What do you do when it gets bad?

Coping with bereavement
84

Thank you so much for thinking about counselling for me. That is very kind.

Sadly, I have contacted so many organisations and 6 months is the waiting time.

I have also been told that quite a few organisations will not even consider counselling for anyone who has not been bereaved for less than 6 months. It seems, rightly or wrongly, their reasoning is that emotions are too raw for counselling to be as effective/useful as possible.

I have contacted Samaritans more than once and it has helped to talk with them.

Thank you for being so thoughtful!

Rose

85

Hello @RoseGarden

My counsellor would consider soonest counselling Iā€™m sure. Its 55 pounds but well worth it., maybe she wonā€™t have the space but worth a try

86

Hello,

How long have you been seeing her!

Rose

87

Iā€™ve been seeing her ( via zoom) for about 5 years. Firstly once a week, then once a month and now I dip in when I feel I need to talk to her

88

Hi,

back again.

I have started many posts and then discarded them.

I have to let this out.

I am sorry that it will be you.
People who also are struggling and battling to find the answers
to all this.

The truth is you will understand although I hope you have not felt this low and hopeless.

I will never harm myself.

I have two wonderful cats that l love so much.
I will look after them.

I had a fall a week ago and although I made light of it at the time, it has had both a physical and emotional impact.
Then a couple of days later, discussing feeling poorly, symptoms, with the friend I was with when I fell, it turned out we had the same ones. Next day she tested positive for Covid. Since then I have got worse.
I have had some problems I have had to deal with before and during this.
So I am exhausted, emotionally drained and totally wiped out.

I hope I will start to climb back up when I feel better but I am doubtful.

I really donā€™t want to keep on fighting I want to admit defeat.

My husband was my life. I loved him with every ounce of my being. He was also very caring and protective. Being ill without him is so bad, so lonely.

As I have written before many friends and family have drifted away.

I have tried keeping in contact, very occasionally saying I felt down but the vast majority of the time being cheery and showing an interest in them.

I suppose I was trying to remind them I am still here.
However, I have been the one to contact them from time and have left quite long gaps between messages.
So now I realise their friendship and support is over.

Therefore, I have 2 friends possibly 3, and 2 neighbours.
I find that very sad.
My family, just 3 locally, are either really quite ill or caring for someone who is.

My husbandā€™s family have been a disappointment to say the least! Problems have been caused and most of them have not been any support whatsoever.

So, you see

I am now thinking I will look after my cats and thatā€™s it.

Basically, that is my life.
I do not see any point, purpose or hope. Thatā€™s all gone.

Of course, he would not like to see me like this but he is not here.
I wish I could live a life for both of us, a life that he will never have and enjoy.
I just canā€™t.

I just wait and pray to be with him again.

I am so sorry to have burdened you.

I apologise for dumping this on you.

Much love,

Rose.

2 Likes
89

You know that I know what youā€™re saying, and I can empathise with a lot of it, @rosegarden.
We are all with you. X

2 Likes
90

Oh @RoseGarden

You are not dumping anything on anyone.
We are all here for each other
We are all here for you

Love and big hugs

Liz x x

1 Like
91

Hello @RoseGarden

To have any friends at all is a treasure. I lost some while Bridget was at home with dementia as she couldnā€™t communicate and they lost interest. So those that are left are true and faithful friends who have stood by me.

You are doing so well and hereā€™s a virtual pat on the back for continuing to get through this awful time.

What youā€™re feeling is so normal and I still need to speak to my counsellor after 5 years of worry and heartbreak. So, what Iā€™m saying is, donā€™t think that youā€™re alone as we all are going through some form of grief. Keep posting. Keep well. Try to keep strong.

1 Like
92

Dear @SadGirlfriend @Liro @Dutchman ,

thank you so much.

I feel guilty for posting I am struggling, I am struggling.
Everybody on here is, I feel so selfish.

You are very special people!

Lots of love,

Rose xx

93

@RoseGarden Not selfish at all, weā€™re all in the same boat.
When I read some of my past posts I seem like a lunatic!

