You are not alone with these feelings - I’ve had them all. I so hate weekends as it appears the whole world has someone and I have to face it alone. I’m 18 months on and it doesn’t get easier but it does change. The advice I would give is do speak to someone - if not a friend, then a helpline such as Cruse, The Samaritans or Marie Curie. Also try to get out and walk every day - daylight and greenery all moodlifting. I had to give my lovely dog on to another home (a close friend) as i was so ill when my hubby died, but i walk to my local park and chat to dog walkers and pet their dogs! Do you read? Getting lost in a good book helps - though it took me months to do it. Watch daft tele - anything that gets you through another day. Wishing you all the best xx
I couldn’t sleep in my bed so for the past 4 months I have slept on my sofa recliner. Moving out I got myself a single bed. As with the sofa if anyone went to sit where Darren would sit my dog would pull them by their sleeve or bark. This has also been replaced as we have had to downsize for financial reasons.
Really littlewitch do you go to bed now? Sorry you had to down size in that regards i am lucky. We never owned our own homevits council. Xx
My son and I have actually been lucky, We were privately renting and with the prices on the increase there was no way I would be able to stay at the cottage I loved. I reached out to the council and due to my disabilities and reduced income as I have had to cut my hours at work due to transport links (unable to drive as have seizures) I got offered a housing association house. Financially I don’t have that worry over my head. My partner had life insurance for our children, that came through relatively quick so they have opportunities, whether that be travelling, a deposit for a house or just to save for the future.
Hi there, I get the essence of what you are sharing. I would never presume to know how you are feeling as we are all different but I understand the aloneness, the feeling of being abandoned and let down by those who are meant to care the most. My best friend who promised to be my ‘new sister’ after my sister died has gone incommunicado. Like you I have tried sharing (but not too dramatically so as not to put her out), letting her know I am in a really rotten place but she still says silent. Like you I have always been the one to contact her to keep the friendship going and I am feeling really disappointed and very hurt, and most powerfully of all, isolated. My cousins are a bit crap at contacting me too. In fact like you, I feel like no-one has asked me how I am for a very long time, apart from my mother who is very needy and I am always midful of how she feels and what she wants. My husband is great and I realise I do have him but that does not preclude lonliness when my best friend (of 50+ years) does not call or email.
I realise grief is different for everyone and I have things still to be grateful for but I want to thank you for posting and sharing. It really resonated with me, not just for our shared feelings but I don’t feel so crazy for feeling what I feel. They say grief takes time and you have been hit hard. Go at your own pace and know in this community we are thinking of you x x
I don’t think you need to pull yourself together. We can never be pulled together afer a loss. There is so much missunderstanding about loss. I think when someone we love dies we just learn to live in a new state, not a pulled together state but a new shape with new movements. Sending lots of love x x
I am pleased you are settled having seizures that must be really hard. How old are your children i am glad your not alone as it is soul destroying xxxx
I have found out ppl dont want to know they say all the right words at the time but soon disappear when needed.xxx
I have noticed that. Only Darrens 2 best friends and 2 of my close friends have been on the end of the phone for me. Plenty of others message, asking if I am ok, clearly I am not ok and state that, I know people might not know what to say, why bother messaging if you cant hold a conversation. It really hurts
My children are 30, 24 and 23 I also have a 2 year old grandson and a 7 year old granddaughter. My youngest lives with me he is my registered carer and has done so much I am so proud of him
Well I think you well and truly spoke for a lot of people, myself included.
Amazing how people " move on"…
But I am in a worse place since losing my wife last September…married for 8 weeks…
Never got the 2 years doctors gave her to live…
And now it’s just daily sadness…
When people ask I too never give an honest answer…
Because your are correct…it makes them ill at ease should I be honest.
I get some comfort from knowing I have people who know what it’s like to loose a huge part of your life…
Thanks for posting…
I hope we all find some peace… somewhere, somehow…
Take care…!
Darren was my world being together since the age of 14, for the 32 years he was my best friend, soulmate and lover. He looked after me and I relied on him so much especially during lock down when I was diagnosed myself with Fibromyalgia and Functional Neurological Disorder. These both affect my nervous system and both have heightened due to the stress. I am having to force myself to do things. A crazy freak car accident took him away from my grandchildren, children and I.
