Viewing your loved one at the Chapel of Rest yes or no

I gave my lovely funeral director my favourite photo of my husband and asked if he looked like this (difficult as he’d lost so much weight) and I gave her his glasses and favourite outfit from our last holiday he (and I) loved.
He died in my arms and we had spent his last two days together in the hospice.
The funeral home did a remarkable job and I was amazed how peaceful and pain free he looked after 5 months of horrendous terminal cancer.
I wasn’t going to see him but my 94 year old mum with Alzheimer’s wanted to say good bye and if he wasn’t going to look peaceful and I’d want her (or me) to see him.
I’m so glad and grateful I did at it gave me great comfort at this horrendously sad time and I went back every day for a week. After that, I trusted the funeral director when she said some minor marks had started to show just before the funeral so I just visited his closed coffin in the chapel of rest before his cremation.
I now have my beloved husband’s ashes on top of our dresser and feel he can ‘watch over us’ until we meet again and my family can scatter our ashes together again on our favourite beach. I’m also building a memory box for our little grandson I can share when he grows up.

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@Alison61 , i visited my husband Pete yesterday. The funeral is Wednesday. He looked like him, just with a bigger double chin ( which he would’ve hated!). My daughter’s and i cried and laughed, held his hand and told him how much he meant to us and how he was taken so suddenly and much too soon. I am going back again before the funeral. Im not sure comfort was the right word but im glad i went. Take care. X

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I think you did the right thing. I went to see my mum and she looked awful, tho the funeral parlour said she looked beautiful (which is why I went!). I actually ran away. I did go back but couldn’t look at her face. I’d do anything to go back and not make that choice. We only buried her yesterday and it’s all I can think of. I hope that time will make the memory fail. I was just so desperate to see her again.

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Dylis
Big hugs to you .sorry its happened to you x

I went to see my gran and wished I hadn’t, she didn’t look the same and the thing that stuck in my memory the most was that they had put her dress on back to front. I didn’t go and see either of my parents. I was with my dad when he died and with my mum just after she died. Think about what you want to do and take someone with you for emotional support if you do go. xx

I would say to let someone go in before you who isn’t as attached as you are and take their advice. I wish I’d done that.

Sorry about your gran, that would have upset me too. Hope you’re feeling better now x

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Thanks, still finding things hard since my mum died earlier this year. On waiting list for bereavement counselling.

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I couldn’t get up for work today, I just feel so tired and upset. I feel I would be in a different place if I hadn’t seen my mum looking like that. I just want to sleep, not be conscious.

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I wish i had had the opportunity of seeing my husband in the chapel of rest but he died of covid at the beginning of lockdown so I wasn’t even allowed to go to the chapel of rest :cry::cry:

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I saw my mum just after she had died in hospital, a nurse phoned me in the middle of the night and I rushed down in a taxi, she was still warm when I got there. I still keep thinking back to that awful day. I’m glad I didn’t see her after that. Sending a hug xx

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I wanted to see my husband in the week after he passed away, but he deteriorated very quickly, and they said it was not something they would recommend me doing. I am glad I was holding his hand when he took his final breath.

I went to the hospital as soon as I learned Steve had been taken there, but they wouldn’t let me see him. I saw him there the next morning and he looked very peaceful, although the back of his head had bled where he fell. All the lines of pain were gone from his face.
Once he’d been embalmed he looked different, but I kept visiting until he’d been gone almost 5 weeks, until the time when he deteriorated.

I didnt have Rob embalmed as he had asked that we dont do that to him.

I asked for it as I wanted to visit him. I was the only one that did bar one. I also chose what he wore.

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I took clothes in for him when we arranged his funeral so was dressed in shorts t shirt and his beloved crocs. They were an ongoing family joke so seemed only right he wore them one last time.

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I love crocs, they are so comfortable and a bit of fun xx

We had one pair used in his flowers arrangement, as Rob fished we had a wild hedgerow and riverbank design, my eldest granddaughter kept the crocs as she loved her grandad.

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That sounds great!