@PJ64 I can relate to your inability to focus. I’ve had days like that this week. I sit staring at my screen. Thinking of my husband and missing him, missing out chats, missing our laughs, missing just being together. I work from home as well so I don’t see anybody. No dog to walk.
It’s not easy is it?
Take care of yourself. Love and hugs xx
@Jay15 I have people say to me if you need anything, get in touch and if you do - radio silence 
You are right in that we are vulnerable and should be aware that people may take advantage. Take care. Big hugs xx
You know we understand completely. It takes a couple of seconds to remember when you wake up doesn’t it. Then down come the tears.
Take care
There are some kind people around and tears sometimes not necessarily help, but nudge them to help us.
My neighbours took me to the pub tonight, which was kind of them, and they looked at an email I had and decided it was a scam. I was sure it was a reminder about the TV licence.
@Paddy53 Yes, it takes a few minutes before reality hits you and the tears flow.
Take care. Love and hugs xx
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@Paddy53 Sometimes the tears just flow even if you try to hold them back but I know what you mean.
I’m glad that you have nice neighbours who take you out. It sounds like they are trying to help you. You can always check on the TV licencing website to see if it is a scam.
Take care and hope we get some sleep tonight. Love and hugs xx
Sleep well P x
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I know how you feel about anxiety. I got all worked up yesterday. My husband did internet banking. I haven’t a clue. Tried yesterday and put wrong digit in and now they’ve locked me out. Got to wait for activation code to come next week to start it all overbagain. But do you know i just don’t care anymore. What’s the worst that can happen. It already has. I do get days of feeling sick and empty. It’s the weekend again and I’ll take my dog out for 10 minutes as he’s nearly 18 yrs. Deaf and can’t see very well and i know i won’t see a soul but the only thing is to just carry on as best we can. Lets hope we all can get through this nightmare soon. Take care. Jill xx
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i cna’t sleep so I am up at 4:30 every morning. This morning after my daily floods of tears, I decided that I would go into the town centre to get some bits. Walking into town there wer couples holding hands and looking happy. My Tony and I used to hold hands and have a chat as we were walking. I miss that so much. Walking round the town also reminded of what I have lost. I miss our weekly Saturday walk to the town and having breakfast at the local cafe. Walking round the town and shops did not make me feel better just sad that we will never be doing this together again. I managed to grab wnat I wanted and raced back home crying all the way. The physical pain of grief and a broken heart cannot be seen unlike a broken leg. The only physical thing that people see is that I have lost weight and then tell me that I should eat. Try eating when you can’t swallow. Then it’s the pain will ease in time. How do you know? Have you suffered the loss of your husband/wife of 40 years? How do you know the pain will ease for me - everyone is different? In time you will make a new life. How do you know? Have you made a new life for yourself? Sorry, no because you have not lost your husband/wife. I don’t want a new life. I was very happpy with my old life but I can’t have that back. We have no children so what am I creating a new life for? I wonder what my Tony would say to me if he knew I was existing in this deperately sad and unhappy life.
I wake up every morning and go through the motions of putting one foot in front of the other and ask myself why???
I hope that all of you are having a better day than me. I can’t wait for the weekend to be over.
Take good care of yourselves. Love and hugs to all. xx
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Wow stargate, you summed my life up too, those together times, just doing ordinary things that make us so happy. And what is it about 04.30 in the morning, those dreams that wake us up to the sad reality of our lives.
There are no answers are there and I don’t know what to say other than i completely understand and am trying in the same way as you are. I lost my husband 7 weeks ago and I am completely heartbroken. Please be gentle with yourself and keep reading on this forum I think it really helps, all the best lots of love x
I also have lost a load of weight. I was overweight before but my clothes are far too big. Another time i would have been really pleased bit I’m not bothered …i had one so called friend come round and i wasn’t in the mood for her overbearing personality. Said i wasn’t in the mood for company so she started by sayingi look absolutely awful and things will get worse. Needless to say i won’t be sering her again. She’s married to an alcoholic and said he had gone to bed and because I’m now on my own thought she would use me for somewhere to go…i would rather be on my own than be used like that. Anyway yes the weekends are the worst . In just throw myself into housework. Walk to local shop and 10 min walk with dog. Afternoon now and haven’t seen anyone about. I’m getting used to it slowly. We’ll get there in the end. Ine day at a time that’s all we can do. Take care. Xxjill
Thank you @Kathy6 I’m not sure why we wake up at 04:30 in the morning. It just makes the day long after the sad reality of our lives set in.
