I think I forgot I was cooking for one Georgi!
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Yes Debsie it certainly will take as long as it takes, just look at me heading towards the 2nd year on 1st May and some days it feels like only yesterday, still cry at some point every day, doesn’t take much to set me off crying ! Miss him so much it hurts xx
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Im the same when I cook, my family all like my mac’n’cheese been making it all my married life and when I put the pasta in pan each and every time I think no thats not enough and always add some more and yes you guessed its always too much !
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My husband went to Glasgow University and then did another course at Stirling Uni. I have tried a Deep fried mars bar from the chippy. Er not for me, will eat it without frying it thanks 
I fell asleep earlier, big mistake, I’m in bed now wide awake, hopefully reading for a while will do the trick. Night night xxx
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Nigel - time to learn about batch cooking labels and the freezer!!!
But bravo it looked splendid.
Trying to eat healthy and do self care is so important. We all need to encourage each other to do that going out for walks and eating healthy it’s a good way to start.
And failing that, enjoy the comfort from a big plate of chips like Lizzie did!
My ex-husband (not my husband) is Turkish. And I love Turkey.
Georgi maybe invest in toddler bedsides? 
I don’t know what you are all making a fuss about! I always wrap the duvet around me and always insisted that we have to do duvets because of that. In fact, my husband hated it because when I went to a hotel, I would always ask for an extra duvet just so that I could wrap.
I don’t think you’re saving on washing anyway because a single duvet and duvet cover and a double duvet and duvet cover both have to have a whole washing machine to themselves.
Dare I ask if you would do the same with your pants? And turn them inside out to make them last another day? 
Sorry that made me chuckle.
Bad sleep is clearly affecting us all. And it’s lonely in the dark on your own.
I would really struggle to sleep in a single bed again. In about fact when my husband was in hospital I did stay at a house in a single bed at one point and in a hospital bed in his room and they were both a terrible nights sleep - but I am nowhere near the size 10 that Georgi is talking about!!! So that might have impacted.
Yewtree - my husband‘s birthday was the pets too. I don’t think we can avoid any of these things in the first year or for many years to come. Be kind to yourself cry because it’s good to do so. And give yourself a hug. They’ve proved that giving yourself a hug can have good effects on your heart just the same as if someone else had. You can put your two hands over your heart and breathe carefully and slowly and you will feel the benefits.
A few weeks in Nigel, I made myself a rule that I would not visit the graveside every day because I felt too guilty when I didn’t go. It was hard, but it was best for me because when I went back to work, I really couldn’t manage to see him more than two or three times a week and now I’ve gone down to visiting the grave once a week but I do talk to him more at home now. As you will know, my big fear when I moved house was that I wouldn’t feel he was with me anymore, but I’ve actually felt more from him in the new house that I was able to previously. Because this house was his gift to me to show me how much he loved me - And it feels like a big embrace of his love all around me.
How is the snow today, peaches?
All the wind excitement seems to have died down. Although I’m wondering and maybe have missed an update on the state of back gardens and fences.
Sleep tight
Kt xxx
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Debsie, the things I’ve found when clearing out my cupboards in the kitchen lol. I came across a M & S Wine Cooler that someone bought us for a wedding present almost 12 years ago, we drank the champagne that came with it but have never used the cooler. It was tucked away at the back of the cupboard. I looked at it and saw the price ticket was still on it, £22.50, it looks really nice but I’ve put it on Vinted , no need to keep it. Would just clutter another cupboard. Xxx
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Georgi, I do like a Mac n cheese, I put crispy bits of bacon on the top of it, it’s always a fav when my grandkids come to see me. I always make too much as well. I end up having it for lunch the next day but it’s never the same. Xxx
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Yewtree, that’s a very good question, I thought exactly the same thing, my husbands side has never been slept in, and for some reason I can’t sleep in it either, that’s a great idea that Nigel has suggested, I mite do that and get another wee while out the sheets and duvet. I don’t have a drier and can’t hang them out in this weather so it’s hard drying them. Xxx
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Deep-fried Mars bar? I thought that was just a story. Surely it melts before it fries?
Got to talk to the doctor in the morning about my uric acid levels. Not sure whether to mention to him that I’ve got several bruises come up on my left leg. I might just be panicking but they feel a bit sore. They are on the list of post cancer things to look out for.
Can’t sleep either. I’m utterly exhausted, but my legs are so jiggly tonight.