2 Likes
94

I have lost my charger, so until I find it I canā€™t come on here and moan live Rose xx

95

My heart goes out to you! I can empathise and relate to you. As you say, youā€™re limited with your support network . Iā€™m in the same position. When youā€™re at your lowest you really find out who your friends are. Sending hugs to you and a hope your on the mend soon. Dont forget we are all here on this site to listen and help in anyway xx

1 Like
96

It seems like one of those days for lots of us.
I have also found today a struggle, only a couple of friends, one living hundreds of miles away. I have a son who has been very supportive but I put on a bit of an act that I am coping better than I am because I donā€™t want to lean on him too much. Other friends donā€™t really want to witness the pain. I have a car that I am too scared to drive, the one time I did I managed to scratch it. Everything I do turns into a disaster. I feel wiped out today. My daughter was screaming from 3 am, so I am not sleeping either. I canā€™t eat properly, although I force myself, but then I am sick.
I donā€™t want to be here but I have to care for my daughter so I have no choice.
I am trying to do all the right things, meditate, be thankful for the positives in my life, spend time in the garden, read a book, etc. I even tried online Grief Yoga. Nothing eases the pain. I am certain it will eventually get better as I have been widowed before. But today I just donā€™t have the strength to fight it.
Sorry, I am no help at all. Xx

1 Like
97

Your having a tough time of it. Be kind to yourself, itā€™s like that with this grief, 2 steps forward and 10 back. Big hugs xx

1 Like
98

Thank you.

Your response means so much as you know what I am going through.

You definitely find out who your real friends are!

I have also found the response of some of his family very disappointing.
I obviously had the wrong idea of who they are.

At the moment, I am having a better moment.
I hope it lasts longer but this is a day where my mood can change in a second
and it has a few times so far.

Big hug.

Love Rose xx

99

Dear Willow,

yes you have helped!

To reach out when you are having a tough day is so very kind.

I can identify with trying to do the right thing and everything going wrong.
Those times are dire!

We were so use to sharing problems with our husbands were we?

I am sending you a big hug and my thanks for being here.

Love,

Rose xx

100

@RoseGarden Oh gosh I utterly empathise about the lost charger! Why do these simple little problems conspire to make us feel so helpless when we are already down? Iā€™m away from home, staying in a place where I canā€™t seem to make the internet work even tho I should get roaming Wi-Fi as part of my broadband package plus my mobile has decided it no longer recognises my Bluetooth hands free phone pairing thingy in the car. Itā€™s so frustrating that Iā€™m crying again.
This sort of c*** makes me feel so much more lonely and hopeless. Neil wasnā€™t any sort of IT expert and probably couldnā€™t have fixed it but he would have cheered me up and given me some perspective.
Tomorrow I have a long drive home ahead of me, all on my own, and Iā€™m quite scared to not have a functioning phone in the car. What happened to competent me?

1 Like
101

I understand.

As if we havenā€™t got enough to deal with.

My husband hated modern technology.

Like your husband, he would have cheered me up or calmed down. He was so very laid back .

Perhaps, your phone will start working when you start travelling.
Where you are staying may not be good for getting a signal.
Just make sure your phone is fully charged before you set off.

Safe journey home.

Love Rose xx

102

Hi Annie I sympathise and know what you mean,since my wife passed Iā€™ve become a wreck,things I could easily go to I find myself baffled to where it could be,my wife was the tech solver, yesterday the blumming tv started talking to me I didnā€™t have a clue,frankly it freaked me out,I hope we can all find some peace,just donā€™t seem possible at the minute,kind regards Ron.

103

I think the only way I can move on is to feel forgiven for the way I was during Bridgetā€™s terrible and frightening life she had with dementia while she was here in her last days at home before going into the care home.

Although I was under a great deal of stress I didnā€™t really appreciate what she was going
through. And shouted and screamed at her, didnā€™t comfort her when I shouldā€™ve. Altogether unprepared for the emotional upheaval dementia created. And now the only person who can forgive me isnā€™t here anymore and I find it so hard to forgive and be kind to myself.

2 Likes