Lizzy, I hadn’t even thought about salt! As Peaches says maybe just add a good amount on its own? I must admit I’ve never managed to get a plunger to work very well but that’ll only work if it’s blocked rather than frozen as you suspect it is. Your husband is a man after my own heart - I’ve every tool, device, nut, screw, plumbing and electrical bit known to man x 2 - as I have them all here in UK and in France. The kids all know where to come and who to call when they need help! Mary always called me Inspector Gadget! But it’s true, I am just that. Just recently my daughter next door needed a radiator pipe blanking plug - sorted - a multi saw to cut new light switch holes - sorted - tyre pump - sorted. It’s a standing joke that if you need something or need something doing, just ask “Grandad”! I’ve never failed them yet! Hope your toilet gets fixed soon! Good luck M xxx
Sadie, I’m sure we’d all have great fun!
Marnee you would have got on well with my husband, not only did he have every tool known to man, he had to have spares of everything, like his four chainsaws, I’m sure he has spare chains as well somewhere. always a spare glass for the fire which I was so glad of when in the first week of learning to work the multi burner, I broke it and I havnt bothered to get a spare, I’m just ultra careful now, I may order a new one. I’ve been up most of the night, in fact all of the night, I’m knackered now. Used all my good salt and warm water and I’m scared to say the toilet flushed this morning and emptied. I think it had frozen, between the salt and the warm water and a heater on it all night, it has worked (touch wood). The temperature has gone up, it’s only minus 3 degrees just now, is it starting to heat up I wonder? It still looks like the frozen north outside, it’s eerily white with some fog swirling about, how can that be. I’m off for a wee sleep now, a few hours would be nice. Thanks again Marnee for all the advice. Xx
Lizzy, yes I’m sure I would have done, I’ve always done my own jobs on the house. The only thing I’ve not done is build an extension - yet - but that is in the plans for France! I’ve built walls, installed a full central heating system, rewired two houses, installed new bathrooms, kitchens and bedrooms. My one problem is that I don’t throw anything away, which means much cluttered sheds. But then if I’d thrown things away, I’d not be able to produce them for my family! I, and I suspect your husband, knew just where to find almost anything. Tidy up? No, we’d never know where anything was!
My trip to France next month includes one major job. Finding where the shower is leaking badly from. Hopefully just the shower trap. Fixing that, then laying a new tiled floor, installing a new toilet macerator and refitting the toilet itself, might take longer than the two weeks I have available though. I’m so glad your toilet now seems to be working ok. I’m sure you’re relieved about that. Hopefully the weather is getting warmer next week, so fingers crossed it doesn’t recur again. And of course your husband will be really proud of what you’ve achieved too!
Take care, and again, well done you! M xxx
Peaches you have been very busy, here there and everywhere. I would be too scared to flush your witness down my toilet now that I think it’s working again. Just leaving her outside without a coat would be better, she would just freeze in minutes. Need to buy more salt today in case it happens again. My lawyer changed the wording on my Affidavit, I couldn’t do it with the way it was worded. I’m still nervous about it. I have to find a Notory Public now and take it with my photos to start the process of this Power Of Attorney. This Legal world scares me. Wish this bit was all over. I should have called around on Friday, I will now have to do it on Monday. Having friends stay will be great, my friend from London is supposed to be coming up soon to stay with me but she is a nervous flyer and hates the cold so it’s going to ages before she braves coming up. I can’t imagine being able to talk to a real person for hours and hours. And yes you are right again I could not go to these group gatherings to cry, I prefer to do it in private. Why put yourself through that pain again. No thank you. I did pass where his ashes were scattered yesterday and I didn’t cry, thank goodness as the bus filled up with school children and the noise was horrific. I had to fight my way through them to get off the bus. Anyway I’m off to sleep now after toilet watching all night, I know how to party lol. Xxx
