Know exactly how you feel,sending you a hug
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I pick my wife’s ashes up on Friday, we live by the sea, and look at that, we, how difficult is it to stop thinking of we, I hate this, she wanted her ashes spread over the water where she grew up so that is the next big step for next week, I went to fold some of her clothes up in the bedroom and just ended up sat on the bed smelling them.
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I’m having an off day today,it was L’s cremation yesterday,he wanted a simple one,no flowers,no mourners,nothing,that was his wish,i did as he said.All i have done is cry today,i just miss him so much,i have some stuff that needs to go to charity shop can’t do it,our son keeps saying go out mum,it’s no fun on your own.How are you doing?
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Its tough, you know this, I still talk to her, 27 years of telling her I love her every single day and I am not stopping now, sometimes I think my crying is selfish, am I crying because I am alone or am I crying because she isnt here. There are moments of normality, moments when I fill the void with noise, moments when my friends keep me engaged and then I go to bed and hope I wont wake up, then I wake up and start again, work takes my mind off things for a few hours each day. Charity run with some things next week hopefully. Take care of yourself, we are here if you need to talk, possibly one of the few places who understand what you are going through
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Atrum, it is okay to cry for yourself. It isn’t selfish, you are sad and for good reason. Put “charity run” on your list and drop off the donations while you are running other errands so it won’t seem so huge an effort.
It is the hardest thing to do, but try to look forward to each new day. Do as you would want your wife to do if the roles were reversed.
Darling, life is very short, enjoy what you have left and try to live it to its fullest. First step is to stop wishing you would die. You will, one day, but not now. Now it is time to live.
Much love.
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By the way, is anyone else having intestinal issues? I won’t go into details, but could this be anxiety driven? I am not feeling ill at all.
I did when I was first widowed. Quite common.
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I had a bad stomach for 6 weeks, every single time I went to the loo. We waited over 5 weeks for the funeral, the following week I took myself away on a short trip. I think the change of scenery calmed everything down, I needed it. It is stress related.
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Thank you Pudding and SadGirlfriend. Ok. I am normal. One less thing to fret.
It is such a blessing to have you all here to ask and learn.
Today, I will venture out to the pet food store. My puppy had outgrown his harness. One the way, I will drop off donations to the thrift store. Big plans, eh?
Peace.
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What breed is your cuddle companian
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He is a 10 month old Australian Shepherd. 60 lbs of puppy. Took him with me to two enchanting pet supply stores where he behaved as if he were The Boss of Me and wrapped the leash around me a few times as I tried to talk to the clerk about a new harness who was busy applying rubbing alcohol and a Band-aid to the cut I sustained somewhere along the line.
I thought," I showered, shaved, and washed my hair for this?".
Yesterday, the full, top dishwasher rack fell and broke everything stacked in it and somethings below. Cleaned up that mess, jury rigged the rack until Whenever O’clock. Today, a spice rack fell from the wall taking some stuff with it, it wasn’t fastened securely, and I let it go a day too long. Swept that up too.
These are on the “could not care less” list.
After the pet stores, we went to the grocery store, but puppy had to wait in the car as I ran in for a few things and then we scurried home. Like everywhere was lava and I had to get home. I can only be away from home about an hour. After that I get very antsy-pantsy to “get home”. Anyone else like that?
2 loads of laundry, 2 loos cleaned and a ventilation register cleaned with a new filter in place. TaDa!
Pets fed twice.
All this without a list today.
A friend called and asked if I would be in the mood for a movie. I might, but there is not one movie I am interested in seeing. Another asked if I wanted to meet for lunch, maybe, but not yet. Making a plan causes stress. I dunno know why.
I am satisfied for the moment that I know where to find things, so the manic cleaning has become “maintenance”. It produced a less dusty, tidy house where everything is in it’s place - except my desk, which is tragic in itself.
The shredder comes tomorrow.
Next week I will design a filing system.
Pretty sure my week is done, except for some garden work and the weather is gorgeous. I do not have to go anywhere for at least 4 days. I just want to be alone at this time.
Still not crying, but I have a crazed look on my face when I see my reflection in the mirror. My eyes are very wide open and blank.
I truly hope everyone of you is better today than yesterday and will be better tomorrow than today.
Much love.
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Sending hugs, I find I have a lot of ‘couldnt care less’ items in my day so you are not alone in that, my best friend wants me to go out this weekend, have some beers and play some pool, I said yes but not feeling it but it gets me out of the house in company that cares. I am trying to space out tasks throughout the week so I have something to do each day after work, maybe this weekend I will change the bedding as its pretty rank I am not changing it because it still has her scent. I have said to myself I will try to be happy at least once a day so trying to find that moment each day, im crap at finding it apparently lol
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Atrum, by all means change the bedding. I know it feels like you are washing away memories, but the memories stay with you even with fresh sheets. I took me 2 weeks to change mine, I understand. But, still the fresh ones felt so nice and everything here reminds me of my husband, so sheets - not so important.
Yes, indeed, go have a beer and play pool. Don’t overindulge as it might cause a messy crying jag or a brutal hangover in the morning and you really don’t need that on top of your fragile emotions.
Getting out of the house for a few hours will be good - a distraction. We all need them and the friends that nudge us.
We are all in the same boat. Keep rowing, there is a shore somewhere.
Much love.
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He sounds like a bit of a rascal. I have 4 small dogs. I have not been great the last few days. I have cried a river! Feeling slightly better today. I am going for lunch tomorrow and on the way home, collecting R’s ashes. Hugs and comfort to everyone
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I’m picking up my wife’s ashes tomorrow as well, been very emotional today, think that has something to do with it
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Mbg and Atrum - I am so sad for you both. It will be hard, perhaps get a friend to go with you to pick up the cremains, it might make is less horrific.
I haven’t received my husband’s cremains of even a death certificate yet. No rush. But, when it is time, my sister-in-law has volunteered to go with me. Sweet, she is mourning her only sibling. We are just a mess.
Today my friend for over 65 years stopped in to visit and she helped me take boxes out of the attic to be shredded. What did I ever do to deserve such a lovely friend?
Counting my Blessings as there are many.
Much love to all, may Peace be with you.
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I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Hugs
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The shredding truck was cathartic. It is all automatic, shreds everything into tiny pieces which are then smashed into bales for recycling. Bravo! Much better than going into the landfill after me spending countless hours shredding at home - a page at a time. I may have lost it over that.
Spent some time in the garden, nearly twisted my ankle by stepping into a fresh hole dug by my new best friend ever, pulled weeds, played with him with the garden hose - he LOVES to play in the water. Rolled one bin of garden debris to the curb. Fed the pets twice and me twice.
Received my pension check. They have the wrong city. Seriously?
Well, that is a next week issue. The pension guy is on a cruise until Monday. Alrighty then. Humbuggery.
With each purge of “stuff” there is a sad evening. The reality of it all hits. My husband is gone. The life we had together is over. We have no children who will want this “stuff”. Au revoir stuff. I am going minimalist, like a convent. J/K. But, maybe not. It is just me and a dog and an outside stray cat who could come inside, but won’t use a litter box and we aren’t playing that game here. So, it is her choice.
Rambling like a lunatic because I am one. Sorry.
May peace be with us all.
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Picked him up on his birthday , just seven weeks after he died. It’s my birthday today 56 and we had so much planned . Just want time to stop.
Sorry really low today but I know that you all understand xxx
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We all know what you are going through, and we are here to listen xx
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