It seems there is a hugecwaiting list fir counselling- i gave been told a year for me. (I have had 6 sessions via the funeral directors - not sure if it helped or not?)
I am still staying on the sofa.
The most sleep im getting is a broken hour … every night I talk to my hubby, give him a kiss (have his ashes here) & wish that I dont wake up again, every night - i can’t sleep.
I still havevthe same issues pending … dontbseem to be getting anywhere!
I received £2 from his work paid into my account?
No letters, calls, emails nothing. I have tried contacting them to see what £2 is meant to be with no joy.
The mouse issue is still there (now upstairs) - I need to ask them to help with my rent.
People (decided they’re not friends/family) still heartless as ever… Iposted this on my FB account recently:
“All I want is my husband back. Its as simple & complicated as that”
I rarely post anything, but that is pretty much accurate.
A ‘person’ messaged me separately asking why I posted it (they were at his funeral) … i just replied - why do you think? … no response since.
I have to try go to his home county next month, need to change names on his parents cremation plot to another member of his family - his mum is not sure if i can stay at hers or if the person she wants it changed to can be there. Ive explained that this needs to be sorted asap so I can get on with other stuff & before Ibreturn to work, that I will be travelling over 3 & half hour’s to sort this, I will pay to stay in a hotel if shes uncomfortable, but the other family member needs to make sure he is there! I have made the appointment with the solicitor (they didnt know how?) For the end of March so family member has plenty of time to book the day off (the appointment is only 10minutes to witness signatures- everything else i need to do online) but technically the family member doesn’t even need to take the whole day… she said ‘yes, you need to go back to work’ I bloody kniw that which is why I need to sort what I can now … why is everything so difficult?
(Dont get me wrong, she has been my biggest support, she is really strong - but when it comes to this particular family member everything revolves around them (doesn’t work full time, but you would think he works every single daybwhen she talks about him (his average day is 5hrs - my average work travel time is 4hrs a day) … forgets that i have to work & travel to them etc.
Lately i have been reliving hubby’s last days through my mind … not intentionally… but its there … i hate it.
. Still dont want to be here.
Our boys (pets) are the only thing keeping me going. I do wonder if they would be better without me, but at the same time know they need me - the only reason i am here x
@Kel2
Your boys do need you - and I need you to tell me about what they’ve been up to.
So sorry you are finding this all so difficult and that you don’t feel as if others are pulling their weight. It can feel extra lonely when you have all the admin and official things to cope with alone.
Can’t offer any practical help but send hugs anyway.
I understand the wanting him back but I know dwelling on the impossible held me back from being able to see any way forward. We all know we would do anything to have them back but sadly that can’t happen. I feel I have to make the best life I can until I join him so that I do him proud. He deserves no less than me looking after our daughters, house and home, and farmland.
Sending love and hugs.
Karen xxx
@Kel2. I’m so sorry you’re finding everything so difficult. Everything just seems so insurmountable when you’re grief stricken. I’m also intrigued as to what that £2 is all about. Have you applied for the Bereavement Benefit? It’s easy to do online. It’s not common knowledge so there’s little uptake on it. My boys (4 cats) have helped keep me going as well as my family. Keep posting and reading on here. We’re all here for you. Sending love and strength. Jean xx.
@Jean8 … thankfully when i notified ‘PIP’ hubby passed away (he only got awarded the week before) - they asked me about the bereavement benefit, i said if Im entitled then yes, im getting it thankfully.
His work with the £2 really has baffled me… i will update you when I find out (that xant be the ‘death in service’ surely) @KarenF honestly the boys are my only thing… they are little sods at the moment! … they’re now in “mating” season … hormones everywhere, mummy’s hands are very ‘bruised’! - I can’t introduce ‘females’ as would need a minimum of 3 per boy (greedy sods!) … (This new phone wont key me post emojis , or I havent worked it out yet!) … they ‘love’ mummy in tbe morning! Haha
Hi @Mike75 thanks for replying. I was also with my husband for fifty years and now he is no longer here the loneliness as you say is awful. Yes, I do still have my dog and she is lovely. I’m hoping the counselling will help as I can’t carry on the way I’m feeling, it’s just unbearable. I miss him so much.x
Hi @KarenF thanks for your reply. As I said, I’m finding it really difficult. Everything just seems to overwhelm at the moment. I suppose no one can help but myself. I just don’t know how to do it.X
Hi @Loobyloo2 (i apologise in adfor my phone)
Ive been offline for a few days, plus meltdowns & other things, plus didn’t want to bring anyone else on here even furthe rinto grief. … please dont feel you are on you’re own.
I completely understand how you are feeling!
You feel like you’re fighting a losing battle - we are here to support you.
I still have the same battles - plus this bloody phone that has a mind of its own (i hope that will give you a smile … wish i could record the different versions of conversation my phone wants to use … even now)
Hi Loobyloo2 I am so sorry you feel so overwhelmed, nothing prepares you for this does it. We just have put one foot after another and keep breathing at least we know how to do that. Be kind to yourself and I hope you can use this group to share how you feel. Sending you lots of love and hugs
@Loobyloo2. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband almost 16 weeks ago. The pain is horrendous. I’ve never known anything like it. I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I’ve had a bad evening just crying and crying. The house is so empty without him and seems twice as big. How I wish some of us could meet in person. I feel like you. I really don’t know how much longer I can cope. Sending you love and strength. Jean xx.
So sorry you’re going through all this and grieving. You’re here cause you’re meant to believe in yourself . That a beautiful place to walk and doing worry about crying while walking the main thing is you’re out walking. Your dogs need their walkies do it for them. I have a chihuahua. I take him to the beach and cry too it’s ok to cry xx
@Kel2 it can’t be Death in Service surely. That would be an insult. Not that it’s any of my business but it is weird. What did he do as a job if you don’t mind my asking? X.
Sending you hope and strength tonight Jean. If we cant meet in person we can still support each other through this group. know that you are not alone. Lots of love xxx
Kel 2 I am sure everyone here u set stands completely what you are saying .
We have to focus our mindset on ourselves at the moment and others have no idea what it’s like .
Just have to take each day afresh and go with the flow
It’s so very very hard. I hope someone can maybe get some comfort from these words:
You can shed a tear he is gone,
Or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and prey that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,
Or it can be full of the love you both shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live in yesterday,
Or you can happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he has gone,
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would have want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on
-----------
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped into the next room.
I am I and you are you
What ever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
Which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Prey, smile, think of me. Prey for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all it ever ment,
It is the same it ever was.
The is an absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
I found comfort in the words of Heavens now my home.
If you put that in search engine along with comforting funeral song it will bring them up (by Libby Allan) I had the the one that shows a religious building on the first picture and the videos for 3m 49s I had this at Marks funeral I found the words so meaningfull and the images as well (there is also one with a female singer if it’s a female you are grieving) I sincerely hope it will give someone some comfort, but be warned I’m not sure you can listen to it without tears.
Sending a great big group hug xxx
You’re not on your own it’s a tough path we are on but those of us on here have chosen to reach out and support each other. I have been listening tp Karen Sutton’s Widows podcasts and found them really helpfull. She is a widow herself so speaks from the heart . Take care x
@Shirleymc
I have saved the podcast & will listen soon, thanks, I’ll try anything that may help, its just as know, some days you can some days you can’t, but I will!!
@Jean8 he worked in security. Im still waitingbto hear back from the employer. They’re not the brst of employers but I really do hope they are not implying that us his “death in service” as that is an insult
