Good advice Lizzy xx
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Debsie my husband was the same I was the one who did the online banking, at one point he forgot the pin for our savings account, he just needed to contact bank for a new one but he preferred to tell friends and family he wasn’t allowed to use the savings account.
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Thank you, Georgi. It’s still very early days for me and very, very strange. So good to hear from people who really understand.
It takes a lot to recover from keeping it all together for the 8-9 months that my husband was ill, knowing there was no cure but hoping for remission, hoping for the best, dreading the next rush to A&E. I feel I’ve aged about 100 years!
The one consolation is the thought that he is now at peace. No more suffering. It’s just not what we expected! It was a shock!
I know he’d want me to be ok. Bless him, he always put me first. His last words to me were “My poor ‘Meggie’. You should go home.” I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad he knew I was there.
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Meggie I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s all so raw and painful just now. Just do things at your own pace, there are no rules. It took me ages to coax my husband into online banking, at the beginning he kept forgetting his password and got locked out many times but when they started using fingerprint passes it was much easier for him. Ive lost all my confidence since mine died, especially driving. I lived off biscuits for the first month but I am trying hard to eat a bit better. Tonight was a macaroni pie, probably not very healthy but it was easy to shove in the air fryer. I lost quite a bit of weight as well which I can’t afford to do and my hair is getting thinner by the minute. I have days that are better than others but when you read other posts on here its quite normal. Keep posting on here there is always someone who will answer you, we are a friendly group and all understand the pain you are going through Take care and sending lots of hugs to you 
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Meggie I feel the same although my husband’s journey was much shorter,I feel its a privilege to be with a loved one when the pass but it is hard and the image never leaves you, but its also comforting that they know you were there till the end xxx
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Its good to here from others who are going through the same it will never go away the pain but as i said before you have to think of your other halfs who were not in a good place and were suffering and we have to just carry on until its our time to join them thats what keeps me going just take one day at a time some bad days take care
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Marnee, you are good at solving problems, I have a little one going on just now, this happened a few weeks ago as well but resolved itself. We are still minus 5 degrees, I think my toilet is freezing, water not going away, I’ve poured warm water down it, put bleach and fairy liquid down as I’ve read online. Heating up high and I’ve put a heater near the toilet, I think the water starting to go down but not so sure as I have so many soapy suds going on. I did read that your toilet pipes could freeze, I’m dreading this, scared to flush again as the water keeps rising, I’m in an oldish house, oh why do these things keep happening to me. I know the tap to switch the water off is at the bottom of the toilet cabinet, I’d have to cut the silicon off it to get into it. I have a knife at the ready, I need the temperature to come up outside, I’ve had enough of this cold weather. Can you suggest anything else? Xxx
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Lizzy, that’s kind of you to say that. I’ve never had toilet waste pipes freezing, but then I’m not as far north as you are, and it gets pretty cold up there. In an old house, plumbing can be quite different to a modern house, but normally the waste pipe is about 6 inches in diameter. Hard for that to freeze, especially as the waste normally flows away before it would have time to build up and freeze, even with an outside pipe. If your pipes are much smaller then I guess they could freeze, especially if they run fairly horizontally. But I’d more likely suspect a blockage somewhere in the soil pipe system. Bleach doesn’t really clear blockages – it’s really just a cleaning fluid - but the washing up liquid might help things to move more easily (sorry – pun not intended!) If it is blocked, what works best is a drain un-blocker liquid, but you need to be careful not to mix that with other products as you can get a nasty gas by doing so, and that can cause you breathing difficulties. I’ve often found a blockage clears itself over time and you’ve had it happen before. If it actually is frozen it sounds like you are doing what is needed to thaw it out. If that doesn’t work, I think you may need a plumber to sort this out for you – it’s pretty tricky trying to diagnose these problems without actually seeing the piping and what’s happening.
I don’t think you necessarily need to turn the water off, as water would remain in the cistern until you used the flush. In most cases the volume of water in the cistern is pretty much the same as in the toilet bowl itself, unless it’s a large cistern, so as long as the water level has fallen to the normal level in the bowl, it SHOULD hold the cistern of water. I say should – but not guaranteed!
I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful than that. I hope you can get this sorted soon though.
Take care M xxx
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I think a plunger is the best but where you would get hold of one quickly I don’t know. When we had problems it turned out to actually be outside our house and the water company sorted it. Not sure how you would tell. If your neighbours were nicer I would suggest you ask them if they have any problems. I have used a wire coat hanger before but that would only work if the blockage is reachable. Another tip I heard is put cling film over the bowl to form an air tight seal then flush. Or get a bucket of water and tip in quickly from a height. I hope one of them works.