Thank you Marnee, you shouldn’t have told us all the things you can do, we will be asking you to help us out all the time lol. My back door not opening and closing correctly, not sure if it’s the frost or maybe I will try some WD40 on it today if I can find the stuff. Yes he could put his hand on anything in the man cave garage. He built a state of art log shed, which looks from the front a tiny shed but it goes the whole width of the garage, it’s all sectioned off to let him know which logs have dried out. Honestly how can I tell which is which unless they are lighter, I’m just grabbing the nearest I can reach into. Although I’ve had to jump over the sides to get to the ones further up, just hope I don’t I get an avalanche of logs on top of me. It makes me sad to actually leave all the memories I have in this house if I can move back home to be near family and friends. I’m not going to get back to sleep, I’m going for a shower and get ready, might have time to venture into the man cave and look for spare chains, 2 stroke, petrol and chain saw oil which I know he will have, in case these men come to look at the chainsaws. I might be able to bump the price up if I have spare parts that go with them. That would clear a tiny fraction of it thousands still to go. Hope you have a nice day xxx
Lizzy you have reminded me of a story when we cleared my father-in-laws house. He had a lot of very old furniture that is out of fashion and unwanted. We sold a chest of drawers on eBay and when the man came to collect it it wouldn’t go in his car. So he borrowed a van - we persuaded him to take so much stuff the van was full. As he drove away he stopped. My husband asked what was wrong and he said ‘how will I tell the wife?’ My husband was a good salesman. You need to see what other stuff you may be able to off load when they come.
Debsie, lol, I will try my best to sell anything to get that man cave cleared,I think it could take me a year or more. First of all I need to sweep up all the sawdust that is everywhere. Why he couldn’t do it every time he used the machines I do not know. If I even use a dish, I have to wash it straight away. There is hardly any space to walk round,
there is literally no free space anywhere, And this is it tidier than last year. Because he cudnt really lift much last year he did spend a lot of time sorting out all the billion screws that he had and he still kept buying them,I had to quickly drag him away from the middle aisle in Lidls, he was obsessed with nails and screws. I will get a bag and take a few from each compartment before I try and sell them. He wouldn’t throw anything out. When a neighbour was getting their house re-tiled he was over asking for a few as spares. I hope I get someone coming with a van, I will do what your lovely husband did. If I move to a flat I won’t need any stuff in there, it’s hard as I don’t know what I will be able to afford. I think that’s why his friend hasn’t spoken to me again as he offered to help clear out the garage, I told him I couldn’t let him do that and told him my son in law is going to come and help price things and sell them. He was a hoarder as well and I’m sure he would have taken everything . There is a lot of expensive tools in there and I’m not just giving stuff away. My family could take any of it, but that’s the only people who would get it. Plus, when he said that to me my head wasn’t in a good place, I couldn’t even venture into the garage let alone start to clear it out. Sad really as they were very close friends. But no friends of mine now. That’s 14 weeks to the minute that he has been gone, I’ve typed through the time of death. Phew! No crying today, that’s a first. Xxx
Lizzy its 14 weeks today for me too. I didn’t even know the time of death until weeks later when I got his hospital notes. It was such a blur. I have actually been crying a lot these past few days. I have no idea why I have taken such a step backwards. Its all getting too much for me. I am forcing myself to do things but really do not want to. I hoping I get some positivity back and some motivation. Maybe time to do some things on my ‘2025 to do list’. Take back some control. I need to take some parcels to the post office tomorrow and already getting stressed about parking there. Also need to take some stuff to the charity shop. Once I have cleared those things I am taking a break from it all.
Thank you Georgi. You’re absolutely right, especially about the image! It was all so very strange, unreal. I knew what was happening, saw all the signs but just couldn’t believe it. It’s still hard to believe 2 months later. Can’t help feeling he’s still around somewhere. The mind is an amazing thing!
Ladies, don’t be hard on yourselves. I’m a week 41 and I’m definitely on a downer at the moment. Tears flow multiple times a day and I’m feeling very guilty again.
But you have to know, there will be days that are better and there will be things that seem better.
Don’t feel you have to rush into anything. You will know when it is right to do the things. I was told this by someone else and I didn’t understand it, but I do now.
I HAVE to move house which means I have no choice now with the last few things, but over the past 41 weeks I have taken my time.
My brother-in-law very kindly came and helped me sort out the garage and put all the tools into 3 different boxes for me and my children.
