I lost my husband 7 weeks ago. There is no magic way to cope with the pain. I wish there was. Being with family helps but when left on your own again the pain gets worse. See my doctor regularly and joined a meetup group for widows and widowers. They understand and am sure in time i will benefit from their support. My husband and i did everything together for 54 years and now ive got to try and get a life back. It seems impossible at the moment. Dont like the empty house. Take care. I know how you feel. Xx
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I was with my husband for 54 yrs too. Long time but when i look back it didnāt seem long. Being on your own is awful. Ive never had such an empty feeling and itās not hunger. I just go from day to day now. Just hope it improves one day. Take care x
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Little things that make me cry. I went to pick up licence renewal application forms today and automatically picked up 2 lots - one for me and one for my Tony because we always renewed our licence at the same time. Came home and there was a sympathy card from our opticians saying that he would miss his little chats with my Tony. I had to cancel Tonyās appointment next week so had to tell them that I lost Tony. We have been going to the same opticians together for the last 10 years and next week will be the first time I will be going on my home. Not looking forward to it. As you can imagine I broke down into floods of tears. I miss my Tony so much 
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Hi @StarGate, thanks for your kind and thoughtful reply.
Over the past months the realisation has been growing stronger that the sadness, the loss, the grief will not end. At best I am seeking some sort of accommodation, an understanding with my grief whereby we can both co-exist and I can have some sort of life, day by day. How that will come about and what form this ālifeā will take I have no idea. I do not think about the future as that is profoundly upsetting. If I look up, all I see is an existence without Christine. A living nightmare.
I know what you mean about crying at times for seemingly no reason. But I suspect that what is really going on is that the trigger is very subtle, but the elemental reason is actually stark: Our partner is no longer by our side.
So I have made it through to teatime. Just numb thankfully. Went to the gym which I usually find calming. The weather forecast suggests that tomorrow will not be another washout so I have decided that I will go take a look at Eastbourne. I think I want to move; it is just too painful staying in our house and the area that we use to frequent. I fancy being by the coast so am taking day trips to get an initial feel of possible locations. But really I have no idea what I am doing or why.
Best wishes to you.
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Hi @Jay15, thanks for your reply.
I really understand what you say about the dread you are feeling with your upcoming appointment. I too have to periodically attend one of the hospitals that was involved with Christineās care. I find it very, very difficult to deal with. On those days I try to ensure I have absolutely no other commitments as I know I will be a wreck and will just want solitude afterwards.
My friends do their best but are not really much help bar one who has been really incredibly supportive. How so? Because she too lost her husband just over a year before I lost Christine. My family are either useless or downright hurtful. As for other people? Yup, often just donāt have the mental energy to be bothered.
Yes indeed, finding this forum has been very helpful.
All the best Jill.
Simon
@JerryH I think youāve hit the nail on the head when you said we find a way to co-exist with our grief. I think thatās exactly what Iām gradually doing. It gets a little easier as time goes on but the sadness & loneliness will probably never go. We just have to learn to co-exist with it and hopefully find some happiness. Take care.
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Hi @JerryH Thank you your kind reply which resonates with me. Like you I cannot think about the future without Tony which is extremely painful to me. I cn only exist/live form day to day.
You are probably right about the crying for no reason. At the root of it all I am sure that the deep loss I feel having lost my husband is constantly there - the emptiness, the aloneness, the yearning for the husband that is no longer here.
I am pleased for you that you made it to teatime just feeling numb and that going to the gym helps. Unfortunately, I am not able to leave my mother for a long period of timeā¦ I think that if you feel that you want to move and it feels right for you, then go ahead with the move. I also understand your pain staying in the house and town with all the painful memories. We moved to our current house 7 months ago. 46 and a half years ago we met in this town, got married in this town 40 years ago, then moved around the UK. When we finally moved back her, My husband was so happy. He said it was like coming home. Little did we know at the time that out time back together here would be so short. I donāt know how I will feel about living here but at the moment I think I will stay with my memories.
