Lost - I know this first birthday without your husband is heart wrenching. But, is is your birthday, so I will say it - “Happy Birthday!”. You need to be celebrated and I am glad you were born.
My husband’s funeral was on my birthday. His is around the corner. Then, the holidays are upon us. We are all prepping for the “firsts”. It’s awful.
We may have been the only 2 people on the planet that love candy corn sold at Halloween. Didn’t fill a canister with the candy this year. Everything has changed. Everything.
Be sad, cry, do what you must to get through it. Even if you just stay in bed and eat a bucket of ice cream, you will make it.
@Lost20248
These significant days make the grief even more profound. I know I just want to hide away when it is my birthday since losing my husband but my family want to try and make it special. Actually, the first one without him was so close to his death that I was still in a blur and didn’t take any notice of what day it was, other than to count how long I’d been without him.
I count less now but still notice, whether I want to or not. Today it’s exactly 2 1/2 years.
I hope the day is as peaceful as possible for you.
@PeachesDixon
Yes, those firsts are very hard and there are many of them, even after the first year.
There’s the first time you go to the theatre / cinema / meal out with friends / wedding / other funeral. The list goes on BUT each time we do something over again it gets more familiar and slightly less painful as our brains rewire to doing it without our loved one. It all takes time and a lot of courage but we can gain that courage from each other and from acknowledging that we are doing them.
Here’s to moving forwards together, taking our love with us, as that never leaves.
My husband passed on the 10/10 which must be very close to your husband’s date. I’m numb too. When I do cry the pain is unbearable as reality hits me. I think the numbness is our body’s way of protecting us. It gives me a false feeling that he’s still here but I can live with that for the moment. Take it one day at a time and don’t fight the zombie like feeling. Go with it. Sending you much love and hugs xx
Thank you all!
It has been a hard day I have tried to be strong for my sons but they have understood when I have cried and my sister has been with me all day. I feel exhausted with the effort and going to bed. At least I might sleep.
I am truly sorry that you all find yourself here with me and can’t thank you enough for the support despite the pain you also feel.
Much love x
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Topazstar. It is just awful isn’t it? I hate everything about being a widow. Yes, numb. Just numb. 9/24/24 I became one. Still numb, nauseous, intestinal issues, not eating, sleeping with only the aid of prescription meds.
Is this a permanent look of shock on my face? Are anyone else’s eyes open wider than normal, like surprised but the eyebrows stay put?
So thankful I no longer drink alcohol.
May all of our tomorrows be better than our today.
Got the mail and have $6K worth of bills to pay. I have never paid the bills, my husband was in charge of finances and all accounts. No death certificate, so I can’t access funds in his accounts or the insurance policy. Getting flustered, but not too worried - yet. But, here we go - more stress as I wait for government workers to do their jobs.
I VOTED!
and that is all I did today besides nap for hours this afternoon
My forward momentum came to a stop today. So exhausted.
I always paid the bills, so thankfully I didn’t have any surprises. I had very little admin to do. R passed on the 16th July,his funeral was the 20th August. My energy was off the scale between these dates. I didn’t give myself time to grieve. Then I came crashing down and all I wanted was to escape and sleep. I didn’t want to think. Sadness has consumed me. I still get jobs completed, but not as manic as in the beginning. I wore myself out. You take care x
Hi, my husband died 3 weeks ago, I know how you feel, I can relate to all the things you are going through. His funeral is on Wednesday, I honestly don’t know how I will cope. I have kept myself hidden as I can’t bear to talk about it. My hair needs cut but can’t face going into my local hairdresser. I’ve only had my daughter and one friend that has been in my house. I think I am giving him a good send off but so scared of breaking down, I don’t want to do that. The tears won’t stop, I had to go to the chemist to get a prescription and one of my neighbours stopped her car to say how sorry she was, I was holding it together till she asked what happened, I was angry at breaking down in front of her, she asked me if I will stay here, gosh I don’t know the answer to that. ATM I do feel like moving which I am sure I will later on as I don’t have friends where I stay. It’s all too much to take in as his death was very sudden. I’ve done the manic cleaning, worrying about money, but mainly missing him so much, I can’t even go into the bed and I am only sleeping on couch. I’m hoping joining the site, it will help me get through this grief chatting to other people going through this horrendous time. Take care and feel free to keep chatting
Everytime someone gives me their condolences it just brings home my loss again, i absolutely hate ralking to someone for the first time after my wifes death, have gone out of my way to try and get it over with, we all get what you are going through and are here for you.