In the summer when I caught Covid, (first time ever!!) I did a lot of stuff with his clothes and took them to the British heart foundation.
But there are things here I’m never going to get rid of. And I’ve yet to give up his phone. And I have his cardigan hanging on the wardrobe and every so often I spray it with his aftershave. And sometimes I just stand with my eyes shut and hold it smell the cardigan and it means so much.
Leaving this house over the next few weeks is going to be such a hole in my memories. But we had moved a few times because we were ending and I know I’ve got a get on with it and deal with it. And my new house will be his legacy to me because I could never afford a house, we would never have been able to buy a house and he’s still looking after me from wherever he is.
“Dust of Snow”
By Robert Frost
The way a crow
Shook down on me
The dust of snow
From a hemlock tree
Has given my heart
A change of mood
And saved some part
Of a day I had rued.
Debsie, Saturdays are always hard for me, I had to do CPR on him till the paramedics arrived. I was there when they announced the time of death. They worked on him a long time, too long in fact, he would have had brain damage for sure and he would have hated that. We used to talk about that. He was already dead when I went through to check on him, it must have been instant. It’s still hard, I have been more teary as well, just out the blue it happens. I should have went out a walk. It’s started snowing here so it must be getting warmer, my toilet still working. Once I get all this legal stuff out the way I will be happier. Every time I see an email from the lawyer I shake. I’m also like you, I need to know where I’m parking, we had a blue badge and it was a godsend for me parking the car but that got cancelled the day I registered the death. I really miss it as I have a big car. I have a hospital appointment next week and the parking is horrendous there even when we had the blue badge. I’m thinking on getting two buses to get there, less stress and it drops you right at the door. The hospital is built on a hill, the parking spaces are far too tight and usually on a slope. Yes I’m going on the bus, will have to be up really early on Thursday as we only have one bus every hour. It’s the timing of them and it’s an early appointment. Oh to have confidence driving, my daughter said I should take some lessons but I’m not doing that. I will get there in my own time or I will pack the driving in. My choice. I wish I could have a sleep but it’s not happening today. Take care xxx
Thank you Lizzie. Big hugs to you too 
who cares what you eat at the moment as long as you have something! I know how strange your stomach feels to eat.
Like you, my hair seems to have gone even more fine and thin. I braved the hairdresser for the first time last week and had it cut - much better.
I’m the opposite to you with the driving though. I lost all my confidence just before the pandemic but was then suddenly forced to start driving when my husband became ill. Emergency trips to A&E did the trick! I’m nowhere even near a bus route so that’s one good thing that’s come out of 2024.
Take care Lizzie. It’s good to talk to someone who really knows what it’s like. And it’s not like anything I’ve ever known before!
Maggie, I had to get 8 passport pictures, got them done in Timpsons, honestly when I saw them I cringed, my hair was a mess, I’m sure if it had been a woman she would have sorted it for me. I was brave enough to go to the hairdresser about four weeks ago, told her not to use a dark colour on it, I’m too pale and I usually get highlights in it, my mind wasn’t in it and didn’t notice she didn’t do the highlights. I hate the colour, I don’t know what she was thinking, it doesn’t suit me. Don’t know whether to start going somewhere else, she is only a five minute walk from my house but I need to get it sorted quickly. It certainly doesn’t help when you are feeling down and looking awful at the same time. Need to change this very soon. Take care xxx🤗
When I went to my hairdresser, I realised my hair was in a complete state.
It hadn’t been growing properly A mixture of grief and at that point undiagnosed cancer.
Bits of it have broken off and a Tuffy And it had grown oddly in different places. And it felt a different texture which I can’t quite explain.
I made a decision not to have my hair dyed anymore. My husband would’ve hated that, but I decided to go grey because I’m fed up of sitting for three hours waiting for my hair to bedyed.
I also had a lot cut off it just to make sure that it was healthy.
Yes, bodies way of letting you know that you’re in mental health distress.
Weekends are all pants. No other decent word for it.
