Losing my 34 year old.

I lost my 34 year old son in April…he had a bleed on the brain. I find myself having to be strong for the family but inside I am struggling. I cry when I’m alone going over the events in my head.

I’m so sorry to hear that you have lost your son. Trying to ‘be strong’ can put an extra strain on you when you are grieving and it is really important to find outlets for your emotions, so do consider being honest with trusted friends or family members about how you are struggling. This site is also a good place to get things off your chest - you don’t have to put on a brave face here.

You may find it helpful to look at some of the other posts in the Losing a Child category, which may help you feel a little less alone in what you are going through. Please feel free to reply to any posts if you see someone you’d like to talk more to. For example, these two users have just posted in the last couple of days about losing children at similar ages:
@Orchard posted My son would be 30 today
@Iris2 posted Losing a child

Hi Jean , I lost my daughter this weekend, talk to me anytime, sending u hugs xx

Hi Jean
We lossed our 38 yeAr old son in October to a bleed to the brain 2.30 pm he was fine and 4pm he was gone … I just can’t accept he is gone and I will never see him again
As with you am crying all the time, I just can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel


So sorry to hear about your daughter how old was she? Do you have any support?

So sorry for your loss. My son lasted a week after the bleed…he was on life support and never regained consciousness.

Hi, Hannah was 30, yes I’ve got support, but live alone, in denial at mo, haven’t seen her body yet (postmortem being carried out) x


It’s just so hard to even get up in the morning
We don’t even know what caused the bleed I just need answers am just so confused just feel like what’s the point of going on

Dear Jean,
I am going through something similar losing my son recently, he died at home 2 months after what we thought was a successful heart operation.
Like you I’m struggling, our children are our whole lives, we want to protect them and give them everything and we never think this could happen to us.
I only live with my other son so I dont need to pretend or put a face on, today I didnt get out of bed.
Take all the support you can get and take each day at a time, what else can we do, sending hugs
Ruby xx

Dear Ruby,
So sorry for your loss… I also live with my other 2 sons. My late son has a daughter aged 9 and his partner was pregnant when he died. I now have a new granddaughter who will never know her dad. Its very bitter sweet. I feel that I have to be strong for everyone but have to hide what I’m going through. Going to my bedroom to cry… trying hard for them with Christmas coming but like you would just like to stay in bed. I just keep telling myself one day at a time… like you. Sending you hugs back. Xx
Jean xx

Thanks Jean, its so hard to get through each day, I dont need to try and cover the pain at least, my other son knows I’m struggling, it must be hard having with a grandchild and one one the way and trying to support his partner.
I have support but I just want to hide away and not speak to anyone, just curl up in my bed,
I’m so sorry for both of us, I dont think there can be a worse pain x

Hi ruby
So sorry for your loss

I lost my son 18th October suddenly a bleed to the brain…it’s been 8 weeks and the pain I feel is still as strong as it was when it first happened…I just like to be on my own and cry. It’s absolute torture it’s like a horrible nightmare…I have recently returned to work which has helped, but behind my smiles at work is a broken heart inside… I think we all know our lives will never be the same again



No our lives can never be the same again, im jus back from my sons funeral which was perfect as we could make it but I’m drunk on wine and I know as soon as it wears off the pain will return, its unbearable those a child

Hi ruby

We are here for you if you need a chat, as I have found it helps to chat on here with people who are suffering the same pain



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Thanks Ian
It was my boys funeral today, everyone from his work stood outside then we walked behind him round his teams football pitch, it was as perfect as it could be but the worse day of my life, still feel in shock that I won’t ever see him again, I finished the day by drinking a bottle of wine on an empty stomach then passing out, looking after myself is not top of my agenda, just doing what I need to get through the the day

Hi ruby
Am the same as you ,looking after myself to me is not a priority am just in so much pain… my family want me to see a councillor but I have told them am not interested
I am also drinking a lot I know it doesn’t really help, but don’t know what else to do… am dreading Xmas and will try and be brave for his children. The oldest who is 13 is having a really bad time, I know people say it gets better with time but I can’t see this being the case, and behind my smile my heart is broken and always will be until the day I die

Hugs ian

Hi Ian
I understand, im the same. Took my christmas tree down, I dont want to hear about it Christmas. I’m also drinking but my other son is 21 so he just let’s me do what I need to do and gives me hugs. I feel like I dont want to live much longer, life is now just too hard. I dont think I can ever accept he is really gone
Ruby x

Oh Ruby I totally understand but you have to think of your other son he has lost a brother he needs you. Try and do your best one day at a time. Christmas is going to be hard but we have to carry on . I drink but try and control it… I measure 2 maybe 3 double then stop. Sending you a hug.

Thanks Jean, getting through the day is all we can do, I dont drink every day but once I start I keep going till I can sleep as its the only escape. Its an unbearable pain.
Thank you for messaging me, it helps
Ruby xxx

Hi ruby
It’s good to chat on here it has helped me a lot…it’s now 4pm and I haven’t had a drink, I just keep looking at his picture beside me and he is saying to me dad be strong you don’t need a drink as I know he would hate it that I was feeling like this… as he was always the strongest person in our family…all I can say to you ruby is it’s been 8 weeks since we lost Michael My grief anger sadness was so strong I couldn’t smile talk about it couldn’t sleep or eat and thing are a little better…and life does go on but I will never forget him and my heart will be broken forever
And your son aswell as mine wouldn’t want us to give up