Hi, yes I agree with you, then she brought up the three ambulances and two police cars outside my door, it brought that morning back home. I certainly will treat people differently from now on. My friend told me to get the train and she would meet me off it last week, we went to a quiet place where all my old friends were there as well, I told them not to be nice to me as it would set me off. One of them just shoved me which made me laugh. We all cried together and certainly broke the ice so next time I see them it will be easier for me. I just wish I stayed closer to them. I’ve had loads of cards which I can’t read and loads of calls and texts but no one actually came to see me. I need to get out now every day, it’s too long a day sitting about the house. By 4pm I’m in a depression again. Today I’m going to jump on a bus and go out sumwhere and have a coffee, don’t want to walk around this small town where everyone knows you. Take care and thanks for the chat x
I know where you are coming from,i lost my hubby 3 weeks ago as well,it was quick and he passed in his sleep,came as a shock.I’m ok if nobody asks how i am doing or they don’t mention L’s name,luckily our son is living with me so he’s a big help(he needs a medal)I’m told to get out of the house but i don’t feel like it sometimes as am scared i will run into someone who doesn’t know, it’s safer indoors.Have just started going to a local church who do meals and drinks,nobody knows me there which suits me.I pick my hubby’s ashes up on Tuesday,which i am happy about as he will be home.
We are literally in the same position. I have fibromyalgia and every weak spot in my body has been triggered. I’ve been responding to emails in a daze- sorting out the finances is a blur. It’s such early days I think we’re still in the denial stage. My mind is telling me that my husband is still here and I’m going with it. I’m so sorry you’re suffering in the same way- nothing can prepare us for this. Hugs xx
Think I was in shock for a week, I don’t remember what happened that first week. My saviour was that my daughter went on holiday the second week and I watched her wee dog. That dog sensed the minute I got upset and rushed up to me to lick my face. She slept at my feet on the couch and never left my sight. The only thing was when she went home she was really unsettled, I think she missed me or was worried about me. I feel a bit bad because she slept at my feet, they are strict with her and not allowed upstairs at all. It happened on a Saturday and I feel bad that time of death was right now. Another week in. I will be happy when funeral is over with next week, it’s been such a long time coming. Take care x
So sorry Lizzie- reading your message I can so identify with how you’re feeling. Taking it just one day at a time helps. Don’t try and look too far into the future or you will have more stress. We’re in the very early stages of grief so it’s raw. You know when people lose a limb but feel it’s still there? That’s me at the moment. I feel like my husband is still here and don’t want to contemplate the reality. We’re in this together- you’re not alone. Hugs xx
Yes I think he is still here and because he spent most nights watching tv and maybe sleeping on chair I feel closer to him sleeping on couch. The paramedics laid him onto bed and put my blanket over him and he looked so peaceful lying there, I can’t bear to go into bed thinking about him lying there. I hope it passes but for now I can’t do it. I’m sleeping much better on the couch. I hope I will be able to go to bed but how long it takes I really don’t know. I keep talking to him, am I going nuts? Take care, sending hugs
My partner died suddenly at home 6 weeks ago. Now the funeral is done i don’t know what to do next. I dont want to change our home and move or throw things away yet. I was finding comfort in videos and photos but now they seem to hurt more. I hate the admin, it makes me so anxious. Went to supermarket first time without him. I hated it and felt so alone. I can put a front on and be quite normal when I need to be but I dont see how i will be happy again.
Katy8 - I am so sorry that you find yourself here with us. This widow/widower business is dreadful. But, there are no rules, so how we handle it all is up to us.
If you aren’t ready to start sorting, leave it alone. My sorting and tossing and shredding was required to find all the paperwork I need and to release the old files.
I can’t do clothing yet, I tried. I stacked a pile of my husband’s shirts for donation, left them on the floor of his closet, walked out and haven’t returned. Paperwork was easy compared to sorting his personal things. You will do it on your own time. However, my suggestion if to not wait too long. I did for my parents and it took 4 years to finally let it all go and I fretted for those years wondering how to let it all go. Don’t put yourself through that.
The supermarket was strange for me too. So many things I didn’t buy because only my husband ate it or drank it. My basket was light. One apple, one cucumber, one avocado - even the groceries remind me that I am alone.
This site has saved me from going completely crazy. It was calming to find that my reactions were normal.
I’m just back from the supermarket, only bought a couple of things, like you, I kept looking at things he liked to eat instead of what I can eat. Came away with a bottle of gin and tonic and crisps. A couple of friends are coming up from down south for the funeral and said they would come and see me the night before. Also came away with hair dye because I can’t bear to go to my hairdresser. I don’t even think I’d like to drink. The day after he died, I got an Amazon parcel with a bottle of my favourite brandy, I couldn’t believe it but also bought a bottle of whisky for himself so he wasnt planning on going anywhere. He must have ordered it the day he died. This is going to be so difficult especially with the winter ahead of us. A extra hour tonight to put up with, just what I need, the day is long enough. Take care everyone. Xx
