Georgi, thank you, I’m not celebrating yet but I thought I hadn’t filled one of the forms correctly and was worrying it would be sent back to me. I paid £75 for a courier service from the Foreign Office to Turkey so it was perhaps worth it. I’m just keeping fingers crossed the Turkish side don’t let me down, it’s the final hurdle. Xx
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Thats true and Im like that too I have to be really pushed to go to the GP, for an ex nurse I should know better !!! But thats the thing about my husband he was very good at going to the GP with any issue that makes me think he was frightened and guessed himself it was the C word and buried his head in the sand, now I have to live with the if only he had told me I would have made him go and he knew that xxx
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Yes Lizzy that was likely £75 well spent , sometimes we have to take cost out of the equation and just pay the price, it can bring dividends in the end and looks like it has this time xxx
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Nigel, sooo sorry to hear about your wife. I sometimes think when he told me to go home did he know something was up and didn’t want me to hear or see them put him to sleep or was it just coz he was worried about me getting home safe.
I think even being told if you called sooner or came in sooner and in your case half an hour would not have changed the outcome is still hard to hear coz you and me be thinking what if it would have.
I bet one comfort is knowing she wasn’t alone when she did slip away even if it was awful not being there. I sometimes wonder if when they put hubby to sleep to help him rest but also to take over his breathing I wonder if that when his soul left his body. I wonder if I stayed and didn’t go home would he have stayed. I feel like i left him and they put him to sleep and he was all by himself even through he was in good hands and he had the doctors and nurses by him I still feel awful that I wasn’t by his side but I do think he didn’t want me to see him like that, has he probably knew I saw the worst of him that last week coz it was just awful watching him suffering but not wanting me to call the doctors, I really thought when I called the doctors and they said to call the ambulance that he was just going in to get help and better medical care and rest never thought that was the last I see of him awake and in a few days passed away.
I feel that this is one big night mare and I will wake up and it be all a dream and he will walk in saying what’s wrong and tell me it was just a dream and nothing to worry about
Sorry if I made any mistakes or doesn’t make sense I have dyslexia and my hubby use to always help me if I was stuck on words or how to put stuff
Now I’m relying on auto correct for any spelling mistakes
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Debsie, thank you, isn’t it great when someone just takes charge of the things you hate doing. I wish you could employ someone to do all the things that we had to do at the beginning. I even feel happy when my daughter sells stuff for me, it’s one less thing to do. I find it’s getting more emotional letting his stuff be sold. What will I feel like when it’s all gone,
Think I’ve done too much today, having a g & t.
Bad news about the loo seat, I had to scrape round the tv which took me ages because I couldn’t get it off the wall. I spent ages googling how to empty a Bosch sander, I don’t have the strength in my hands to get the blasted thing off. Tomorrow another day, guess I will have to sand the wall by hand. My husband loved doing all the wee jobs around the house, I did the decorating as his back wouldn’t let him do that but he kept me going with tea and biscuits, I missed that today, I think I need to slow down a bit. I will do that tomorrow, waiting on my filler and paint so I can only sand tomorrow. Take care xxx
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Thank you Lizzy. Don’t worry about your family seeing you cry - they’re grieving too and sometimes it’s just good to cry with them. Let them know you are not coping - unless they know they can’t help. Having said that, I do the same and hide it from my family - but somehow they seem to know and phone at the right time!
Much love, Nigel xxx
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Oh Peaches - that’s just so unfair. I really hope you get satisfaction from eBay, and find a replacement that does what you want. Nigel xxx
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Georgie, you are so right about many men - we are our worst enemy. I’m just glad Mary was so pushy with me! We just feel “it’s fine darling”. Mary will be laughing at that, as it was my ‘go to’ comment! How you all put up with us men I just don’t know!
I’m sure my family would be mortified if I told them I couldn’t cry in front of them, but I do try not to as they have their own grief to handle - but I have cried with them many times and they always seem to phone when I’m having a bad time! I cried in the florist, when thanking them for the superb floral arrangements for the funeral. But I’m sure they understood!
I’m not sure I could have coped with watching Mary and our parents last breaths, but I’m sure it was rather perversely a lovely thing to do. You did some lovely things for your mum - I sometimes wish I could have done that for Mary in the funeral home - I just have horrible images of her being dressed by a stranger!
Much love Georgi. Nigel xxx
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Lizzy, I’m not thinking about the drive on my own - even though I’ve done it many times before, it’s, as you say, opening the front door and lighting the fire - Mary’s job as Pyro Mary! As you say I’m expecting the neighbours to be supportive.
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It’s okay, angel7 we all know where you are at.
At this point, the pain is unbearable and reality doesn’t seem a reality at all. It’s good you’ve got people with you but you will want space too. Keep talking keep being keep crying and keep looking after yourself.
I was 54 when this happened to me. Feel so unkind and unfair. I used to look around at people who are older couples and you think that should’ve been me. I want to be walking down the road and holding his hand when I was 60 or 70 or 80.
And you think you older people over there you don’t know how lucky you are to have each other still. It feels like you’ve been robbed of half of your lifetime.
