So sorry for your loss Oscar, it must’ve been so hard for you and I am glad you have joined this group, I hope it helps to bring you comfort as I know it does for all of us on here. You are doing really well and I admire your doing voluntary work that will keep you busy and in contact with people xx
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Peaches we sure are still standing and its because of family, friends and all of us on this group and I feel and I am sure I am not the only one who attribute that to your posts on here, you have the knack of lifting us every time we read your posts xx
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100% Georgi! M xx
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@Stumpy1 i understand what you are saying about friends. Whilst my husband was in hospital people would phone etc, now its radio silence
I feek so alone
Sending you best wishes
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Lizzy I was awake till after 3am and up at 05.45 to prepare for my baby grandson coming at 06.30, he was great, he’s good fun we have laugh, he will be 1 in February boy that time has gone by fast since his birth, his mum collected him at 2pm, I then went into town with my neighbour bad move, a) I had a sore throat and b) the pavements were treacherous like ice rinks we had to walk on the road at times as they were clear, by the time we got home , I was feeling rubbish, came to bed at 8pm to watch tv, my voice has gone, my hubby would’ve appreciated that lol ! I have Alfie again 2moro but not till 08.30 this time because it’s a course she has to attend for work so hopefully they get finished early !
But I have my lactose free whole milk and just had a glass so hoping it does the trick tonight. Take care Lizzy, roll on better weather xxx
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Love to you Georgi
I’ve read a few times on here now, but other people have been ill following the death of their loved one. It’s good to know that there were other people out there who’ve gone through the same thing.
So I think this is very interesting. I was doing some training on Monday and they started talking about something called the Polyvagal nerve. It links what’s happening with your mental health to what happens to your physical self. And the more I look into it the more I can see why I’ve had a number of medical issues over the last year.
It says that the nervous system is about with three highways or pathways ventricle, sympatheticand dorsal. And you can work all those different things to help your body to get well again.
ventricle connects your health and well-being and helps you to feel the day is worth while . The sympathetic system Helps regulate the heart and breathing and causes energy but it also activates fight fight and causes of anger and anxiety. The dorsal is the lowest system the bottom and it regulates digestion and brings nutrients to nourish us when we don’t have that energy we collapse disconnect and disappear. I can see how I’m responding to all of those systems.
Reading this tonight, I’ve promised myself that I’m going to try and do something to promote each of these systems to sort and support both my physical and mental health.
I’ve been to the lowest depths, picked myself up and got going again, and now found myself at the bottom again. I think this is the rollercoaster we are all having of grief. I think that there were a lot of lovely people out there who have been amazing and helped me - but at the end of the day I’ve got to find some joy Again.
Just like you did with your grandchild and I did for awhile in my music lessons before I got sick.
Talking with everyone has been amazing on here and now I’m going to try very hard to start claw way back out of this hole.
So here’s my dorsal system activity which it turns out we are all doing , reaching out to other people. So we’re already doing something that will help us heal.
So here’s something for your ventrical system - did you know that you can give yourself a hug and it genuinely produces the same chemicals as if someone else had. You can also put your own two hands over your heart and it promotes well-being. It’s been shown medically to produce serotonin, so I’m going to put two hands over my heart and breathe gently and slowly for a minute every time I get myself into such a state that I’m crying uncontrollably.
Maybe it will help you too.
It’s not going to change anything but doing that has made me feel calmer.
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I don’t want to brag, but I will. I have finished the paperwork! All I need now is to coordinate signatures and get it filed at the courthouse. Almost there!!
The 2 hours I allotted turned to an all day, all consuming event, but doggoneit I am finished with it. Every time I had to type my husband’s name (like 1,000 times) I quaked inside a bit, but did it anyway.
My typing is on the same level as those chickens who peck away as a trick. Maybe I need a chicken.
Second verse - like a true survivor.
Georgi - i hope you get the same response I do with the whole milk at bedtime. It always helps me sleep. When I woke at 2 whatever this am, I drank 2 glasses, got drowsy and back to sleep at 4:30. Turkey is good too, it is full of tryptophane which is why everyone naps after Thanksgiving dinner. Unconscious until 10:30 when The Beast woke me with his delicious cuddles. It was either love or hunger.
When he rejects his kibble, I pick it up and do not give it back for the day. Then, he loves it and is so grateful. As I told him, we don’t allow picky eaters here, you eat what momma gives you or go hungry, we have rules at this house, don’t ya’ know. He really does think he is the boss of me, but I’m going to win this one because -thumbs. One needs thumbs to open the package and well, he has none. So that makes me boss.
