Hi
I lost my son Sept 2018…And it still feels so raw…I’m running on empty…and I feel completely soulless…its so hard waking up everyday and trying so so hard to act like I’m ok…He had motorbike accident. So the day you’d never think would happen.with police knocking on your door. I just would like to see how others cope with such loss I am a one parent and have beautiful daughter who still struggles badly.
Hi Summer, I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your son. It is understandable that it still feels raw - grief is a long process and the loss of a child is particularly devastating. I’m glad that you’ve found this site and I hope it helps even a tiny bit to be able to talk to other bereaved parents.
Hopefully some of them will be along to reply to your post soon, but in the meantime, I just wanted to let you know about some other people who have joined the site in the past few days, who have also lost children in their 20s - you can read and reply to their posts by clicking the links:
@Chloe1999: Loss of my son aged 20yrs
@michellec1968: Loosing my daughter
@Tree74: My boy Dan.
If there’s anything I can help with or you have any questions about this site, you can contact me at online.community@sueryder.org.
Hello, when I read your message it resonated with me so much. I could have written it about myself . I lost my son in July 2018 in an accident and yes the police knocked my door. I’m also on my own and have a beautiful daughter who misses her brother terribly. I think this second year has been a lot harder than the first. I think about him all the time until I’m exhausted. I think our life will be learning to live with this pain. Learning to survive the days. I won’t ever get over loosing my son. But I have to be strong and support my daughter as you must try to do. I tell myself that she deserves a life and I must help her to achieve that. That’s my reason for being here now. Please message me anytime 
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Hi I hope you don’t mind me replying I have just lost my son he was 23 just before his 24 th birthday I’m still waiting to find out cause of death he was at a friends house , I am still so shocked and sad, I to have a daughter they were really close only 15 months apart and I know I have to be strong for her, but it’s so hard, Sadly I lost my eldest daughter ten years ago she had cerebral palsy, so my daughter is the only one left. I’m trying to get out and walk wear myself out so I can sleep, I’ve been writing and watching crap tv that I don’t have to concentrate on, glad to message others in similar situations and find out how you all cope, I know my life will never ever be the same as yours won’t be, just trying to find a way forward best wishes to you both x
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Hi thank you both for your reply…their are no words for our loss and they way we feel.some days I’m gutted I wake up.but then my son was so full of life then I get the filling he.d be peed of with me.he made the most of everyday n loved to make people laugh even if he was just making you jump or winding you up .he was ADHD…so all throw his life he was up to things …but never in abad way .he had no fear and would do kite boarding.mountain bike trails bmx racing.he became a prison office at the young age of 21…I was always proud.as bringing your kids up isn’t easy I’d say it’s the hardest job in the world …I have many days of feeling so lonely.so angry.so numb/empty/guilty lost and strength I have no idea were it comes from …the time you kiss ur child feels like I am soulless like I’m not here .then I look at my beautiful daughter who is also totally lost n believe she really needs me…and I need her .I’m 53 and feel the loneliness of this pain so surreal. When your child goes out you never ever think for 1 .minute itll be your last time you see them…I truly have no answers I do alot of meditation as I just need to calm my brain and I do find it helps I do it daily and I do guilded meditation. Always nice to hear from you as it’s the loneliest feeling.no time I feel will heal my loss of my beautiful boy .having it on the news /radio/papers brault ourifes wide open so no privacy…but it was no ones fault. Just a accident that changed my life for ever.im not the person I was n never will be.im very slowly getting to no the new empty me and I’m trying to help myself with small steady steps I hope some of this helps in any small way I’m so grateful to hear from you