I know there are no answers. I post this message just to let it out. I find this forum a big help. Take care of yoursel Lots of love xx
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@Jay15 Our weight loss is not by design but as a result of our grief for our loss. I agree that you do not need people like your so-calles friend. What you need is support not for her to go somewhere to pass the time of day. I don’t blame you for not wanting to see her again. I do the housework over 2 days at the weekend to make the days go quicker.
I hope that we will all get there in the end (whatever end is).
Take care of yourself Jill. Love xx
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Stargate your thought are so close to mine. Oh you have to eat. Why , I feel sick all the time. I’ve lost weight too, not a diet I would recommend.
And as for seeing couples, I miss that so much, just the someone to talk to about nothing and everything. And I get jealous, does anyone else?
I’ve been to see my best friend today, her family are very welcoming and I know I’m lucky. And I’m shattered tonight after overdoing it for a couple of days. I hope I sleep.
Hi @Paddy53 Thank you. Yes, I don’t recommend our type of weight loss.
I don’t get jealous when I see couples. I feel robbed and cheated that I am no longer part of a couple. Tony is by my side but I cannot hold his hand or talk to him. So unfair
Pleased that you have a best friend welcomes you.
Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.
Take care. Sending love and hugs. xx
Another morning waking up early - 04:00 today. Another day knowing that I have lost my beautiful Tony. Tears flow uncontrollably. Tony was my anchor and he gave me strength. I have lost my anchor and I feel that I am drifting, not sure where I will end up. How do I steer my way around this life I never wanted? I would give anything to be able to hold him, talk to him, kiss him, laugh with him, have a meal with him. No more kisses in the morning when he left for work, no more texts or calls from him during the day. This pain, heart break, sadness and yearning for my husband will always be there but I hope in time it will ease or when I join him.
Thank you everyone for reading my posts and for support. I hope that all of us manage to get through today better than yesterday.
Take good care of yourselves. Sending love and hugs. xx
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I’ve been awake most of the.night too. Finally gave up and came down at 5am. The dog is wondering what’s going on. Freezing cold so pur heating on. . Another day of sorting internet banking. I hate it. Still can’t get into my bank. My husband would havre sorted it out no problem. To be honest ive had enough. They won’t accept my new number over phone. Said i have to go into the branch. I’m past crying now just totally exhausted. Feel as though I’ve been thrown in at the deep end… Oh well better go and get dressed ready for another day . Still it’s good to have a moan. Take care and try and get through this nightmare. Th8nk9ng of you. Jill xx
@Jay15 Thank you. Hope you have a better day. Take care and you are in my thoughts. Love and hugs. Joyce xx
Thanks. Will have a day off from that computer today. Whatever happens I’m not bothered. Can’t be any worse than what’s already happened. Keep in touch and look after yourself. Xx
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I have spent the whole weekend not speaking to anyone apart from the cashiers at the shops yesterday. No family members or friends have rung or messaged me. I understand that they all have their own lives and that’s ok but a short message to find out how I am would have been nice. I look after my 91 year old mother who lives with me. She has had 3 strokes and now slight dementia so I can’t have a conversation with her. She constantly asks where my Tony is. He was very good with her - cooking her favourite meals. When I had my Tony with me we didn’t really need anyone else. We had eai other. I miss him terribly and this weekend seems harder. I am not my usual strong self and I hate it being a blubbering mess. The only communication I have is posting on this site. Sorry for sounding so low. I hope I have a better week next week and so do all of you.
Take good care al. xx
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