Why can’t I accept he’s gone…

Hi Moi 1
Yes tears for England……. Nowadays any post and cards completely knock me over the edge
My nerves…… I have none
I often think if I’d gone first how would Paul of coped
He’d put his overalls on and gone to work at the farm!
But…… I did all the bills the shopping the organising all Christmas stuff but we were a team
My mate says we were like salt and pepper
Alison the Macmillan nurse a stick of rock with both our names in the middle
To be absolutely truthful I just don’t know how he would have coped …… or not
I certainly aren’t
And to be fair that’s a testament to our devoted love
Likewise for every single one of us on here
Hugs to all to help the tiniest bit of helping getting through this ……


All your lovely words apply to me also.
52 years married, lots of beautiful memories, but would give anything to be able to hold him, just one more time.
Love to you all x


Hi George
Yes just one more time
Never never ever let go
It so hurts



Do yo know you could be me, I feel exactly the same. It is a while sinceyou posted this and hopefully you feel a bit more positive. I am looking. round my large house, emptiness is all I see, what is the point. After 4 months I have finished with all the official stuff, sold the car, sorted the clothes, now I have to face a life I dont want


Just over 6 months now and my feelings of loss, sadness and emptiness are the same, if not worse. I still weep buckets every day. I cant bear to look at photos and I haven’t even started with his belongings yet. His glasses are still by the bedside and his favourite shoes under the chair. I sleep holding onto one of his teeshirts. I say sleep but I struggle there too. My heart is broken. I hate my new life. I hate the lighter nights as he loved them and would say let’s go somewhere for a drive and I miss his company so much. No one I know gets how I feel. I put a face on and even heard my mother telling someone oh she’s doing great! I am not!!! I am dying inside and just want to join him.


@G2Gx & @Moi1
Feeling for you both as you struggle with this new life. All the joys you shared with your loved ones are now painful as they don’t exist for you at the moment.
For me it is finding a new purpose or reasons to do things which help. Firstly the acceptance that no amount of wishing it were otherwise can change what has happened. That is a hurdle on its own but crucial for me to get over that hurdle. Of course we all wish our darlings hadn’t left us but my acceptance that he has is the beginning for me.

I am lucky that I have a daughter who absolutely needs me so I have an even stronger purpose now that the reality of how suddenly life can change has hit me so hard. What if I haven’t got her more independent before I can’t help her for health reasons or even my own death.

Looking after what mattered to my Richard also gives me purpose. I know he would hate it if I didn’t care for the farmland, the house maintenance and the garden so I do it.
I hate that we are not doing it together but I talk to him and try to do him proud as I work.

It’s almost 11 months for me, which seems impossible to believe. In the past I would have thought that people would be used to their different life by now but I certainly know differently now. However, I intend to try and not let grief win. I WILL have a life - for me and my girls sakes.
Sending you lots of love
Karen xxx


Hi All
Yes it’s been a while since my last post and I’ve got to say if it’s possible I’m worse
G2G you have done amazing yes I’ve done the necessary stuff but Paul’s clothes are there
I touch them feel them remember every single purchase
His watch still in his bedside table ………
Like Moi I cuddle Paul’s Rab coat in bed with me cry into it every single night like you my heart is totally broken
34 weeks tomorrow and I’m just a wreck
Paul would be the first to say ‘ come on Sylv get a grip’ bit I carnt do it
I talk to him all day and every day
It’s my best mates birthday today and she’s having a party I’m not going I’m not ready to push that boundary she understands
Yes and folks ‘friends’ don’t get it you certainly find out things about your friends don’t you just
I’m left with 3 who haven’t been in our situation but feel for me and try to help me through it
Others…… it’s written all over their face come in it’s months now
Karen you are doing so well to accept
Crying for England will not change things I realise that my counsellor Claire says it’s like a big black cloud over us and one day maybe it’ll turn grey
The trouble is I suppose I’m aching yearning for my life with Paul and it’s shit it’ll be no more
I’m functioning just putting a face in when I go out sometimes but never do I tell folks I’m fine
Counsellor Claire says never do that I just say it’s hard or ii am struggling and as you all know the then conversation ends!
And my mum has yet to ask how I am maybe she carnt cope with my answer
So folks thank you for reading my essay and a big hug to you all
All I can say it’s just bloody hard!
Take care
Keep posting


