Peaches, as I’ve said before I just love your posts! Thank you for your lovely comments! I’ll do my best to help anyone, just as Mary never EVER said no to anyone who asked for help!
Had a great morning today, but then everything just crashed! Thank goodness my two daughters came round to start to tidy Mary’s dressing room! Huge hugs between the three of us! They tidied, dusted and vacuumed everything. I am so blessed with my family! Then a night up the pub, followed by a home cooked Green Thai curry with rice!
Much love to all of you on here - thank you all! M xxx
Debsie, we all take backward steps for no apparent reason. I did the same today too. I guess it’s part of the process we’re all going through? Thankfully my two daughters were on hand to give me a huge hug!
Lizzy, if your hairdresser hasn’t done what you asked for, ga back and see her. You all pay a fortune for your hair does. You should get what you’ve asked for! M xxx
Could have done with the pub tonight myself.
My daughter has gone back to college and my son was at work and goes back to uni tomorrow.
I feel very lonely and very tired. I haven’t got the energy to do anything and before the operation I just made my life busy and no one left me alone.
I really need to pull myself together cause nobody else is going to!!
I dreamed about my husband last night - I can’t remember what but I woke from that dream and tried to go back and couldn’t. That’s twice now I dreamed of him. Only 2 times in 41 weeks. Maybe my brain is giving me time off cause I’m thinking of him all day? But I wish I could dream of him more.
Marnee it took me a while to go into the town and I was finding it hard just holding it together, everyone knows everyone, it’s a small town, I will give her the benefit of the doubt and maybe it was me. I’m sure I said “the works” to her but all I wanted to do was go home. Then you get the new girl asking me if I’m going anywhere nice tonight.!!!
It must be a Saturday night, I’m so down tonight as well, worried sick about these legal documents especially the affidavit, I’ve never done anything like that before.
Glad you went to the pub, we used to go every weekend but I’ve not seen anyone all week. Had texts and phone calls but you can’t hug a phone really, it’s so nice that you have family very close to you. Worried about a hospital appointment next week, my husband always came with me. I’m sure everything alright, I don’t think I’d cope if it wasn’t. Need to turn Rod Stewart off, he is singing all lovely love songs, I will be bubbling in a minute. Thanks again for being part of our lovely little group, take care xxx
KtG , I’m just so lucky to have a fantastic family and friends really close to where I live. Daughter lives next door, and all other close family less than 2 miles away. It’s really difficult to “pull ourselves together” as that’s not what our bodies are telling us to do.
I’m sure there are forces that give us some peace from forever thinking about our loved ones. Although I talk to Mary every day, I’ve not felt any immediate response, but for me it’s still early days. Two months next weekend! Despite having been at the hospital every day for a week, she chose the one time I was running an errand for her to slip away on her sleep, with our 4 children by her bed, all holding her hands. I believe she did that to spare me the trauma of seeing her die in front of me. Selfless to the end as always in life.
KtG. I would love to dream about mine, not once has he been in my dreams when all I do is think about him. It’s all very weird. I have just had a conversation with him, I put my wedding ring inside his ring every night and kiss it. A bit weird I know but it helps me. Gets things off my chest. I do not know where we get the strength to carry on but we do. I really admire you, I don’t know how I would cope if they decided to give me more treatment. He was with me all the way. Kept checking up on me every hour when I went to bed. Do you have friends nearby? I know it’s not the same but we are all with you on this journey, keep chatting to us and letting us know how you are. Sending hugs xx
Lizzy, I had to change some items in Marks & Spencer the other day and the poor girl asked if I’d had a good Christmas. I never thought, but said it was different as I lost my wife in November. I could have died, as the girl was visibly upset at what she’d asked. I told her it was ok, but I’m sure she went home feeling upset.
I really hope your hospital appointment goes well and there’s nothing to worry about. Mary had so many I lost count, but she’d always come home in a positive mood afterwards. Hope they go well for you. Much love M xxx
I have my mum and dad down the road. But they’re both 84 and I want to be with them. But also
I want to live the life of a 54-year-old.
My life
I have lots of friends and I’ve been incredibly grateful for all their time and support. I guess everybody’s just tired after Christmas and disappearing to their own space and I wouldn’t have noticed before.
I need to give myself a good talking to and just pull myself up and out of this bloody awful place I’m in.
If the mountain seem too big today
Then climb a hill instead;
If morning brings you sadness
It’s okay to stay in bed.
If the day ahead feels heavy and your plans feel like a curse;
There’s no shame in rearranging,
Don’t make yourself feel worse.
If a shower stings like needles
And a bath feel like you’ll drown;
If you haven’t washed you hair for days;
Don’t throw away your crown.
A day is not a lifetime,
A rest is not defeat;
Don’t think of it as failure,
Just a quiet, kind retreat.
It’s okay to take a moment
From an anxious, fractured mind.
The world will not stop turning
While you get realigned.
The mountain will still be there
When you want to try again.
You can climb it in your own time,
Just love yourself till then.
I, too, was awake during the early hours. Really annoyed as I woke and was happy that my husband was in my dream. A very rare occurrence. Only the 3rd time in 3 months. Unfortunately, I went back to sleep and now can’t remember the dream. I don’t think much happened but even so he was there for a brief moment.
I am driving myself crazy!! I have become paranoid about the noises my house makes. It is making me worry and catastrophize everything. I hope everyone has a good day today. I need to give myself a good talking too
Lizzy & Peaches, I can’t imagine wearing a wig, I can’t even wear hats they make me itch and are uncomfortable, never have liked them, so wearing a wig not for me !
Ladies I stopped highlighting my hair maybe 4 yrs ago thinking Id get bonny white hair but no, as my husband described it, saying it was a dirty grey, but I loved not having to spend a couple of hrs in the hairdresser anymore and not worry bout roots showing, so much to my husbands annoyance I never went back!
But wearing a wig I couldn’t do, my hair is thinning so goodness knows what my solution to that would be if I can’t wear a wig lol !
I would go back to the hairdresser’s in a heartbeat if I could have my husband back xxx
Lizzy thats the thing about listening to music the words in most songs just make me cry now, and I used to love listening to music, always had my airpods in when out walking listening to Fleetwood Mac but not anymore. I did put on Rod last night then turned it off after a few mins! I love Rod been a fan since I was at school xx
I’m like that at night when I can’t sleep every little noise and I’m jumping out of bed to check, heaven knows what I expect myself to do if I were to walk into someone in my house!!!
I was the same when my husband was working night shift !
Awwwh bless you 🩷 I have a similar problem with noises in the night when I’m trying to sleep but it always turns out to be my stomach! Im not joking. It’s really bizarre!
I hear noises in the night i sometimes think is it my wife trying to contact me if that is the case i welcome that it is hard when you.are on your own you feel vulnerable when she was here i had to look after her good and bad
