in intensive care was awful but he was good, nurses said he was up walking albeit with two nurses carrying all the tubes etc. I was there every day for 8 weeks. Then he had to undergo Chemoradiotherapy, he had setbacks but fought through them.he was doing great. He died very suddenly 16 months later clearing his throat one morning and collapsed and died. My world collapsed, it shouldn’t have happened, he was so well. Life is so unfair. You are a very strong person, I don’t know how I’d cope going through treatment alone, he was with me at every appointment when I went through mine. I feel anxious going to see my consultant on my own. My doctors knew him more than me as he chatted to everyone. If you stayed near me I’d come with you during your treatment. You are doing well, I don’t know where we get this inner strength from but we have to carry on. I hope you are getting support from friends or family. Keep posting on here, we will help you through this. Look after yourself. Sending hugs 
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Oh Lizzy it was just amazing to find you and read your story.
My husband had a heart operation last year in January. He was in hospital through till March still very very ill after 12 days in intensive care and then being on the ward but they decided to send him home even though he still seemed very ill.
So we had a two hour drive and within three hours of being at home, he had a stroke - Called an ambulance and they said it would take 90 minutes but I called them back because I could see how bad it was. They were going to take him by helicopter but there were complications. They only took him to the local hospital. He spent 12 days in intensive care and then they said he’d got echo carditis.
He was on the ward and we were four weeks down the road with the expectation that he would come home after six weeks. And on Good Friday morning they rang me and told me to get into the hospital and he died.
Returning to work, I’m only 54, really helped me because it forced me to get on hand to have some moments of joy during my day. I teach music to students with special needs. When you are in the moment of teaching, you can’t be thinking about other things.
But I went for a standard mammogram at the end of October and had breast surgery for a lumpectomy on the 12th of December.
It’s really knocked me for 6. It was a while there where I wouldn’t have cared what happened to me but, I can’t do that to my two teenage children.
And finances are still not sorted and I’ve been trying to move house because I’m stuck in rented accommodation that’s too expensive and that’s all taking ages to go through. And on top of that they called me for jury service! I managed to delay that and now we’ve got the inquest into his death in February. The medical examiner said that there were questions over his care and whether he should’ve died on that Good Friday Friday morning.
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Thank you so much everyone - its nice to know I am not the only one not to lose weight.
Georgi both my husband and I loved Vera, I felt it was another thread snapping that linked my husband to me. It was the same when Johnnie Walker left his show as we both listened to that too. So silly. But I got 7.5hrs sleep last night so hopefully not so emotional today.
Lizzy your story resounds with me. 8 weeks before my husbands death he went in for open heart surgery to repair a valve. It was so stressful and I was relieved that all went well although critical care was quite distressing straight after. Then at his discharge 5 days later they did a last scan to find the op hadn’t worked and they needed to redo the op. I sobbed and thought that was the worst moment of my life, little did I know. He was discharged 5 days later and was bouncing right back as he kept himself very fit. We were told he would now have a normal life expentancy and he had an ambition to be able to run again. It was all looking so good, we were so optimistic but 7 weeks after his second surgery he died of a chest infection. I felt it was like God said - what you avoided dying of your leaky valve well I will just have to think of something else you can’t dodge.
Ktg - I am so sorry you are having to go through so much without the support of your husband. That is what we all miss really. That hug and comfort that tells us everything is going to be alright, that we have got this, that we will cope. Friends and family are great but its that one person that can see through the bravado, or recognises the worry on your face, and would just squeeze your hand to say I am here, I will help. My son questioned my husbands care, critical care was full so he spent 13 hours in A&E before finally being given a bed and he died 2 hours later. The hospital say that his treatment would have been the same, I don’t think I could handle people saying he could have lived with better treatment. He certainly had a large amount of people seeing to him and 3 consultants discussing his treatment so I like to think we were just unlucky.
Off now to babysit my Granddaughter. She is my light in all of this darkness.
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I lost my wife after nearly 50 years she had a heart transplant 36 years ago in the end she had so many side effects from her medication we never had a family she was always ill from a.young age her.condition was hereditary it tan in her family on her mum’s side of the family 10 months have passed i have thrown myself into volunteering work as i am retired i gave all of her clothes to charities i had to do that as i couldnt bear to look in her wardrobe its hard to do but i had to do it.as i couldn’t rely on her siblings as basically they are not very good make sure you talk to your husband every day.and remember you will be reunited with.him thats what keeps me focused plus i go to her resting place every day we are just passing through to a better place take care and be strong
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Went to bed, fell asleep and now awake at 2:49am. This is a new one for me.
Lizzy and KtG, I am so sorry that the 2 of you have battled cancer and KtG I am very sorry that you had to do so alone.
Marnee - good on you for making a proper meal.
My husband was a great man, but when ever I was ill and stuck in bed, he disappeared into his office and left me alone on the 3rd floor.
Today is 16 weeks. Been on here for 14 weeks already. So glad I found this site and all of you. I don’t feel so alone just having y’all to chat with makes things better. Thank you all.
