Oh no Nigel that would make me uncomfortable too, enjoy your evening xxx
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That is so sad about your sister’s son much too young for that diagnosis, your right better not talking about the things that upset each other xxx
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Angel, I didn’t immediately call an ambulance to my wife, as she’d had these infections many times before. Looking back this was a bit different as she’d never gone back to bed - ever - and she told me she thought she was dying. I now know that is one of the sepsis markers. Even though I’ve been told that half an hour delay wouldn’t have changed the outcome. I did initially have feelings of guilt. But we (you and me) did what we thought was right at the time - there’s no need for us to feel guilty for what we did.
I was running an errand for my wife, that I’d promised her I would do - as it affected a number of other people in her Franciscan Order group. She chose that time to slip away, with our four children at her bedside. Her parents did something similar to her, when they died. My dad did the same to us too. I’m convinced this wasn’t a coincidence, but her choosing not to put me through the trauma of seeing her go. My daughter even called me to tell me to get back to the hospital, but I couldn’t - even if I wanted, as I’d made that promise. I think she’d already gone when my daughter phoned, and didn’t tell me to keep me safer on the way back.
We all do what we think is right at the time. There’s no such thing as 20/20 hindsight!
Take care, much love. Nigel xxx
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Nigel, I’m also thinking about my home in Turkey, it’s going to be so sad even getting to airport, sitting on that plane without him, I honestly don’t know how I will cope opening the door of the apartment. But even sadder when I lock it up for the last time, I have tears just now thinking about it. I hope having my family with me will help me get over it. I hate crying in front of them, they think I’m coping so well, if they only knew!. At least you are not selling it, you will have wonderful memories like I have had. I’m sure your neighbours will help you through it. Take care xxx
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BBL, but when we opened the box, the sink is beyond damaged and unusable. Ebay can’t find my order. Why do people sell damaged things?
One step forward, 2 steps back.
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Oh Angel7 never apologise for pouring your heart out like that, you went through a lot that last week and you were explaining it all so we understood and we do !
I cried all the way through reading it and my heart goes out to you it was a terrible week and so unexpected as you said, who would ever think that your husband had longterm issues with his liver that no-one knew about, I’m sure thats pretty rare and is probably why they questioned if he was a drinker !
You certainly have nothing to blame yourself for, you did everything you could to care for him and tried to get him help which as we all know what men are like they refuse to thinking they will be fine, please try to push that away as you could not have done anymore xxx
I know what men are like my own husband who died of oesophageal cancer told me on his death bed he had symptoms the year before but ignored them and he said” if I had gone to the doctor back then it may have been a better outcome” I had to walk out of the room I was so angry with him and still am at times !! My Dad was the same he suffered all day in absolute agony and told my mum & sister in no uncertain terms not to call the doctor my niece came in in the evening and didn’t hesitate she just phoned NSH 24 he was taken to hospital I was at work at 10pm when my niece called me she said the doctor thought it was an burst aneurysm, my niece not understanding what that meant but I did, told my senior and she said straight away your going to the hospital I will take you, dont worry about work,! To cut a long
story short he went to theatre that nt at 1.30 my neice and I spent a long night in a relatives room and the surgeon didnt come to speak to us till 08.30 his heart had arrested twice during the op but he survived, that was the fri night he lived till the tues and had 2 further cardiac arrests but then his organs began to fail and machines were doing all the work of his organs and on the tues evening we were all called in it was time to switch the machines off we were all there ! So yes we all know what men can be like I’m guessing my dad was in a fair bit of pain before that fri but kept it to himself, he was terrified of hospitals !
So don’t you feel bad, men can be their own worst enemies sometimes and we are not able to tell whats going on when they don’t tell us the whole truth of how it feels for them or even in my husband’s case not even telling me he had symptoms the end of year before, we are not mind readers , I am no longer angry at my husband but for many months after he passed I was xxx
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Georgi, thank you, I’m glad i found this place.
yeah it was sooo sweet of her to do that and made me cry has i knew he probably was watching over her she said that his favourite song came on when she finished writing it.
sorry for late replys i will try and answer everyone
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Oh Peaches no, thats just awful and you were so looking forward to your new sink being installed, I think I would’ve been in tears, so do you think it will be replaced or what ? Do you have proof you purchased the sink ?
