Sarlyn
So very sorry to hear this
My heart goes out to you ,
They are been very unreasonable to you
And not thinking of you and what your partner would have wanted ,
Take care
Big hugs ,
Sue x
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@Sarlyn that is horrific and canât comprehend how you deal with this. I canât believe you have no say at all. Itâs so unbelievably cruel.
What goes around comes around, it will catch up with them at some point.
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Well you didnt want it anyway did you ? Hope it goes ok xx
I shouldnât be denied though should I? 
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I am totally broken, I canât even give him a rose, photo or letter. I am now dreading the funeral as donât know what awaits me there. I have no clue why they are doing this to me let alone their dad
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Hugs to you .that is a horrible thing to do you x
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@Ali29 I donât know what to do about anything anymore, I donât even know if I can face the funeral or what kind of reception I am going to get there. I was told I have to make my own way there so a friend was going with me for support. There is zero reason for any of this, my head is all over the place and Jim would be devastated, how can they do this to their own father?
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Never ceases to amaze me how cruel people are to each other .hugs x
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Why cant you give him a letter or a rose ? Wont funeral director put it in for you ? This is disgusting ! I think you need to take this further ? Isnt there someone you can report it to ? Surely ???
Listen you go to the damn funeral ! They canât stop u its a public place ! Can you ring your MP and see if he can help you ! You need somebody with some cloat on your side !!! Xx
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Ha it doesnt suprise me ! I seen it alll since my husband passed !! Some peoples behaviour is appalling ! X
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Thank you, I needed that hug. They have made me feel like a nobody, nothing. The hurt is unbearable. I have known Jim 54 yrs and the thought of him laying on life support wondering where I was is something I will never forget and now denied any chance of saying goodbye to the love of my life is beyond my comprehension. Itâs almost as if they want total control over him. Yet in life they hardly saw him. Only when they needed something. I know it disappointed Jim because he rarely spoke about it
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Or ring a solicitor ? They cant do this to you as his partner !
They just trying to hurt you 
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There is nothing I can do âlegallyâ they are next of kin and Jim died without a will.
The funeral directors were lovely but said they have to do what there âclientâ wants.
The kind lady did say she would sneak the rose, photo and letter in with him but that just makes it all feel dishonest and unreal. A death of someone should be surrounded by love, peace and respect for the deceased but it appears times are changing.
A friend of mine told me a friend of hers lost her husband and the hospital phoned her to say her husband had been moved fro.m the hospital to " a cold storage unit" she was devastated and has had to put in a formal complaints in how that person delivered that information. Just shocking how cruel people are and all because they donât care
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Oh let her sneak it in ⌠who cares !! And make sure you go to funeral - with your friend !! X
I have decided I am going to hand over my rose, letter, photo say goodbye and walk away. I wonât be attending the funeral as I canât be put through any more hurt and pain. On the day I will close my door from this cruel world and live in the knowledge, I tried in every way to do everything right.
I have to take care of me now as nobody left on this planet to care about me and I cannot allow myself to be put through anymore humiliation by anyone. It was not my fault Jim didnât put his affairs in order and spare me any of this.
I thank everyone on this site for their love, caring and empathy but I am done now and need to leave this all behind. Love should never cause this amount of pain.
I hope all of you find some happiness in your futures.
God Bless
Lyn
Xx
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@Sarlyn
Iâve caught up on everything youâve written here and I will never understand peopleâs cruelty. It didnât have to be this way and if I thought talking to the son would do anything, I would suggest that but I donât think that will change anything.
Whatever decision you make will impact you so take the road with less impact.
If your partner can see from the other side, he will know this is not your fault and he would have heard your words, regardless whether in hospital or next to you at home.
If there is no other side then he will never know what they have done, that you werenât there or that you didnât attend the funeral.
Please only do what you can live with, as once the funeral is over, you have to live with the decision you make.
Iâm so sorry thatâs this has been done to you. The biggest hug coming your way.
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Hi @Sarlyn
Many people have said this but it is nonetheless true. Grief is the price we pay for love. Reading everyoneâs stories, regardless of what support we have, we all feel alone in this and in immeasurable pain. And Iâd say none of us deserve this but wouldnât it be weird if we didnât feel this way?
I canât see what it is yet, and everyday I doubt itâs existence but I KNOW there is a way for us all to move forward with this.
It is really hard not to give into the anger and the bitterness but donât let other peopleâs actions eat you up and lead you to decisions you normally would not make. Iâm very wary of offering this advice but please think carefully before deciding not to go to the funeral. So much of this feels completely surreal and I think a lot of us still think at times our loved one will just walk through the door. And itâs nice to have that moment of unreality but it is also devastating when reality instantly kicks back in. Whatâs weird is that you expect the 'wait, what happened? â moments to steadily reduce but itâs not like that. It comes in bursts, for me still 8 months along. Funerals are a ritual that help bring some solid ground to a totally surreal situation, particularly when you couldnât be with him when he passed.
Nothing can be worse than what has happened to us. Nothing. Funerals are horrible but they can be important in this journey.
Go with your gut. Just make sure itâs your gut thatâs leading the way and not someone elseâs
Take care of yourself xx
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Sarlyn
Where do you live? I am happy to come visit you if you like. I love driving, im off work and lonely as hell. Just say if you need company please xx
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