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Ktg. I sleep in a single bed when I stay at my daughters, I hate it, I’ve almost fell out of it a few times now. The duvets aren’t wide enough, I get tangled up in it just turning over. It’s good to know you feel your husband is with you in your new home, I wondered if I really would be leaving him for good when I move, I do hold his wedding ring and tell him what’s my day has been like, I feel close to him when I do that. We had our wedding rings made in Turkey, I was surprised he wanted his to be the same as mine as it wasn’t plain, I just loved it and he did as well, they were a bit different. He would have moved there but I wasn’t keen to leave my family then I got diagnosed with a blood cancer, we spent 2 months a year in our apartment, it was home from home. I will go back for a holiday but not for as long as we did. We have a lot of friends over there. Wish we had a sleep button we could press and have a good nights sleep. Xxxx
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Whenever my husband went to hospital, he always gave me his ring to wear. And so I’ve had it resized and I wear it on my right hand. I often kiss it when I’m talking to him.
I also kiss his photo!
Awake again …
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Debsie, hold on, I am going to count my scissors. Okay - 10 pair all hiding in 2 drawers, plus a 5 pack of scissors, unopened on the organizers of the battery/flashlight drawer. The first junk drawer clean out today felt so good, I did all the top drawers in the kitchen. Lifted my spirits a bit. Decluttering can be calming as we get a sense of control over something in this life.
At least 50 dried ink pens and a large collection of chopsticks. Buh bye.
Oh, Marnee, I am so happy that what I wrote was taken the way I meant it. Sometimes, my written word does not adequately convey sincerity.
I will never iron a sheet again. I stopped that nonsense 35 years ago. Hint: if you put them on the bed while still warm from the dryer, they don’t have time to wrinkle.
Lizzy, of course you are tired, you did a lot in the last few days. Good job on selling the tools. I get it, it does sometimes feel like we are erasing them from our lives, but it is so not true. We will never erase our husbands or wives from our lives. However, we can’t hold onto things they liked/loved/used that are of no use to us. Let someone else enjoy owning a chainsaw and a log splitter. These are things for young men and women. Not us. The house in Turkey will hurt. You were fortunate to have it so many years, such a blessing. Will you continue to visit friends there?
Where the heck are you that you can enjoy sun and an outdoor pool? I am freezing my freckles off.
Nigel, that looks delish! I hope you didn’t eat all of that by yourself, you’re going to get a tummy ache!
Yewtree, when single and working, I slept on one side for a week and the other the next. Only have to wash sheets every 2 weeks.
You’ve already moved forward, you just haven’t counted your accomplishments correctly. You have taken the first baby steps forward by simply getting out of bed in the morning, getting dressed, taking a shower, feeding yourself, paying bills, and even going out for dinner. Don’t get all caught up in the linen/bed issue. There is no requirement to use the whole sheet or duvet. Really, there isn’t.
My solution today would be to buy some top sheets to sleep under which will protect the duvet cover and you won’t have to struggle to put the cover back on, but what do I know?
Love to all.
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Kt thank you. Yes I’m going to change the routine - I’m sure my family want me to as well even if they haven’t said anything yet.
And you’re right, I should have frozen half down but not sure how well cooked mozzarella freezes, or reheats? I’m still losing weight, which isn’t a bad thing, so I guess I’m still using up the calories somehow - nervous energy?
Take care. Nigel xxx
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Peaches what you said was said with love and caring. I see that love and care for others in so many of your posts.
Yes, I did eat it all myself! It actually looked better in real life as the picture was a bit dark. I should perhaps try to eat at lunchtime as I’m in bed much earlier now than when my night bird Mary was here. But I do like a good meal at around 7:00 pm. Early awakening this morning but slept reasonably well, so can now prepare for school runs and the Zoom with my brother and sister, as well as the inevitable and seemingly endless paperwork!
Much love, Nigel xxx
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Ktg, please tell your doctor about anything that is different to normal, it could be just an adjustment to the meds. When I had my chemo I was losing bladder control, thought it was just an infection but they told me come straight to the ward, tested me and it was clear, but it was one of the cocktail of drugs that was the culprit , they wanted me to take one more dose then they stopped that one completely. So many strange things happen to your body when getting treatment, I was told to report anything to them.
Oh they actually dip the mars bar in batter, so healthy, it’s soft inside when you bite into it.
