Sending a big hug xx
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So hard isn’t it. I had an awful nights sleep and couldn’t get my head to stop going round everything.
It was my husbands birthday on Friday and me and my kids had an ok day and kept busy but since then I’ve been feeling awful.
My husbands brother phoned last night and he really wants to support me but is in Ireland. He phones every week but last night I asked him about his holiday and he shared they had had a lovely time. It was the first time in years they had been away just as a couple as they also have 4 kids, and he described what me and my husband hoped we would be doing in a couple years time when my youngest daughter leaves home.
It just hurt so much to know that would never happen and that I will always be without him.
So today I just wonder what’s the point.
I feel like I will always feel this way and it will always impact on everyone and everything around me.
Sorry - just feeling so helpless today. And sad.
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Sending a big hug.
Yes it is hard, very hard.
There are so many parts to this.
Mourning our lost planned future is one of them.
Take care,
Rose xx
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Thanks Rose. Just having a bad day I suppose.
So hard for all of us on here - 4 months in - it feels like a life sentence.
Hope your day will be ok - or as good as any Sunday can be for you.
Sending a big hug your way xx
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I know exactly how you feel. My partner had life insurance this was split between our 3 children, my oldest daughter has taken my grandchildren to Disneyland Paris and my middle child went to New York to get away but they both went when I needed their help as my son and I were moving house. My youngest child Kaiser is 23 years old and has taken on the role of my registered carer. I am so proud of him he has been my rock. He watches me day and night crying, it must be so hard for him. I know that the girls breaks weren’t intentional and they check in on me now and again. I know that they have their own lives to lead, relying on my son for literally everything. I just wish I could do something to show him how much I appreciate everything that he has done. This weekend has been a difficult weekend and I dread next friday when I break up for the 6 week holiday with no plans at present.
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Its 4 months for my partner. I find that on one hand it feels like yesterday and on the other had my heart feels like it has been ripped apart for an awful long time.
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Yes I feel the exact same way. Time is an odd thing - I wanted more time with my husband but now I am terrified of the time I will be here on this earth feeling as I do.
Sending a hug x
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Join the club ! I was just starting to feel a bit more positive about my life and then this. … my mum … she been so good with me since i lost my husband !! I dunno if she will recover at 84 ? Will just have to wait and see … ? All this sadness . Just too much sometimes xx
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You’re early days you know … its still raw for you xx
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So sorry about your mum @Deb5
I really hope she gets better especially as she has been a great support to you.
My mum is also 84 - she’s not doing great either but mainly as she has never tried to deal with her grief when my dad died 7 years ago. She just gave up, stopped doing anything and stopped going out even though we all were there for her. She was a fit and healthy 77 year old when he died but now she now has lots of health issues due to lack of mobility, self neglect and poor mental health - and refusing to accept any help or support.
I don’t want to be like her as she hasn’t been any support to me. She wouldn’t come visit my husband when he was dying and she just tells me it never gets any better.
You are blessed for her to have been there for you when you needed her although I know that won’t make the stress of her being unwell any less.
Sending some strength and a hug. Xx
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Thank you honet. Means a lot ! Ahe was string fir me when i was not and listened to me cry for my husband. Im trying so hard to be strong but its so hard without him here 
even more so now without my mum ! She always been such a strong lady ! Life is just so crap atm. Xx
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Yes it is really crap. How I wish there was something to make it easier.
You are strong though - you are being there for your mum and that’s all she needs. Knowing how much you love her will be the best support you can give her.
One day at a time xxx❤️
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Thanks love xx
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Yes, the platitudes of positive thinking can be very unhelpful. It doesn’t change the circumstances and one needs to get to that more positive place in one’s own way and time, if at all. I think it is ok to be in a place that isn’t all positive and pretty but that allows one to navigate each day and if one is going to have an affirmation it is simply to know making it through some days is the achievement!
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sending love. x
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As well as trying to manage my own feelings I am the only child now to my mum. So I am the one that has to gently tell her I am going away. There is never a good time to ‘leave’ her and I try to tell her as best I can as I am so aware of how much more vulnerable she feels if I am not around. She has a bit of a pride issue (amongst others!) so it is always a bit of a battle. But Thank you for posting (littlewitch) as it is good to get more than one perspective. My mum is very (emotionally) fragile at the moment suddenly finding herself living alone after 65 years with dad - he is in care - which is a big loss for her even if he hasn’t passed. In a way with dementia some of him has already gone too.
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Viv your mum will want you to go away. She might tear up and you might feel you are abandoning her. Just make sure she has everything she needs and get her a small gift on your return. ‘I saw this and I thought of you’. That will affirm to her that you have had her on your mind whilst taking time out
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So sorry you’re having a bad day
Thinking of you and sending a big hug
X x
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