I know my husband used to drop me off and p8ck me up from dentist. Scary isn’t it. I think what must happen is we bottle stuff up and eventually the body has to let go. Maybe it helps. I don’t know. I have to go back to the hospital where the nightmare happened this month. *nothing serious) but the thought of walking into that place fills me with dread . Says i can take someone with me but they can’t wait in waiting room. They will have to wait somewhere else. I can’t make someone do that as i don’t know how long I’ll be. Anyway it’s on my own again just hope i can hold it together there. I hate the place. Really bad memories. But I’m sure we’ll get there in the end. Just be glad when this year ends. Take care of yourself. Jill
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Thinking of you all at this time of year and the grief we are all going through. I had a panic attack yesterday and rang my son who came to see me. Felt better seeing someone to talk to. It is so hard trying to carry on knowing things are the way we dont want them to be. I am ignoring Christmas this year - and not buying cards or anything. Will give family some money to make it easier. Roll on the Spring and better weather to hopefully help us all get through this. Take care everyone xx
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Hi everyone
Today I would normally have put the Christmas tree up. I always bought a new bauble in every new country we visited and it was lovely to see them and remember happy holidays. I don’t think they’ll see the light of day again, because it would be too painful. I might pass them on to my niece and great niece.11 weeks down the line I find it hard to believe that this is my new reality. Like you @Debbiea I look forward to the spring, apart from the fact that I will have to contend with the back garden which since September I haven’t been able to look at it , far less go in as that’s where my husband died very suddenly and unexpectedly and I found him already gone.But I think we all have to try to just take one day at a time, be kind to ourselves and hope for better days to come.
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Must admit these attacks are awful. My car won’t start. (Frozen up) so can’t go anywhere. Tried on-line shopping got in a mess with computer. Tried 3 times and made a mess of payment. Just given up on it. I do everything on my phone as can’t get into my husband’s computer. He loved it so i never bothered to ask about it. I think my blood pressure must be through the roof. Will have another go tomorrow. Seems everything i touch goes wrong. Hope tomorrow is better all round. I’m not bothering with Christmas. I’m just in a leave me alone.mood. Hopefully the next year will be better than this horrific one. Take care. X
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I can sympathise with you, I’m in a similar position.I am no good with computers and anxiety is making me scared to do things in case I get it all wrong and cause myself even more complications. My husband’s computer has lots of stuff on it that I really don’t want to lose, but he has said for a while that it’s on its last legs. I have no idea how you deal with it. He dealt with house stuff, to the extent that my neighbour is kindly going to show me how to deal with the gas and electricity! I can’t believe how incompetent I feel.
Re panic attacks, I was suffering them as well, quite scary, and although I hate medication I was prescribed a mild dose of Sertraline and it seems to have been working. I feel ok with them, although I’d rather not have them, but I’ll use them until I get through this month and then gradually stop them. Might not work for everyone, but I don’t feel that they’re masking my grief which I wouldn’t want but have alleviated the anxiety a little bit.
Take care x
Pleased your anxiety has improved a bit. Had another try o computer today as battery won’t work in car (frozen). Thought i would do internet shopping as i can’t get out. Well i really messed it up…Tried 6 times and failed. I was going to give up but in last go phoned the supermarket support and a lovely lady talked me all the way through it and explained it was their fault as loads if people ordering home delivery. It was a nightmare but gave me something else to think about. Still hate computers but I’m learning . No one around here to help getting the car going so my son is coming to help tomorrow. Just wishing this horrible year would hurry and disappear. Hope you keep well. X jill
Thanks @Jay15
You have my sympathy dealing with cars and computers, the bane of my life and I’ve had problems with both in the last 11 weeks. I’ve managed to order the supermarket shopping, mainly because I don’t really want to go anywhere if I don’t have to, and odd as it might seem, we always had fun doing our shopping. I wish too that I would wake up and the whole of the festive season would be over. I hope things go better for you. Take care x
H8 well i walked to local shop and when i got back thought i would try the car again. Well my husband must have been with me and it started. Couldn’t believe it but it’s not so cold today. My son came over and gave it a good run. The trouble is i don’t use it much as a bit nervous about driving now. Another thing where do I want to go on my own. It’s inly 2.30 pm here and
dark and raining. So miserable. Things have got to get better for all of us one day. Here’s hoping. Take care. X
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Hi @Jay15
I’m glad you got the car going again. We’re now trying to deal with things that in my case were just always sorted out without me having to worry about it. I feel so clueless at times. Like you I don’t really want to go anywhere because it just highlights that feeling of aloneness. At the moment I’m just focusing on trying to get through the festive season. Best wishes x
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Hi you’re not the only one feeling clueless. My husband did all the accounts on Internet banking. He enjoyed it and i kust left him to it. I’ve been thrown into the deep end. There was a letter just after the nightmare addressed to him saying the bill for the water hadn’t been paid. He was in hospital for 5 weeks before and bills were the last thing on my mind. He must have done by bank transfer. I just phoned and paid over phone. Now set up direct debit for it. One less thing to worry about. When speaking to lady at tesco (sorting shopping out i apologised for me being so thick. But she said not to worry and it happens all the time . So that proves we’re not the only ones. In a couple if months we’ll be experts. Hopefully. Take care and you’re certainly not clueless. X
Thanks @Jay15
We’re on a steep learning curve I think. I wish I had paid more attention, but we’ll soon learn, we just have to. I have to say that anything to do with banks makes my hair stand on end. But every time I manage to sort something out I think of how pleased he’d be (not to mention surprised lol). I had to visit the solicitor today prior to the estate going for confirmation ( Scottish equivalent of probate) and he had made some surprising mistakes. I was quite chuffed that I was able to point them out, but it’s a wee bit disconcerting! Just another source of stress. Take care, we’ll get there x
Me too. A few weeks ago phoned bank and they wanted certain numbers from my pin. I hadn’t got a clue so she said sorry ive got to log you out. Could’ve get into bank for 2 weeks. Then they sent me an activation code and had to start from beginning again. (,register again). I’m all for security but they don’t make it easy do they especially when you get fog brain. Anyway we’ll definitely get there one day. Take care. X
“Where do you want to go on your own.”
