@Rob05
I suppose my reply to @Jim68 would also be relevant to your question too. Just because you and I don’t have that mindset and possess those feelings, doesn’t mean that nobody else does. There are toxic people who do feel jealous and envious of what other people have, that they might not have, whether that’s love and happiness or possessions.
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@Mitzi1
I suppose I am… if you are able to read my reply to @Jim68 about an hour ago, I explain why.
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@HeartofGold i can believe my ex wife would do that wish ill of what me and linda had we had so much more love in our time together than any I had with the ex we were soulmates never had a single argument between us in 14 years my linda made me come alive like never ever before it was just instant love and connection my marriage was painful and destroyed me as a person linda had rebuilt me made me feel alive again and i loved her with all i am and would have traded places with her in a heartbeat to save her she was only 53 ten years younger than me but it never mattered to us ive been looking since oct last for answers but none come but good luck take care big hugs
Martin
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Hi Elizabeth, you can carry on, as they say time is a healer. I am so very sorry for your loss, but forgive me if i am wrong, your partner wouldn’t want you to give up. Grief is a shock, its painful, you sort of feel yourself that you could stop breathing because your heart feels broken. I wish i could give you a cuddle and say you will be ok. You have to allow yourself to feel sad, cry, be angry even, its all the natural and awful process of grief. You don’t need to be strong but do not give up, i am sure your partner would want you to continue a happy, long life. Thoughts are with you through this hard time
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I am sending a hug , it’s
so painful for you at the moment. The only things I remember about the first year is pain and waiting for him to come home
Patrick passed away 18th Nov 2023 and I’m still a mess. But every day is different and I can feel myself getting stronger. I know this site will help you take eecare of yourself
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I’m sending a big hug to everyone.
This is a painful journey that never seems to end. Moments of okay then the grief comes again big time.
Home we can all find a bit of joy today. I’m going to a secret garden this morning. Sadly on my own without Keith.
Take care everyone.
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Hi Elizabeth. I’m so sorry you are here and sorry for your loss. My husbands funeral was yesterday he passed on the 8th May. I understand your unbearable pain, you almost feel like you’re going mad and can’t contemplate feeling even the tiniest bit better. Every day is different. Every morning when I wake the pain starts all over again. We all understand and are with you xxx
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Hi Karenjt,
I am sorry you are on this path. You are not going mad, grief is a strange thing you’re mind at the moment will be like a bowl of spaghetti all over the place. I’m now 19 weeks down the path. Last night before the flashbacks started. I looked at a picture of Sue and i actually said enough is enough you can come home now. So keep posting rant or ramble it helps.
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Yes he would not want me to give up , but right now it is impossible for me to even think about the future. This pain and grief is unbearable , I feel so sick inside.
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Thankyou. I love that “ come home now” that’s exactly how I feel. Take care 
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Elizabeth14,
For you(most of us) you do not look in to the future its minute by minute then hopefully hour by hour. I never thought i would get to week 19 without my Sue. Like everyone’s partner on here, she was my everything. I talk to her every day and i write to her, in my grief journal. I just hope when the time is right we will be together again. So please look after yourself, belive me i know it’s hard.
.
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Karen , I am sorry you lost your lovely husband. I find it hard to put into words how unbearable this is . I need him and I can’t have him back , I don’t want to go on living, I can’t see any future , I’m dying inside
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Elizabeth. I understand. I feel the same sometimes. At first all of the time. Let’s hope things improve for us bath. It’s overwhelming 
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@Elizabeth14
It will get easier. At the moment it is very soon and raw for you.
It’s literally one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You will be wracked with grief right now so just go with it.
We can’t fight it and I honestly like everyone on here know exactly what you are going through. Like me because of our similarities, weekends will be worse but eventually when you start to reconnect with family and friends you slowly build a different life. One we don’t want but one we need.
I like you just wrapped my life around John and our time together and although I didn’t neglect my family I wasn’t around as I was pre John.
Now I need them and they’re right there for me, asking me to help out as I did before and it’s helping me so much.
It’s just too early for you but you will come through this…
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I hope that in time I will feel stronger, but right now I feel unbearable pain and I cannot see a future without him. I need him, I want him back , and I can’t accept that he is no longer here with me.
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Thank you , yes only 3 days since I lost him , and the pain is so intense, I try and distract myself with jobs around the house , but the memories are constantly popping into my head, and I can’t stop crying, I can’t focus on what I am doing, I can no longer see a future, because the future was for both of us.
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Elizabeth 14
I’m sorry! You will carry on. Right now it feels like you can’t probably because you don’t want to. I know how it feels. The man I loved and shared 12 years of my life with died almost 3 months ago here with me! He died an agonising death from cancer. For weeks I felt absolutely broken hearted. Bereft and in abject shock and pain, I felt as you probably do now. After weeks, it gets easier! I still love him deeply and I miss him terribly. He was my joy and my happiness, my delight. How do I cope? I told myself he is still with me, not in a physical sense, but in a spiritual one! Ethereal if you like. I feel his influence guiding my life, my choices and my thoughts. Not suffocatingly so I don’t have me anymore, but as a loving partner would, as in life. Right now you are too raw to feel anything other than terrible pain, the pain won’t go but it eases, it changes into something less negative. Give yourself time, space. Take time to care for yourself and surround yourself with kind thoughtful family and friends. Seek solace where you can. Take walks in a park, go feed ducks. Sounds stupid maybe, but I found nature my friend when my John died and I found comfort in gentle walks. Take care of yourself and just put one foot in front of the other. Right now it’s all you can do. xx
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Julia , I am so sorry that you are feeling the same pain after the loss of your husband . The pain for me is agonizing and I cannot see how I can go on without him in my life.
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Thank you for your lovely words . I just want him back, I want to turn the clock back , he was supposed to get better and come home. It helps to connect with people who are going through the same terrible pain, I don’t know how I can continue with my life without him by my side .
Take care x
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I understand your feelings. I too have experienced inexplicable resentment. I have never thought that anybody would do me actual harm though. Is it actually possible for someone to wish you ill and for that wish to come true?
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