Hi it’s just agony I really feel for you my son Matthew, was The funniest kindest young man, he had travelled for 3 years going away to Austria at the age of 18 to pot wash so he could ski, he went to Australia for 2 years the Asia, he had been home living with us for the last 18 months he’d got a steady job and had been promoted and was really happy, my daughter and him were so close and supported each other over loosing their sister I’m only 4 weeks in and still in complete shock it’s happened to us again, I so understand your feelings of loneliness and desperation, it’s so hard to even get out of bed, I can’t go in his room yet and can’t bear to look at his photos, my daughter is 25 she was living in London but came back for lockdown, I’m not sure what she will do now it’s so hard to watch her pain and my husband, how old is your daughter ? Thank you for sharing this is a terrible terrible situation for us all, every parents worst nightmare, I may try the meditation finding it difficult to concentrate on any thing at the moment, take care x
Hi my daughter is 33 and I have 2 gran children. My granson is totally lost .they were very close my son was his best friend .he was 9 when it happened .its my sons birthday on the 22nd …its true you do ma nage to wake up n act normal… I sleep in my sons room and I have all his funny photos around .I’ve stayed in his room from that day…I’m sorry you dont no how your son died .you have suffered so much .message any time x
Hi
Your son sounds like an amazing person so full of life, it’s so hard to accept young lives like our boys were ( I still can’t bear referring to him in the past tense) should be wiped out so young it’s such a cruel world. I am so angry at the moment why me especially as I had already suffered loosing my daughter, realising you and many others have suffered similar certainly doesn’t help because I feel so sad that we’re all suffering , no parent ever should go through our agony, but I suppose it makes us a little less alone. Must be so very difficult for You to watch your grandson and daughter and know how to support them, my husband and I are the same watching our beautiful girl so lost, She is our little glimmer of light, but I too feel guilty , sad I should even contemplate A life without my gorgeous son. You are very brave to sleep in your sons room and hopefully that brings you some comfort, I can’t even go in Matthews room yet, I’ve touched the door handle but have found it to painful, my daughter has been in and laid on his bed but I’m struggling to even look at photos at the moment, you sound like a very strong a determined lady, take care x
Hi I’m fair from being strong. I find it hard to leave my house …our home for fear he will come home n this is all a mistake.i want to just sleep so I can hopefully see him in my dreams .I like to think I’m with my daughter by day n my son by night…I cant sit at the dinner table or wipe the Mark’s of my walls …that he did with carrying his mountain bikes throw the house as it’s still apart of him still here
I have no washing now as he.d save his up n say he never had any then great big pile would turn up.and I’d moan …
He still lived with me and I’m sad I wont see his children as he was in a 5 yr relationship
We have to have strong days but the weak days are more then the strong .and feeling so useless and empty and day is night .and then night is day days go by and I dont no what day it is .September it will be 2 years and people will say wow that’s gone quick .I look at them and think wow this still feels like a week ago .its raw.no mother no matter what life their child had will ever I believe move on from this numbness/emptiness/loneliness…I long to be with him…
All the what ifs…and whys…please take care x
If you ever to message please dont hesitate x
Your feelings are so similar to mine I too long to hold my son, I lay in bed trying to feel him near me And don’t want to get up in the morning I’ve been drinking a bottle of wine every night to numb the pain so I can sleep but I can hear Matt saying on the wine again mum, so I ‘ve got to stop, I hear my husband and think it’s him, I long to wake up from this nightmare, I still can’t believe I’ve had to bury him with his sister I wanted to go with them, but have to stay for my daughter she has suffered so much for one so young, it’s a bloody shit world , I am so so sorry we are both suffering x
Hi Jayne, I’m so so sorry… for you to have to face loosing a second child is just so cruel. Life is very harsh on some for no reason. It’s very early days for you. Everything you say just resonates with me. I never had a single dream for seven months after my son died. The doctor said my brain had shut down because of the shock and would start letting thoughts in bit by bit. And it did. I began to remember things and process things and have dreams. Now a days I’m just exhausted from thinking and life. It’s like dragging a concrete block round all day. I know my son would want me to live my life but he’s not here trying to do it. I have changed so much, I don’t know who I am. My memory is awful, I don’t like listening to chit chat and listening to people talking about what they’re doing etc just emphasis that I don’t belong to normal life anymore. Keep walking Jayne, I think it’s helps. I also found reading books on grief helpful. I needed make some sense of the changed world I had found myself in so I bought loads of books. Some of them did help. But I have to accept that this pain is here for however long I have left. This awful life is now mine. I hope you get some sleep tonight