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Agree with both ideas.
Harpic drain unblocker over night
If it is freezing-
You can buy pipe insulation it’s circular with a hole in the middle.
My parents had an inside outside toilet. Left a paraffin lamp to keep it warm.
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Peaches, and all you others too, you all have such guts taking on all these things, and yes, people don’t see the half of it do they? Tonight, I went to our local Social Club as we as a family, and some friends too, have been doing every Friday for several years. Around 16 of us tonight. It was good, as always, but now tinged with sadness with the loss of Mary last November. We all had happy smiling faces, played pool and had a drink and a laugh. But it’s not the same, and I find I’m putting on a brave face for the others. So, although I felt good today, there is a wafer-thin margin to dissolving into bits. I know you’re probably all nodding in agreement.
Yes, bins are definitely not an easy job – especially when we forget to put them out, like I did on Wednesday this week, and with my daughter’s scaffolding taking up half my driveway, it’s hard to get them past my car! Ah well – they can come for them again in two weeks, they’ll just be very full and heavy!
Peaches, thank you for your kind words. I’m happy to help if and where I can of course. But can anyone teach me to knit, to finish off my grandson’s jumper? I’m a lost cause there I think!
Much love to you all. M xxx
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Thanks everyone, I’ve spent the whole night in the toilet, not on it lol. My son in law is coming over tomorrow to have a look at it. Unfortunately the pipe is behind a big bunker but I can’t move it. He said to tap it and see if it sounds solid, it could be frozen. I have emptied the toilet as best I can and kept putting hot water into it. Have a heater facing the toilet and will keep heating on all night. I have tried to get into where my stopcock is in case I have to turn the water off but it’s impossible. The stupid people that put my bathroom in put it at the bottom of the built in cabinet which houses the toilet. I know my husband cut a square out of it at the bottom to make it easier to get into it. He siliconed it up but I have damaged the front of it and cut the silicon off it and still can’t get into it. Nothing is ever simple, I don’t think it’s blocked, it’s going away very slowly. Debsie I know my husband has a plunger in his man cave but god knows where he would keep that. I’m going to buy some kind of cladding for that pipe on Amazon tonight. Our weather has been so cold for weeks now, we had a bit of sun today but it was still so cold. Tomorrow, I’m going into the man cave and making a toolbox that I can keep in the house, he honestly has every gadget and tool in the world. Now I’m trying to figure out how to work the thermostat that seems to have gone haywire. What would I do without google? I need a stupid screwdriver to get into it that thermostat. Think I will have a drink!!! I will up all night now checking that toilet. See ya all in the morning if I survive the night 
xx
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Marnie well done for going out and mixing with friends, I know what you mean, although they probably are all thinking you are doing ok but inside there is that little thing in your head that can’t let you fully let go. We want to be like before but it’s not happening yet, maybe in the future we will manage it. I went out to a Christmas party night with my real friends in December, yes it was lovely and I enjoyed it but my mind kept telling me I shudnt be doing this, kept thinking of my husband and was glad when it was time to go home. Maybe next Christmas will be better, we will get through this xxx
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Have you tried salt disolved in warm water. If you don’t have a plunger, do you have a mop? Try that. X
I was reading the posts about Lizzy’s toilet and was about to suggest a bucket of water thats how my husband solved a blockage in the toilet, worked every time xxx
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Lizzy sorry to say this xmas gone was my 2nd xmas and I actually dreaded it worse than last year, not saying you will, everybody is different, my problem is I just don’t want to let him go xx
Hi, I’m back, I will try that as well, never thought about salt but that might work. I have been putting hot water into bowl all night, scared to flush more cold water into it as it’s not going away, last time I checked the hot water went down a bit quicker, maybe having the heater on it as well has helped, honestly it’s so hot in that toilet I had to take my jumper off. I actually feel sick now with a headache. Having a cuppa and a ginger biscuit to see if it helps. If I’m sick it will be in a bucket and not the toilet lol. I’m honestly going to read up on plumbing, decorating, car maintenance etc etc etc. oh and I just fixed my thermostat, the battery was flat, I had to google how to change a battery, bingo! working again.
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Lizzy well done you xx
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Oh Georgi, this must be so hard for you as well. I think everyone thinks after a few months everything is back to normal but it isn’t, must be worse for you being that bit further on than us. People just don’t get it, there is no timescale when this gets better. My friend asked me to a service in the church in December for anyone who has lost someone, she said everyone ends up crying but it’s very comforting, I had to say no, I would howl. I said maybe next year if I manage to move back home, but I don’t think I could. I also got an invitation to the crematorium for a memorial ceremony for anyone who has lost a loved one. I just couldn’t do that either. I could cry thinking about it. Today I felt I had achieved a lot but then tonight with all this going on I’m in pieces again, why me?
