Hi Lola
You are very brave to go to work when you are not feeling well. I understand how you feel cause I am grieving as well and am nervous at work. I have a racing heart and palpatations. I shared some memories of Dad with a colleague and I burst into tears. I am heartbroken. Stay strong Lola. I will ask Dad to help us from the spiritual worlds. Sending you love
Thank you Tahereh
For your reply of kind words. It is ok to cry it is not a weakness that’s what my boss keeps telling me. We have just got to let our feeling be felt which again is not easy as they sneak up and come out unexpectedly. Its not a case of being breave of strong just try yo be kind again easy said than done but plant the seed and keep watering and hopefully we will get through each day a little bit lighter of greif as it weights so heavy on the mind body and soul xxx
Hi mom
Of to work now felt funny last night think it was all the panic built up over the last few days my head felt so heavy I just wanted to put it on the floor know it sound daft so I did I ended up faceplanting the floor so now I have a carpet burn on my head ouch. I hope now one notices or asks me what I’ve done. Stressed as I have a different colleague today and she is yes I’m going to say it a little bit lazy in doing the jobs so she leaves them for me to finish. And then at the end of the day I will have a nother colleague who will ask me to dismiss the children which means im going to have to look at all the childrens moms which is scarring the shit out of me.
Hi mom
Well, I knew this morning I was shaky my legs were wobbly.
I arrived at work to find my class colleague was not yet hwre ao I set up the classroom. When she arrived she told me her daughter was not well. I really wanted to comfort her but my legs went to jelly. I asked her if she should be here and she said her partner has her today but she might have her tomorrow. So dont think i will see her tomorrow. Then I ask the the teacher in the other class what are we doing in English today. That was it I started crying i felt really bad as i could not surport my colleague as i cant surport my self. As I am crying the boss walks in. By this point my lips are all tingly. He did say he would come back and check on me and he did come and sit and have lunch with us .
Morning mom had very little sleep last night as soon as I think about 4 down to go to sleep I’m replaying the worst dits of the day and can’t find any good parts I know there were. The shanks and wobbly legs are bad I just wish I knew how to calm them along g with my headache. Miss you mom with all my heart xxx
Hi mom
Work was ok till home time then it got very stressful. My colleague just stood talking while I had to get the children ready for home time toileted and assembly give out bookbags and milk then right in the middle of all the madness the boss walks in and asks me how I am. I can’t even remember what I said. Not feeling the best just feel very strange. Then one of my other colleagues at work asked me if the boss had sent out a text about her and her sister their mom is in hospital having cancer and now having palliative care and she knew nothing about it and she asked me to forward it to her . What should I do. I miss you xxx
Mom
I don’t know how but I had the courage to call the doctors today and ask for an appointment to see the doctors the receptionist asked what it was for I replied I am not coping very well with my greif . The earliest appointment or call back is Tuesday.
Hi mom
no work today as it is the weekend. My partner told me I am an asshole today, what ever have I done to deserve that. Mom I love you so much and I miss you xxx
Hi mom
And in this life
We will constantly be
Pulled between
Love and loss
Greif and gratitude
Pain and purpose.
But how brave it is
To allow yourself space
For the tension.
To know that
Seemingly opposite things
Can all be true at once
And to hold them all
In your hand at once.
In your heart at once
Liz Newman
Morning mom
I have sat here on the bed crying and trying to convince myself Friday was not that bad and the boss won’t say anything about it. But the shanking inside me and the headache and the thoughts going around in my head. I want to control them. I want to scream at them I want to shout at them but nothing comes out. Now I have to go to work. I’ve got this I can do this it will be ok I’m ok. Miss you so much love you xxx
Hi, mom I’ve got through another day the shakes are getting worse. I have made a call to the doctor’s the earliest is Saturday. It’s a start just got to get through the rest of the week. We are meant to be going to the co-op on Wednesday with the children how am I going to do that? I feel so stupid.
Hi mom
Got to just breathe and keep on… one step at a time just keep on… smile just keep on love you mom xxx
Hi mom
I feel so lost and alone even when
I have people around me.
amist the laughter and conversations,
dose anyone pause for a moment
To realize I am tied from
The weight of the mask that
I put on each morning.
Smiling and pretending to be fine
When deep down I know I am
Completely shattered.
Love you mom living without you is the hards thing I ever do xxx
Morning mom not much sleep last night and now I can feel the inner shaking just glad I don’t have to cut or write anything today just going to walk the dog now Mom xxx
Mom I think of you everyday,
Because your memory lives in my heart.
But slowly I am fading away
Silently trapped inside my own thoughts. Love you mom xxx
Hello darkness, my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
Morning mom another sleepless night why do thoughts and feeling not sleep? Feeling stupid because I told my boss I’m going back to the doctor’s and that I’ve had a letter from healthy minds why do I feel so scared? I’m shaking more than ever. My Thursday college is going to think I save it for her days… mom I know you are no longer by my side but you are in my heart xxx
Evening mom
Well I made it through the day without having a meltdown or panic attack in front of my colleagues. Don’t get me wrong it was hard going at times as she dose very little but I held it together Friday tomorrow I’ve got this .
Morning mom
I’ve got this…
Hi mom
Finding it hard at the moment just taking it as a day xxx