4:45 am! Don’t tell me off! I didn’t eat yesterday as I had an upset stomach and was feeling sick, and couldn’t face cooking the salmon I’d defrosted or even a takeaway. Went to bed at 6:00 pm and slept fitfully until about 4:00 am. So many things going round in my head about past events and why certain things happened (not just recently but years ago). Questions I wish I’d asked, things we should have spoken about. Things I now know about her supposedly happy childhood, much spent in Ireland (when it is now apparent this wasn’t always the case). Mary was always known as someone who could keep a secret - I always knew she’d been told a secret by my ex wife and had told her she’d never tell me. (Mary told me that much and I never pressed her to tell me) She never did! There are things I want to ask but I’ll never now know the answers! They’re not things that would have affected our relationship/love for each other but they’re things she’d never talk about. She never explained why we always had to turn off Baker Street by Gerry Rafferty. It just had to be turned off immediately. I guess it reminded her of her ex husband (not my girls father) whose name she never uttered, an episode in her life she’d rather had never happened. He was controlling and probably abusive which makes her subsequent trust in me all the more special.
Sorry I’ve rambled on, but felt I needed to unburden myself!
Will have to try to eat this morning though I guess! I was invited out for a meal tonight but have cancelled as I can’t face a carvery meal at the moment. So it’ll either be the salmon or the left overs from Saturday. M xxx