@Kathy6 yes we did 
today has been hard. had my sons military college xmas ceremony. my amazing mum came with me as support but was so hard as i know how proud shaun would of felt to be there and i sat there looking round the room and literally every student apart from my son had their mum and dad there 
just makes me so sad/angryā¦.
broke down just now on my own for 5 minutes looking at pictures from just a few months ago of us allā¦ our world has been ripped from us i just canāt believe this is happeningā¦ sending you so so much love and hugs xx
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@Scarl34 what a proud day for you all, these emotional moments are agony arenāt they. Lots of love 
x
@Kathy6 they really areā¦ just hurts so much shaun should of been there todayā¦ i donāt understand how a few months ago we were so happy, content and together now itās all gone xx
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Water board rang me about my bill. No different. Cat must have brushed past tap and turned it on. Im not going mad, although ive locked the conservatory door to come home and found it wasnt in closed position and was wide open but lock activated. At least no huge water bill! Take care we are not wired properly at present. Glad when Christmas is over and hope to function better in new year.
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@Scarl34 i know what you mean, itās nothing you could imagine, there are no words to describe how it is now, sending love x
I thought l was coping today even though itās the weekend and I hate. That is until I realised that this weekend (especially Saturday) every year for the last 40 years except in lockdown was the weekend we finished our Christmas shopping and had lunch out. We will be doing this again and the tears and pain have returned with a vengeance and another reason for me to hate this time of the year. It will never be the same again and will always be tinged with pain, sadness and loneliness. I miss Tony so much. Sending love and hugs to everyone who is struggling at this time of the year. xx
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Yes @StarGate,
I struggle to keep thoughts of the Christmases Christine and I spent together as it is just way too painful. But of course these memories arise unbidden so am screwed anyway. Just endure. For what?
Best wishes to you. x
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It is a struggle. I just canāt get rid of this sick feeling. I hate the weekends. Today is particularly bad. Just feel totally empty. So quiet here. Empty houses and the rest gone out. Iāve made a decision to to leave here next year. I just canāt stand not seeing anyone. Itās a big decision as my husband found this house and itās been goid here until he fell very ill. Today i couldnāt open my back door as the key got jammed so had to call on someone to help me. My husband wouldnāt have a problem with it. Itās things like that make me realise i am so alone. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. As far as Christmas is concerned i havenāt even put a card up. Just not interested. How awful is that. I might start clearing things out just to keep me busy. I do know how youāre all feeling so take care. Soon be next year. Thinking of you all. X
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@Jay15 Yes, itās a constant struggle. No Christmas cards, no tree. Canāt do it. Hope you find somewhere nice to move to next year. Be glad whe all the festivities are over. Sorry that you are having a bad day. Thinking of you. Love and hugs x
Love to you too. I donāt know what it is today. I usually like taking my dog out in the mornings but really had to force myself today. I thought things were supposed to get easier as time goes but itās 8 months now. How much longer does this go on. Too much timebto think now most things are sorted out. Taje care . Things can only improve. Xx
@Jay15 I think itās the time of year, the miserable weather and the weekend. I wish we knew how long before things get easier. Till then we just have to exist one day at a time. Itās horrible. Take care and be kind to yourself. Love and hugs and hope tomorrow is better. xx
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@Scarl34 , hi, how was your weekend I donāt know about you but if I hear āmerry Christmasā many more times Iāll run out of expletives !! Not too long before the Christmas madness is over snd we are all told to go on diets!!
Take care next week, you can do this, not sure how we can but we have to try. All the best x
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hi @Kathy6 weekend has been up and down! me and my eldest had a lovely night together last night ordered some food and just cuddled up talking until early hoursā¦ then this morning i physically couldnāt get out of bed. i didnāt want to face the day. but got up. had to go do food shop, xmas everywhere!! person at till asking if iām all ready and excited for xmas? i just wanted to burst into tears! just wish shaun was sat here with us now. we would be so happy, instead weāre all sat here in pain, misery and heartacheā¦ i just want to go to sleep and not wake up but then feel so bad thinking that way because of the kidsā¦ itās just cruel i hate thisā¦ xxx
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@Scarl34 Im exhausted everything is such a struggle, my son and partner came for lunch, I would usually enjoy cooking and look forward to seeing them, but itās such an effort which makes me so sad. It was lovely to see them but Iām so tired. Good luck for next week, hope itās as good as it can be, keep going x
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@Kathy6 yes i find everthing is exhausting isnāt it? just trying to get through the day without even doing anything is so tiring and hardā¦ hereās to trying to survive another week, sending you big hugs xxx
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Today is 13 weeks (91) days since I lost my darling husband Tony of 40 years. I canāt believe that it is 91 days since he was taken from me too quickly. I am not sure how I have survived this nightmare for this long. My life stopped the day I lost him. Someone told me a couple of days ago that if Tony was watching he would want me to be happy. How can I be happy when my whole world/life has imploded, everything is still raw, the pain is unbearable, my heart is broken, the sadness, loneliness, emptiness, our future stolen, my other half taken from me, my soulmate, my friend, the love of my life, my feelings of incompleteness. Hang on to the good memories I am told. Yes, the good memories brings a smile to my face followed by tears for the new memories we would never create. 46 and a half years is a lifetime of memories and love that will be cherished but makes the loss very hard to bear. Tony was the only one in the world who loved me unconditionally, understood me, gave me strength. I have been told that grief has no timeline as to when you will feel better. So why do people ( who have not experienced the loss of a partner) think that you should be happy after 13 weeks. I miss Tony terribly every single day and I wish that he would walk through the door but know it will never happen. I go through the range of emotions from sadness, numbness, loneliness, longing/yearning for my lost husband. I miss seeing his face, his smile, talking to him, his hugs, his kisses, his sense of humour, him sitting opposite me at meal times, him sitting on the sofa next to me watching TV, everything about him that I love, his caring.
This time of the year (Christmas) holds no joy for me as tony wonāt be here. No cards, no tree, staying at home and it will be like any other day but I will raise a glass and think of Tony and all the wonderful memories we have and for being a wonderful, loving husband and for loving me for 46 and a half years.
I am still existing from day to day, not making any future plans. It takes all my efforts to get through each day. I hope that in time I will be able to live/co-exist with my grief until I am with Tony again.
Hope everyone can find some peace and survive this time of the year.
Have to stop now as crying too much.
Sending everyone who is going through this awful nightmare journey love and hugs. xx
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@StarGate Iām sorry things are bad for you. I can resonate with most of what you say. I have felt/still feel most of these things, like Iām sure most of us do. I was married nearly 37 years and itās such a huge adjustment to no longer have the love of your life by your side. But itās been over 8 months for me and things are improving. The waves are smaller and further apart. I have good days now. I will always be said my husband is not here with me but I decided it was sink or swim. I decided to swim and he will be with me in my heart wherever that takes me. I hope you find some light and can progress on this difficult journey. Sending hugs.
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