I’m so sorry .
Sending love and hugs to you
1 Like
I’m kind of okay today so far.
Went to our local cinema last night but there’s no one to discuss the film with. I’m at that position where after 5 years I’m thinking of moving back into the main bedroom. The last 5 years were filled with dementia memories and I’ve kept out and made the spare bedroom a bit of a sanctuary for myself. It’ll be difficult at first I know because that’s where her clothes are, her jewellery and various perfumes.
It’s a dilemma really. I don’t want to change too much because that means I’m getting rid of her. But accepting I’m on my own means doing stuff for me. It’s tricky this grief and guilt and remorse.
2 Likes
Its awful, so many hard decisions, when all we want is our old life back.
I’d had a couple of good days. Today I’m very tearful.
I actually found some videos with Roger talking, its what I’ve been looking for and wanting. So why am I crying so much?
In the end we’ll have to accept it, nothings going to bring them back. But I’m just not ready yet
1 Like
Hi all I seem to be going backwards. I just don’t know what to do to try and bring myself out of this horror show. I am crying and feeling so low. I fell asleep on the sofa last night still fully dressed. I woke about 3.30 but couldn’t be bothered going to bed. So I stayed on the sofa all night. Didn’t even lie down just sort of leaning back. I’m just fed up with everything. Can’t find a happy moment even if I tried. Sorry. It’s not what everyone wants to hear I know but have to vent somewhere or I’ll explode. Love to you all for being here.
2 Likes
Can totally identify with this.
It is a sunny afternoon and I decided I must go out and do some shopping that really needed to be done.
The positive is I went out.
I found myself repeating He is with me, he is with me, he is with me ….
I started repeating it without even realising it. Of course, I started to cry.
I got to the first place I needed to shop, went in smiled, shopped and even joked with the people there.
Then onto the last shop, crying most of the way.
As I went around the shop, my mind was fuzzy, and I was very tearful.
Never been so upset when shopping alone before.
Coming back home, I was crying again and told him the world was empty without him.
It is, it’s totally empty.
I stay home most of the time as going out by myself is unbearable.
We went everywhere together.
Thank you for letting me share this.
Rose x
2 Likes
So very sorry. I know you have had a couple of good days x
I also know you were searching for videos.
You are crying, I think, because you want Roger to be back with you.
I certainly know how that feels.
I am not ready to accept the reality either.
Rose x
1 Like
Thank you Rose
I know you understand
X x
1 Like
I have been on the rollercoaster again today.
After visiting a nearby green space with a friend, I was in tears coming home.
So during uncontrollable crying I phoned the Samaritans,
Cried all the time I was talking to someone.
The crying and talking has helped a little bit.
However, I still miss him so much and want him back. I know that is impossible.
He was, is and always will be the love of my life.
He was the one who understood and really knew me.
He made me complete. He was such a lovely, kind man.
We were together for nearly 50 years.
How do I ever come to terms with what has happened?
This is not living. I hate all of this.
It is a nightmare that will not stop, I won’t wake up and find out that it is not true.
Sorry to burden all of you with this.
Any advice or words of wisdom?
I hope and pray you all feel better than this.
Love,
Rose x
1 Like
Oh Rose I’m so sorry you’ve had such a bad day. I avent had the best of days, but not as bad as yours. I’ve just been incredibly sad and a bit tearful.
Theres nothing I can say thats going to make you feel better, except I’m here to listen.
I’m struggling with acceptance.
A good friend of Rogers came to see me today, they’d lost touch for years. We didn’t even know his wife had died 8 years ago. He’d heard about Roger just before the funeral and came straight over. Today he came again.Now he’s going to visit me weekly. He’s told me he’s going to help me through this.
I don’t know if anyone can but its nice to know he’s there for me.
I wish I could say something positive to help you Rose, but I think you did right contacting the Samaritans.
I’m being assessed for counselling tomorrow.
Have you thought of counselling?
Big hugs Rose
Lots of love
Liz x x
Thank you.
I have had my name on a waiting list for counselling for weeks. I have been told it probably be in September.
Apparently, it is the same wait for all counselling in the area.
I have also being told that one organisation will not see anybody until they have been bereaved for at least six months. I think the reason behind this, is that it is felt emotions will be too raw for counselling.
I think I’ve said that sadly one by one people have stopped visiting or suggesting a meet up.
I believe I have been really quite positive when I’ve been with people.
I have definitely told them how much I appreciate their support and company.
I think they want to go back to their normal lives. Who doesn’t?
Also, it means they have to deal with death and what lies in the future for them
as a couple.
I think the lack of contact with people I know has been one of the triggers for this.
At the moment, I don’t know when I will next see a friend or relative.
That makes me feel very sad and lonely.
Thank you so much for getting back to me, I really appreciate it.
I’m so glad you have such supportive friends.
I hope your counselling gets sorted out.
Take care.
Love,
Rose x
1 Like
Hi Rose I’ve noticed people don’t keep in touch now as much as they did. I suppose it’s only to be expected. I spend a lot of time on my own and even though I never used to mind a bit of time on my own, this loneliness is on another level. Just message any time. Take care.x
2 Likes
Thankyou Rose.
I know I am lucky to have such support. Altough it doesnt really take away the pain.
I’m crying agsin now, because like you iIwant my old life back.
As much as I get support no one really seems to understand how much I’m hurting
Like you I think they all want to think I’m ok because it’s easier for them.
Sorry I’m going on and you’ve had such a bad day.
I hope you at least have a peaceful night and a better day tomorrow
Love Liz xx
1 Like
Please don’t apologise, you must talk.
I am here for you and understand how you feel, how we feel!
Nobody can replace our husbands.
There is no one else that can complete us like they did.
I don’t know how we come to terms with that.
Sending you big hugs and much love,
Rose xx
2 Likes
I am feeling an emotion I have not felt yet in this dreadful time. Fear.
I feel so frightened, so vulnerable.
When will these awful, powerful emotions stop erupting so suddenly ?
1 Like
Hey Rose.
I’ve felt fear a lot and it is so scary.
Fear of the future, my safety, being able to cope, not being there for my kids……I feel frightened of all things and yet I used to think I could do most things and give them a try.
Now I get anxious trying to sort out the bills.
Those big emotions as you say just keep coming - but it’s to be expected I suppose with such a huge loss for us all.
When things are overwhelming I just stop and breathe, then take things one step at a time.
You are brave in keeping going without your husband and that will help overcome your fears I am sure xx
2 Likes
Fear is just another emotion that grief is sending us. Just as we think that maybe we can cope something else comes up.
Fear and feeling vulnerable are just part of our lives being turned upside down and realising we’re now on our own.
Big hugs
Rose x x
1 Like
Thank you.
I have never felt such fear.
Besides being the love of my life, he was so many things including my protector.
He was the one who would tell me it would be ok.
Big hug xx
1 Like
Thank you.
This was so frightening.
Yes, I feel so vulnerable and alone.
I think sometimes it was better when I was in shock.
Love,
Rose x
Hi @RoseGarden
I’ve read that you would like counselling if possible but the waiting list is long and one said that at least 6 months to let the dust settle first before they consider you.
I think that’s wrong. Counselling should begin immediately if you can access it. I had private counselling which is currently 55 pounds for an hour. I still talk to her now and again and I find it valuable even after 6 years .
There are places that will see you for free and it takes some searching to find them. If you can afford it I can put you in touch with my counsellor @ £ 55 per hour if she has the space.
Failing that, the Samaritans are always there, you need someone professional to talk to now.