Finding peace would be lovely.
Yes I have 2 more daughters and a future son in law living at home, so we support each other.
It’s such a shame you weren’t able to have children but I’m so glad you have people who help you
I understand how you feel about being fiercely independent, I’m that way inclined but I’ve recently realised that sometimes I need help from others and I’m learning to ask for help.
As far as feeling self conscious I think you need to remember that as long as you do what makes you happy no one else matters and it doesn’t matter what others think or say.
Xx
2 Likes
Hi Pushkin I fully understand how you feel it is such a lonely journey and each of us will do it our own way but for me I hate being alone with my thoughts I can’t do it in fact. I am out most days walking meeting up with any friends who offer but only one at a time I cant be in a group anymore it makes me anxious. We just walk and chat not always about me just chat and i listen to their stories about their lives. I come away still being grateful of the lovely beautiful times i had with my partner I wouldn’t swop with any of my friends I am so glad that Alec was mine and noone story is as beautiful as mine is to me. Yes I go home to my empty house and I’m so so sad agai but there has been just a little pleasure in the day x it just helps me getting out but you do you maybe try and push yourself just a little see how it feels. Sending love and hugs to you xxx
1 Like
Hi Shazz,I am in complete agreement with you I have never felt as though I could ask for help and get I know that I have felt rewarded by helping people who are in unfortunate circumstances.Caring brings its own reward and makes us feel useful.Somehow you have made me see that it isn’t a sign of weakness to express vulnerability.
I think we will find peace,for me it is a matter of trying to find something to look forward to however small.
I had a great relationship with my partner and even though I couldn’t have children I didn’t let it rule my life.
It appears you have a growing family and I hope you allow yourself some fun.I hadn’t felt any joy at all until today,I was just putting the rubbish out and two little girls were squabbling with each other on their way to school with their Mum.
I actually laughed,something I wouldn’t have thought possible a few days ago.Thank you for taking the time to talk to me,your comments are very relevant to me and I appreciate your time.
Hugs with a little bit of happiness heading your way,take care.xx
1 Like
Hello Ang,
It is so strange how we deal with this so differently.I couldn’t bear to be alone at home for the first couple of weeks and would have welcomed anyone,whether it be the postman or the milkman just to fill a few minutes.
Now I feel that my home is my “safe place” .I think you are doing extremely well feeling able to go out with a friend.You obviously value them and I bet they feel the same about you.
I feel like an alien if I go further than a few steps from my home,as though the world is going on without me.
I know you are right I should venture out,I keep talking myself into it then I panic…It has become a phobia and the more I think about it the worse I feel.
I know it is illogical so I am going to do something about it or I will become a prisoner.Malcolm wouldn’t recognise me and I am using him as my guide.I would hate him to think I was letting him down,he was so special to me,always will be and I know how lucky I was.
I will think about you too Ange,it’s raining right now but I’m going to put my coat on and hide under my good and not give a toss about getting wet.
Thank you for lovely gentle encouragement,you took the time to talk to me so I will take your advice.
Love and hugs to you too.xx
Vancouver,
I am sorry for your loss. My loving wife of 34 years died March13 2021 and when she died, I stopped living. At that point I just started existing, I have no life anymore. There is no joy, no pleasure and no enjoyment of any kind. I have posted on other topics and I won’t bore you with all of my pain and suffering but it is there. My loving wife was not perfect and neither am I but we were perfect for each other. When my loving wife died she took my broken heart and soul with her and now I am nothing but a shell of the person I was. I dread each morning and hope each day is my last. I cry everyday and every night and it is terrible being all alone all of the time. Take care, John
2 Likes
Lynn2,
I am sorry for your loss. It is just over a year for me since I lost my loving wife of 34 years suddenly and unexpectedly. I too really have nobody since my loving wife’s family basically abandoned our son and me. We really had no friends because we only wanted to be with each other. Grief is personal and nobody should ever begin to think how you should cope. My personal belief is some people love more than others and we are those people. We are all hurting because of the level of love we have for our lost loves. I am not saying that I am any expert these are my thoughts but it is how I feel. Take care, John
2 Likes
Good morning Pushkin,I totally agree with you, I hope you are feeling as good as you can be under the circumstances.