Off to the market for a couple of items. Got nothing else done today, but hey, the important stuff is done and I broke through the wall of procrastination. I am going to strut through the store like a champion, patting myself on the back and may even treat myself to something because champs are special. Haha!
Love you all. Be bright and shiny on the outside, never let them see your sad face. isde.
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I had to cancel loads of channels peaches. I mean he had hundreds of sporting stuff on there that I never used. Saved me about £100 a month which was good.
My mother-in-law has never got rid of anything. She’s 92 and her husband died 10 years ago and if you go in their room, everything is exactly as it always was.
I have got rid of things because I’m moving house and I had to. But I can’t bear to let his phone go. He’s got messages going back further than I have and I relive the days when we first met eight years ago it was amazing reading that stuff again And I found myself falling in love with him from the start in a way that I’d actually forgotten.
Reading your messages peaches made me feel hungry. I think the way forward is to buy more freezer containers so that I can cook them patch up things that I know I like.
And I just read about your paperwork- well done!!!
And your dog.
I loved your post xxx
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Georgi, I’ve been wakened for hours again, I slept better the night before and thought I had broken the stupid o’clock cycle but no. There are such a lot of illnesses going around, hope your throat is better today. I was speaking to someone a few days ago on the phone, I had to keep apologising as my voice kept going funny. Thought it was because I havvent spoken to anyone in days or it’s a sore throat coming my way. I’ve been taking honey and lemon in my weak tea to see if it helps. Our pavements are so bad, I was ready yesterday to go to supermarket as I thought it was ok, sun was out. My car was so icy and roads looked bad so changed my mind. We haven’t had the heavy snow yet but it’s supposed to be on its way but the temperature has stayed very low… not sure I will be able to travel to see my friends tomorrow at this rate and I’m still waiting on this lawyer calling me. She has been in the UK for the holidays, maybe not well but it’s frustrating waiting for a call. Roll on the summer, had enough of this weather. Have a lovely day with your Grandchild, I miss seeing mine, was hoping to see her tomorrow if I get up to see my friends but it’s not looking good. Take care 
xx
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KtG, well done for reading all about stuff to make you feel better,I don’t go to a gym unfortunately but the other night, I filled my new hot water bottle with its furry coat, I felt something sharp cutting into my feet, I investigated it and it was like a business card which must have came out the pocket of the furry coat. It said “are you enjoing your heated hug” actually I am, I have been cuddling this furry bottle all week, it does give me comfort, it’s not my husband but just having something warm in the bed is nice…I’d recommend it. Sending hugs xx
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Hello Boss Peaches you show that dog you are in charge! When I watch my daughters wee miniature dachshund I fail at everything with her, she is adorable, I have strict instructions no feeding her anything but her little pouches of dinner, if she doesn’t eat it take it away and no treats. No letting her sleep beside you. Well…. I did adhere to some of the rules, I slept on the couch and she jumped up beside me so was I breaking the bed rule, maybe not. I maybe dropped a few little things in the kitchen, oh dear, did I break that rule. That dog saved my life on week 2, comforted me when I got upset, wouldn’t leave my side the whole time, made me go out a walk although she hates walking. I had to take her out to a couple of parks which she did walk and it helped me.
What can I say about your paperwork, massive well done 
. I feel I should be doing more things while I’m stuck in the house, but I’ve stopped and don’t know where to start again. Hope you have another good day Peaches xxxxx
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Lizzie, I’ve been there with the paperwork. There was so much i just had to set up a system. I got some ring binders and some plastic wallet inserts and tags to stick on the edge. I’m just starting my second one - for the things that are now complete to keep them separate and also the first binder was full. I’m a bit over the top but I scan everything into my computer and file it all there too, in named folders.
But then there was the pile of papers in the ‘to do’ box! This was when I didn’t have a single clue what to do next!
My way was to literally pick up anything and just take the action needed for that one item. Then scan and file. Then just any other item. I wasn’t worried whether they were important or not. Just getting a few done spurred me on. After a few days I prioritised the ’to do’ box and now I’m in control again. I’ve even got everything done and am just waiting for replies. Hope that helps you?