I had to look up how many pounds equal a stone - 14. That is a lot, at least one whole clothing size. I’ve lost 10 lbs since my husband died. Don’t mind at all.
Don’t even talk to me about tv. I have hundreds of channels and still nothing to watch. Going to cancel this subscription.
I hope you are all good, warm, and have a better day than you did yesterday.
Much love.
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KtG, how awful for you, it certainly takes it toll on you, being on both sides of cancer, I’d rather be the one getting treated than watch your husband going through it. He was told his cancer could come back within two years and I worried all the time about that, telling him not to have a drink as it might come back faster. He enjoyed a wee whisky at night. I wish now I’d never moaned at him. I am a worrier, we had to change the way we ate, I made him different food to what he was used to, no more steak which was his favourite I did lose a lot of weight running to the hospital, it took me about 2 hours each way and I left at 9.30 and got home about 5.30 I stayed with him all day, grabbed a sandwich here and there. I had to talk for him as he couldn’t speak for about six weeks, we communicated by him writing on a board. When I got home we FaceTimed each other, again me talking all the time, him writing. I was exhausted at night then had to do it again in morning. Always looked forward to seeing him. We did everything together. This is why I’m finding it so hard on my own, I’m lost, I do talk to him a lot during the day, maybe I’m going a bit crazy but it’s how I’m coping. The least thing upsets me,I’m so sensitive at the moment. The first four weeks were a blur, I don’t know how I got through it but I did. Some days are better than others, when I feel I’ve had a good day then the next day it hits you again, so I take one day at a time, try to do something positive every day. Been stuck in because of the weather but I need some food so will have to go out today. I need to start driving again but have lost my confidence, I can go a short journey to the supermarket and that’s my lot. Can’t drive at night as roads where I am are so dark and motorways are too fast. Not sure I’m going to win this challenge but baby steps. Take care xx
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Oscar, I’m so sorry for your loss after so many years together. I’ve yet to deal with Mary’s wardrobe of clothes and shoes. My daughters have offered to help me, but at the moment I’d rather not start that. I’d also want to do it with me there, and they’d said they could do it while I took a break away. As there are outstanding debts to pay, for her car purchase for one, I have to raise as much as I can towards that, as required by being one of her executors. She’d just been replacing all her old clothes, and she’d agree she was a bit of a shopaholic with clothes and shoes. Including new and old items, there’s about 25 pairs of jeans, probably over 50 tops, and over 100 pairs of shoes, some still in the packages they came in. I could open a shop, bless her! Even in jeans, she was always immaculately dressed. The picture in my icon is of her at our son’s wedding.
I too talk to her, all the time, and have visited her grave every day but one.
It’s good to see men talking here too, we don’t deal with things like this other than so often bottling things up! Best wishes. M
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Peaches, you usually sleep well, I actually slept a bit longer than usual last night, I feel quite good this morning. Just need to force myself out the bed and go for a shower. It’s still freezing outside. I’m going to buy food to make a big casserole today, something that I can just heat up and eat. I worry about losing weight as it’s one of the symptoms I had when I had my cancer. I need to keep eating maybe healthier than I have been doing. This is my challenge for today. Hope you have a good day xxx🤗
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Oscar, I am so very sorry that your wife died. It is indescribable how Earth shattering the loss. Our world changes in an instant, never to return.
You were very smart to handle the wardrobe quickly. It is the thing I dread. I know I can’t wait too long or I will never empty my husband’s closet. I did that with my parents and it took 4 years to finally let it all go. That was a mistake.
Lizzy, I think it was the tomato sauce. Nightshades can mess up one’s sleep. Best to eat them at lunch rather than dinner. I don’t know what I was thinking having sauce for dinner.
Starting to hate my lists. Instead of helpful, they seem to be nagging me. It is like “good morning, you’re late. Hurry, you have these things that need doing ASAP!”.
Today I will dedicate 2 full hours to paperwork. Then, start the list.
Much love to all. We’re still standing, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Peaches, I will be singing that song all night now, we will all get there, yea yea yea:musical_score:
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Ktg I had a lump in my throat reading your story above, just awful what your husband went through and then your own diagnosis, I am in awe of how you have coped with it all, I had an appointment for a colonoscopy after blood was found in the routine bowel screening, that morning my husband passed and had I to cancel the appointment, but they were really quick at giving me another, guess the reason for missing it helped there, anyway normally with something like that I would worry what they would find but for that one I had no cares and thought if it is cancer I will join my husband. But it came back clear and I was actually disappointed then I thought of my kids & grandkids and realised what was I thinking they couldn’t cope with losing us both in such a short time xx
You are one brave lady and I take my hat off to you xxx
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Peaches I went from a size 14 to a size 10, I hadn’t been a size 10 since before I had my kids, but hey ho it hasn’t lasted I am putting it on again, now a size 12 heading back up to a 14 and Im gutted about it, felt more comfortable slimmer cause I am only 5ft 1in ( lost an inch in old age, used to be 5ft 2in) taller people carry extra weight better, short like me look fat & dumpy, well thats my opinion!
PS I finally got my lactose free full fat milk I am away to gave a glass now xxx
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