@Lizzy28
I went to Stirling uni as a youngster, fab place. Used to love a haggis supper… Haggis in batter with chips. Seriously unhealthy with hindsight, but then life as a student was.
My hubby liked haggis too so we ate it sometimes. Just had to be careful not going out the next day… due to the smell !
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@PeachesDixon
Yeah I had that weird expectation of the new year too. New year, new me, I’d put the December hibernation behind me. Didn’t happen, not one bit. Unrealistic to expect one arbitrary day to change everything I guess.
Things conspired against me, weather really rubbish weather, car failed it’s roadworthiness test so I was grounded for a week. And my Mum is really ill again, and doesn’t really want to carry on. Not impressed with 2025 or me in it so far. But tomorrow’s another day.
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Nigel I’m so sorry your having a terrible day today, your not feeling well that doesn’t help matters, your right going to visit Mary when your ill is not the right thing to do and believe me I’m sure Mary would understand that , just take a hot drink, paracetamols and go back to bed or lay on the sofa with a blanket.
You don’t have to be at the graveside to talk to Mary she’s with you always , and at the moment you need to rest, hope its not the flu bug I had because I had no choice but to stay in bed a couple of days and it lingered for some time, Im still coughing yet!
So please rest and take care of yourself xxx
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I vote we cancel today. I feel all 6’s & 7’s. On edge for no reason I know. I was awake from 5am (again) and still didn’t get out of bed till10am. The only thing that made me get up was seeing that it was going to rain later and that if I wanted a walk in the fresh air I had to be quick. The walk does me good but for some reason I went over those last 24 hours with my husband, ended up crying and quickly hiding my tears from the passer bys. It seems I can never truly relax. I’m either keeping myself busy or pining for my man. Nerves feel constrantly stretched. Its like I’m constantly searching for him, trying to feel if he is near. How on earth did they cope in the victorian days when there was so much death and you would be lucky if your child survived to 5. Did they get the priveledge of grieving? We have too much time to ponder on things I think. Too comfortable, thinking its our right to be happy.
Nigel - you need to give yourself the love that Mary would give you. Look after yourself the way she would look after you. I too forgot to write to my husband one day. I felt so bad like I had forgotten him, which just wasn’t true as he is on my mind all the time. At some point I hope I will want to correspond less. Will I feel guilty? Too right I will. But to move on with them in our hearts is just what they would want us to do.
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Debsie please don’t feel guilty about forgetting to write your journal. As the Christina Rossetti poem says ‘ better by far you should forget and smile Than that you should remember and be sad.’
This horrible day is nearly over thank goodness xx
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Well Nigel, I just got messaged by my youngest Son who lives away from me. He asked how I was, he then asked if I wanted a phone call. It looks like our children can feel when we need them. Been on the phone for 90mins. I feel much happier now too.
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Thanks Georgi, I doubt it’s flu as I have had all the jabs fairly recently. And yes, I know I can talk to Mary anywhere, it just didn’t seem the same today probably due to it being 10 weeks today. Just baked some part bake bread, and will be cooking my dinner soon - Chicken Parmigiana. That’s always a nice meal.
I’m OK now - and my eldest daughter just phoned too. They so look after me it’s lovely.
Thank you for caring, much love. Nigel xxx
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Oops Sorry Peaches I didn’t mean to make you worry, after working with the elderly it has always been a fear of mine! But I’m 99% sure it is grief brain, your brain is razor sharp for sure my friend, no more worrying about that xxx
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I had my flu jab too Nigel and was still floored with it xxx
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Thank you Debsie - I think the weather had a lot to do with today too. I too was going over the last hours. I have a lovely photo of us holding hands after she had passed away, with my wedding ring and her eternity and replacement wedding rings all together, My Deb said Mary wouldn’t have gone to my grave today if it had been the other way round - and I know she’s right. Just so hard on her 10 week anniversary. I guess they just accepted that children and even adults died early in Victorian days. Looking at my family tree there were loads that died at birth, or just after, So sad.
thank you Debsie. Much love Nigel xxx
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Oh, that’s wonderful Debsie, It does seem they know - as with my eldest grandson. He always seems to text when I need his love!
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Thats sounds a lovely meal, I had a boring chicken curry from Morrisons and uncle bens rice, I ate half of it, rest went in food bin ! I normally do like it but just the mood I’m in I guess, but the fresh air I got going to Morrisons lifted the headache that was starting xxx
Glad to hear your feeling better xxx
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I hope it’s not - that would have my kids so worried. They worry enough about me without having that as well! xxx
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I’ll maybe add a piccy later!
