Today is the first Christmas in 46 1/2 years that my beloved husband Tony will not be here. I miss him so much and have been crying since 04:00 this morning. I am thinking of our wonderful memories of Christmas past. It is bittersweet and I am trying to hang on to the happy memories to help get me through the day. It’s hard and the pain is unbearable. Sending love and hugs to everyone here who will be struggling with spending Christmas without their special person. Hope we all make it through today with some semblance of peace and calm. xx
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My dear that is so very sad. I lost the love of my life just a week ago and this is definitely not the Christmas morning I was expecting to wake up to. When I say wake up actually sleep is abit elusive at the moment. I am so thankful to have found this community and to realise that I am far from alone. I am thinking of everyone who is suffering today and sending my absolute best thoughts and hope that, minute by minute, breath by breath, we can get through. Much love 
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@Arvia I am so sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going through. I lost my husband in September this year and I have cried every day since he was taken from me unexpectedly. Like you sleep is elusive. Sending you lots of love and hugs at this difficult time. Hope we all make it through today. xx
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I am missing him too, so terribly
Sending love & big hugs back to you!
Take care everyone X
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Hello to all 7 month i lost my love and like you all.dreading today but so glad i gound this foru m we are all feeling such pain i know sending you all love and hope you find some peace today love hope5xxxx😘
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This time last year we were so happy because we were going to move into our forever home (that’s what Tony called it). It would be our last move before we retired next year. We were making plans for our new home and we were excited. 8 months and 3 weeks later he was taken from me unexpectedly. How did this happen! I don’t understand why it happened. We only spent 5 1/2 months in our forever home. Life is so cruel to snatch away our life together before we finished our living. This New Year I have nothing to look forward to only more pain, sadness, loneliness and the yearning for my beloved Tony. At the moment I cannot envisage my future without him. My life as I knew it stopped the day Tony took his last breath. The pain is unbearable and neverending on a daily basis. I am grateful that he is no longer suffering or in pain and he is at peace and in a better place. I love him so much and I always will. He will be in my heart forever. I miss him so much. In time, maybe I will learn to live with my grief but at the moment I cannot see it. Wishing everyone here manages to get some peace at this time and that next year will bring some relief for all of us. Sending love to everyone. x
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Sending lots of love x
I can resonate with you almost word for word. It’s going to be so hard to start the New Year tomorrow without our beloved- my beautiful angel.
Sending everyone love and strength X
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@Angel1309 Thank you. Yes, it’s going to be hard tomorrow - new year on our own. Sending you love and hugs. x
@JerryH Thank you. Yes, it’s utterly dreadful with no end in sight at the moment.
Hope you make through this period with some peace.
Sending you love,hugs and best wishes too.x
Thanks @Stargate, I really appreciate it. x
I am continually amazed at just how unbelievably awful one can feel yet still somehow carry on. This past year has without doubt been the worst of my life.
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@JerryH You are welcome. We are here to support each other going through this journey not by choice. xx
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My angel & I started 2023 saying to ourselves that this was our best year as we were to start planning our semi-retirement, then I lost him 4 months into the year - now I am ending 2023 on my own saying this was the worst ever year of our lives!
2024 will be the year of misery, deep sadness, emptiness and loneliness…& many more years to come…
Wishing everyone a peaceful night on New Year’s Eve X
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@Angel1309 I can relate to your post. I hope that we gradually see the light at the end of the tunnel allowing us to live with our grief. I do not believe that the deep sadness, emptiness and loneliness will ever leave us.
Wishing you peace on New Year’s Eve. xx
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sending you love back 
xxx
@StarGate I do hope so - very much!
Thank you & wishing you peace on New Year’s Eve and always X
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Today is 4 months (16 weeks, 112 days) since I lost my darling beloved husband Tony unexpectedly and my world came crashing down and my life stopped. I don’t know how I have survived the last 16 weeks and still don’t accept that I will never see him again (there is a battle going on in my brain). Some days I feel like I am in limbo or in a nightmare. I am still finding it hard to accept my loss, I still cry every morning when i wake up and realise it is another day without my husband. I cannot understand why he was taken from me so soon. We were supposed to grow old together, retire together and do all the things on our list (which will not happen now). All our plans for the future has now disintegrated into dust. Nothing to look forward to.
I survived Christmas by treating it like any other day although it was hard. New year was harder as this would be the first new year I would be starting alone.
it still feels like only yesterday that I lost my lovely Tony. The pain is as raw as ever and I don’t think I will ever lose the pain. The sadness, loneliness, aloneness, the longing and yearning for Tony is still as fresh as ever.
No eating, not sleeping well ( was up at 3:00 AM today). People ask me how I function working and the truth is I don’t know. Work used to be a distraction to me but at the moment I find that it is not and I can’t concentrate on my work. I just exist from day to day and sometimes hour to hour going through the motions.
Tony was my whole world, my soulmate, my best friend, my wonderful husband, my protector. He was the only one in the whole world who loved me unconditionally with all my faults, who knew me well. I loved him with all my heart. We had each other and didn’t need anyone else. We made all the decisions together, faced life together (whatever life threw at us). After 40 years of marriage, having to make decisions on my own is now alien to me. I could always talk things over with Tony and he would always say the right things to comfort me. A future without Tony beside me is scary.
I talk to Tony every day and message him every day. I believe he is watching over me and that gives me some comfort as well as knowing that he is no longer in pain or suffering and he is at peace.
I miss talking to him, laughing with him, cuddling him, hugging him, kissing him, holding his hand when we were out, sitting next to him on the sofa, doing nothing with him, just enjoying being with each other.
i have 46 1/2 years of memories which make me smile as well as sad at the same time. These memories are precious to me as we will never be able to make new ones together. In time I hope that my memories will l bring more smiles rather than tears.
I still hate mornings, evenings and weekends which I find are the worst. The pain, sadness loneliness, emptiness are there all the time and I don’t think will ever leave me. Sometimes they come in waves and hits me hard which brings on the tears and there is nothing I can do about it.
I love my Tony with all my heart and I always will. He will be in my heart forever. I miss him so much. He was my better half and now I don’t feel complete or whole and never will again. Tony has left a big hole in my heart and in my life.
I know that what I am feeling is ‘normal’ but my hope is that in time the pain will get easier and I will be able to co-exist with my grief. At the moment it’s extremely hard so I continue to exist one day at a time or one hour at a time. I cannot think about the future. It’s still too painful to think about it without my wonderful husband.
I know that I am still in the early stages of grief and a lot of you are also going through the same feelings and I feel for you.
Sending everyone love and hugs. xx
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Hi bless you ,i lost my husband almost 7 months ago ,i too hate getting up in the mornings, it is a constant upward struggle to get through a day ,i actually meet a lady who i met on this forum once a week for a coffee and we now attend the same bereavement support group, we have been very lucky in the fact we live near each other ,which we found out by private messaging each other ,this lady has helped me tremendous, so you never know you may be able to do the same ,sending you massive hugs and much love .
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