I have always been a private person and have many “friends.”
I had my first counselling session yesterday and the lady asked me who was my go to person and I told her that it was Pete, he knew me inside out and I didn’t need anyone else, that’s what makes it so difficult, I’ve not only lost my soulmate but my best friend too. We just loved being in our bubble!
She told me that every thing I’m feeling is normal, that does make me feel a little better.
I wish I could give you some advice but I’m still learning how to cope myself, it would be lovely to be able to have a group meeting as I feel I already know some of the people on here but I’m sure we probably don’t live anywhere near each other. I’m in Northern Ireland.
I wish there was a Bereavement group nearby but don’t know of any.
You are all my virtual friends and I know you all understand how I am feeling.
I’ve lost my confidence too and feel panic rise whenever some one suggests I go out, I just want to stay at home with all my memories.
I only ever think about the next day and get worried about anything further than that.
Sorry for the long winded message.
Love to all!
Muldool
5 Likes
You are so right, @Muldool - T was my go to person, my love, the centre of my world. When he died, as I wrote, I died, too. Yesterday, I came back to our place in the mountains. I felt his presence here so strongly, so powerfully. It has given me renewed strength - he is here, I know. It sounds strange, but it is true. I wobble still - this morning I was with the local solicitor to sort out legal matters. I was feeling fine until I had to say the words " my husband died in January" and that was it. Mess. But recovered in time. All these days are hard, my friend. We have good friends on here who understand and care so much. Because only we know how hard this really is. Stay well, keep going.
3 Likes
Hi pushkin
I hope your walk went well x I know what you mean about your home being your safe place when I h ave been out I come home and right upstairs and sit on my bed thats my safe place x everything I do I do to make my Alec proud of me and I think if he is watching me he would hate to see me sitting alone crying and sad so I do it for him and it helps me too x but just little steps for you but if you ever need to talk I’m here and I really do understand your pain xx big hugs. My job today is paintingcthe garden fence cos Alec worked hard putting that up and I am not going to let it rot he would be telling me off x 
take care xx
2 Likes
People just don’t understand unless they have lost a loved one.
A friend really upset me this week. She said she didn’t know how she’d manage without her husband, she then cuddled him and said we’re going to die together. She’s never been the most tactful person but it felt so upsetting. It made me feel so alone.
It’s only 3 months since I lost my darling husband, but it feels like it’s just hit me with a vengeance. The spring bulbs he planted last autumn are looking lovely,and it makes me so sad that he’s not here to see them.
We all pretend we’re fine to everyone, but of course we’re not fine.
I am having telephone counselling once a week, but too soon to say if its helping.
Love to you all 
3 Likes
Hi Ange,
Well I can report that I did go out but only for about twenty minutes.I thought I may as well have a purpose so I went to the local shop.I live in a very small village and it only has one shop,a church,pub and school.
I did feel better when I got back but I cried when I was in the shop.I don’t like showing emotions in front of people.
We/I have a very large garden and Malcolm would be out there all day in Summer.He kept it up beautifully so I will have to tackle that but I will have to get someone to look the trees…Malcolm was tall,I’m not short at 5’8" but trees are beyond me .
Thank you for your encouragement Ange…I’m here too if I can be of any help.x
2 Likes
Hi Anne C,
I know exactly what you mean,I don’t think friends and family intend to hurt but a comment and an action like that is tactless and rather childish.Anyone who has lost a partner would feel upset,including me.
It’s ten weeks since I lost mine,I can cope with the house,cooking,cleaning etc.I can stop thinking about him for a while…then something will remind me and I feel as though it has just happened.The main thing is to get up,stay up and try to do even just one thing a day.