Hi
Just wondered how you both are
My day started out ok.did the normal stuff managed to shower.get dressed n go out.done that right I’m ok I can do this kinda day…Then bang …a fast motorbike went past .cryed like the day my son died …really tried to hold it in …then went into petrol station for diesel n then this bike was just next to me reving. I wanted the ground to open up n swallow me …rev.rev.rev …but I new it’s the same as my son would probably but it completely broke me …I no we have bad days but it’s so hard to creep out of this dark hole once inside again
Its easier to stay their to…no one understands this …its his birthday 22nd july I no its gonna be a hard week.im really hoping I can crawl out of this hole again soon .its so lonely/dark/n unforgiving …roll on winter theirs not so many bikers around
Hi summer
I can totally understand how you feel it’s so very hard to do just normal things, I keep doing things then I feel guilty for being here it should have been me not him, I was at the checkout in morrisons when I got that terrible call we keep running out of shopping because I can’t bear to walk in a supermarket, yesterday I decided to get a grip and go my daughter came with me we were both really emotional but we did it not sure I will ever go on my own again. I know what you mean when you say a dark hole I’m starting to feel like that, I’m calmer ( when I don’t have to face all the paper work inquest bills) but just feel dead inside I wander round the house not knowing what to do barely manage a few chores and the kind texts from friends and family are already dropping off and everyone continues with their normal lives that I no longer feel part of. Must be so hard for you are you on your own ? I’ve been trying to think of things to do to take my mind away for a while do you have anything you can do ? Or any support groups near you ? This time for me is so much harder than when I lost my daughter ( I feel terrible for saying that, because I loved her with all my heart but she had been poorly ) but I always found it helpful then to be around others that had suffered similar experiences although when you leave your alone with thoughts again it did help to share them , I hope you can find something or someone to help you get through the days and nights life for all of us will never be the same it’s just so desolate such agony I’m still struggling to believe this is even real Matt travelled and was away for 2 years I keep pretending he’s gone off again, except there’s no texts or calls or face time just quiet and painful, take care x
Sorry I meant to say thinking of you on your sons birthday, another painful experience, matts was just after he died I was oblivious to it but I know how difficult next year will be , sending a hug x
I’m so sorry you lost your son in a motorcycle accident. In August 2013 I got a call to say my son had been in an accident. A car turned straight into his path as he was riding along the road. He survived, I remember thinking how grateful and lucky we were to still have him. The thought of losing him was unbearable. Then this year, in April, a couple of weeks after his GF left him, I found him hanging in his garage. He had taken his own life. So now I have lost him. Life is so cruel and losing your child, at whatever age is just unbearable.
Everytime I see a bike I think of him and wish he was still alive and happy, riding his bike. Although after his accident I lived in constant fear of him being in another one and not being so lucky. I never, in a million years expected to lose him to suicide. I think he was never quite the same after his accident and he didn’t cope with life so well as he did before.
My heart goes out to you and all of those here, that have lost their beloved children
Hello Karen, I’m so so sorry. It breaks my heart to hear of another mother starting on this awful journey. Suicide is such a painful loss. It leaves so many unanswered questions and guilt. My niece took her own life so I understand a bit of what you’re feeling. It’s very early days for you. You will still be in shock and disbelief. After my son died I got a pile of books on grief to try and make some sense of what I was feeling. And they did help a bit. I also joined a support group for bereaved parents. I needed to be among others who understood my pain. What age was your son? Do you have any other children? Please message me anytime you feel you want to.
I’m really so sorry to hear about ur son
I cant even begin to understand how this is for you
My son dieing is unbearable
But your pain is unbelievable…and finding him like that is heart breaking .I hope you feel his at peace as I do believe where our boys /girls go is home/heaven
Our lifes have 2 go on n their isn’t aday .hour we wont think of them…I really hope you have close friends n family but if u ever feel like achat dont hesitate to message please …its avery lonely place xxx