I eventually went to sleep, had a dream I was on holiday but my husband wasn’t with me, I’ve not dreamt about him yet, still wakened early. Headache and sore throat again, hope I’m not coming down with anything. I need to do a trip to the dump. It was closed yesterday, I hope it’s open today, need to keep taking rubbish down. My aim is to get back in loft and take five bin bags up with me and fill them. Son in law is sorting man cave garage just now so I won’t go in there this week, too cold anyway. My nice clean tidy kitchen is a mess again with papering yesterday, need to sort it out and put my table back. So much to do I should get up as my mind is whirring thinking about everything. 5 bags I can do that. Take care xxx
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Peaches, I was in a leisure centre that has a swimming pool, usually they have a gallery that you can watch people in the pool which is not as hot as having an area that is that’s is beside the pool with no glass in between, it was roasting. I’m afraid there are not many houses with pools outside here in Scotland. Although wild swimming is becoming more popular. now thats swimming in a loch in the freezing cold. But that is NOT for me.
I agree it is quite rewarding clearing drawers and cupboards out, the junk you collect is unreal. It’s another thing ticked off my list as well. I found a tiny little butter knife, it had a beautiful porcelain handle on it and it was in a leather pouch. Why have I never seen this before, looks almost antique, must have belonged to my husbands relatives. Who uses a butter knife? I was about to throw this picture out that was in the loft when I looked closer at it, it was a pencil scene and signed by the artist. The frame was cheap and nasty but I looked up the artist and he is popular in the UK, a lot of his work was shown but not the one I have. I don’t think it’s worth a lot, I saw a few selling for £130, that could be on my list or maybe I could buy a nicer frame and keep it for my new home . I wonder what I will find today?! Venturing in loft again. 5 bags only I will bring down. Have a good day xxx
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Well I slept fairly well too. Still woke at 5 but did get back to sleep. So feeling quite good. Then I looked on here to see how you all are and I have to say that you have lifted my spirits even more. I cannot believe how positive you are all sounding. Lizzy you seem so motivated. Theres no stopping you now.
Hmmm labelling batch cooking is a good idea. However I lie to myself and tell myself I’ll remember what I have. Its a good game trying to work out what is what.
Ktg why would you not mention your bruises. Its a niggling worry that can be squashed. I am always finding bruises but I always have. The slightest knock there will be a bruise. I also wake up to scratches. I thought it was my husbands watch but I got some last week. Usually on my back but this time my buttock. What am I doing whilst I sleep?
Nigel I’m so pleased you are thinking about yourself. We seem to think everything has to be about our loss. That not doing these things mean we don’t love them or we have forgotten them. We feel the loss constantly, we don’t have to prove it.
Opened the curtains to see two Magpies. Two for joy. Well I hope so. Can I maintain this mood. Probably not but I will enjoy it while I can.
Peaches, ok I give you the win on the scissors. I still have the win on the 12 binoculars. I sold 3, gave one to charity. Haven’t managed to part with the others. But thats ok. I don’t have to decide on those yet.
Have a good day everyone. 
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Debsie, good morning, you beat me on the binoculars, only found three, gave them to my grandson.
I buy plastic reusable boxes and use a marker to write on them when I batch cook. It’s so easy to bring them out and microwave them. I need to make lasagne today as well, that freezes really well. I do all this and still ate a plate of chips for my dinner a few nights ago. I am actually afraid to stop clearing out, I need to keep going, it’s my goal to be ready to sell when paperwork sorted and I know it will be weeks yet. Not had a call to say the first part of the forms have come back from the courts ready for me to sign yet. They said 10 weeks then once I sign it, it could be another 6/8 weeks. Maybe they will surprise me and it will be sooner. I hope you have a nice day, it must be, the magpies said so. Take care xxxx
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Okay, I did try to say to the GP this morning but I feel like they think I’m always moaning and I might be a hypochondriac.
Except for the two things that I was most worried about which were when my back hurt all the time for about 10 years and then eventually a trainee GP found gallstones The size of four marbles. and of course, my utter exhaustion probably turned out to be cancer, not just grief. I still feel like they think I moan all the time and they always put it down to being overweight.
That’s why I’ve waited 13 years to have my bladder problems dealt with because I wasn’t light enough.
Right, I need to get myself sorted too. Inspired by Lizzy! I need to go to the old house and open the windows to the carpet is dry. I need to unpack the coats hats boots that’s my task for the day and my mum and dad are coming out for lunch.
I’ve narrowed it down to 3 soups. I might make them.
Buy a soup maker Nigel. It’s a game changer!!!
I totally agree about labelling the things that go in the freezer! I also have made that mistake of not labelling something thinking oh I’ll remember what that is and you never ever do!
Mozzarella will freeze perfectly well.
Love to all Kt
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Kt - definitely mention the bruises to the GP! It might be nothing of course - Mary had bruises coming up for no reason at all - just a slight touch was all it needed. You’d have though I was beating her up there were so many! (I wasn’t of course). Nigel xxx
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