why do i still feel like this

i dont know where to begin but each night before bed i see that awful image of my dad lying there and i replay the whole day in my mind. from the minute my grandad called me to tell me to the minute i had to tell my boys he was gone,
also i think as i was still grieving this loss that when i lost my cousin and gran only a few short months later i dont think ive properly processed that.
my mum and brothers and sister dont speak to me thats another story and quite a big one tbh, the only real outside family i have left are my wonderful grandparents who are my dads mum and dad, but i am utterly petrified of losing them and its killing me

Hi @kelzshand13, Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your dad, as well as your cousin and your gran. That is a huge amount to deal with in a few years, and the impact of other family members not speaking to you must be making you feel very alone at the moment.

There is no set timeline on grief, but not being able to talk about your feelings or having any support are some of the things that can make it last longer. It’s never to late to get some support, and I’m glad that you’ve taken the first step of writing things down here. I hope it helps a little bit to have this space to get things off your chest.

There are lots of other people here who have lost a parent, and will understand some of what you are going through. I expect some of them will be along to reply to your post soon, but, while you wait, you might also find it helpful to read some of the other conversations in the Losing a Parent category, to see what other people’s experiences have been. Feel free to post replies to anyone you’d like to talk more to.

For example, here are some other users who are coping with the loss of a parent longer-term:
@Lisajan3 lost her mum three years ago: Lost my mum and can’t seem to move on
@loulie.94 lost her dad four years ago: My Dad

Have you considered any counselling? Counselling can’t take away your loss, but it can help you process what has happened so that you no longer feel stuck in those repeating memories of the day he died.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. It all feels very strange and still raw. I’m seeking councilling hopefully some dew thing will come out of it soon I will look into what u have suggested too

Thanks again xxx

1 Like

Hi, you are very brave just writing about how you feel and I know from my own experience that it can help. The feelings that you have will diminish but never leave you and for you to lose your cousin and then your gran in such a short time will compound that grief. Don’t be hard on yourself because what you have been through will take time to heal. There is no time line for grieving and don’t let anyone try to tell you that you should be over ‘it’ that is total nonsense. We are all individuals and as such we take different time for different things, we are not robots. I am glad that you are getting counselling, again it takes time and for some more then others. I had counselling and it helped me in some ways and not in others but I think I expected to come away and be healed, again it’s not like that. We have to learn to live with some of the grief but not it all. Just remember your dad would be proud of you for what I have and will achieve and at times you may feel him telling you or helping you with life’s difficulties or decisions. Please don’t think about losing other people in your life because we have no idea what the future holds and being worried about things we have no control over will lead us down the wrong road. Look at all the good things in your life and as they say count your blessings for tomorrow is another day. Take care of yourself and please be kind to yourself. Eat well, fresh air and excise and hopefully you will sleep well so you can enjoy tomorrow. Take care S

1 Like

what lovely words to read this morning i thank you from the bottom of my heart, i really honestly do, this is such a new thing for me and i really think being in isolation and not being able to go out and see my grandparents and my friends has really triggered my anxiety levels and is making me over think things. i really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me thank you again

1 Like
Back to top