I agree with you, I think we are all hoarders, I’ve been making a start clearing out cupboards, to make me feel better, I’ve started clearing out my wardrobe so it’s not all my beloved husbands stuff that are getting moved. It’s so sad but we have to do it, we have all the precious memories stored in our head, I’m going to have to buy new stuff lol, the wardrobes are going to be so empty, I lift things up, put them back for another day. I feel so so sad doing this. It’s his garage I’m dreading, he wasn’t the tidiest of people, sawing wood and not sweeping up, it’s going to take me a year to clear that out, don’t even know what the names are of the equipment he has, he just loved his garage, my son in law said he would help with that task, maybe I will go in and tidy up a little bit of the mess today, give me something to do as I am a bit lost on how to fill my days without him. You take care, we will get through this horrible time.xx
I also am including my stuff to be sorted out. I am mindful that I do not want my children having to sort out so much. Have been going through my boxes and boxes of photos in the days before digital. So many of them are rubbish, and they are not going to want to keep pictures of some ducks taken 30 years ago. I think I am throwing about 25% but I think if I go through again I will be able to cull even more, just feel bad throwing them, and do not throw any with my husband in even if he has his back to the camera! The Garage though - wow will be really hard. Its full of so much stuff, most I won’t use or don’t even know what it is. That will be the last place I will do - he spent a lot of time in his precious garage. Each time I give things to charity it hurts, but the sorting makes me feel I’m making progress.
My husband has a shed filled with tools and such that I will never use. I’ve called upon my nephew to come and take what he wants. One nephew came for fishing gear. Friends and family came for hunting/fishing gear.
This, I found, is the best way to clear out the garage/shed. Get some male relatives and friends to “shop” in there and let them clear it out for you. Tell them you need the help and they will empty it of everything you don’t need/want and they will sweep it up too. They want to help you. Let them.
What has struck me most is that we stashed so much stuff only because we had the room to keep it all.
If it needs repair, I don’t need it, will never use it, don’t like it - it has to leave. Not leaving this mess for others to sort when I go and not going to live with it while I am here. So, the answer is - PURGE.
I feel bad for about a minute when the bins have been emptied, but that is it. Once it is gone, I don’t even remember it.
I regret nothing that I have tossed or given away. I won’t need it or use it and my husband is never coming back for it which still hasn’t sunk in totally.
Much love.
Y’all, (that is Southern for 'everybody"), I am still shredding stuff from my husband’s office!!! I have filled yet another bin! Hours upon hours of sorting and shredding, i have been in the same clothes since Thursday, day and night, an it is now Sunday.
Right. I’m okay.
’
But, I can sit down and write checks to pay bills to be dropped in the post office this afternoon, so it will be sorted early.
I am mad at myself for letting it get this awful around here with the stuff.
In any event, I was aggravated today at the amount of stuff that I located and as I got to the bottom of the file cabinet, I realized that I am shredding his life and mine.
Then, a spark of delight breezed in. My beautiful niece came to collect a one-of-a-kind vintage, credenza from 1968, a big cast iron Dutch oven, a big cast iron wok, a large cast iron fry pan, three brown paper bags of pantry items, and a couple of laundry hampers. She just bought her very first house all on her own and has only the bare minimum. She needs stuff and what do you know? I have stuff! She needs a bigger vehicle.
My purging has caused everyone I personally know to begin to purge. It seems my husband’s death, the first in our groups and social circles, has stunned everyone into reality and to think of those left with the stuff.
I have a paint color wheel and have started selecting contenders. We’ll see in the daylight. Pressure. Under pressure.
May the shredding be done. Let the bills get paid. Then a day off. Just off. So tired of sorting things. Exhausting and gut wrenching.
Much love. May our today be better than yesterday.
Really hope your today is better and you take a well earned rest.
I have made a start on the hundreds of magazines my husband collected over the years it’s so hard feel like he would be cross at me and I feel I am somehow removing him, it’s so emotional.
Hope all have as good a day as possible xx
I cleared out all his medical stuff a few days after he died, I wanted to remember him before his illness, think it was also my angry stage. I did this only to get a box of new supplies the day after. Needless to say it’s still in the box, I can’t even return it as the driver said he couldn’t do that. What a waste of money, it was even worse when I got a call from the lovely Atos people asking me what he required for the next month. I had to say quickly he passed away and hung up before I cried. I keep telling myself I have precious memories I don’t need his clothes to do that as I’ve started doing that. It’s very difficult though.
Lost, I know. I keep waiting for my husband to burst into his office in an uproar. But, he isn’t going to do that. Ever. Pick up a stack, toss them in the bin and walk away. They have no meaning anymore.
Lizzy - the day my husband died, I shoved all the medicines and monitors, etc., into an empty drawer and under his bathroom sink to get it all out of my sight. Seeing it all just reminded me of how he suffered. Unused, unopened bottles of expensive meds with no place to go. His toiletries were shoved away too.
Must make a run to the grocery store. I haven’t quite figured out how to plan food for one yet.
We’ll make it. We are making it.
Much love.
Got the bills into the post office slot. Filled the car with fuel. Tossed more stuff.
My dog got out of the fence that is falling down and needs replacement, but he got scared and came right back, begging to get in the yard.
I even feel sorry for him, all he wants to do is play and I am so not playful.
