Thank you for your reply
Sorry for your loss
i just find it bizarre I had no idea there was a problem until the day my partner died.
I would have preferred it if he had been more open and honest and made his true feelings known to his father and I
It used to upset me quite a bit but I am hoping that when the admin side of things are complete that will be the link completely gone with them I am so looking forward to that.
So sad
I am sorry for your loss
I really really can understand you for me that its the cuddles I miss so much
I can relate to this so much , we used to be able to just sit in comfortable silence , a Quick Look into each others eyes would say more than hours of conversation with anyone else .
That’s sad it makes your lost even harder I kept them informed all through his illness and we sold our house and moved away three months before his death but my husband couldn’t travel for a few weeks until he was well enough I had to stay in holiday accommodation to be able to with him and when he finally moved up with me and passed two weeks later I had the comment from his daughter that she wasn’t able to be there because of the move . What stopped her travelling the 500 miles round journey I did every week to be with him and spent our savings on accommodation. The move was for me to be near my sons knowing he didn’t have long .
That’s sad what is wrong with families now my husbands brother phoned me once and it didn’t take long before I found out why he only wanted something never visited his brother once in 32 years but when my husband became ill his brother demanded to visit and couldn’t understand why his brother didn’t want to see him then .
Don’t let them get to you,same thing has happened to me after 38 years his son and daughter have treat me terribly never contacted me after his sudden death.I had to arrange everything myself didn’t even know if they were coming to the funeral I couldn’t book anything for the wake because I had no idea who would turn up so invited everyone back to my house.That was a blessing in disguise because yes they did turn up and acted the grieving kids but because my house was so full I could avoid them because I felt like giving them a piece of my mind.I have always welcomed them into my house but yes always treat as the outsider even though their mother was the one that had done wrong in the first place.Anyway after all that to top it off they wanted to contest the will even though he had given them a decent amount of money a few years ago and told them that’s what they were getting off him.It sickens me to the core that people can be so horrible
My partner died a year ago and like you I have had no visitors since his funeral. Yesterday out of the blue I had visitors all day. A lady from church I have started to go to came to see if I wanted to go for a stroll. When I got home a cousin I haven’t seen for years came to say she had booked a table to take me out for lunch on Tuesday. It is my birthday Tuesday and I thought I was going to spend it on my own with my photos and go to the crematorium to sit with my partner. I think he sent them to say start looking forward but I found it hard to talk to them because I’m not used to people.x
I feel exactly the same as you, the loneliness is crippling but don’t want to leave the house and even if I did, I’d have no where to go
Missy5 I totally understand the loneliness being so crippling so what I do now is as soon as I get up or come home I always put the TV on as the silence is defining as when my wife died my mum stayed with me for a month after she passed but as soon as my mum went back home I just cried all-day and wanted to take my life as I thought what’s the point but people , friends, colleagues and family showed me there is a purpose to keep going so now almost a year later I’m a lot stronger but like I say in my other messages I go out for a long walk just to be with people and to take in the atmosphere around me then pop into a supermarket and have a pitstop for a drink then come home and put the TV back on or keep myself busy with a puzzle or housework with music on or now the weather is changing to get out in the garden and watch the squirrels and birds have a munch which is quite therapeutic . Your not alone as we are all on here to help each other out. Oh plus I’m putting myself forward as a head walker to join a group of people over 60 to guide them on walk routes where I live and I’m joining a coffee group who are moarning too so I can talk to people in person as now a year later I can no longer talk about what happened last April without crying xxx
Hi Dave - your story sounds so familiar. My hubby died 17 months ago but it’s even more painful now. I keep the tele on all day and find even when not watching it’s better than the echoing silence. I also try to get out and walk twice a day to see other people and sometimes chat, otherwise I would sit and sob or go mad! I’ve found this Easter bank holiday, like all bank holidays and weekends, just so so lonely and depressing - it seems like the rest of the world has someone and is doing fun things. It does make you question what life is all about as the pain of loosing a lifetime partner is unbearable. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. X
Jazpur , I’m so sorry to hear your husband passed 17 months ago which I understand is still very raw and very hard to cope with . As we both agree that the silence is unbearable so we have to compensate with music , radio or TV to break that horrible quiet. I’m so so sorry that you are lonely most of the time bless your heart. If I lived anywhere near I would say we can go for a drink and a chat to break the loneliness for you as that I don’t know how you feel because I’m blessed with wonderful family, friends , people at a club I goto every Friday and people at work who have all said there ready to listen if I want to chat to them but I’m glad you go for walk as I find that helps me now too as just being within an area where people are isn’t so lonely then. I know what you mean about everyone else seems to be having fun together and we have been left in a devastating situation to cope on our own which isn’t fair as I know our husbands and wives wouldn’t want us being like we are which is depressed, lost, volatile, hurt, lonely also almost like hermits which isn’t how we should feel but we do. That’s why I’m trying to join stuff with other people in the same state as me so I’m hoping it will help. Like you say we have to keep taking that one foot at a time to keep moving forward which is hard but we have to carry on. I’m here for you
Gosh thats awful that nobody visits. Didnt you have any friends not as a couple. I lost my husband last november and although we had a few couple friends i dont know what i would have done without my friends picking me up and coming lots to the house or me going to them. And although it is awful when left alone again. I still was so grateful for them. But i dont have relatives so maybe you have lots of family i dont know.
But feel for you.
For broken2222 yes when people leave or if u been to them or out. I often burst into tears as soon as walk through the door. Or back with our dog on a morning. If my husband wasnt well enough he would greet us when we got back and help with her muddy paws. But since last november the house is silent on return. I shout we are back sometimes just to hope!
I understand my so called family haven’t bothered since the funeral. They wouldn’t know if I was alive or dead. Still never mind I will continue
Thanks Dave - I do have some god friends who visit/take me out, but find that during hols and weekends they are off visiting their family. As good as friends are nothing replaces a lifelong partner. I also don’t drive which is restricting. Let’s carry on finding what gives small moments of joy - good tele, music, reading, my garden, good food, green spaces etc. x
@CROWTHER , hi , that’s me every Friday when I get in from work , I’m so glad the working week is over , but it turns into tears . Knowing it’s just me now . Everyone else has gone home to their partners . I have come to a house without my husband here. …my son and his girlfriend live with me . So the house isn’t empty . But MY life is empty without my husband . Xtake carex
Ah you are lucky having your son and girlfriend with you. But know that you can still feel alone surrounded by people. But your son must be grieving too in a different way. So hope u feel able to cry when you need to.
Yes in away I am lucky . But this house is now more like a bedsit . He is in his bedroom and I spend most of the time in mine . We sometimes meet in the kitchen !! . I know my son is grieving for his dad ,his hero . So I try and hide how bad I feel , I can’t and don’t want to put my grief on to him as well . I try and protect my kids , that’s what their dad would want . This use to be such a happy home , now just a sad old place without my husband . X
It is strange how people in different situations are still isolated and shad. I always fret with having no family at all but can still feel difficult whatever. Did you lose your husband suddenly or long illness.