Marne I did do the tell us once. His online tax account has him marked as deceased they just didn’t do anything. Maybe I should have just waited to see as there is tax to pay but I like things to be sorted.
2 Likes
Lizzy I can see you are upset. Not eating is going to make it worse. Can I suggest you don’t try and do anything tonight. Just have a good meal, a glass of wine and watch some tv. It will still be there tomorrow. It is not fair what is happening, maybe tomorrow you will feel more able. Wish I could help more. Do you have any friends that might come to visit and stay for a couple of days to hold your hand whilst you go through it all? People do like to help if they can.
1 Like
Well done Marne for the clearing out. I do think that sometimes it can be harder the longer you leave it. I have cleared so much but if you looked in my house it looks no different. I have noticed I have got less ruthless as time goes on. I am losing the momentum and think it might be time to have a break from it. Maybe start focusing on doing something I will enjoy instead.
2 Likes
@Debsie1 @Nigel-Marnee
I did the Tell us Once, HMRC wrote to me wanting to make sure I paid his tax but otherwise largely it achieved very little for me. The DWP kept paying his PIP for weeks and weeks and when I phoned them up they said they couldn’t do anything because “they had to talk to the claimant” (wtf! I’d quite like to talk to the claimant too). My solicitor said to hang on to the overpayments as it might take them a year to demand it back. Hey ho.
I battled through and got probate by myself, but that just kicked off another round of fighting organisations… boy oh boy the ID hoops they want you to jump through (one asked for 7 different things). I reckon Martin Lewis should be doing a couple of programmes on all this stuff and investigating the banks’ very dodgy approach to implementiing, or rather not implementing, the law on inheriting ISAs via APS. Ah well, rant over. Planning another session on it all at the weekend, I have a business to run keping me busy.
3 Likes
Debsie thanks for caring but I will cope, I just have to, I don’t have anyone near me. If I can get over the first few weeks I can do this. My daughter looked at all the paperwork and she said not to sign anything. I don’t want her to know I’m upset as she has work and family to deal with. I will be ok tomorrow, I did have a cuppa soup and a biscuit lol, yes I’m laughing. I will have toast later. Tomorrow another day, I will sort this mess out. Thanks again xxx
2 Likes
This was my big worry - the tax and the tax on the bank accounts.
Luckily, I have a friend who is an accountant and she explained a few things to me.
You do need to do it. Apparently they will know if they look or when they look cause the banks will report.
No panic till next year for this tax year. But you will be fined if you don’t do it.
Had major Wobblies about form filling and confidence and I have been single mum in the past and single and managed myself no problem so really get this.
Happy to share any information that she tells me.
There’s a personal limit on how much you can earn on an individual bank account without paying tax on it.
There’s also a personal limit on how much you can inherit. I have got the figures written down somewhere with people want to know. Of course some of you may already know this information. Don’t want to tell people what to do when they already know and I’m only just learning.
3 Likes
I am so sorry that you haven’t had any visitors. I must say that people at my work have started saying I look really well and thinking that I’ve got over things! You know which is ironic as I’ve got cancer and I’m miserable as sin.
It’s definitely time to try and reach out. Maybe you need to remind some of your friends? I know we were all talking about not troubling other people, but actually I can’t be to think of you there and lonely.
My sister is an international single-handed yacht sailor . She gives lectures about the difference between being alone and being lonely. And I think we all have to find ways of being on our own. But ways of not being lonely.
Impossible at the moment because I feel lonely even in a crowd. And I find it hard with peoples lack of understanding well at least there’s some understanding and at least I see people. To be honest, that’s been one of the hardest things about not going to work at the moment. The fact that I’m not seeing people.
I wish we could all just come round to yours for dinner! It will be so funny to actually meet the people on the end of this. But of course Not suggesting that at all because we must all be online safe.
I am sending you all big online hugs.
3 Likes
Sarie. That’s horrible. For me the DWP has been the most efficient - must be down to individuals I guess!
