Someone said to be kind to yourself, but it’s not easy because you feel guilty still being here but you know we must try our hardest. If we support each other maybe we can all manage to survive this living hell. Take care xxx
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Very true and yes talking from experience of loosing our child we do survive as I honestly can say I truly didn’t feel I’d survive but here I am many many years on
Grieving my husband I do ask myself why always me none of my family have had the unimaginable pain that comes with grief my husband and I was meant to be together forever I know in reality that doesn’t happen but it’s what I felt and still do I know I was suffering inwards before his death but I had him to hold me comfort me we lay side by side cuddled up together he’d say all will be well in the end now he’s gone no life’s not fair so why pretend but we survive like you say this living hell
No its not easy i miss my Husband so much and wish i could have done more to help him . take care xx
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You cared for him right to the end try gain comfort in that not everyone would have done that.I cared for my husband till the end it gives me comfort knowing I done everything and all with love hugs to you
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Yes i would have done anything for him
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I know from what you say were quite alike in many ways I’d have also done anything for my husband hugs to you
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Rosebush21: Life is certainly not fair, our lives will never be the same, but we must do our best, it’s not easy, try and be kind to yourself & I hope you get some form of comfort from talking to us. Big hug xxx
Sue11: I bet you did everything in your power to help him, but we have a nasty habit of being so hard on ourselves. I find myself wondering if I didn’t do CPR hard enough or did I do it too hard while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. While under normal circumstances we would more likely to say we did our best, but now we feel we have to just say we could & should have done more. Take care xxx
Rosebush21: As long as we can help each other in this club we’ve been forced to join & our lives will never be the same, what used to be important just does not matter now. I know what you mean about eating, it’s a chore now & eat because we have to. I have a packet of sausages & bacon in the freezer (we used to live a treat of sausage or bacon sandwich) I have not been able to cook them, someday soon I hope to be strong enough, but who knows, silly to anybody else, but I know someone on here will totally understand. Take care xxx
Absolutely sulane I fully understand yes that was our Saturday morning treat bacon and sausages in cobs how much I miss that .I even got rid of freezer .I couldn’t look at it sitting there empty it was out of sight as we kept it in a under stairs cupboard .but I knew it was there .our son got me a different make and colour that was about month ago it’s still sat there .doors open to stop odour but not plugged in ,he offered to take me shopping as yet I can’t I tried everything I looked at was what we’d share together.
He’d come in from work often with magnum chocolate ice cream bars my favourite best delicious ice cream Cornish cream he knew I’d love it I can’t touch any of them ,but hopefully in warmer weather our son will come and enjoy some with me ,somehow I know I have to try if only for our sons sake he’s suffering too I need to stay strong and healthy for him ,he understands the closeness myself and his dad had so part of him understands we’re there for each other .we all in this club support one another in best way we can
The loneliness is so incredibly painful life is cruel more to some than others ,I hope you too manage one day to again enjoy your bacon and sausages ,our pain will live on inside of us forever but hopefully we’ll learn a way of carrying on living with it take care best you can and reach out to this painful club we wish we didn’t know exists.on the other hand it’s good we can reach out
I went to my bereavement counsellor this morning I asked him what do I expect to gain .I said the day will come when my time is up and counselling comes to an end and when I walk out that door for the last time nothing will be any different I still will be a widow no loving husband to go home to .he said hopefully I will feel bit stronger to carry on with my grief.the good thing on going he never once says what would your husband think seeing you this way or what would he want you do .these are pointless gestures I hear from those whom just clearly don’t understand grief.
Big hugs xxx
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We all know it’s hell on earth, we feel guilty for being here, we don’t live, we just manage to survive, our lives will never be the same ever again, we all know that. But we must find a way to get the strength to accept this is how it is from now on and learn to make the best we can of it. I sincerely hope you can & will get there, we are just too hard on ourselves. Big hug xxx
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Very kind true words I feel so bad about myself today got home into bed and switched of from the world then felt sick so popped down stairs bag crisps water and back in bed I feel so lost alone I hear the silence in my room I need to hear my husband then feel like sobbing into my pillow but none of this will change anything for me so guess I need to find strength to keep going it’s good to share on here so many of us all together yet so far apart but not our hearts they all hurt but I often think I no my husbands not hear it’s not fair but the true love we had for each other causes our intense heartache xx
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Sometimes I think that empathy is becoming rarer in this world. We need empathy to realise how our actions (or lack of them) can affect others.