Hi @G2Gx thank you for replying to my post. I have to say I haven’t really moved on much. The loneliness is still agonizing. The days and nights without my lovely husband are so long, whereas before, there just didn’t seem enough hours in the day. I need to get myself motivated but just can’t find that flicker of hope or joy in my so called life yet. Things surely have to improve but when, who knows? Sending love to all.X


@Bess1 @Loobyloo2 @G2Gx and @Moi1 it so hard when the person you have lost was a huge part of us. Like Karen i have purpose a 20mth old grandaughter, so i do all the practical parts of life. The part i find difficult to reconcile is the emotional parts were your soulmate having your back, eating together, going out together, laughing conversations together. , holding hands, for 43 yrs this is going to take a lot longer to adjust so please be kjnd to yourselves


Hi Allen
Your post says it all
And ‘ having your back’ is spot on
No one absolutely no one will ever look after me look out for me or as you say have your back like my Paul did and that is the totally agonising painful hurt of it all
I’m not lonely but I’m alone
You all know what I mean by that
And yes the light nights nice weather I’m finding it worse

We’d have holidays weekends organised for this year actually had booked Chester last year for Easter
Always dependent on wether Paul was working on the farm but nonetheless we’d have things planned
No as you say emptiness days nights totally utterly‘empty a void I’m afraid I don’t know if I’ll get through

So miss our motorhome it was our time same as our caravan before her we called our caravan Bess
So true you don’t know what you have till it’s not there
Life’s just shit

Thanks all. Fair to say we all feel the same. Just surviving. I had to close down our business, sell stuff including our boat which was desperately hard and totally sad for me. such an emotional wrench. Everything we built up and worked so hard for - gone. Both having big birthdays this year and we were planning all sorts of things. My few close friends (most of our shared friends have ignored me) want me to do something for my birthday but I want to hide under a rock. We loved parties, getogethers and big BBQ’s in the garden. We were so sociable and he was the life and soul. that has all left me now. I will never go to a party I can’t even go out for evening dinner with anyone. That was our thing and I cant face it without him. Drowning in grief. You’re all right when you say “ what would he say” more than likely he would say go on, get on with it and don’t be sad but I can’t. Not yet. My son is the only one but he has his own life and doesn’t live close by so it’s just me and my crazy mind with my crazy thoughts.
Live to all x


Like you, I was 17 when I married my lovely man. He died 2 weeks ago today after 59 years of marriage. I’d cared for him for 5 years and more, as he had Alzheimer’s and dementia, so I’d lost and grieved for him more and more over those years, but when he died from heart failure after a week in hospital , it was still devastating beyond belief. I’ve never lived alone before either, it’s daunting. I agree the evenings are long and lonely, but I’m hoping when I can spend the evenings in my sanctuary, my garden, things will get better.

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Hi All
None of us must lose hope our other halves would not not that
But we only know one life and if I carnt have that life which I know we carnt I carnt don’t want a new life
Going out without Paul socially ( I did it once for my nephews awards do) and I vowed I would never ever do it again
Hence tonight sues party I’m ‘safe ‘ at home
Big hugs


Like you, we loved family gatherings with the Barbeque groaning with food. I used to joke that I was the one who did all the prep etc and he just flipped the sausages. I will do my best to keep the garden as smart as before, but BBQ? I still weep when I see it. I now eat at the breakfast bar as I cannot face his empty place at the table. I feel so exhausted trying to carry on, but George would say COME ON LASSIE .

Morning G2G
Yes wise words from them
But us here know it’s easier said than done
Beautiful day here makes it worse because Paul loved the spring and summer busy busy on the farm
Out and about and planned outings away in our motorhome
Big hugs

In my profile I wrote -
You don’t fully appreciate what you have till it’s gone.
I can now see and appreciate what we had but think we all take each other for granted over the years. That’s just what relationships are all about isn’t it?
G. X


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