I hope that your day goes well in Eastbourne tomorrow and if you are set on moving you find the right house and area for you.
Hoping that your day tomorrow will be more tolerable than today.
Sending you my love and hugs. Joyce xx
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Hi there. Yes this forum is very good. I think weāre all in the same situation. Talking of family. We had had a family rift (long story) but thought Iād better tell my husbandās brother. I told him as soon as i got back home from being all night at the hospital and all he said was oh sorry to hear that and put the phone down on me. Havenāt heard from any of that side since. Just hope they can sleep at night. I really donāt care about them anymore. I donāt get much support from around here. A quick are you ok and theyāre off. My son and daughter in law have been good. I think they think Iām ok now but i certainly donāt want to show my real feelings to them. I just keep telling myself things have got to get better but canāt see it at the moment. Letās hope so. Take care of yourself. Weāre all with you. Jill x
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You take care too. The emptyness is too much at times and i get overwhelmed with crying. I cope better when with family but on my own i just feel lost. We did everything together.
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Hi @JerryH I hope you had a tolerable day today. Was the weather today good enough for you to go to Eastbourne today?
Take care. Joyce
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Thatās so sad, I understand the feeling of being lost, itās very scary and sad. It doesnāt seem to get any easier does it, I hope it does over time. Take care x
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Hi Joyce,
Thank you. Yes I did make it to Eastbourne. Blue skies and sunshine the whole time I was there! I sat for an hour or so and listened to the waves and watched the sunlight sparkle on the sea. I fancied that one of those sparkles was Christineās spirit.
The day was tolerable but there is always this underlying depth of sadness, aloneness and detachment. It never leaves me now.
Eastbourne was very pleasant but for all that was rather dull. I think I prefer Brighton and Margate. I also really liked Rye.
I hope you have managed to navigate the day relatively intact.
Best wishes, Simon
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Oh @JerryH i hope you found some peace today.
Me and my girl have been to Eastbourne and Brighton, both of which are our happy places.
I must visit both, very soon, from the midlands so not just a nip there.
Take care of yourself xxxx
Always here if you need xx
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Today is 8 weeks since I lost the love of my life but it seems like only yesterday. I have been in tears all day unable to concentrate on work. I miss him terribly and it hurts so bad. The sadness, loneliness, yearning for the loss of my husband and our life together. Itās horrible. Trying to survive today by taking one hour at a time but not working so well. Today I feel like I am drowning although I am trying to stay afloat. I know that everyone in this community has gone or are going through this and I apologise if I have depressed anyone. i donāt have anyone to talk to so I just needed to write this down bacause I know that you understand.
Maybe tomorrow will be a more tolerable day for me and for all of you.
Take care and thank you for your support. xx
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@StarGate i am so so sorry youāre going through such a hard time. Iām definitely with you today though, I have been completely lost, shaking/feeling sick, and a massive overwhelming feeling of sadness/darkness
I am struggling too and just hate that we are here going through this big hugs xxx
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@Scarl34 What a rubbish existence. Iām sorry you are having a bad day too. I agree with you. I hate what we are having to go through and when we will see some light at the end of this horrendous tunnel sending love and big hugs to you as well. xx
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I lost my husband 7 weeks ago. We had been together for 54 years. I am so lost without him here, try to go out, but nowhere really to go and then come home to an even more lonely place. Dont know how to cope with my own company.
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@StarGate i really donāt know and right now I just donāt even know if there is light at the end of the tunnel 
xx
@Debbiea so so sorry for your loss itās an awful time isnāt itā¦ I lost shaun 10 weeks ago yesterday and I just waiting for him to come home xx
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Dear Stargate, itās been a tough day for me today too, I thought I was ok yesterday but it all came today, this forum is such a help as we all understand how you feel, keep posting, I had my worse day for a while today and Iām also 8 without my man. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. Lots of love xx