I feel a bit of weight has lifted from my shoulders now that I know where documents are. The next task is to decipher what is what and to contact the insurance people so they can start shopping policies for our properties. My husband handled all of the insurance stuff and it always caused him a lot of stress. I have anxiety over this already, the brokers need about 60 days to shop policies and I am running out of time. It just isn’t fair - at all. I’ve had no time to just breathe.
I am so lost and I want to stay lost. I don’t want to do this real life stuff, especially in my state of mind which is “crazy” and on such a tight schedule! I have to talk to them THIS week! Wah! I don’t want to! I want to stay in a fog in my bed and have someone else take care of all of this and pamper me. That is how I feel tonight.
I am tired of being the CMFICOE.
It rained today. We needed rain. I love rain. But, it just made the house seem hollow. Fell asleep at 9p, wide awake at 11p. Sort of ate today. Fed the pets twice.
Drained. I am just drained.
May our tomorrow be better than our today.
Gosh, I’m exhausted for you, I don’t have nearly as much paperwork as you have and I’m stressed out dealing with it. You really should take a day off, just one day to take a breather. I dread our postman coming to the door in case it’s more forms to be filled in. Wouldn’t that be great to have someone that deals with all this stuff for you. That must be a job idea for someone surely. I would employ them.
Take care of yourself xx
Thanks Lizzy. I found yet another 2 inch stack of old bank statements that I have to shred for a bank that no longer exists. I nearly lost it and had to walk away from his office/music room.
Tomorrow is another day. Sigh. So much responsibility added to my plate.
I am 6 months into loosing my hubby everyday is a struggle night times are herrendous.
I agree, night times and weekends are so long especially if you wake up every few hours. Take care xx
Susan, I am so sorry that your husband died. It is a horror show. I am sorry that nights are a struggle. LIzzy, and I am sorry that weekends are especially sad for you.
Tomorrow marks 6 weeks for me and the days are as bad as the nights. Week day, week end - all the same.
The heaviness of it all is almost too much to bear. It is like being stuck in a different dimension than the rest of the world.
One of my husband’s buddies called to check on me this morning. So kind.
I hate all of this. I really hate it. I am angry to be a widow. I am angry that the life I knew just disappeared. I don’t want this change. I am frightened by the added responsibilities. I am afraid to make mistakes with our finances. Scared, exhausted, sad, alone. Even my dog is aggravating tonight and I love him bunches.
I hate the person I am ATM.
You have pushed yourself to much. I think you could do with a little break. You take care of you and your health. Love and hugs xl
I agree with @Mbg . You haven’t stopped at all, have you? Try to take a day off. Can you put your dog in the car and take off somewhere for the whole day? To reset.
Take care.
Peaches, I so agree with what you say about material things and mortality and finality. Sometimes we all make such a fuss about having ‘stuff’ and none of it means a thing! Not one bit of it. We come into the world naked and with nothing, and go out of it pretty much the same way. It is all totally irrelevant.
I used to think the book of Ecclesiastes was depressing, that Solomon was being ‘negative’ and morbid. But my goodness, he had it spot on. Everything and everyone comes…then goes eventually. It is what we do with them during their time with us that matters. Nobody can take that away, the love, the memories, always here. All the rest? The ‘stuff’, meaningless.
When the shock and adrenaline wear off and the true reality sets in it really hits you. It’s 3 months today since I last saw him , spoke to him.
This time is so hard, I wish there was more I could do for you ( for us all ) do try and stop and rest if you can xxx
You last post explained my feelings perfectly. I also am struggling today, one month today since I lost my love. Planned to be brave with a day out shopping. Car wouldn’t start. Have no idea how to use the charger. Found out I wasn’t interested in buying anything at the shops. Avoided the hot dogs my husband always looked forward too. Treated myself to a lemon muffin. Planning the songs to play at my husbands wake, I shouldn’t have played them as several had me sobbing, so many memories. I hate this new life. I don’t know how to be single. So much I have to learn. Some days I’m strong and power through but I can’t keep it up. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to cope better. For tonight though I’m going to let these tears fall.
Hi it’s exactly a month for me as well since my hubby was taken away from me. I cried buckets picking music, if I ever hear them again I will probably cry again. Wish someone would make a pill and take this pain away, I fell asleep earlier because I was up most of last night, bad thing to do as I won’t sleep now. One minute I feel I’m coping with this grief then it comes back with a bang again. I want it to stop, I went out yesterday, went for a coffee only to find there were no tables, people’s friends or partners had taken up the tables, it hit home the small things that we have to come across. I put my toastie back down and went somewhere else. Tomorrow will be the first hospital appointment I have that he hasn’t came with me. Going to be a lot of firsts from now on. I’m going to write them all down to let me see what I can do by myself. That’s my achievement diary. Take care xxx
Yes, I could use a break, but that is not happening any time soon. I have to push forward with the succession of his estate as all his investment accounts are frozen at the moment. Delays could cost the estate monies. Pressure.
It only took 4 trips to the paint store to get a good color. It would have been 20 more, if not for the Mexican man doing the work. He must have felt sorry for me as I left and returned over and over to paint a patch and say “no”. He gave me a piece of the painted, but rotted, wood to take for a match. It worked. Brilliant. He is so kind. The workers all treat me with kid gloves.
Why didn’t I think of that? Because my brain is in survivor mode and everything else is irrelevant.
My husband’s absence is loud tonight.
Much love.