Thats how i feel. Family say go out in car, but nowhere to go and dont want to go on my own. Tony and i did everything together and its all so hard. Dont even want to sit in a cafe on my own. Lots of people do, but cant face it. Maybe in time - we will see. Take care.
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Well I’ve been told the world is my oyster now. What a joke. Also told to get out in the car as no-one is going to knock my door. Well like you i certainly don’t fancy going anywhere in my own. In the last month my car has done 1 mile. No wonder it froze up. I find that people who haven’t been through this nightmare haven’t got a clue. So many came to his funeral 6 months ago and not one have been in touch. I think I’m going through the angry stage now… Some idiot reversed into my driveway today to turn. His back window completely frozen up. My dog was on long lead as we came out and his car was reversing towards him. I ran towards.my dog shouting for the driver to stop. Fortunately i got to dog in time but my language was disgusting with what i called him. (The driver not my lovely dog whose nearly 18yrs deaf an got bad eyesight). I’m very protective of him as he’s the only reason i get up in the mornings. Can’t wait for this year to end. Hope you keep well and hopefully next year will be better. Take care. X
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Hi @Jay15,
To be told, “the world is your oyster now”. WTF!!! It is staggering how clueless and just plain dumb some folk are. I’ve not had those words of “comfort and encouragement” offered to me yet. Give it time …
Yup, a better next year would be good. But I would also take one that is no worse than this outgoing year.
Best wishes to you.
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Thanks. I just put it down to ignorance. One so called friend came tound when i was having a really bad day. When i said i said i wasn’t in the mood for company she told me i looked a wreck and lost too much weight and things will only get worse. That was about 5 months ago. Needless to say i haven’t seen her since nor do i want to. I’m sure we’ll all feel a bit better as time goes by. I just hope so. Best wishes to you too. Take care.
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11 weeks (77 days) since my beloved husband Tony was taken from me. Can’t believe that it’s 11 weeks, feels like yesterday it happened when he was taken unexpectedly from me. He was my whole world, my soulmate, the love of my life, the other half that made me whole. We did everything together and having each other was enough. We were happy, made decisions together and faced life together. He understood me and gave the the strength to be strong (I’m not strong at the moment). Still cry every morning. I miss his smile, seeing his face, talking to him, laughing with him, his wicked sense of humour, his hugs, his kisses. He was the only person that loved me unconditionally. Last few days have been bad - not coping so well and struggling. No children, no family as such (my 91 year old frail mother who has mild dementia lives with me and I care for her but she is not aware of my loss) near me, no friends near me. The constant pain of sadness, loss, longing and yearning for Tony remains raw and unbearable. I talk to him everyday and still expect him to come home from work in the evenings. Can’t eat, can’t sleep. Try to work but finding it difficult. I feel lost and incomplete and so alone and not sure what is round the corner. I cannot think about it - a future without my Tony is unbearable. Evenings and weekends are hard.
This will the first Christmas and New Year in 46 1/2 years that Tony will not be here. This is a hard time for me so I am going to give Christmas a miss. I will light a candle for Tony and be with my memories. I don’t know when this nightmare will end and when I will be with Tony again. Currently, I exist from one day to the next. I miss him so much. I miss him comforting me by putting his arms around me and telling me that everything will be OK.
I will always love him and he will be in my heart forever (although at the moment it is broken).
I don’t think the pain will ever ease for me. I know that everyone here is experiencing the same pain and I hope that for all of us the pain will become tolerable.
Sending everyone love and hugs. xx
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11 weeks is such early days for you. Its 7 months for me. And i don’t feel any better than day one. I’m ignoring Christmas and trying to switch off My husbands bir
Birthday January and anniversary January. Sorry about cut off hopeless on computers. That’s how i am always pressing wrong button. Take care x
Sent rest of message to wrong person sorry will send later. Just not with ut today. X