Hi folks, I’ve read other posts here and all I read seems to reflect how I feel. I lost my soulmate in June, I was back at work within two days desperately trying to distract my mind from the horror of losing her. Any spare time I have is filled with sadness and I think often about ending things and going to find her. I know she would be so upset if I did end things, she fought so damn hard to stay with me. She was only 57, I am 52 and although I have her daughter and grandchildren, her sister… I’m so very alone. No one comes to see me apart from my work colleagues for work. I just can’t see any reason to be here. I don’t want to leave her poor sister to deal with everything. I will carry on as long as I can. But I speak to others who tell me it doesn’t get any easier all the time, only a few say it gets better with time. Please give me some inspiration folks. I miss caring for her, I miss having someone that needed me every day. I spent 6 months caring night and day for her, nurses 4 times a day and a very busy home full of machines and care ladies… then nothing, silence. I formed a bond with all of them, but as soon as Debby passed it all ended… No one came to her funeral, friends didn’t make it, care ladies never replied… Totally alone and a bit desperate. I would do it all again night and day just to spend one more hour caring for her.
I too lost my darling other half in June. I now have some relatively good days. He was my carer. You must feel abandoned. All that coming and going whilst she was alive and suddenly nothing. It must have been distressing that no one came to the funeral. People tried extra hard to come to his funeral. They took holiday and travelled some distance. My nephew and niece tried to get there from France but it just wasn’t possible. Over 50 people attended. It did help me knowing how much he was loved. Please keep going. Life is not easy for me. I have mobility issues so everyday tasks are difficult but I have to believe things will get better. A positive attitude however difficult is essential. I would suggest talking to your doctor. Xx. Sandra
so sorry you’ve had to join the club none of us wants to be in. I lost my wife in April. There are better days and bad days. The better days are slightly more frequent than the bad days and I expect that trend to continue. We never really get over this but so many on this site are further on the road than us and tell us it will get easier. Hang in there. Also, as Sandra says, have a chat with your GP. We’re all here to support each other. you’re not alone.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Life must be so hard for you right now (I’ve no doubt I’ll have so many of those feelings you have when my husband dies).
When you are caring for someone poorly, it’s full on and there are so many different people involved. No wonder you now feel lost. I do think carers really are the forgotten hero’s of society, it doesn’t help that friends and family can be positively rubbish in situations like this.
I was only saying to my counsellor yesterday that, if it wasn’t for my boys, I wouldn’t actually care if I was here. I’m not suicidal, and have no plans to end my life, but life is just pretty shit and I’d be happy to opt out.
It’s constantly drummed into us to not talk about those feelings; “oh don’t say that” you hear if ever you dare mention it. BUT it’s not good to have those feelings squashed you need to let them out.
Have you considered seeing a counsellor? The wait on the NHS is usually ridiculous so if you have any spare pennies it maybe something to consider. Make sure you check out the BACP website for accredited counsellors.
I know its still early, and there seems no way out. But happily thats not true.
We have a lovely thread where many people are being really positive and working to make things better.
Why not join us there?
I hope this link takes you there. Hang on in there, but I think Sandra’s advice to talk to your GP is good!
The wait on the NHS is ridiculous. I have been told I have been approved but likely to be 21 weeks.
Try this. Its free therapy supplied via the nhs.
Ive done CBT with it, and it was a great help.
I later went on to do hypnotherapy independantly, which was wonderfully helpful.
So sorry to read of your situation and I wish you all the strength you need to cope right now. Thank you for taking the time to try and help me, it’s very much appreciated.
Thank you, I’ll try and get into that thread and get some positivity.
Forgive me for saying this but June is very early days. I get what you mean, that you hear that things don’t get better etc but they do.
This journey is long and painful, it is not what we signed up for and the loss of your love and future is devastating. Then you have to cope with everything else on top.
At 3 months I was feeling better, the pain was less raw and all consuming. I returned to work, a few hours a day and built it up and being back was beneficial.
At 5 months I felt I took a step back but not right back to the beginning.
At 7 months, I still get upset most days but it’s over as quick as it starts, I have started part time at work as I got myself a dog to give me purpose and she’s adorable. I can go out with friends and have a good time, I’ve been on holiday and enjoyed it, I have a life that’s worth living.
I have had to make myself get up and get out as only I can do that for me.
I have to make my life as no one can do that for me.
I miss my partner and my life with him but I’m only 58 and have many years to live. My partner would want me to live a life too and I owe it to him to live because he can’t.
I don’t know what my future holds, it’s scary but it’s up to me to make it worth while.
Next week, next month, I may feel very different but right now, I’ll take any good days that come. Tomorrow, I will deal with as it comes.
Just take each day as it comes.
I’m 10 weeks in since losing my husband.
I have had some slightly better days & even managed to go to the football on my own!
Some days, I don’t want to do much & often find myself staring into space aimlessly. I sometimes feel better on my own with the dogs than when people come to see me but the loneliness can be unbearable.
I am on anti-depressants which haven’t kicked in yet. On a positive note, I am going on holiday with my mum in October. Not sure I’ll enjoy it but I’m going!
So you just keep taking it slowly & I am sure you (& all of us in this awful club) will have better days🤗
This is fine if you are in England but not available in Wales . I’ve been assessed for CBT only to be told the waiting list is 3 YEARS ? yes that’s 3 YEARS. So no good if you live in wales
Lost my husband suddenly 15 weeks ago. I too was dismayed to read of people still suffering many months or even years. And the added worry of ‘complicated grief’ if you dont grieve 'properly '. But I have felt distinctly better this week, after a bad few days. Something subtle has changed, hard to describe. I am grateful for this but prepared for further setbacks. It certainly isnt a linear process. I hope with time you find some inner peace, I think happiness is a longer term goal but is possible.
I really from the bottom of my heart feel for you
I cared for my husband, last six months. Life is now dead