Hope2 I totally get where you are coming from I too am so fed up with feeling not cared for after losing my hubby 18 month ago I too have felt so isolated and lonely no one gets it apart from those who have gone through it because like you I tried telling people and they do not want to know how you are really feeling so yes when you take the plunge and tell the truth to them they start to alienate you even further I tried just the other day to describe to my sister how I felt at the likes of parties when we are all together how it is all of them then me just sitting on the outside of that circle she replied “Well i mean you shouldn’t feel that way as you are with family” I felt what I had just explained was totally ignored so yes the truth is the the last thing they want to hear but am OK when am sitting talking just about every day things as that is what they want to hear.
I feel your right you do wear a mask especially to please other people and this makes me feel am not being true to myself plus yes the misery of it is daunting .
I miss every single thing about my life with my hubby even the arguments haha and neither will I get used to living this type of life on my own we would have been married 39 years on the 27th July 
I often say I do not expect them to put lives on hold for me but now and again a little thought of how things affect me and have a bit consideration to acknowledge that and give me something that could just in a little way make me feel a wee bit better and am not totally on my own sitting in my home day in day out without so much as a even one of my 3 sisters coming to visit me then feeling so isolated I have to visit them because if not I would be left alone 24/7 
I relate to some of what you say. I hate living alone. Just like you I feel scared, miserable and lonley. I try to get out, although a recent illness has prevented that. When I manage to go out I hate going home to an empty house and when on the odd occasion I have a visitor I am in bits when they leave. I try to put a brave face on but no-one really knows how I am feeling. I cry a lot but no-one knows that. I do not have a family so do not get many phone calls. My partner died 11 months ago and it is not getting any easier. We had been together for 41 years - living and working from home together. It is a very lonely life without someone to cook for, to share a worry, to talk to someone when I am not feeling well. I do my best to occupy myself in the house but I often break down as I cannot see an end to this lonliness.
Bless flowergarden that is true also going back to an empty house is absolutely dreadful and I relate to an illness hindering you this is even worse scenario as last Feb I had a total knee replacement had to spend 6 weeks indoors it was terrible and I was exactly the same as I did actually get visitors then but I constantly cried throughout the 6 weeks looking at the 4 walls every day was daunting because all it made me do was think about my hubby what I had what I lost what plans we had made how our lives had turned out
This is it exactly not seeing an end to be on your own that yearning lonely feeling and actually when I have mentioned this to people I get told “Oh you will get used to it” or the other one is “You never know you could get yourself a man friend” Well I cannot mention what is being said in my head but I bet you can imagine 
Take care 
The stress of dealing with my partners sudden death from a stroke without having a family to support me made me ill and I had Shingles 3 months ago with lasting pain. I have not been able to drive for over 2 months and so have to occasionaly rely on someone to take me out but I cannot keep asking and then when I get home I feel more alone than ever. I have been told by several people “you will get there” but no-one understands what I am going through and how lonley I feel right now.
I was only thinking this afternoon about people that say things like ‘You’ll get used to it’ or other nonsense.
How do they know?
As you can see I got quite cross.
People who have not got the faintest idea of all the different emotions we experience giving us advice or their words of wisdom.
I know some think they are being understanding and trying to help but that shows they haven’t got a clue.
Rant over.
We all have different experiences but we have common threads - the feeling of being alone and isolated is very overwheling. I hope you can derive some confort from the fact that although no one can truely understand how someone else feels, there is a cennectedness about this group of people on here. We can’t fight how we feel (nor should we) but we can try and pick the little victories, like reaching out - that is a big first step. I don’t know where there is - things are said with well meaning but they aren’t always helpful. I think we are where we are and when we feel we can navigate life with less acute pain, well we get ‘there’ when we are ready!! Don’t know if this helps but I think each journey is unique and the comfort comes from knowing we can travel at our own speed and get to whatever place we get to! Lots of love x
‘Rose Garden’ yes people do say unhelpful things that induce a real rage and need for a rant.
I don’t know how this changes but I understand the frustration when it just isn’t helpful x x
Hi @Woman-50
It was a phrase like that that prompted me to write my poem.
Exactly where is ‘there’ ?
And all the other platitudes
You’ll soon feel better. We’re not ill!
You’ll get over it. We won’t!
I I think they think they’re helping. Its a pity they don’t think
Big hugs to everyone
Liz x x