I’m so sorry that you have this overwhelming pain. I know how hard it is. I gave up drinking when Henry died…because whilst it numbed things…in the end it was making a terrible pain even worse. I now have the occasional glass.
Have you tried to cut down at all, perhaps speak to your doctor as they will be able to help you. are you getting support - counselling or something where you can talk about everything.
I’ve found that feeling the pain has helped me learn to cope with it. With meditation, gardening, walking, anything to take me out of myself. Don’t get me wrong, I have tears and a churning stomach at some point most days but I can say there are some days too when I don’t. Is that a recovery? I don’t know but I know you can get there.
Keep posting and sharing with us all, others on here may have some wise words that can really make a difference.
Thank you Anne, that was taken when we went for a walk, about two weeks before he died. You would think there was nothing wrong with him. By that point the tumour was absolutely massive and there was nothing more they could do. They said that on the 28th November, but it was John my husband and Geraint his elder brother who went into see the consultant. Philip my ex couldn’t face going in and I thought it best to take Sam for a coffee after he had had the brain scan.
It was terrible knowing he was dying, and all I could do was watch.
Thank you for the hug Purple. I have got lots of support and i have been trying to do more things around the house and garden but I still feel this awful despair and everything seems pointless. I cry all the time and am waiting for counselling . The pain is not as unbearable as it was but I just miss the person that was her. The kind, caring funny girl that was her.
Deborah xxx
Dear Deborah,
It is so hard and I know that at times it feels endless. I’m glad the pain isn’t quite as bad as it was and it does get easier with time.
As Purple said, if you could try and cut down it would be better for you, although I like a glass of wine now and again too.
Look at how far you have come and feel proud of yourself and hopeful for the future.
Sending big hugs to you
Thanks Victoria. I’m not going to buy anymore wine so that I’m not tempted to keep drinking it. I know i have to stop but its hard. I’m not sleeping very well and although I feel exhausted when I go to bed everything just goes round and round in my head. Hopefully that will get better xxx
Oh Deborah, it will get better my darling. I wish I could give you a big hug. The better days start to outnumber the bad days and then somehow realise that we are coping better. I still have bad days but I know they won’t last and I move into a good day or at the least a less bad one!
You are still Mum to your beautiful girl and that will never change. The love you have for her will always be there.
You are doing so well so be proud of yourself and have that glass of wine if you fancy one … just not too many and I’ll do the same!
Much love xxx
Aww Deborah I’m sorry to hear you are struggling.
I’ve had a few meltdowns the last few days including at the dentist this morning. Ive managed to cut down on alcohol in the last few weeks and yeah not having it in the house helps but if I need it I get it, we’ve lost our children and we have to find ways to cope.
I try not to go to bed until I cant stay awake as like you it all goes round in my head. I do still wake up numerous times through the night but trying my best not to think too much about everything.
Thinking of you and all the lovely people on this page, its such a support.
Anne x
Aww Helen, how unbearable for you. Yes he looks so young, handsome and healthy, you would never know what he was going through and the pain you must have felt.
I’m so sorry, its so hard.
Every day on the news a young person seems to lose their life and I just think another parent has to go through this awful pain.
Sending a hug
Anne x
Helen, it’s a lovely photo.
Knowing that your child isn’t going to get better is the saddest and most terrifying situation. Carrying on day to day, hoping there’ll be a miraculous cure, feeling so scared. It completely destroys us and the feelings we are left with after they’ve gone, wondering why and what else we could/should have done, rips us apart.
Take care
Chris x
Chris, I was terrified for 3 and a half years. Terrified when she was having Brooke. Terrified all the time that Lisa would get I’ll. Terrified when she finally did get I’ll anf I knew she wouldn’t get better. That fear has gone of course but remembering it still makes me feel sick.
Love to you all.
Kate xx
Hello all dear friends , Helen i have seen this lovely photo of you and Sam before , and its so lovely with a mum and her darling Son , Its so hard to believe that 2weeks later Sam would go downhill , that is what is so so hard to take in . When we went i ON the monday after Dawn spending a few days in hospital , she was so looking forward to getting better ,and on Tuesday she was tire ,and we thought it was they were working her too hard ,trying to get her to stand up .But Wednesday she went into the deepest of comas ,and that was that . S o hard to take in ,she was so full of life on the Monday … Debororah . i have been in your situation ,when Dawn passed i took to the drink , and ended up in hospital with a gall bladder op that went completly . wrong ,and i am still suffering now ,. And they blamed it on the drinking ,but they were symaphatic ,as i had just lost my Daughter …Victoria is so right , our children live on in our hearts ,and i have leart from exsperiance , they are looking down on us , and they want us to get a life and not feel guilty . Come the summer on good days eventually there better times . Maddie xxxxx .
Hi I’m having a bad day today. I found my daughters comfort blanket that she called nanny blanket as my mum crocheted it for her. It really set me off and with it came the realisation that she’s not going to touch it again. She’d saved it all these years. Heartbreaking xx
It’s so hard love. I used to hug Lisa’s dressing gown which Jamie had left behind the bathroom door at their flat.
It still had her scent. It would kill me at the same time as comforting me.
I haven’t seen it in their new house but then it maybe is in Jamie’s ensuite and I wouldn’t nose around.
These things will hit us every now and then. Hurts like hell.
Sending love.
Kate xxx
Kate is right, these things overwhelm you when you find them. I have Sam’s duffle coat here in the wardrobe and it fits me so sometimes I try it on just to know he wore it. The tears will always flow they’re flowing now as I write this but then I try and remember that is not what Sam would want so I try a little harder to put a smile on my face.
Dear Deborah,
There is always something waiting to trip us up. I too have lots of Gemma’s things and find it quite painful to look at them. I have a whole chest full. I found one of Gemma’s favourite toys from her little tree house when she was little and I always think it looked like her. I found it carefully packed away xxx
Hi All
Matt’s room is just as he left it and some of his clothes that they sent back from his barracks had not been washed so still smell of him which I find such a comfort but also breaks my heart all at the same time, I also wear one of his coats to walk the dog .
Deborah sending you a big hug x
Love Michelle xxxx
x