Thank you so much, it means a lot to me just knowing I can come on here and chat. I just get my hopes built up and then I get let down again. I will be fine. None really knows what we are going through, do your colleagues know about your cancer? I didn’t want anyone to know about mine at the beginning. I had a call from my consultant the day before we were going on holiday, hence the phone call. He told me to cancel , I was gutted. I didn’t want that pity look from people which I’m getting just now. Wouldn’t that be great being round a table, we might need a few boxes of tissues but after that I think we would all get on like a house on fire. It would be fun trying to put a face to that name, I wonder if we would pick the right people. Thank you again, I’m off to bed to read and toss and turn probably, going to get my hot chocolate, and fingers crossed I sleep xxxx
3 Likes
Sari, the minute I registered the death the woman pressed a button and everything got cancelled. PIP, Blue Badge, Bus Pass and Pension. I got letters instantly from them all. They were really quick stopping it, I was amazed. Takes ages to get these things but very sad that you are deleted in an instant. I hope you get it sorted out, this is such a hard time to deal with all this. They should give us at least a month to get our act together. You should write to Martin Lewis. Great idea. I didn’t even know that the Widows Pension was no longer a thing, I missed out on retiring at 60 and one year too young to get the Widows pension. The DWP sent me three letters telling me I can’t inherit any of my husbands pension, talk about rubbing it in. Best wishes xxx
3 Likes
Debsie i was the same this was one of mine and my husbands favourites and i was in 2 minds whether to watch it. i bawled all the way through it. havent watched call the midwife yet he really liked that reminded him of his childhood. im finding it hard to watch things we watched together, i used to tell him off if he watched one of our programes without me and now it feels like im doing just that.
2 Likes
Did you get your bereavement payment ? Did someone tell you to apply for that?
If you were under 67 I think?
Eligibility
Bereavement Support Payment is not means-tested. This means what you earn or how much you have in savings will not affect what you get.
When your partner died, you must have been:
- under State Pension age
- living in the UK or a country that pays bereavement benefits
- married to your partner, in a civil partnership with them, or living with them as if you were married
2 Likes
Because I teach music I had been planning for Christmas concert since November half term. That I was not going to be standing at the front for the Christmas concert was very obvious and as I’m the deputy head I knew there would be a lot of questions so I just decided to be totally upfront. We’ve had a few other colleagues who’ve been very ill with cancer. Who’ve not said anything and other people who’ve been open it’s up to every individual, but I decided to be open.
The love and support was amazing. But we are a special needs school and our staff are very special people. I know I said a number of them seem to think that I was over it, but lots of people are still there. It’s just I don’t think they understand the depths of the pain of losing your husband.
And that they think I look better probably just tells you how shitty I looked during the period when he was in hospital and after he had died.
And I have lost weight and I am a large lady so they probably do think I look okay. And some of my psoriasis is much better than it was (gosh I am making myself sound very delightful!)
So yeah, I did tell my colleagues. And I was on the end of lots of kindness. And a number of them cried, which made me surprised and then I had to to be careful about how and when I was telling people cause I was worried about them crying.
And then we lost someone very special in our school who had started working part-time and had battled with various cancers for the best part of 10 years
And one of our youngest members of staff his cancer has come back. So to be honest, I’m trying really hard to keep my cancer issues in check because I only had a lumpectomy.
I said to many people compared to the grief that I’m processing it genuinely feels just a small drop in the ocean.
4 Likes
I am happy! Yes, happy! Two friends came by today to sign some papers as witnesses for me. Ta Da! That’s done. They also took some animal mounts, a bear skin rug, some giant pots and pans (I will never cook anything that needs such large ones), a television (I don’t need 3), some clothes and some hunting stuff. Bit by bit I am getting this place cleared out.
Although I am a notary, I think it not professional to notarize things for my husband’s estate, so a lawyer friend will come and stamp everything for me. If not for the CPA coming on Friday to work on the tax issues with me, I would be filing it all on that day, but okay - next week I have an appointment near the courthouse, so I will do it then.