I’m the same about the flowers in the garden,everything feels bittersweet.
Take care,xx
3 Likes
Oops I’m meant to say I don’t think they intend to hurt.x
Hello Muldool,
I too wish there was a support group but I have looked online,asked age concern and there doesn’t seem to be anything near me,probably because of Covid.
I like taking on here but I wonder what you look like and to physical connect in a small group setting.
People can show there emotions more and it would be a great opportunity to make friends who understand what we are having to go through.xx
3 Likes
Yes Pushkin, I agree. It’s always nice to put a face to a name, I don’t mind sending a picture if you want to pm me. Maybe we could set up our own zoom meeting, just listen to me and I can hardly work my laptop!!
It’s another one of those things that Pete would sort out for me.
I am not very good with technology…
Muldool
2 Likes
Hi Muldool,
It would be nice to do something like that,I haven’t got a clue either.Technology has never been my strong point.
I haven’t a clue about sending photos but should imagine it works like an email.
Zoom time,FaceTime,I don’t know one from the other and have never done anything like that.
How did you get your name Muldool?Pushkin is my cat.x
1 Like
Hi Pushkin,
I was named Muldool by Pete, its to do with the pronunciation of my surname.
Do you have any other pets? I have 2 rescue greyhounds. They are the reason I get up in the morning now and look after them helps to keep my head busy.
Muldool
1 Like
Hi Muldool,
Malcolm used to call me chuck,if I was upset he would tap me on the nose and say"what’s up chuck ".
I only have one pet Pushkin,I was walking around the village almost seven years ago when I heard a very slight mewing sound in the bushes.I look down and found a tiny kitten and two dead ones,no sign of the mother.
I picked him up and took him home.Malcolm and I took him to a vet who didn’t think he could survive and expected to euthanase him.
I was brought up on a farm we had let cats and there were a lot of feral cats around.I was quite confident I could help him survive so I asked the vet to let me try.I pippet fed him small amounts of warm kitten milk and a formula I prepared with vitamins and minerals.
He did really well,he is full of character and we both love him.
The vet believes him to have Maine Coon in him,he is a very large cat,not fat,just very big.He has masses of silky long fur.Mainly white but with a black and white mask,two large black blobs on each side and an enormous black fluffy tail which he carries up in the air…He looks snooty.
I had a great childhood on our farm,we kept pigs,sheep,cows,chickens mostly.We also had working dogs.
I think it’s an awful shame that people face Greyhounds and when they can no longer run they are abandoned.
I hope you are ok Muldool.Sending love to you and everyone on here.xx
3 Likes
Aw… Pushkin, that sounds like a lovely upbringing, mine was similar, we didn’t have a farm but we had lots of pets, cats, dogs, rabbits and goldfish, we also had a peacock.
My Mum also found 3 kittens who’s mother had died, she and my Dad bottle fed them but only one survived, that was Charlie a ginger cat, my Dad continued to feed her with a babys bottle for many years and when Dad got ill with Parkinsons Charlie was constantly on his lap, she also used to sit on the headrest of his chair and lick his bald head! 
I think growing up around animals can teach us a lot.
As well as my 2 greyhounds I have another one that I’m fostering, some people told me I was mad to take on another dog after Pete died, it’s hard work with 3 but it keeps my head busy.
One thing I can’t stand is any form of cruelty to animals.
Pete was such a lovely man and his biggest bug bear was injustice in the world, he was so kind and caring and also had a wonderful sense of humour.
I miss him so much.
I hope you are okay too Pushkin and sending love to all as well.
Muldool
4 Likes
Muldool,
I don’t know if you are up to it, but you can upload a picture to your profile. See mine as an example, that was one of my loving wife’s favorite pictures. I agree it is nice to put a face to a name, on other sites I have pictures of our pets we had through the years. I don’t know if this is something you want to do, just putting it out there. Take care, John