in my own experience deaths can either bring a family closer, or drive them apart, because many seems to get lots of pound signs in their eyes?
my late son told me that his mum had told him that she thought that i should sell my house and give the kids 25% each
this was of course not true. when i asked him where is was going to live, he told me that i could either rend a place or use my money as a deposit?
when i asked him why the kids should inherit my half of the house, he said that they just should?
if i and my daughter made up, she would want more than half of everything and would want me to cut out my best friends young grandson, and she would ask for a lump sum up front and waste it?
i never sold the house and now heās dead and his sister hasnt paid back the monies she stole from me, then only my son and my best friends grandson will inherit my house and any property .
its only this year that I have again begun living and that I had a home, before them for over 26 years, I had been existing and the house, was simply somewhere to rest, sleep and hide. but now iām now longer hiding i am trying my best to be happy and move on in my life?
Those pound signs certainly do seem attractive to family.
I am now wondering if my family really care about me or just thinking about what they will inherit. My daughter wasnāt happy that her father (we divorced many years ago) had left it all to his wife and nothing to her. He had a loving wife who cared for him throughout his dementia so why should our daughter think she was entitled. This greed I am noticing is sickening.
I know of a lady in a very similar situation to what you found yourself in. Her daughter thinks she should now sell her home now that her father has passed away, How cruel.
I hope that you are now giving people on this forum hope that they can pick up the pieces of their lives one day, that it can be done but life will never be quite the same.
xx
I have believed for many years, through personal experience that where another family members money is concerned . Others grow another , (but invisible head that only thinks?about , how soon can they get their greedy hands it ) and how nasty or devious they need to be to achieve their aims??
When my late son mentioned me selling my house and giving him 25%
My wife hadnt been laid to rest.
It disgusted me and made me even more bitter than my wifeās death had done.?
My daughter even stated that we could5have the funeral any day but friday, as it would upset her badly
I also hope that some of my posts although not not always nice can help others to move on in the knowledge that theres always some hope
Although they have lost their spouse or partner.they can move forwards! if they want to and make another life which as you say, will not be the same as before. But could have some happiness and a different kind of love!!
I realise that many people will have only been bereaved less than a couple of years and that they are hurting lots and everything feels raw, making them believe that they cant ever have a new life, their own , without their past loved one.
I want to say now, that because of me being on my own a great many years, I have gone on to achieve many things , which sadly my wife did not get to enjoy sharing .
Such as my graduation, me singing as part of a mass choir at the royal Albert hall. And me going to Venice and Rome. It see and hear me singing several choirs and read my poems etc . my reasons for mentioning my achievements is to help people understand that they also can do new things in their lives for their own self and benefit
@Mr-chipps hi your post gives me a little hope but I just donāt feel like I can do it without my pauline Iām broken and feel so lost and empty I donāt ever see it getting any better for me but I have to keep trying for her and our pets but itās all just so empty now
Kath i used to think that i was being punished by your God , but now i donāt have any faith and donāt believe in an y religion or god. because if there was an ever loving caring God?
why has he taken away our loved ones and made my life full of sadness and long term illness.
why did he not only give Cancer to wife, but also his servant the sexist vicar, who waged a campaign against women bishops.
i gave up on religion many years ago, and wont even discuss the subject with anyone?
however I dont have anything against anyone who has their own beliefs , as long as they 'donāt try to tell me that iām wrong and should repent and ask for forgiveness
i hope that my posts give people some hope, but realise that so many are hurting such a lot, that its impossible for them to see further than half a day or into tomorrow
i wont say that things and life will become easier and less painful, but that we move forwards and learn to cope and adapt to our sad loss?
Talking about people not caring ,I had a strange incounter I lost my wonderful husband Feb 2020 I have a wonderful family on the first lockdown I went back to my Bungalow after staying with my children up till then ā¦my Sister who lived next door to me ,had her Sisterin law and her Husband around for dinner the Saturday before the lockdown beganā¦I was included ,we had a very pleasant evening ā¦over about 5 hours ā¦but not one did they mention to me about my Husband passing or offered Condolence to me, and they knew him well enoughā¦I still canāt get over them not mentioning my Husband ā¦
Irene5, sadly some people donāt know how to be around others whoāve been bereaved, awareness is very important, Iād like everyone to know that saying, that the best thing you can do for someone whoās lost someone is talk to them about that person and then really listen to what they say, I am sorry for your loss xx
Irene it sounds as if they didnāt know what to say or how to behave following your loss. Although that sounds like Iām excusing them Iām not. I hope that as time passed they acknowledged what you were going through. We all need to talk about the person we lost.
Carol.
@Kath23 hi kath I am very sorry for your losses and its not strange I keep thinking am I being punished for something is that why I lost her I think the grief makes us think allsorts itās nice to think of them being together you take care sending hugs x
I know that many people will when they hear of someone suffering a loss by bereavement will always say Iām sorry???
Well I never say that to anyone. Because it assumes that Iāve done something wrong
What I do say is: I feel sad for them , which is true. Because Iām sad for their loss and their bereavement
Itās only my opinion people hugs mr chipps xx
Same. One friend directly cut me off from phoning or talking bc she said I was triggering her and she felt like she was carrying around my grief. Hurts!
Hi Kath . Itās very sad that you have lost your hubby and dog very close. But a lot of what you say about your friends/ nieghbours and yourself could be true. Sometimes we are hurting so much that we arenāt able to think of other peoples emotions?
I used to want to mention my loss of my wife and found that many people simply side stepped my conversation, which didnāt help me?
Over time I stopped mentioning it, because I recieved a lot of nastiness from divorced members of the national council for divorced separated and (eventually widows/widowers) .who were living on hate from their marriages.
(Now this is the only place where I mention my marital status)
Where as bereaved people live on loving memeories of our loved departed ones!!
They didnt want bereaved people meeting and forming relationships with their members.
Which to me didnt make sense as we were all single and hurting .
I have several educational qualifications, which I wont mention, but I wont use them on here as Iām simply trying to support members. As I know that itās not acceptable to do counselling members .
I wish you well and hope that your live heals for you and the pain lestens
Mr chipps
I feel so sad for your experiences, but unless people are bereaved they probably dont understand or possibly dont want to know how you are feeling? Or maybe dont know how to react
May you find peace and some joy in your life
Mr chipps
Mr Chipps, I think you should carry on commenting as all you are doing is giving people the benefit of your experience. It doesnāt matter that it is not recent it still applies to what we are all experiencing having lost our nearest & dearest. Iām sure it has helped people. Kind Regards Carol B.
Hi Carol B
thanks for your kind words, its lovely messages like yours that make me realise that i am valued.
you mention that my bereavement is not recent and thats true, but it never goes away, nor does the hurt or lonleiness, eve n if people remarry or cohabit?
take care and stay safe and well . Best wishes Mr Chipps
Mr Chipps, Thatās exactly what I mean. We can all benefit from someone else saying what they have felt & been through. In fact what they are still going through. Iām 6 months down the line but I donāt think any amount of time will make my love & memories dim. Keep doing what you are doing! Carol.
Hi Carol
I agree with what you say , nothing can erase our memories, but over time we learn to accept and cope with our new lifes journey and what it brings us? .
I am not seeking love; but to meet new friends and enjoy possibly doing mutually agreed things
I recall many years go when I was volunteering at a hospital. A lady asked me when it would all end
So I put my arms around her and said it never ends, because we never forget our loved ones?
She replied that she never wanted to forget him!!
My boss thanked me and said I had done and said the right thing.
But to me I was ai only showing some empathy and compassion . Keith
