Hi Lola Its so nice that you are sharing your conversation with your Mum.
This is what I would like to say to my Dad, who I lost in April
Dear Dad
I love and miss you so much. Please pray for me to have strength to beat this depression and get a good job, so I can serve. Praying for good health and happiness for everyone in this forum, as our loved ones would like us to be happy and healthy. Remember the happy times.
Hi Tahereh
I find it helps to talk to my mom as I miss my chats with my mom so I tell her what I’ve done and if I’ve had a good day or bad. I find comfort by getting of my chest. Sending much love xxx
Hi mom
Today I went home to gather in your honour as we do every year but it was just me and my brother my older sis did not turn up think it was too hard for her xxx. 
I lite a candle and we had some left over sandwhiches it was hard but it might be the last boxing day in your home xxx I hope to see many more boxing days at home but who knows what is round the corner missed your trifle. Mom I love you xxx
Hi Lola
Thank you for your reply. It’s good that you talk to your Mum. I would like to talk to Dad to tell him how much I want to make him proud. I would like to pray and ask God for guidance and follow that guidance and to give me strength and joy to make Dad’s spirit happy. It takes time. I will try and talk to Dad like you do. Sending you lots of love.
Hi Tahereh
I find it helpful as I feel I have no one to talk to anymore and can get things off my chest. Sometimes when people reply I can hear my mom so it is helpful as I made friends that understand and that do judge me xxx give it a go. Sending much love xxx
Hi mom
Been a quiet day tried to get in touch with my big sis today as she didn’t come to see us over Christmas but I can’t get in touch. Spent some time colouring with my daughter which was nice and we talked. Love you mom xxx
Hi mom
The one person who I thought would understand me in my grief was my boyfriend as he has lost his mother and father doesn’t get me at all I feel like he is sitting on his backside while I run around doing everything. And when I say I’m having a bad day and I need a hug his response is to come over to me then he never comes to me. All I want is a hug xxx miss you mom xxx
Hi mom
my day started by making my boyfriend a bacon sandwich when I handed it to him he reply was where’s my egg… Then I had an option appointment my heart is racing my hands are sweating I have never felt so scared. My eyes are fine but I wish the headaches would go and now I can’t stop thinking about going back to work. Miss you mom xxx 
Hi Lola
I’m feeling anxious too and can’t stop thinking about going back to work and how we will cope. Let’s pray that God will give us strength to cope. I have had bad experience with work in the past, but have to remain positive. Please God, help, me and help Lola. Missing my Dad xxx. He always encouraged me to work.
Thank you xxx
Hi mom
today has been very quiet sat at home by myself listening to some mindfulness podcasts. And in the quiet, I hear the echo of your absence. In the stillness, in the silence, my heart aches with emptiness. Loss is loud
Oh, loss is loud. Love you xxx
Hi mom
Get used to it my friend
for once it calls
it does not take its leave
an unwanted guest
but a guest nonetheless
and a guest we must receive.
Get used to grief my friend
for once it’s with you
It sticks like the seashore
The folks that grieve
Get no reprieve
Just the learning
To live once more.
Get used to grief my friend
For when it arrives
It won’t be escorted out
So usher it in
Let the grief win
Its love
Turned inside out.
Mom I miss you so much xxx
Mom
I am finding it hard my anxiety is not letting me move forward. I am worried about going back to work. I feel like I can’t ask for support because they have their own own worries and problems. Why is life so hard I wish you were here to give me a hug and tell me how to cope. My eyes are so dry they are itchy. My head feels like it is going to pop. And i just want a hug while I cry and my partner is just not understanding. Miss you so much. Xxxx
Hi Lola I can understand how you feel. I’m the same – I’ve found that B12 tablets from pharmacy counter help alot. They have calmed my anxiety after I lost my Dad in April. Take Care Lola. Your Mum is with you and helping you.
NO NO NO WHY…
What a start to the new year my cousin now has passed away my chest has just got that little bit tighter. This is like a horror movie I just want to turn the T V off now. I feel like I’m going to swim in my tears lately. Tomorrow is my father in laws 2 year off not having him I really hate this time off year
Lola, I’m so sorry for your loss. Wishing you strength
Thank you Tahereh I could really do with some right about now xxx
Hi mom had a really bad night worrying about work and replaying it over and over in my mind. I know they are just thought and feelings but I’m exhausted battling with them they are relentless . Now im being sick my head feels so heavy i want to put it in the floor and my chest is so tight and i havent even left the house yet. Ive got this i cando this take a breath and step forward i would say hold your head high but i think rhat one is a step to far today live you mom i know you will be with me every step of the way xxc
Hi mom
First day back to work my head was all over the place as I could not find my work iPad panic attack. Second I needed to tell my boss about my anxiety and depression and that I was having a major panic attack about losing my cousin and losing my iPad my head felt so heavy and my chest was tight. I cried telling my boss and he comfort me so I felt a bit better. Tomorrow the children come in so hopefully I need a good night’s sleep and I hope I don’t shake as much I might need to go back to the doctors. But I did it and I got through most of the day without snapping at anyone. I found my ipad I had left it at work. Bring on tomorrow positive vibes xxx
Hi mom
I was dreading work today my hand were shaky I could not cut but the children didn’t notice so all was good. We had training after work which I was dreading as yesterday was bad enough when I went to get up I felt faint so I quickly said I was going to the toilet. but today’s training I was sat by my boss he did make me smile a few times and he did notice me I was not invisible as that’s how I’ve been feeling just lately. Just wish my headache would go.