Hi Skip,
My mam loved watching the rugby on TV so I dont know how I will ever be able to watch it.
Deborah x
2 Likes
Sending you a big hug lovely xx
2 Likes
Please do get support, I’m so sorry to see how tough it has been for you.
2 Likes
@Sulane thank you for explaining how to message correctly on here I had no idea what I was doing xx
2 Likes
Hi all … I’ve had a few very dark days, I kept myself away from everything - here, phone etc … Didn’t want to bother anyone with the low I reached. I did start concentrating and trying to focus on the boys - they’re my reason for still being here.
I am still very much stuck with all issues that are breaking me.
So tired, but unable to sleep (averaging 30 minutes at the moment) …
Sending hugs to you all x
2 Likes
@Kel2 - we know the depth of the darkest days here. You are with friends and fellows, who understand it all. You will never bother us. We all understand. We are all here. If you need a call, chat - just say. We are with you. We have got you. Lean on us, we are here. x
5 Likes
@Vancouver … Thank you.
I had to go out today… Struggled with that - had to take a family member for an appointment (noone else apparently)
I broke down in the car … Was asked what’s wrong? I said missing my husband, list without him, wish I was with him.
Response - “don’t be silly”
Honestly everyone here are amazing and who keeps me going (as well as our boys) I talk to them about their dad, remind them that just because they can’t see him doesn’t mean he’s not watching them xx
.
3 Likes
Hi Kel2
It was a heartless comment to say to you.You are worth more than that.Justcwait until it is their turn to go through this then time will tell.
Keep telling yourself how well you are doing even if you are not all of the time.There will always be something tiny that you did throughout the day that was ok so tell herself you did well for that.Literally give yourself a pat on the back even if it’s making food.It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you keep going and keep positive.My mam was a stickler for keeping going and would just roll her eyes if anyone used to say that.She used to tell me this. “Don’t waste time on people who don’t waste time on you” How true are those words.Shecalso told me to kill people with kindness and I have found that really works.
I broke down on the telephone today when trying to explain to BT I didn’t want mam’s phone anymore.I suddenly realised I wouldn’t be able to phone her number anymore and was sobbing so much the lady had to phone me back in ten mins.I have had the most awful day today with grief Spent most of the day in bed and if you knew me you would know that’s not me.I am in a world of my own today .Don’t want to know about anything or anyone.So carry on posting because people on here know how to respond to you properly.
Chin up as they say and I will check on you tom ok
Deborah x
1 Like
@Kel2 You are being anything but silly you were strong because you did it.
Sometimes all of us on here have broken down and feel silly and stupid because we don’t know why we are crying. .
You will get nothing but love and support on here and I take comfort in that.
It also helps me to respond to people like yourself who are struggling with loss,helping others helps me.
Sending you a great big hug from all of us stay strong.
2 Likes
@Kel2
What a heartless comment. I feel so lucky with the people around me as well as new friends from here.
I had a wobble today when I wasn’t sure about the sheep lying down flat out and needed my brothers in law to reassure me they were only enjoying the sun and tired from being heavier in lamb. It just made me realise the enormity of what is ahead managing the farmland not having a clue what I’m doing. The tears started and my lovely neighbour scooped me up wit hugs and a shoulder to sob on.
6 Likes
Kel 2
I understand how you feel .
However just deal with one thing at a time .
Do not give in to pressure if you feeling vulnerable be strong fight back and focus on your needs and request legal advice .
Take a step back and analyse what is your priorities .
In the long run you will be glad you didn’t give in at such a vulnerable time.
Take care and be strong x
3 Likes
Hi @Kel2, we seem to be living parallel lives, I’m still having trouble with her works pension & the solicitor who said she would help can’t even be bothered to get back to me so worrying now. Started a new job yesterday, really don’t think I should be working (because of the state I’m in) but desperately need it to pay the bills. Just about made it through the day, got in the car to go home, few yards down the road & I couldn’t stop sobbing. There’s been so many things to sort out & none of them are easily done, complications all the way; it is strange because I’ve heard many going through this on this sight, it’s as if it’s part of the bereavement journey??
Like you and so don’t want to be here & really can’t see it getting better like everyone seem to always say!!
Anytime you need a chat please don’t hesitate to contact me, private chat or on here. Love & thoughts with you xx
3 Likes
I agree with everyone on here about how wonderful this site is. I got up this morning feeling very fragile and coming on here to read and comment has helped me. As for being told not to be silly, words fail me. I never cease to be amazed at the insensitivity of some people. I’ve only experienced one ridiculous comment and that was ‘maybe you’ll find someone else’. The very idea was too ludicrous for any kind of response! @Kel2 don’t ever, ever worry about bothering any of us on here when you reach a low point. We all want to help and in helping you we also help ourselves and many others who read our posts. I lost my husband in November and the admin and everything I had to do totally overwhelmed me to the point of collapse. I decided I’d tackle one thing at a time and now it’s almost done. Love and cuddles to everyone. Jean xx.
5 Likes
Hi Jean ,
I know how you feel about waking up and coming on here. It’s keeping me going at the moment. Everything is so raw. That’s exactly what i am doing Just tackling one thing at a time . Some days its such a small thing but at the end of the day I can say well i actually did that today and it does make me feel better. It’s awful because because I could multi task when i was multi tasking if you know what I mean.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
4 Likes
Hope these 2 poems may give comfort.
You can shed a tear he is gone,
Or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and prey that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,
Or it can be full of the love you both shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in yesterday,
Or you can happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he has gone,
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would have want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped into the next room.
I am I and you are you
What ever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
Which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Prey, smile, think of me. Prey for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all it ever ment,
It is the same it ever was.
The is an absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
6 Likes
Thank you @Sulane, I love both those poems and embroidered the first two lines of the first on to my memory quilt I made from my husbands clothes.
3 Likes
@Sulane I chose the first poem (as She’s Gone) for my wife’s funeral service. It was read by my son. It was a poignant moment and he did her proud. xx
2 Likes
@Mike75 Both these poems were part of Marks funeral. I was only planning on having the 2nd one as it had helped me when my parents & siblings died but when I saw the words of the first it was like he was taking to me! I try to follow the words, but it’s not easy is it?
I found comfort in the words of Heavens now my home.
If you put that in search engine along with comforting funeral song it will bring them up (by Libby Allan) I had the the one that shows a religious building on the first picture and the videos for 3m 49s I had this at Marks funeral I found the words so meaningfull and the images as well (there is also one with a female singer if it’s a female you are grieving) I sincerely hope this may give someone some comfort, but be warned I’m not sure you can listen to it without tears. xxxw
3 Likes
Hi all, sorry for my lack of responses.
I’ve had additional issues of internrt problems and broken phone. Back up and running now. In between that I have had several dark days and my system playing up - in a way msybe a good thing i had no access, as much as I know you will support me, its not fair on you all to have me so low. Im sure im cursed!
I cant thank everyone here enough for your support, you do keep me going x
4 Likes
No way are you a curse here to support each other i have a lot of low times and its nice to chat with people who understand what i am going through
2 Likes