Much love M xx
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KtG - I am a technosaur, but can you just take out his SIM card and put it in your phone when you want to read the messages that take you back to those butterfly feelings of falling and being in love? If so, you wouldn’t have an extra phone bill. Glad you canceled all those channels. You just got a $1,200.00 a year raise! It is sickening to pay for all these channels that we do not watch. Canceling is on my longer term list of “things to do”. Now that the paperwork is all in order, I am ready to tackle the other things.
Purging needs to be done before we are too old to haul it away. My 97 year old aunt had a house jammed packed with stuff but was unable to remove it. I did it for her so she could move to a senior facility. Your MIL just didn’t have the strength to remove it all.
The last thing I want to do is live in a museum of my former life so it is being cleared out now before I am too old. I feel smothered by things I don’t want, need, use. Going minimalist now.
Y’all if you can’t get to sleep, I can post my meat sauce recipe. 
I ate and fell asleep within minutes like a puppy. Of course, I woke in a hour, but it was like taking a tranquilizer. Now, 1:30am and wide awake. But I am happy tonight, I graduated from Procrastinators Anonymous.
Lizzy, call that lawyer. Bug him/her. It’s a PITA to chase them down, but necessary.
Our future’s so bright, we gotta wear shades.
Love all.
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Essexgal. I’ve come to the conclusion that people think they don’t know what to say or do. But actually they normally do, just not how to start the conversation. Much contact I received at first started ‘I don’t know what to say’ then went on with the most beautiful words, poems or even songs to listen to etc. That’s probably easy in written contact but harder face to face or via a call/video call.
I’m finding it helps break that barrier by me contacting them, initially to let them know how I am doing and that it’s ok to talk about my wife.
Mary sang in a church choir and I know them all too, but even they weren’t pro active in making contact so I made a point of going to them before a service and the welcome I got was amazing! We talked briefly about Mary and I now feel I could call on any one of them anytime. They also now know I’m ok with talking about her, and of course they’re grieving too, she was such a big part of their lives!
I’ve noticed that many of those who were originally Mary’s friends have the most difficulty in contacting me, but those that were originally my friends don’t. But then there are a number of ‘our’ friends and her family too that are regularly in contact with me. I now need to take them up on offers of help, or to meet up. Even if just for a coffee and a chat.
If people still don’t respond or contact me, then that’s their problem - not mine. True friends will be there even if it takes time.
Much love M xx
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Marnee, I’m usually an organised person, I do have a filing cabinet but everything has been so overwhelming. I’ve had to haul out so much and stuck it all into a messy folder. Until the legal side is finished will keep all the stuff in the messy folder in case I need more out of it. Maybe I will sit and sort it into some kind of order, that could be my task for today. I think it’s because it all worries me and depresses me to look at it all. Everything in it brings me back to those first few weeks which I don’t want to go back to. I know it’s stupid, I will try and put it in some kind of order. Thanks for the tips. Hope you have a good day xxx
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Lizzie I’ve been there with the disorder and feel much better now it’s sorted. It’s takes away some of the worries and depression too. You know you’ve achieved something too! Also helps when you have to find something particular.
I know it’s hard and takes one back, but you’ll be better off in the long run.
Good luck! M xxx
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Ktg, another tip I have found to help is smile. If you find yourself feeling low, do a great, big, cheesy smile. It’s a totally false smile, but for some reason, it makes me feel so much better. Last night I was struggling to sleep again when I tried the smile. It seems to relax you and trick you into feeling that everything will be alright. Actually managed 7 hours sleep last night eventually. Two nights in a row for the first time.
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Peaches congratulations on the paperwork. I had to file a lost parcel claim form yesterday. My they really make it hard for you. Its not on your level and I just hope I have done it right and they pay out. Definitely you need to reward yourself.
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Debsie, that’s great that you had a few nights good sleep, it really does help. When I’ve been walking about, I put on that smile 
, people do smile back, prob think I’m a crazy lady, I also say good morning to them. Why not, I’m trying to let people know I’m not invisible, I’m a friendly person, still get people avoiding me, I don’t know why, do they think I’m going to cry in front of them, I just don’t know. If one of my neighbours were going through what I’m going through, I would be at their door. I seem to live in an invisible house as well, no one seems to know that I’ve had no visitors for months. If I didn’t get out I’d crack up. And of course chatting to all you lovely people on here keep me sane. Thanks to everyone 
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Peaches, have you though about cat nappies, amazon sell them, it might save you the stress of washing everything xxx
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