I hate asking for help, if I was close to my family it would be better but I hate them coming down to where I live especially when they work full time and only get a few days off. I know I’m not going to get to sleep tonight worrying in case I get a burst pipe,
Time to try the hot salt water again. Here goes. Night night xxx
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Lizzy, maybe just pour salt without the hot water?
I think if the pipes were going to burst, they would have by now, but to add more water? Won’t it freeze and swell the pipes even more?
Such a nightmare and these things always happen at night or on the weekend when there is no one working.
It only took minutes with the cell provider tonight to get the phone to work again. I got no calls and was wondering what was going on until my friend called on my landline to tell me. Grr.
One of my witnesses doesn’t want to sign the affidavit now. As I have written, I need 2 witnesses whom have known my husband for 54 years and most of them are dead. She was a live one but got her panties in a scrunch afraid to sign because she didn’t know one of my husband’s ex wives that well. SHE WAS AT THE WEDDING! She knows they were married FFS. She was at the second wedding. She knows me and knows there was a second divorce, but got all squishy about attesting to those facts. Jaysoos, it isn’t like she will be interrogated or dragged into court to face a vicious cross examination.
People can be stupid and you can’t fix stupid. So, I have to prepare another document. PITA.
But, on a good note, I won’t have to drive an hour to her house and take her to lunch, I don’t care for her to begin with. Her parents were my husband’s parents friends and the 2 of them have known each other from birth and the families remained close. The only time I’ve been forced to be around her for any length of time was the first time we met for a party at the Fairgrounds racetrack and before she said hello to me, she asked my husband for a couple of $100 bills so she could bet the horses.
Is it swipe right? Lizzy, when that toilet is working, I have someone I would like to flush.
She came to the funeral and ate at my table.
The Beast ate my new throw rug which I bought to trap the water he drags in from the puddles of rainwater. Come on, Buddy, work with me here!
The CPA didn’t show up, but if he onl;y tried to call my cell phone, it was out of order.
I dunno, he has the land line - he’s called on it before. Work with me PEOPLE!
Lizzy I would avoid any group grieving sessions. First, I avoid groups and second, who the hell wants to be in a room of sobbing people? Who would even suggest such a thing? Go to the ash ground and mourn in a group? Absolutely not.
Ridiculous. We already know how to grieve. We are doing it everyday.
Oh, and ask for help. We all think we can manage and even do what our spouses did, but sometimes we can’t and fixing a frozen toilet is probably just such a thing.
Friends from Florida will be coming in April for a few days. I haven’t seen them in years and have known them since before they were married. They just celebrated their 45th anniversary. They will stay with me as my girl and I need some girl time.
My friend’s mom is hanging in there. Even the hospice nurses are surprised. They predicted her death to have occurred 10 days ago, but she is still here. Hasn’t eaten or had anything to drink in 13 days. Strong woman. But, we knew that. She raised 5 daughters and buried 3 husbands. I have known and loved her since I was 5 years old. Sweet as pie, very loving, always smiling and in a good mood. Sometimes due to gin, but still a happy lady.
Spoke with a friend for a bit. Poor baby has been housebound for about 4 years with back and brain issues. I think she is starting to show symptoms of dementia. Her last brain scan showed encephalitis and that her brain is shrinking. Can’t take care of herself, husband does it all and he is getting grumpier by the minute. Heck, he’s old, beat up, tired and broken too, but he can still walk, climb stairs and take care of himself, her, the house and the pets. She can only sit and watch TV, often stumbles and falls when she tries to walk and is in constant pain. The last time she was out of her house was 2 years ago when I took her and my 97 year old aunt to lunch. An aide comes once a week to bathe her. I assured her that if her husband goes before she does, she can live with me.
When my husband died, it seems everyone got a reality check that this could happen to them. Yes, make some plans for the ‘what ifs’. I doubt she will outlive him as her physical and mental conditions are deteriorating. She lives a 90 minute drive away and I can’t get motivated to visit - no matter how pitiful she sounds. I feel selfish, but I am still licking my own damn wounds and have nothing to give to anyone.
Not a horrible day, just a lot of bullshit. As we say “other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?” (referencing the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln at the Ford Theater where he and his wife were attending a play).
It is after 1 am, I am going to drink my milk, take a 1/2 of a sleep aid and slip into a state of “I don’t give a shit”.
The sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun. Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow. It’s only a day away!
Love y’all.
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