Also, Ive always been careful how I answer the enquiry, “how are you doing?”.
If I answer " Im doing fine!", even when.I’m not, then I shouldnt be surprised if they believe it and get on with their own lives.
On the other hand, if Im honest with something like " Im improving, but I still have bad times, and I still need your support", then we are in with a chance.
On the other hand, (yes I know Ive now got 3 hands!!) I look back at how I personally supported grieving friends and relatives, and I wasnt brilliant. But I might be in the future.
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Hi I believe empathy is something you’ve either got or haven’t we can learn different skills of different types
Not empathy it can’t be learnt
I like to think I have full empathy if I know someone is going through a tough time and I ask how are you doing even if they say good thanks I always reply are you sure and then quickly say remember it’s ok not to be ok I find this easier face to face I can read body language especially with close ones but even with strangers I find strangers open up to me just by smiling and saying hello,
Maybe it’s come from so much grief iv and still am suffering be kind to yourself
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Sarah I certainly can relate to that it’s true caring too much you get hurt but if it’s your nature then your the better person iam grieving so badly and I sometimes wonder how certain members in my family can sleep at night or be at peace with themselves I pray they’ll never experience the pain that lives with me look after yourself your a caring person it’s who you are pity those that dont
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I have just put on another thread:
I found comfort in the words of Heavens now my home.
If you put that in search engine along with comforting funeral song it will bring them up (by Libby Allan) I had the the one that shows a religious building on the first picture and the videos for 3m 49s I had this at Marks funeral I found the words so meaningfull and the images as well (there is also one with a female singer if it’s a female you are grieving) I sincerely hope it will give someone some comfort, but be warned I’m not sure you can listen to it without tears.
I honestly don’t know if it will help (but I sincerely hope you can get some comfort from it) Big hugs xxx
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Sulan I have listened to heavens now my home tears flowing it’s a beautiful but sad song ,
But if you have faith as I do I hope you find comfort in it.I truly believe I had a close encounter with death as I helped my husband on his journey to heaven ,in his last hours I layed with him singing one of our favourite hyms here I am lord ,I used many gentle words in between singing .I truly believe I had a close encounter with death that night I took my husband to the gates of heaven .I saw a huge rainbow on a hill so high then it was like golden gates my husband open one eye looked at me and breathed his last breath ,
No idea how I returned as the next thing I knew I was completely spaced out just an inner feeling I’d been away for some time .
God helped us both that night he knew our bond our love unconditional for each other ,
I know my husband is in the safe hands of god no it’s doesn’t take my pain away .but in the knowledge I know we’ll meet again one day somehow if only for moments my pain eases ,and in the twinkle of an eyelid I’ll be home my heavenly home this earth is temporary I don’t understand but we’re not meant to but I do trust in gods plans big hugs and heartfelt love to you
That’s beautiful, you brought tears to my eyes. Any comfort we can get is a help as we not only have to suffer the actual pain of losing them, but the everyday things that need done as well as sorting out finances ect. We have to learn to do what we can, when we can. Take care, I sincerely believe we will meet our loved ones again, like the words in Heavens Now My Home eternitys for ever & we’ll meet again someday xxx
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Beautiful yes that’s the one thing we can be sure of my husband was incredibly brave still thinking on me I was trying to stay strong for him he caught me sobbing my heart he asked why do you cry this was completely out of character for him he’d normally know without asking and hug me I answered I can’t bear what your going through his reply was iv saw the light iam not suffering and one day you’ll also see the light at that point I was still able to take him in our garden for his cigarette and chats we’d have.he had just 3 days where I was advised it’s not safe to take him from his bed now that was the worst part of his illness the deteriorating came so rapidly but I was ensuring he didn’t suffer more than necessary he had injections for pain and to relax him we are fortunate to have an amazing GP and his constituents whom said I was doing an outstanding job on caring for him in his own home with me and our son by his side and many close family members whom had always been there not just through the illness
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