After that it is just a matter of sending letters with a DC and what we call “Letters Testamentary” which a judge signs approving me at the Executrix by last will and testament. This is so I can instruct banks, financial guys, mortgage and conveyance office, motor vehicle department, etc. to change it all into my name only. Whew! Almost there. When it is done, I am going on an extended road trip with The Beast to visit friends around the country. I need to get out of here for a bit.
When you get overwhelmed with paperwork, fill out what you can on each form, put a red dash by things you need to still fill out and paperclip a note listing the things that must be attached to each document. Make a copy of the whole mess in case something doesn’t get to where it is going.
Lizzy, I really do hate that this woman gets a piece of your life. It is so unfair. She wasn’t a daughter to your husband and certainly not a step-daughter to you. I don’t blame you for not liking to talk to lawyers. The only people who like lawyers are those already in big trouble and need someone to un-fk the mess.
Marnee, a round of applause for sorting out these things. It isn’t easy, but waiting too long is worse. Out of sight, out of mind. Burden lifted. Honestly, I can’t wait to get my house the way I want it. Living in these memories is debilitating at times and weighs me down. That life is over, time to start this one at full speed, I haven’t that much time left myself and I want to live a full one without baggage.
Waiting for Dog College to call with our start up date.
Another friend knows a guy who will buy all the mounts, maybe some of my British antiques and hopefully, the chandeliers. Yes!
Let it go, let it go!
Both of my parents died of cancer, it is a subject I find difficult to discuss. I am so very sorry for those of you suffering this disease. 3 of the 4 sisters on my mother’s side of the family have had cancer, 2 have passed. Most of my friends have had cancer, even some of their children. It is such a horrid disease. I live in fear that I will also be diagnosed with it. My physician runs a blood panel and can tell from any changes in certain levels of some very complicated test and medical terms I do not understand, whether it is lurking in me. So far, so good and when I get the new good word, I sing all the way home from his office.
It is what we consider cold here. 40 degrees F. Y’all probably think this would be great temps, but for us down south, it is COLD. We don’t have cold weather clothes because our winters are so mild and who wants to wear fur coats to shop for groceries? Always unprepared for a cold snap. We may have invented socks with flip flops here, not sure.
I can see from reading here that everyone is moving forward, getting things done with fewer bad days and set backs. If only your governments would make life easy.
But, the folks that work in those departments love form over function and those forms keep them employed - so there you are. Bureaucracies!
We have a social security system which is paid for by money forcibly taken from our pay every payday. However, if you have prepared for retirement with your own savings and investments, you are penalized and get less. Same for Medicare which is health insurance for those 65 and older, the monthly payment of our own money get reduced to pay for it. If the yearly pay out is $25K, the government takes $8,000. Lousy bastards. No one can live on $17K a year and one must also pay a $2K out of pocket deductible before the Medicare pays and there is a co-payment for prescriptions. Of course! The elderly take lots of prescriptions.
Now they want to raise the age to 70 before one qualifies, but retirement age is 65 so they want a 5 year gap where you have nothing but expensive private insurance and no monthly checks. Grrr. The asses that become wealthy in their “public service” are satan’s handmaids.
Tomorrow - homeowner’s insurance issues. I am just not paying $18K a year for this.
I own the house and have never made a claim!
Everyone wants their hands in my pockets and my job is to give them all a Karate chop to the throat.
It’s not easy being me. Haha!
They will not win because we are champions of our own destiny and we don’t take crap from anyone. Right?.
I always write too much. Sorry. Skip through, I will likely repeat it later. 
3 Likes
OMG Peaches, that’s made my day reading that! Thank you and much love. M xxx
1 Like
Peaches, I can tell by the tone of your post that finishing that paperwork has put you in a much better place, and clearing out some major items is making serious progress. Well done.
Lizzy, I have been googling the Scottish inheritance. I had no idea about the legal rights for spouses and children. What is the point of making a will. We gave some money for a house deposit to our youngest. It was an advance on his inheritance. How on earth do you account for that in Scotland. I’m surprised that people haven’t kicked up about it.
