Its so nice that other people understand the pain and lonliness . I hope he understands how hard it is without him and I’m doing my best to carry on. X
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It is crap doing it alone - but what do we do no choice but to march on with tears 
xx
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@Louise1951 I’m at 14 months and crying a lot today actually. It’s suddenly hit me all over again . I realise he’s gone forever and it’s so unfair. He was a brilliant person who did not deserve to die so suddenly without me holding him . I am feeling extremely sorry for myself. So yes , 7 months is very early within grief and I’d say perfectly normal to cry a lot xxx
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I really feel your pain and understand your feelings. I’m at just over 3 years since losing the love of my life and I still break down for all sorts of reasons ( some I dont really connect with anything special) it just happens. Just hope that gradually I will adapt to my new situation. I know I’ll never " recover" just hope things get slightly easier.
Take care
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@george73 hi there - no I can’t see me adapting to this new life which I never asked for or wanted. The sudden bouts of crying had largely stopped, but I’ve been under enormous stress lately and it’s got on top of me without my special person to share the load .
Sometimes I wonder what we have all done to deserve this misery x
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Hi I haven’t posted on here for a long time but when I read your post were you say about “you know you’ll never recover” it resonated with me, as that is how I feel deep down. It is just over the two year mark for me and at the moment I am starting to struggle again. I spend a lot of time on my own and it is soul destroying. I was with my husband for fifty years and then to find yourself living alone is very hard. I want to try and enjoy life again but I am finding it hard to find joy in anything. I don’t recognise the person I have turned into. I do have friends but they work and have families of their own but try and catch up with them when I can. I hope for a better future for all of us.x
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It’s the same for us all slightest memory song ect it just comes in waves just let it all out and keep going be strong 
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For the past 2 weeks i have been really struggling, I burst into tears at the slightest thing. I’m tired all the time and I’ve lost interest in everything. I thought i was doing so well but this has hit me like a ton of bricks and stopped me in tracks. It’ll be 8 months since Andrew passed on the 29th, i don’t know if i am strong enough to keep going through this.
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My husband was 60 … too young isnt it 
and we got 3 grown up children and 6 granchildren, most recent addition has only just been born a month ago and will never see his grandad Big loss for us and big loss to them. I feel for you … 8 months is nothing. Im 16 months into this and still finding my feet. Sending you hugs xx
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Andrew didn’t get much time with our granddaughter, Emily was born during lockdown. She only knew him after the Stroke, sepsis and brain haemorrhage, but she remembers helping him to eat, watching TV with him and holding his hand. He always wanted a daughter, and eventually we got a granddaughter he wasn’t able to have the time he deserved with her. 8 months feel like a lifetime Deb5. People say to me give it time, i don’t think my heart will even mend .
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I know it seems like a lifetime and so very painful but i just mean in the grand scheme of things its not long. Takes time i suppose to heal thats what i mean. The best advice i can give you is to take it a day at a time and baby steps. Dont expect too much from yourself honey … just be kind to yourself everyday because we been through so much and we deserve to be kind to ourselves xxx
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Thank you Deb5. It is nice to talk to people who are going through the same. My biggest thing i have to overcome is to stop blaming myself. Andrews meditations weren’t working anymore and he stopped responding. I asked the doctor to stop all the medication, he’d already told me that he’d had enough and i didn’t want him to suffer anymore, but now i feel that its my fault that he passed.
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Yeh i know … you go over everything in your head with a fine tooth comb dont you ? But remember you followed his wishes !! Its so hard i know the what ifs are part of grief x
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Me too, I have been wobbly in the past couple of weeks maybe because it is fast approaching the first anniversary of his passing and everything that happened on that fateful day has been playing on my mind over and over again days and nights. I’ve kept thinking about his final moments he must have been so lonely and scared while walking and struggling to breathe and I was not there with him to comfort and hold him. I can’t bear to think that he was suffering alone on the street before falling to the ground near his office. I can’t stop crying every time this thought enters my head. I feel so deeply sorry for him for what he was going through in his last moments - life is so cruel 
he was such a happy person and full of life and still had everything to live for and it’s so unfair that he should have been taken so soon .
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Angel1309, Im so sorry you both had to go through such an awful time. I was lucky that Andrew was at home with me and two of our 3 sons , Steve didn’t make it in time, he lives 40 mins away. I keep going over the night before, when he was struggling to breath, we had St Peter’s hospice staying overnight not that i slept, i could hear him struggling to breath its was awful, but at the end I was there holding his hand telling him that I would be ok and so would the boys. He promised me he would never leave me, so i take peace from thinking that he’s with me. But i miss him so much and having to spend the next 20-30 years on my own.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. I was desperately wishing I could’ve had a chance to at least say goodbye and often cried myself to sleep wishing that and then one night coming to 3 months after his passing he did appear in my dream standing so still and let me hug and say goodbye to him. It was such comforting moment for me that he came to let me have closure 
. In the past 11 months every time I cried myself to sleep I would find him lying next to me in my dreams letting me hug him so tightly until mornings I woke up feeling soothed and loved again. I am so grateful to feel he is by my side to help guide me through this difficult and lonely journey without him.
Life will never be the same for us all without our beloved
Sending love & hugs x
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Hi @shellmiller hope youre ok. I know its early days for you but you dont have to be alone for next 20 odd years. There is a chance you might meet someone you know ? You might not be ready yet but it may happen later on ya know ? People do find other partners x
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Today has been a bad day, ive been crying most of it. Its coming up on the day that started the worst 2 years of my life, the start of Andrew’s illness. I don’t why know why its so bad this year, perhaps its because he’s not here. A lot happened in the next 4 weeks, and this year i don’t know if i will be able to deal with.
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I had a bad week tbh … its just so hard without them to talk to isnt it with all your hopes and fears. The very person who u would turn to for help isnt here anymore ;( Try not to think about the horrible time you had … just let it flow and ebb through your mind and it will come when it needs to … if it doesn’t come to forefront of your mind it doesn’t need to be there - we have to remember we gave them the greatest gift - we loved them right until the very end. Not everybody gets that you know xx
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I miss him so much.
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