Ktg - I am very tempted to let my hair go grey and cut it shorter. My husband loved my hair and would be very against that. He isn’t here any more to please, and I certainly do not want to please anyone else. But I think I will carry on for now and see how I feel in a few months time.
My hair has never been the same since I lost it all with chemo and that was five years ago now. But this is a bit different, I can see my scalp, it’s so thin. Ive started using a hair regrowth shampoo but don’t think any of them are working. Think its the stress it’s not the same as the chemo loss. My hair came in pure white when it came back, I was like a ghost , I didn’t suit it, it wasn’t grey. Grey is very “in” at the minute but I can’t let mine go pure white again. Very strange. Think I will change my hairdresser. Worst case senario I have two wigs if it gets worse. Best things ever, I loved them. Xxxx
Ladies, wigs are your best friends. I wore them for years. So easy to be ready to go, just slip them on, a bit of lipstick and sunglasses and voila’ I could be out of the house in 2 minutes.
Haven’t had chemo, but started losing hair. I began to scrub my scalp with baking soda about once a month, it seems to unclog the hair follicles and bring blood to them. Now I have a lot of hair. It also scrubs all the product from the scalp which doesn’t come off with shampoo. Plus I only shampoo once a week. Maybe try it.
Lawyer came this am and notarized all the papers. Yay! I sent him home with a gorgeous wool cape purchased decades ago by my MIL in Ireland as it will fit his tall wife and is of colors she loves. MIL was 5’10", she is 5’10" and I am 5’3" - it was not ever going to look right.
Alarm system tech came and it is working! Yay!
Brother and SIL came and gathered up a few boxes for my niece’s new house. Yay!
Cooked a nice beef roast per my friend’s instructions. Hers are delicious. Mine was not. I think she left out an ingredient. But, The Beast and Stray Cat think it is just divine.
Didn’t wake until 10:00am. What? 8.5 hours of sleep.
Lizzy, keep flushing that toilet so the standing water doesn’t freeze up again. So happy that is sorted. When you do flush, just say “there you go Ruby J, done with you”. It’s the thought that counts. Haha!
Marnee, what would we do without you? It is so nice to have a handy man in the chat to give us some valued advice. My father was the guy with everything that anyone needed to fix whatever and if he didn’t have it, he made it. He could do plumbing, electrical, auto mechanical, built our family home himself, welding, roofing, you name it, he could do it. He was the go to man and the greatest.
My husband was not handy on anything but boating and fishing things. If I couldn’t fix it, we called in a pro. But, not everyone can do everything and we all have our skillset. He could navigate the Earth on any ocean with just the stars, a sextant and a map, no need for technology. Truly an old school seaman. Brilliant in every way just not a Mr. Fix It. It was okay, I am not a good cook, but a great attorney and interior designer. We managed.
My mom and her sister had poodle curls after their hair grew back from chemo. Eventually it returned to normal. The poodle look was cute and we nicknamed them “Fuzzy”.
So much activity this day and it has exhausted me mentally.
My friend’s mom is still hanging in there. 17 days of hospice, unresponsive and now passing black blood. When they turned her in bed, her skin sluffed off. My friend is beyond upset. Horrible. We are all praying for a peaceful death and soon.
I think it is nap time.
Much love.
Peaches, what a day you have had. I do love my wigs, and you are right, wig on, make up on and I felt normal again when going thru chemo, my hair came in curly as well but cudnt cope with the ghostly white. You made me laugh, I will say that when flushing my toilet, so far so good but the temp has gone up it’s 0 degrees tonight so that’s good, it’s started snowing lightly just now. Another day doing nothing, I’m so bored. Chainsaw guys didn’t come today, hopefully tomorrow. I’m sitting watching Rod Stewart on tv, he has just turned 80, still looks good. Music taking me back especially to the 1970s. You are taller than me, I used to be 5’1” but I’m only 5’ 0” now, hope I don’t keep shrinking. I will try your hair hack, I’m starting to worry about it. I rub this serum into it my scalp, but I will try anything and that’s a lot cheaper than the serum. I’m knackered tonight as I was up all last night worrying about the toilet. Hot choc time and bed now. Sending hugs xx🤗