Hope you all have a good day. I need to drive to an appointment. I think the car will take a lot of defrosting, I haven’t used it for over a week, I hope it starts.
3 Likes
I have had a terrible time with my inheritance.
My husband had three estranged daughters. One of them didn’t talk to him for four years and then only texted him at Christmas and her birthday.
One was in contact with us for about a year screwed him for all the money she could, a car, a deposit on her house, furniture to go in our house. And believe me, I agree to it all because it was his daughter, and then she stopped.
He was in hospital so many times and they weren’t bothered.
He gave them 50% of his Estate, but nothing else.
I had to fight with the in-service death insurance company to get the money that he intended for me despite the fact that he had put that it was his wish that I had it 100% Aviva are pissing about as well they are saying that they’re going to give those girls 50% of his lump sum pension. That was always intended for me he didn’t think he had to say that because he thought the pension automatically came to me and I’ve been stuck in accommodation that is too expensive for me to rent waiting for these monies to be sorted.
He also thought he was being kind by making his brother the executor of the world. It’s been a nightmare and his brother has been quite difficult to deal with. I had hoped his brother would give it all to a solicitor to do, but the solicitor said all you can do yourself because it will be cheaper.
I know his brother always intended to be kind and helpful, but there were lots of things like probate not being put forward too late are refusing to pay towards the bills at this house whilst I was stuck here. He offered to lend me the money but not to pay for the bills out of the estate.
Worse than that, he had sub Standard care in Hospital, but I can’t complain about it because I’m not the executor of the will and his brother is not prepared to do it. Six days after my husband died my brother-in-law rang up and had a big go at me saying that it was my fault there was an inquest, it’s normal for that to be an inquest, saying that I couldn’t complain and that he was disgusted because he heard that I wanted to perceive things legally and I was waking money from his brothers death.
I believe complications with my husband‘s death occurred because the hospitals were not talking to each other and the only reason I wanted to take this any further is that I think Hospitals should have access to patient’s notes at other hospitals. There were some things that were never passed between the three hospitals. Had they been his care on that final morning would have been different.
At least my brother-in-law didn’t explain to those girls the way that my husband had written The will meant that, in fact they could come in the house and take a quarter of anything they wanted!
1 Like
Debsie, this is exactly what I thought, what is the point of doing a will. I feel I’m letting him down, I’ve accepted that they are getting a share of any money and movable assets here in Scotland. He gave up trying to get in touch with them and even told me his family had not to be mentioned at his funeral. It’s been over 30 years since he has seen them. But our property abroad is now coming into that category as well unless I lie which I can’t do. They will get a share of the any money and property as well. I’m gutted as he honestly would be so upset that this is happening. I’ve been up all night, feel terrible this morning but I have to speak to the lawyer about this. The lawyer has offered to buy the property at a very low price and I’m honestly considering as it means they will get less money, I don’t care anymore. It’s affecting my mental. Need to sort this out today. Hope your day will be a good one Debsie. Xxx
2 Likes
KtG, I feel for you as well, nothing is ever simple. I honestly thought any pension policy would go immediately to me but it’s not always the case, one of the policies he had, had to be paid into his Estate, which means his daughter and son in Australia will get a share of. I wondered to myself what happens with any moveable assets, can they come in and take anything out the house? It’s my word against there’s what jewellery he has. Thank god he wasn’t into expensive jewellery, and I will not be giving them his wedding ring. I told my lawyer I could give them a broken watch if they want it lol. It’s the money they want. Death brings out the worst in people. It’s gave me a wake up call and nothing like this will happen when I die. We are not rich by any means, I live in a small house, only have a state pension and don’t qualify for any benefits, I’m worse off now that my husband is no longer here. Any money from this property was going to help me move back home to be near my family and friends, it’s what has been keeping me going but it’s looking bleaker now. It’s so sad that these people are doing this to both of us and probably many more. My lawyer told me it is more common than we think. They have no heart and no idea the pain of grief we are going through. I hope karma gets them all in the future. Hope you are ok? Sending hugs 
2 Likes