Hi mom
I can’t tell you much today as my hands are shaking but it is a full day of counseling this morning lesson obb first thing then staff training on safeguarding oh and it’s my 50th and you are not here to share it with me I miss you so much xx love you mom 
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Happy birthday Lolla49 and good luck with the lesson ob
Deborah x
Thank you the day was shaky but ok had the support of my boss lesson obb went well and training got done a stressful day but okay xxx
Hi Lolla
You are doing so well and your mum would be so proud of you.Working with children is so demanding and the strength you need to get through the day teaching is remarkable.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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Thank you it’s nice to have someone who understands school life. I find it so hard at the end of the day when they tell me they can see their mommy it breaks my heart sometimes I get angry that they have there’s but they are only 4 and 5 years old and I have to tell myself to stop being so mean. It feels like I’m performing putting on my brave-face smile and getting through the day .
Hello Lolla, I think you are amazing for getting through the day at the moment and teaching is challenging at the best of times I would imagine ( I’m a social worker and working with one young person at a time can be tough). Sounds like you are doing a sterling job, but i understand it must be hard hearing them talk about their Mums and going home to their Mums). I lost my Mum in December and having good and bad days. I want her back and like most of us on this forum , miss them dearly, but have been stuck in a loop of replaying events over and over in our minds. Was there anything we could have done differently, should we have been there more? Well, the raw emotions I am reading about on this forum and the stories of people’s lives suggest that we all loved our Mums dearly and we were loved back. Lovely memories to hold on to. One day we will meet them again and I think somebody wrote on here their Mum said when the day comes, she will come looking for her daughter. In the meantime we can honour them by living well. Trying to do that but sadness is with me everyday. My Mum reached out for her own Mother two hours before she passed ( Dr said Mum had said there was a lady sitting on her hospital bed with a silver bun in her hair and a lilac jumper on). Was it an hallucination, was it Nan?? I like to think it was mum’s mum looking for her and taking her up to heaven ( I am not a religious person but am holding onto this image) xxx
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Hi Julest
My mum also saw lots of people before she died She was home and I sat in the chair next to her when she said she saw them Most if the time she knew them and said they were her mum and gran Other times she said there were a group of people smiling down on her but she didn’t recognise them .I told her not to be afraid and that they were angels and if she saw them again to tell me and we could wave to them I reassured her they were just popping in to see her and that they were kind. I really believe she saw them Deborah x
Hi lolla49
I know it’s hard when little children say they want their mum’s but it’s also so lovely.
When I taught I always used to think of myself as their mum during the school day so what a privileged position you have. It will bring back so many memories for you and in time working with children wil be the best thing ever. Little children make you smile make you laugh make you do all sorts of things at times when you really really do not want to. They will be your lifesaver even the ones that take up so much of your time . They need you so much and you need them Your mum would be so proud of you. You can when you feel better than you do right now share a few stories with the children about your mum eg if you do a project about ourselves you could ask them to bring photos in of their mum and start by sharing yours with them or if you take the children on a walk somewhere talk about your favourite walk with your mum Just mentioning her for a few seconds will help you. Little children love knowing about their teacher.
Just want to say keep going because you are doing so so well but of all jobs to do you have the best one and in time you benefit so much
Sending lots of love to you
Deborah x
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I would just like to thank you all for your kind words.
Lolla49,
It’s an absolute pleasure. You are doing so well just by being in work. Teaching is so demanding when you are well but when someone goes through grief its worse. You are a credit to yourself and your mum
Thinking of you
Deborah x
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Hi mom
It’s world book day it’s time to wear our PJs for bedtime stories and swop classes I’ve got to take half the class with me to year 3 love you mom xxx
Mom, I’m so glad that day is over thought it was going well in my piglet pj’s just about to get out of my car and the Moonpig mothers day advert comes on the radio I am reduced to tears I could do with a hug right now xxx
Hi Lolla49
the same happened to me. it just popped up in my email…a reminder that it’s mother’s day and mum’s birthday soon. 
Thinking of you.xx
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Sending much love xxx
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Hi mom,
My daughter threw me a surprise 50th birthday. Talk about being overwhelmed. It was a lovely thought but I wish she had told me. Just starting to calm down and I didn’t each much as half the time I was having panic attacks.
Happy birthday Lolla
Deborah x
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Thank you xxx
Hi mom
Today we have a surplie teacher in.I feel exhausted still and the shakes are back but I can do this Ive got this and Ive done it before nothing to worry about going to walk the dog now and clear my mind love you mom xxx
Hi mom that was a long day. Another lesson observation tomorrow. First counselling session tomorrow. Ive got this feeling more positive. The boss has asked for some help after school and I’ve said yes but now He wants to speak to me WHAT HAVE I DONE FEEL LIKE I SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID I’LL HELP NOW…
Morning mom
I’ve texted the boss and pulled out I really can’t take the rejection right now so I jumped before I get pushed. Got a obb today and another one on Thursday so I’ve got enough stress with the classroom without taking on the afterschool club. I was only doing it for the money and Ive never thought like that before Ive always done things in school for the children so thats another resson. I love this job because of the children.