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Lizzy I will tell you one thing I bet your family would be annoyed to think that you could not cry in front of them, be like me, if I get emotional I just cry no matter who is there, could be total strangers, I just sniff and apologise🤪
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Nigel I watched my mum, dad and husband take their last breath and believe me it is not a good lasting image, I take it as privilege but the memory of it is harrowing !
My niece is a nurse as I was at one time many moons ago and knew the staff on duty in A& E where my mother passed and myself and niece were allowed the best privilege of all to tend to my mum, wash her, put on a fresh nightie and comb her hair, it was emotional but it felt good too knowing it was the last thing we could do for her xxx
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Angel, I think at one point we all felt guilty at the beginning. I wanted to call his McMillan nurse for advice but he also said no, he will be fine, he was seeing his consultant the following week. I also kept thinking if I’d went through to see if he was ok a minute earlier I might have helped him. I had to do CPR on him till the ambulance arrived. I have been tortured by the what ifs. Nearly 17 weeks in, I’m now accepting I did all I could. He was fine one minute about to make his breakfast and the next minute he was dead. You need to try and not torture yourself, we all did it. I also felt like you, I didn’t want to carry on without him. I had to keep going out. I am now doing something about my house that I hate, it’s not a home without him so I have decided to move as soon as I can legally do so. Everything is normal about what you are feeling, give yourself time, take one day at a time, we know it’s hard, keep chatting to us, we will get you through it. 
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Peaches, It’s so disappointing when things like that happen, everyone is so careless, I’ve had loads of stuff broken on arrival.
Well as you know I don’t have much luck just now but I checked my emails tonight and got one from my Turkish lawyer. He has got my affidavit and documents and has told me probate and title deeds will be completed in around 10 days but in Turkish time that means maybe 20 days. My forms must have been approved by the foreign office. Still got the Turkish Courts to go through but I’m one step forward, can’t believe it and I’ve decided to sell it to his buyer, it’s a bit less than I wanted but it will be a weight off my shoulders just to complete this side of it but they will have to agree that I still want to go and get some of my stuff out before I hand the keys over. I might sleep tonight without the worry hanging over me that the documents wouldn’t be accepted.
I hope you get your sink sorted, do they know who they are dealing with? I’m sure you will get it sorted out. Xxx
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Oh Angel. What a story. I cried all through that. I also suggested to my husband that we go to the hospital but he said no. I too wonder if it would have helped. I don’t think it would have. In fact we would have probably be left in the waiting room for just as long as we delayed ringing 111. When the shock wears off you will realise that there was much more to your story then the ending. When my husband died I felt very little. I couldn’t remember him at all. It was like he was erased from my life. I didn’t feel my love for him or his love for me. That absence is what hurt the most. But gradually things seem to seep back in. I could feel our love again and it helped me through. We can’t change what happened. Our brains would not let us even contemplate that they would die. I regret so much of our last 24 hours, but I had loved him for 45 years. He knew I did. He said that he only took his blood pressure pills for me as he didn’t want to leave me alone. I would have died for him, he would have died for me. He has left you with the pain. He is at peace and pain free. You are the one suffering and he would hate to see that. It will improve. Will you have bad days, most certainly. Will you wonder if you can cope, for sure. But there will be times when you will be proud of yourself. When you achieve more then you ever thought you would. Slowly we will all get there and learn to live again.
I hope you continue to post, and if you need help just ask. Even if you just want to rant, it’s a great place to get things off your chest. We help each other
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Georgia, oh sooo sorry that must of been so heard to hear. It makes me think was he ever in pain and not told me has he would know I be worried and overthink. Yeah my hubby he hated going to the doctors or the hospital also
He just thought he had the bug and would got better.
It’s hard not to be mad at them when they don’t try to help themselves or want us to help them.
It all started off with the infection, they said that if it wasn’t for the infection sometime down the road it would of been something else so it was like he
was walking around with this health issue he never knew he had. I look back on last year and any year thinking he never knew but what if he was in pain but just thought nothing of it, or his pain tolerance was high.