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I hope not too, but you do seem to have perked up with family calling I’m glad to hear that, take care maybe less perfume on the pillow in future xxx
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A picture would be nice I’m sure we would all like that xxx
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They made a huge difference Georgi, and I got well and truly told off for not calling them earlier, as I said they would! Yes there was definitely too much perfume last night! None to be added tonight and see how we go. I’ll do the piccy when It’s cooked. xxx
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Good morning Darlings!
Nigel, I don’t want to come off as unsympathetic, but perhaps the daily visit to Mary’s grave site is a pressure that you do not have to put on yourself, especially if it makes you feel guilty for not going. The last thing we need at this time in life is more guilt. Can you accept a once a week visit? Maybe on the dreaded Sunday? Place a flower. Twice a week? We all know Mary is not there, she is in Heaven and is likely thinking, “Nigel, Sweetheart, just talk to me from where ever you are, I hear you”.
Sorry you have a cough. Boost up the Vitamin C, Zinc, D and gargle with warm salt water. I use a Neti-pot which clears all the germs in the sinuses, keeping them from multiplying.
Yewtree, everything you are feeling is completely normal. I understand that you are stuck inside and not eating or wanting to do anything, but please - go out and take a walk. Get the blood flowing, clear your mind for a minute and stop to smell the roses. (I know there aren’t actual roses out, but there are interesting things to see everywhere if you look). When the buses start running on time again, just hop on and go for a ride.
Jody, bad days will come and then they go. We can be okay for a while, then slide into a sad, miserable spell. It is not easy, we can’t predict the day and there is not a doggone thing we can do to prevent the slides. I think this is how it will be for a very, very long time.
When I think for too long that my husband is dead, I still get weak, feel faint, nauseous and on the verge of collapse. My boot straps are nearly worn out from pulling them up so many times a day. I learned to compartmentalize things while practicing law as I had to leave my personal life and all troubles at home to concentrate on my clients’ cases. It is a bit of a blessing now.
Lizzy, the “things”! They never stop. When we get one thing completed, 2 more show up. This is why I want to resign from widowhood. It is a job for which I did not apply and for the Love of Mike, I am not trained to perform. You’ve had some special days and goodness me, but it will be great to have so many hands on deck to sort out the vacation home.
I don’t want to volunteer to do anything. The best I can do is to deliver non-perishable food items to our local school so the children with crap parents can have something to eat at home. I’ve even slacked on that.
The Beast has taken up sleeping at the front door on the first floor which is across the foyer from a door to a room which exits to the back yard. Such a brave little pack protector! My husband and I swore we would not get another dog when all of our pets passed from old age over 10 years ago, but for whatever reason, he was all for getting one in April.
Honestly, I think my husband was thinking of my life without him and wanted me to have a companion and the protection of a barking dog. My husband did all he could to leave me with all I need to feel safe and secure - except him.
Three good things today? Hmmm.
1.) I cleaned out and organized a junk drawer in the kitchen and keep going back to look at it to admire my handiwork. Uncluttered areas calm me.
2.) Stray Cat is starting to use a litter pan now that she is living in a 30" x 42" kennel.
3.) I have a 3rd witness for the Affidavits of Death, Domicile and Heirship which, when signed, will allow my to file the Succession. THIS WEEK is the week, Peaches!
Meanwhile, I left ground beef out defrosting overnight so now it is dog food. Tried to change a light bulb but dropped it (last one). Spilled coffee grounds on the floor instead of in the pot.
Will purge 5 things today. I may or may not sort through the sheets. They seem to multiply and no longer all fit in the cabinet. Going to google “how to fold a fitted sheet” as my method of winding them into a ball isn’t space saving.
When all is sorted in the house and the courthouse, I intend to have housekeepers come at least twice each month. I also intend to hire gardeners, not just a lawn man. And, I will find a competent handy man. My friends have handy men who come for 4 hours every 2 weeks to lift, fix, move - whatever needs to be done. Gotta get me one of those guys.
I may be allergic to widowhood; sinuses have been running non-stop for months.
I’ve promised myself that when the paperwork is filed and the CPA responds, I will be a different gal. Kinda crappy that my stress relief depends on a judge and an accountant, but here I am.
What goes up, must come down. Spinning wheels got to go round. Where’s my painted pony?
Love, hugs, smiles and kisses to everyone.
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During my call with my son, he kept accidently pressing buttons with his ear. He put on mute and speaker, but there was one button that made a loud farting noise. I ended up in stitches with a severe case of the giggles. I think thats the first time I have laughed like that since my husband died. It did me the world of good, and I still giggle now just thinking about it. Its nice to know that I can still laugh.
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Peaches - back on form, thats my girl. If we say we will be ok enough times it will happen. Very envious on your drawer. I too have a very tidy kitchen drawer which I’m doing my hardest to keep that way. I could never find the scissors in there, it turned out there were 5 pairs when I emptied it. They were so good at hiding.
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