And for you in your 40s particularly so.
We may all be at different stages of life though, and at different ages, but our pain is so much the same. You mention that you want to die please promise me this but if you are seriously thinking about this, you call the Samaritans or your doctor.
I know when my husband first died, I didn’t want to carry on. But that was different from wanting to die.
I’m really worried about you. We are all here to listen at any time, but we can’t always be here if you’re in an absolute crisis.
Sending love and understanding Kt xxx
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It was the same with my husband. And he didn’t take himself to hospital early enough and sometimes I still feel very angry with him for that.
Five months he spent in hospital before he died. And angel many of those things that you described which went on being in ICU I have experienced. I understand your pain.
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Don’t worry about making mistakes. Just tell your story how it comes and that’s fine. I always have to go back and edit this anyway.
I have spent and still spend large amounts of time, as do most people on this site, going back over the last few days and hours and wishing I’d played things differently.
I am moving up closer to a hospital inquest where they will discuss what happened And I hope I’ll get more of an understanding and sense of it all.
But I imagine my brain will never make proper sense of it because my brain never will have want to accept that that was how it had to be.
I have spent hours I agonising over weather. I told him how much I loved him enough on that last morning. Reliving the phone call where I was called into theHospital.
These are unfortunately the normal painful truth of what you will go through. Xxx
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Angel, sweetheart, never apologise for what you can’t alter. My grandson is Dyslexic and we just accept that he will have difficulties with words. It’s not something you can do anything about. That’s just him, and you too. I hope ‘sweetheart’ is not too familiar, as it’s the term I use for my daughters and daughters in law - and all my grandchildren, boys and girls! It’s said with great love.
To be honest, it strangely wasn’t important whether I was there or not as I was doing what she’d asked - and I’d always have done that. You didn’t leave him, you did as he’d asked, and he wouldn’t have stayed if you hadn’t done what he asked.
Whether your husband was concerned about you seeing him pass or just getting home isn’t important - he was just worried about you!
I. and all my family thought Mary was just going to hospital to sort out her chest infection. There was no way it even entered our heads that she wouldn’t be coming home in the next few days - even Mary was texting two days before she died apologising to people and saying that she’d be in touch as soon as she was home. Even just this week, I thought I heard the keys on the door and looked up to welcome her home. It was me, I’d left the keys in the door and the wind was blowing then about.
As KtG said, please seek help if you feel you are unable to carry on - we’ll do our best but sometimes professional help is more important and helpful.
Much love, and take care. Nigel xxx
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Georgi, I do feel better finding people who are going through the same feelings even through we all wish we wasn’t going through this it helps knowing you not soo alone in it,
it’s only me and my daughter and we both finding it hard, she finds it hard when I keep repeating what happened and she doesn’t know what to say to make it better she tells me I did everything right and that I should not be so hard on myself.
2 years I can not image getting that far, I bet it’s hard some days than others even that far in xx
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Debsie you were probably in shock xxx
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It is hard but you will get there, I think this forum is a godsend, some days I talk more to the friends on here than I do to my family,
They all can brighten my day and have a laugh too, just you wait and see it will pick you up on the dark days xxx
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Debsie, that’s true that our love for them out weighs the 24 hours or that last week and that day for me, but it weighs on your mind doesn’t it those last day or time you had with them, you go over the small details and the big, and think of everything you didn’t say or did say and what you did do and didn’t, even if it would turn out to be the same out come you just feel like what if we did that would it of changed the outcome. The nurses reassured me that I did everything right and that even if I did get the ambulance sooner they wouldn’t have taken him in if he turned round and said no and even if he did it would of been the same out come.
Same I wish it was me instead of him but he would of said the same that he would want it to be him instead of me. When you love somebody you would do anything to take their pain or worrys away.
Thank you.
I bet it was nice talking to your girl friends about nails and stuff even if you wasn’t into that stuff before it takes your mind off it even for a little bit
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All things happen for a reason, do not fret what you did, or did not, do. As long as you did your best with love it is more than enough.
Dentist. Love her. Such a good woman. She came to the wake.
Grocery store.
Emptied some pots of mud into holes The Beast dug in the back yard. Everything in pots is dead as is most of the yard. One day of snow and the whole yard is gone.
Sink issue has to wait a minute. Ba*tards. Sending a cracked sink with chunks missing out of it. It isn’t right. That is a no good person who does something like that. Fraud.
Online customer service sucks. Robots. Why are we talking to robots? Are we out of people?
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I know Peaches its so frustrating when you don’t get to speak to a human, how on earth can you rant at a robot ! But there is method in the madness they think you will just give up, but they don’t know who they’re dealing with this time xx
Such a shame about your plants, I love plants I would be gutted too xxx
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Georgi, Sorry if I say anything wrong.
I don’t know at the moment I just feel like i can’t bear to carry on with out him. I know I got my daughter and she is my everything but she also going through this and finding it hard but she has her bf who is such a great help, he’s been there for me too but think he’s sick of me going over the last week and the last day I saw hubby awake. But I just can’t stop going over it in my head it’s awful
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