It must of been hard for your husband knowing what he knew that if he went and got check sooner things could of been different and same with you when he told you. I don’t know what would of been best if my hubby found out about his liver sooner like he would have to be careful being out and about and I think it would always be on his mind that any day could be his last, so don’t know if he would of wanted to know if it ment he couldn’t live his life and had to be careful till he could get a liver transplant. But I wish in some ways we did so we could stay him and not be in this situation.
I wish it was me and not him but I know he would of been finding it hard with losing me too but I feel he would be alot stronger and knew what to do, he was the main taking care of money side of things I was good at saving but I’m also bad at spending. We was a team and if he was stuck on something my daughter said that he always said that I am good at coming up with ideas or solutions to stuff. I hate worrying about money so that’s why he took care of it but I knew he was stressed at times about it too but he would try not to show it coz he knew I would over think and he always said things will work out don’t worry. Now when things get on top of me I haven’t and won’t have him there telling me all is going to be well and not to worry. Thing is he was always right things did turn out alright I just worry alot.
Sorry if I missed anything I’m writing on my phone so haven’t your post in view I tried writing on my lap top but it hasn’t got auto correct on as I always doing spelling mistakes
Yeah the nurses said that about men too that they can be stubborn and won’t say anything.
I try not to but it’s sooo hard not to blame myself. I really hope he can forgive me but my daughter says there nothing to forgive and I know he probably saying the same thing or would say it if he was still with us.
I had hope right to the end and just thought he be home. I so wish I was still at the hospital with that hope and it turned out differently.
I sometime think what if they never put him to sleep would he carry on fighting and still be with us.
Sorry again about your losses it’s awful pain to go through and I don’t think you can ever explain to people how it feels.
I watched the TV show the after life not sure if you heard of it I didn’t watch it all, when I first watched it.
So my daughter ask if I wanted to watch it again and it hits differently now that I am going through it. The pain is something else and you can never really explain it to people and only those who knows and gone through it knows exactly how it feels. Before this I always just said sorry for your loss but didn’t say much else as I knew I didn’t know how they felt. But now I do and it’s awful
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Thats gd news indeed for you Lizzy things are moving on at last you may be back with your family and friends sooner than you think, fingers crossed xxx
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Great news Lizzy. It’s nice when something goes right. My sons in-laws are going to sell the camper for me. A weight off my shoulders too. Hopefully it will sell. Didn’t manage to sort the loo seat. The person who fitted it says it might just pull off but I’m worried I’ll break it. I will just have to hope it doesn’t ever need replacing as it looks like I’m stuck with it for the rest of my life. Have a lovely evening and don’t do too much.
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Oh peaches how disappointing. But in the scheme of things you have dealt with a lot worse over the last few months. Just keep an eye out, another may turn up.
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Georgi, probably you’re right, but I just can’t cry in front of them. Maybe in my mind I’m doing ok, it’s my way of coping, I’m such an emotional person inside but I don’t always show it on the outside. I still cry a lot, the least wee thing sets me off. They all work full time and I hate to worry them, in my head I feel younger, but after stripping that room it’s taking its toll on me. Knackered tonight so taking it easy for rest of night .
Xxx
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Yes your right its not a club any of us wanted to be in but here we are, so now all we can do is help one another through it as best we can and its good we are all at different stages and can give that help & advice, I think I am the furthest on the journey as it will be 2 yrs on 1st May since I lost my husband but some days its just like yesterday that will never change but you do learn to cope with it better and get a new kind of normality but there is no denying its hard and when you love someone that much and for that long it goes without saying you will grieve for a long time too but you learn to live with that grief as part of you, well thats how I feel anyway xxx
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Georgi you are so right about men. I have spent the last few years nagging my husband about his health. It was me pushing him that enabled us to find out he had a faulty heart valve. He used to just say, they won’t do anything, and he was right they won’t unless you push them. So I pushed him and eventually he pushed them. I must admit though that I am also reluctant to see a gp. We get ill, we get better. Why would we think that maybe at some point we won’t, until the day we don’t.
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