Thankyou for remembering my birthday. I,m afraid they will never be the same but I will be out with my two children for a meal and then on to see a punk rock band! Earplugs at the ready!
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Oh you have made me laugh, a punk rock band, that takes me back! . Good for you for getting out there, I admire that, you will be with your children too so that’s great! You deserve to have a nice time
Lyn
X
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@Marl I’m so sorry you never got to see your husband, you are right, some people had that chance taken from them, I did too but by his sons. I don’t know why I just imagined that we would grow old and die and it would be like the movies, beautiful, peaceful etc. The reality is death is ugly and creates devastation, pain and every emotion you are capable of feeling
I don’t know if this is part of everything grief related but amongst the sadness, loneliness and every other emotion under the sun, there is the tiniest part of me that wants to break free and grasp every minute of life and have fun, throw myself onto one of those rollercoasters at Alton Towers, dance the night away, sit on a beach gazing out to sea, be the young girl that I once was before my ending comes round, I can’t believe I am even writing this but I do feel it. Life gets so much harder as we age, held back from our dreams one way or another whether it be finances, health, committments and the list goes on.
I want to just release it all and feel total joy and happiness…have I lost the plot?
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I want to be happy again, a place where I can be me, not burdened down with life via death, I watched Jim get up that morning, just a normal day ahead and whoosh gone just like that as if he never existed. I don’t want to be Miss Haversham from Great Expectations! I think I have lost the plot but Lonely thank you for acknowledging there is a young, innocent fun person in us all and that is separate to a couple and we still deserve our lives to be lived in happiness and joy
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I think you do go back to your youth with your memories of when you met your partner/ husband …so thats why i think we think of these things ! But no harm in it 
xx who cares ! Listen after rubbish time weve had anything goes really doesnt it ? Whatever we can do to try and smile again 
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I got a second chance to say some things to my gorgeous fantastic wife sue that i was to upset to say at lindsey lodge hospice scunthorpe.glad i got to see sue again before the next step of her journey.i know she is watching over me and waiting for my time
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I was more referring to each of us being an individual person aside from who we were with our partners. Grief is also a journey of self discovery, what makes us happy?, what are our dreams now?, what do we want to do with our live’s?. I haven’t died, I’m still alive and here. Jim will always be in my heart, so will my mum and dad but I can’t live this life through a lens, i.e a photo and memory. We can all talk about our grief experiences but what are our plans for living? I love all of you on here but do we keep each other in grief, how does this wonderful group of people progress? Am I even making any sense?
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@Sarlyn
Yes you are making sense. Yes we are all different and we are dealing with things in a very different way.
Myself, I need to get up and get on, I go out and meet friends, I go to town or just out for a walk because I don’t want to sit at home crying and feeling engulfed by grief. My partner wouldn’t want me to either. He was such a positive person and pushed through so many challenges in life, he would smile through adversity and would get on with a glass more than half full and he would want me to get on with life as he hated self pity.
Now initially, I said hon I can’t do this, I can’t live without you but I am. I’ve reached 10 weeks without him. I had a melt down tonight because I struggled with something but I ve wiped away the tears and will find a solution. If he was able to see me, he’d want to see me thrive and succeed because that’s what he instilled in me. That’s why he taught me so much over the years. I don’t love him any less or miss him any less but he wouldn’t want to see me in bed crying all day. He showed me how to be a better, stronger person and I like to show him that I am x
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I know what you mean … but we all just trying to support each other arent we ? Like you were really upset about your situation
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Absolutely and I for one really appreciate every single response of support What I see also outside of the grief side of things are remarkable individuals who are so articulate that they could be authors of books. Never have I been online and seen people so polite, respectful and articulate on their experiences, where a genuine sense of love and caring comes through. In my short time on here I have realised who actually needs counseling when people here give it free, in abundance and with so much love in their hearts. I actually want you all to thrive and I want to be part of that. Whatever my future holds I will never forget any of you on here. We talk of continued bonds of connection, well it’s right here.
I am as mad as a box of frogs but I never forget anyone who has helped me on my life journey
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@Ali29 I love your replies and I want to be where you are in 10 weeks, your Rich would be so proud of how far you have come and yet supporting others in such a short time in your own grief
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My manager phoned me today as we have bereavement counsellors at work and asked me if I was ready, my reply was, thank you for the offer but I have private bereavement counselling and there is a choice of 50 plus of them 
she asked me if I had been on the gin
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I know since I lost my husband which will be 6 months this coming Friday , I think back to the time we met and all the happy memories,
I never thought about living my life without him ,
I know he would want me to carry on and live my life , but it’s so difficult without my Dave ,
But most of us on this group feel the same way
Take care
Sue
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Oh i would use work counsellors if you been offered ??? My daughter is using counselling through work xx
i didnt see my husband i was with him and spoke
to him right till i tiold him to go it was really peaceful
like you im so angry as well that hes left me
I had to move as well and slthough im as happy as can be to live here every night i cry and moan at him
iits not fair he went we made plans i miss him as i know we all feel the same🥵
I saw my hubby at the hospital after he passed suddenly, also in the chapple of rest both days after. And again when they took him to the funeral home, every other day now wished it had been every day. I had a hand cast made of us holding hands, and hand prints. He was dressed in his furry freak brothers T shirt, his Beatles socks and his shorts, which he used to wear around the house. I did not have him put in his coffin until the day of his funeral, I saw him as I wanted to see him, I cuddled him I held his hand and I talked to him and I cried every time. And then they put him n his suite and coffin. I am so relieved I did all of that. It somehow gives me comfort.
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So today I phoned the funeral directors to visit the Chapel of Rest with my friend who will put a rose and letter with Jim and I was informed his son’s won’t allow it so a closed coffin only 
They have denied me every opportunity of any final goodbye
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Thats disgusting from the sons .sorry to hear this x